A logical progress report.

[NotQuiteSkeptical]

Well, I pretty much confirmed what I thought at least.

 

Day 24.

 

Between waking up on Wednesday morning for work and now (Friday, or technically Saturday, 01:53am.) had a grand total of about six hours sleep and the rough equivalent of eight red bull energy drinks. Much as this isn't a record by anyones standards, it's left me pretty tired and reliant on the spellcheck right now.

 

So, I just finished an hours forcing. It was unusual, to say the least.

 

Skipping my normal process of easing myself in, I took about ten minutes messing around, sitting, closing eyes, opening them, turning lights off, trying again, deciding I wasn't comfortable. When I finally got ready to force properly I decided that I had wasted too much time messing around already and just tried to go straight to the Dreamworld like I used to before working with the void.

 

Well, for starters, I ended up in he wrong one. I ended up in one of my smaller worlds, a cliff overlooking a lack and forest. At first It was a lot more hazy than usual but I pictured myself in first person, working through the senses. In the end It was just like any other session. I had decided prior to starting that I was going for the whole symbolism thing: that seems to be how I see things while forcing. I looked around, everything was normal. No Crystal but the sounds and sights were all as I remembered.

 

So, symbolism. Since forcing normally had yielded NO results I decided I was going to roll with what I had and try to work through symbolically: see if I could actually psychically 'find' her and solve things that way. After setting off though that didn't last long.

 

For a very short amount of time, things got really, really clear. I was picturing everything really well. Then the stray thoughts started hitting me. Normally these ease up once I'm into visualizing but I guess its because of how tired I was. Anyway, for the first time ever this actually seemed to help. I never made it any further down the path I was following in my Dreamworld: when I finally sorted my head out and pushed the thoughts away there was Crystal, standing in front of me.

 

So, I remember asking her if she could hear me, how she was feeling, all the usual questions I ask when I start forcing. She seemed absolutely fine, better than fine: I was picturing her fully - no hazy 'yet to decide' lines or anything like that.

 

I didn't hear any voice from her, not even in my own mindvoice, but she was answering me with the yes/no/??? feelings, really strongly.

 

Thats the last thing I remember... I think I finally caved in and fell asleep about the 50 minute mark. I must have had about help an hour, since I woke up at 12:20.

 

Probably edit this tomorrow. Now, I'm going to go get some sleep.

[NotQuiteSkeptical]

Weekend went badly Tulpa-wise - too many things to do, too little time. I'm still not sleeping properly but I AM sleeping again, albeit at unusual times (my sleeping pattern now seems to be about two hours forward.)

 

Been feeling disconnected from Crystal but as I lay in bed last night I started to hear things from my memories again: while this doesn't directly relate to her I'm sure shes responsible at least indirectly: I never witnessed this before I started to Tulpaforce.

 

Even though I feel disconnected from her, I dont feel the sense of dismay that I did before. I'll occasionally get brief headaches and remember her. When this happens I find that if I passive force I can feel her presence immediatly - I'll force for a while and ask her some questions, do some narration and generally have a bit of a (mostly one sided) chat with her. While we've been talking less over the weekend, I find that it feels less and less like i'm talking to myself (as it had started to feel recently.)

 

Maybe I just needed to ease up for a while? From reading what other people have written it sounds like stopping forcing kills a Tulpa, but could it be like when you hit a brick wall in anything else - take a while away from it and come back feeling refreshed and renewed?

 

Anyway, I'm going to do a full hour again sometime tonight: I dont want to risk getting too disconnected.

[NotQuiteSkeptical]

Day 33 ish.

 

So, It's been a while since I last updated this. I'm not getting as long to force as I would like and given the choice between forcing and updating this log, I choose forcing.

 

Crystal is coming along slowly: we havn't made a lot of progress recently but we have been moving forward. I'm getting better and better at simultaniously visualising her and incresingly larger areas of the Dreamworld.

 

Right now I'm planning on working on the Lucid State more - I've had little sucess in this regard but its something I really want to do: when we achieved it before It was truly amazing.

 

So I'm going to only be updating this every so often. I'll still be about the forums lurking, commenting and reading guides and I'll be updating this probably once a week or so unless I hit any particually interesting questions or milestones.

 

On another note: Crystals personality is really developing. She's the same as ever when I force at all, but I've started seeing things from her perspective alongside my own more and more. It's quite refreshing.

[Guest]

Good luck with crystal!