NotQuiteSkeptical June 10, 2013 Author June 10, 2013 9:30 pm. No crash as of yet. Damn my body and its unfailing tendency to never do what I want it to... --- 02:03 am. Tired, but never crashed. Not over tired, just feels like about 2 - 3 hours earlier. Going to force for half an hour, have a late night and drink an additional can of caffine tomorrow. Also going to get Monster instead if Rockstar: I don't know if its the caffeine content or the other ingredients but it always used to seem more potent. (That will be four cans of sugarfree monster energy that I drink tomorrow, I feel like I am single handedly keeping the soft drink economy afloat.) Up at 7 this morning, gonna get about 4 hours shortly. With the caffeine I should be able to power through the day fine and crash after work. Oh, small update that is actually tulpa related: I was playing 'State of Decay' today, a new Zombie Survival game which heavily emphasises survival, rationing and conserving what you have. Crystal felt the need to inform me that I should drive my car off a cliff because it would entertain her. Just mind voice but it seems like she is starting to occasionally comment on things at random - though I had been passive forcing thus time so it was less out of the blue. (I also ignored her advice and did NOT drive the car off the cliff, for the record.) "Do I fear death? Absolutely, only because it's disappointing. Life is so amazing to witness and be a part of. If I could live until the stars die and the universe goes cold, I would do it just because I want to know how the story unfolds and if it actually ends at all or we keep finding a way."
NotQuiteSkeptical June 12, 2013 Author June 12, 2013 Day 21. Of all the times to develop a resistance to caffeine. I drunk two large cans of Monster and two small (regular energy drink size) cans of red devil (red bull rip off). I was hyped all day: no crash. Not ever tired in the afternoon. I had almost DOUBLE what is considered a 'safe' dose and NOTHING bad happened. Forced a little last night - I fell asleep. So all in all, aside from some passive fircing, got nothing done. Going to make up for that today: I'm promising Crystal a full hour session tonight, however tired I am. "Do I fear death? Absolutely, only because it's disappointing. Life is so amazing to witness and be a part of. If I could live until the stars die and the universe goes cold, I would do it just because I want to know how the story unfolds and if it actually ends at all or we keep finding a way."
Dr.Simmons June 12, 2013 June 12, 2013 Caffeine-heads around the world envy your immunity to crashes. By the way, if you don't mind telling, what is your job? It sounds like you're a video game designer. "You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut ones eyes tight or open ones arms wide, either way, one's a fool" -A courtesy of NotQuiteSkeptical "I don't care if you don't believe me, I don't need you to!"
NotQuiteSkeptical June 12, 2013 Author June 12, 2013 @ Simmonds I wish! Im working on a game as a project and I've been into modding/converting games since I was little. Nobody pays me to do it though. I can't really say what I do, but it's nothing special. Pays the bills. (Edit: damn, I sound like I'm hiding something. Really, It's boring, but we've had some security breaches recently so ive got to be careful what I post onto 'TeH IntERWebZ') Planning on going back to college to study games design properly in a couple of years: I studied English Language, English Literature, Chemistry, Physics and Computing before. Dropped Chemistry and Physics. ---------------------------------------------- In other news, did about 15 minutes active forcing on my lunch today. Went ok, we stood facing each other in the void and I told her that I was going to focus on her, and to interupt me if my mind started to wander. We kept this up for a few minutes untill I was focused enough, then I moved us to one of my smaller dreamworlds (The Garden). When I tried this about a week ago she just kind of ignored me - I dont think we had enough of a bond for me to visualise her making many movements. Aparrently this time she interpreted that as 'kick me in the shins if my mind starts to wander. Or if you get bored." In unrelated news, pony's have hooves. Hooves hurt. Big improvement over when I did this early on, when she did nothing and my thoughts would just wander aimlessly. At one point I realised that I had gone into a trance when she kicked me and I almost jumped up in the real world. I stopped after what turned out to be about 15 minutes when my other half text me: I promised Crystal a full hour tonight - anything else is a bonus. "Do I fear death? Absolutely, only because it's disappointing. Life is so amazing to witness and be a part of. If I could live until the stars die and the universe goes cold, I would do it just because I want to know how the story unfolds and if it actually ends at all or we keep finding a way."
Dr.Simmons June 12, 2013 June 12, 2013 I wish! Im working on a game as a project and I've been into modding/converting games since I was little. Nobody pays me to do it though. ^ That's pretty badass! Planning on going back to college to study games design properly in a couple of years: I studied English Language, English Literature, Chemistry, Physics and Computing before. Dropped Chemistry and Physics. LOL I failed chemistry and physics. those classes are what made people invent suicide -_- "You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut ones eyes tight or open ones arms wide, either way, one's a fool" -A courtesy of NotQuiteSkeptical "I don't care if you don't believe me, I don't need you to!"
NotQuiteSkeptical June 13, 2013 Author June 13, 2013 Day 22. Possible disaster. Probably not, but I'm shaken all the same. Had a total of about 3 hours sleep last night (4:30ish - 7:30): Running on Caffine again today. While I didnt intend to try this again, maybe this will be a good oppotunity to try forcing while crashing again: I was barely functioning this morning before I drunk a load of energy drinks. Forcing last night went REALLY badly: I dont know If it was Crystal pulling a really vindictive stunt or if it was something in my subconsious that was doing me over, but when I tried to visualise my wonderland, she was dead. I couldnt get any response from her and her form was just lying on the ground. I worried. I worried A LOT. I spent about 20 minutes I guess just sitting there panicing, talking to her, trying to get some kind of response. I was convinced that our lack of ability to communicate had done it. Then I remembered that about 3 hours earlier I had tried passive forcing and got a perfectly normal response from her. Even after my revelation though, I was too disturbed to continue forcing. I couldnt sleep, hence staying up until half past four... Now I'm buzzed on enough caffine to think with (somewhat questionable) clarity, here's my analysis: 1. I'm pretty sure Crystal is NOT dead. 2. I'm pretty sure she isn't vindictive enough to pull something like this. 3. I'm certain she wouldnt see this as a game. That leaves me one logical possibility: It's got to be my own head. I basicly gave myself a nightmare of sorts while forcing. I remember reading a post on intrusive / disturbing thoughts in which some other users had made comments which sounded similar to this. I am convinced that something has planted this idea in my head, some stray thought, and that by seeing it while forcing it's convinced my mind that it's true. In hindsight, I should have just stopped forcing there and then when things started to get wierd. SO! I am going to make the best of a bad situation: I'm going to roll with the lack of sleep and i'm going to use it to initiate a waking dream tonight. I'm going to find Crystal, even if it means forcing all night. I can still feel her presence if I try to passive force now: It's weak, but its there. How is it that I care more about someone who only exists in my mind, that I've only even know about for a few weeks and who has only ever spoken to me with occasional sentences, than I do for a lot of people I've known for years? "Do I fear death? Absolutely, only because it's disappointing. Life is so amazing to witness and be a part of. If I could live until the stars die and the universe goes cold, I would do it just because I want to know how the story unfolds and if it actually ends at all or we keep finding a way."
Dr.Simmons June 13, 2013 June 13, 2013 How is it that I care more about someone who only exists in my mind, that I've only even know about for a few weeks and who has only ever spoken to me with occasional sentences, than I do for a lot of people I've known for years? That's a really good question. My theory is that since a tulpa only exists in your mind, then that means that in a way, she's a part of you. You probably already knew that, but a better example, is to imagine a seriously wounded person. If you help the seriously wounded person, you will have extreme empathy for them. (If you are a mentally healthy human being) But if you are the seriously wounded person, then you will have an even more extreme empathy for yourself. The reason you care for your tulpa more than others you have known for years, is because she is a part of you. No empathy compares to self-empathy! Naturally, a human being will help themselves before others. "You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut ones eyes tight or open ones arms wide, either way, one's a fool" -A courtesy of NotQuiteSkeptical "I don't care if you don't believe me, I don't need you to!"
NotQuiteSkeptical June 13, 2013 Author June 13, 2013 Caffeine has mostly worn off I think. Feel fine, eyes feel heavy but not really tired. Hopefully if I stay up into the early hours ill be tired enough to try and get into a lucid state again. Hopefully it won't be like last time where my body just kind of goes "Nah man, It's cool. We don't need sleep!" "Do I fear death? Absolutely, only because it's disappointing. Life is so amazing to witness and be a part of. If I could live until the stars die and the universe goes cold, I would do it just because I want to know how the story unfolds and if it actually ends at all or we keep finding a way."
Indurain June 14, 2013 June 14, 2013 Just a thought, maybe the reason you didn't caffeine crash is because Crystal did? Like she absorbed the crash somehow. You should ask her when she wakes up/you find her. Name: Sera Form: Human Female Age: Since May 28th, 2013, roughly Stage: Discipline with forcing every day, narration and asking questions constantly I think therefore I am, I think therefore she'll be. que sera sera
Dr.Simmons June 14, 2013 June 14, 2013 ^My mind=Blown "You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut ones eyes tight or open ones arms wide, either way, one's a fool" -A courtesy of NotQuiteSkeptical "I don't care if you don't believe me, I don't need you to!"
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.