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corytrevor

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That's perfectly fine. No one is asking you to write a book.

I hate to bump my thread as well, especially since most of the time, no one gives a damn. I store all my shit in a personal log that I'll eventually just put up on the first post when my tulpa is considered "done."

 

I suppose that no one has asked me to write anything at all. As Raetin says it doesnt really matter, but I just dont like jumping to the head of the list with nothing at all to say.

 

Anyway half an hour this morning, mixed feelings about it, but no progress to note. Yesterdays narration was almost nonexistent, going to see about wearing a ring or something to help me keep her at the front of our mind

 

~

Did 40 minutes solely on one personality trait. Seemed way less effective than I was hoping for, I got some head pressure as I was putting together my list of different things regarding the trait to talk about, but the actual session seemed flat.

 

Im guess Im still going to try to stick with this method for awhile. Although Im not sure Im going to be able to squeeze in twenty more minutes in a normal weekday.

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Only had about 20 minutes to say about this mornings trait, rounded out to 30 minutes with some repetition and chitchat. Much like last night not really feeling it.

I did try wearing a ring a mentioned yesterday, but it didnt help with narration, Ive just kind of lost steam. I had a dream, not directly about her, but tangentially related, that sort of pumped me up, but now it just seems like a tease.

 

Tonight will mark the end of week 13.

 

~

Another trait, about 20 minutes on it, then 10 more minutes of just talking to hit 30.

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Fourth trait, again only had about twenty minutes to say about it, spent ten more mostly just trying to feel her. Altogether the session seemed better then the last three.

Narration was up and down, I think(hope) Im close to getting a decent narration system going. About time anyway.

 

~

Half hour session, about twenty four minutes on another trait.

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Forced for about eighteen minutes on another trait, then finished up to thirty by going over some 'umbrella' traits. Narration was ok, still not nearly where it needs to be though. Im trying to start treating narration more like forcing sessions, only my eyes happen to be open and I just happen to be doing other things at the same time.

Got off work early, unfortunately no extra tulpa time, as I have to go back in early.

 

~

Ugh. Twenty minutes on a trait, felt nothing almost the entire time. Spent ten more minutes trying to just talk to her and figure out what to do from here. Which is still what Im working on now. This method really doesnt seem to be working for me, but neither has anything else. I know her personality, I can visualize her better then people Ive known for years, but we arent connecting.

I seriously wonder if I am lacking some sort nutrient for proper brain function, or if I ate lead paint chips as a child.

I dont know. I wanted to do this for at least 30 traits

I have one last desperation move, but Im not ready for it yet.

Maybe I'll figure something out how to proceed tonight

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This morning wasnt as bad as yesterday so I will try to continue one trait at a time. Not that it was great either, but atleast some pressure in my head. Only went on about the trait for about thirteen minutes, the rest of the time was mostly just talking and trying to concentrate and feel. Half hour as usual. Ive read the guides over and over and am pretty much stuck, I need to go through the other logs on here and see if I can steal some secrets.

I feel like Im gaining and losing ground on narration at the same time. Ill start off talking to her about something and then twenty minutes later I realize Im ranting out loud and not even talking to her anymore.

 

~

Again, not too bad tonight. Pretty much had some sort of pressure most of the time while forcing. Only managed about twelve minutes on the trait, I want to spend at least fifteen on each, but oh well. Altogether it was a half hour as normal.

Looked through a few other logs, not really noticing anything that seems like a sure fire technique to steal. Spent a little bit of time looking up brain regions, it seems I havent had any pressure in the region responsible for speech. Its fairly interesting.

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Thirteen minutes on a trait, seventeen more to hit thirty. Went pretty well. The time on the trait was about average, but after while just talking and concentrating I got a pretty wicked spike in my head. Illu_cerebrum_lobes.jpg It was roughly around the somatomotor cortex area, maybe alittle ahead or behind it. I got some decent headaches the first week I was doing this, but nothing pin point like that, or as extreme. Pretty much all Ive gotten has been little tingles or small amounts of pressures, so Im feeling pretty good about this.

 

Narration seemed really good last night as well.

 

Still no emotions or anything but maybe Im getting somewhere

 

~

Another half hour done, twelve of it doing a trait. Kind of flat.

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Another half hour forcing session, twelve minutes on a trait then the rest a talking and concentrating. Id say it was an alright session, nothing special. This was the twelfth trait that Ive tried solely forcing on, although I only managed to fill an entire session once. I guess Im going all the way to thirty before I change my approach. On one hand it doesnt seem very effective, on the other hand, nothing else has worked either.

 

Narration went fairly well. Atleast the quality seemed decent, the quantity left plenty to be desired.

 

~

Thirty more minutes of forcing, about fourteen on tonights trait. Like most, nothing special to say about it. No wonder the couple of old tumblers that are still going update so infrequently.

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Morning session done, thirty minutes, about fifteen on a trait. Had a pretty heavy flash across my forehead. Not during the trait part, but after it more towards the end. I lack the vocabulary to properly describe it, it wasnt really pressure, maybe like a jolt that sort of dissipated outwards. I tired to keep the feeling going as it was dissipating and tired to retrigger it, to no real avail. Other than that the session was average.

 

Narration is still a sticky issue. I feel like I have gotten pretty good at it, when Im actually doing it. All too often I focus on some stupid shit that doesnt matter and cant get it out of my head. Or perhaps not stupid shit that doesnt matter, but stuff that matters far less than this.

 

I imagine that Im going to be atleast an hour late tonight, not that it matters, I just like to keep a schedule.

 

~

Thirty more minutes forcing, about twenty five on trait fifteen. Probably should have gone for forty minutes tonight, but once the tones stop, it seems like we would lose our groove while I fiddle around starting it back up. Excuses. Basically since Ive been trying one trait at a time I start off on it and once I run out of things to say I check the clock really fast and go into a more general session. Tonight I thought it had been fifteen, when it had actually been twenty five and was caught off guard by the tone ending

 

Nothing out of the ordinary tonight. I think that the problem with doing forcing sessions on single personality traits, is that I focus more on the trait then her.

 

Should have an early session this morning and a long day of sleep.

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Didnt really narrate at all since my last post, and had some extra time so I went for an hour long session this morning. Only went for about eleven minutes on the trait, the rest of the time went pretty quickly. If I had more free time I could see expanding my normal session to this length, but in general it was kind of a juggle to make room for my regular times. Id say I managed to keep focused pretty much the entire time. Nothing special to report.

 

~

Half hour session, about seventeen on another trait. Pretty much average. Oh, I guess tonight marks the start of week 15, which also means we'll be hitting day one hundred pretty soon.

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Broken record go: half an hour session done, sixteen of which was on yet another trait, no progress to report.

 

Wall of text go: Narration is still not where I suppose it needs to be. I cant seem to stop getting side tracked. Basically the major of narration happens at work and on my commute. In the car I have about forty to forty five minutes, which I usually spend narrating fairly consistently, out-loud. At work I generally listen to three and half to four and half hours of podcasts, ideally she is also listening and I comment on the shows to her and we have something to talk about later. I also spend the same amount of time listening to a white noise track and using that as my main narration time. Back when I was visualizing her with a body I just imagined her sitting and listening with me, now that Ive scaled back it has gotten harder, but the main problem is that I just listen to shows and barely think about her at all. While the tone is playing I do have an easier time, but still find myself distracted by either nonsense, work, or nothing at all. I have been considering just not listening to any shows, and I do have a few Im not really hooked on, but at the same time I have already cut half of them, and theoretically it does seem like a good idea to expose her to things beyond me, and give us things to talk about. Probably just excuses

 

when I first started I didnt want to bring her to work at all and now its the place we do the most 'work' together

 

~

Second half half hour complete, twenty three of those minutes on trait nineteen. Fourth of July is effecting my schedule, may or may not change this mornings forcing time, but will almost certainly change the two after that.

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