Have I already created a Tulpa years ago without realizing it?

[Umbra]

Hello everyone, and good evening.

 

I have a question, and it may seem silly, but I was wondering if I might have already created a Tulpa years ago, without realizing it?

Is this possible?

 

Please allow me to go into further detail, and forgive me if I am a little too verbose.

 

Back in middle school, when I was in the 7th grade, I started reading a lot of different books. I got my hands on a lot of fantasy and science fiction books that at one point or another mentioned the ability to use ones mind by means of travel, infiltration or communication.

After a while, the idea became not so strange to me, and I started trying to see what I could do with my own mind. -At first I found it a bit hard to focus my energies such as they were, so I started channeling through a collection of simple gemstone rings, and later on; a few polished stones.

Having these tools helped me considerably, I tried small things, like trying to influence conversations, or the actions of others.

I had a series of small victories and losses, I could get kids to leave me alone on the school bus, and not sit with me, -even when every other seat was filled up to it's capacity. I could sometimes save a favorite food or drink in the cafeteria, or at home...nothing really big, just small stuff like this.

I started trying to control my dreams, or travel to other places when I slept or put myself into a state of meditation (although at the time I didn't know that I was meditating.) -But I found this to be a considerably more complex and difficult process, after visiting a couple of places that left me feeling uneasy or unwell, I decided to stick with waking matters, and leave my dreams be.

 

Around the same time as all of this, I got my hands on "The Northern Lights" (or "The Golden Compass,) by Phillip Pullman. -Book 1 in The "His Dark Materials" trilogy.

I found the world that the author had created to be rich and incredibly satisfying. I read the book twice in one night after school, so taken was I by this book and this world.

(And this is where actually putting into words what I still believe to this day; makes me feel very silly indeed...but onwards I suppose.)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the books, or the subsequent single movie that eventually came of it; one of the things that Mr. Pullman talks about in this series is Dæmons. A physical embodiment of a person's soul. Always in the form of an animal, one that changes shape while you are a child, and then obtains a permanent or true form once an individual has reached adulthood, and coming of age.

 

...This idea took me by storm I guess you could say...I didn't just like the idea, I believed that it could be true...everyone always talks about the soul as if it is a separate entity, but normally we give it no shape, form or voice even. Not that we don't still hear that tiny voice in the back of our head telling us when we've done something stupid, but how many of us actually give any thought to it? I started thinking about stuff like this...and having too much time on my hands no doubt, put myself into a trance like state where I delved into my subconscious, laying out a spider web of thoughts, delicately placed, and just as sensitive. I was looking for something that was still me, but not me, something that was not controlled by my thoughts.

It took along time, but eventually I found something, a quiver, something that was barely more than a tremble, but something that was different from my own thoughts. Tentatively I reached out to it, testing these proverbial waters very carefully at first, because I had already dabbled in spirits and the like well before this, and knew that not everything is at first what it seems...but the voice seemed different, I couldn't see anything, but in my mind I sort of visualized a animal, I don't remember what kind now, maybe a cat, or a bird...it doesn't really matter I suppose, not now.

But...cautiously I started to converse with this other me, content with the knowledge that this was as close to a Dæmon as I could probably get. I couldn't see it physically, nor could I feel it, there was a seemingly impenetrable distance between us that neither could figure out how to surmount, but that was okay. I had found someone with whom I could converse freely, someone who knew everything about me anyways, and someone who could also call me out when I might try to lie to myself.

I've never been able to come up with a name for my Dæmon, neither of us has been able to...but that's okay with both of us, I have a constant sense of this other me always, even still to this day, 13 years later. -I still talk to what I am still content to perceive as my Dæmon. When I'm walking outside I normally see him as a bird, normally hawk-like, sometimes smaller, it's not really a decision that I make, it is one that my Dæmon makes, because it is his decision, not mine...I can feel that much, just like how I feel that his voice is not my own, but still a part of me.

My Dæmon helps me and guides me, encourages me, and still calls me out on those moments when I try to lie to myself.

I could not ask for a better friend, and even if my case is deemed to not be one of a Tulpa, I'm not changing my perception of my Dæmon. -I guess I just want to know what other people might think of this, I am very interested to learn more of Tulpas, and would also like to try creating one, but I'm also very happy with what I have now, -even if what I have is not a Tulpa. There is a perfect understanding between the two of us, and in the end, it's a decision that we would make together after hearing any and all thoughts that you, the community have about all of this.

 

^^ I thank everyone who cares to read all of this for their time and thoughts; I would very much like everyone's honest opinion on this, please don't sugar coat your words for me, and please forgive me for being so very long-winded.

 

 

 

My many thanks,

-Umbra-

[PsychoticDoc]

Groovy.

[SkyeWint]

Hello, Umbra.

You might want to check out the daemon community - that seems to be what you're looking for more than tulpas.

 

Tulpas aren't simply projections of your own consciousness. Also, there is some 'magic' content in your post which might do better in this board.

[Nobillis]

I'm sure I've already read this somewhere else. I can't remember where though.

 

The fact is that the concept of daemon and tulpa are very similar. According to some accounts, thousands of years ago the greeks used to practice this too, and back then the term was the greek word daemon.

 

I would go as far to suggest that daemon as in His Dark Materials is just a type of tulpa. There are many kinds, and this site deals with our contemporary methods, often refereed to as the modern methods, which try to take a psychological view of how tulpas are made.

[left blank]

Great username, Umbra. I once suggested that word as a replacement for "tulpa," since it isn't nearly as loaded with history and preconception. After all, a thoughtform is the psychological equivalent of an individual's corporeal shadow.

 

As far as your experience, I make no distinction between "dæmon" and "tulpa" other than the obvious superficial semantics of ritual and culture.

 

There are myriad words from every language that I believe convey only the subjective aspects of the same phenomenon -- an otherwise vast and inarticulable (at least within the human scope) something that predates and transcends spoken word. But I think it's unwise to pigeonhole such an expansive and tenuous experience by fabricating rigid definitions.

 

So, in my opinion, you have a "tulpa". You also have a "dæmon". On top of that, you're projecting the ghost of a hawk. And should that tulpadæmonspectre seem to cause anomalous disruptions to your palpable reality, you'd be the proud owner of a poltergeist. These, I believe, are all just facets of a singular unconsciousness changes and matures as we do.

 

I think you've taught yourself to introspect and manipulate your deeper processes to realize a potential we all possess. That's what makes 'His Dark Materials' so powerfully inticing -- Philip Pullman was pulling from the primal ocean in which we all swim.

[hbenton]

I would go as far to suggest that daemon as in His Dark Materials is just a type of tulpa.

The chief difference being that dæmons are perceivable by others in His Dark Materials and can physically interact with the world, something impossible (unless you subscribe to metaphysical beliefs). Also, people are born with their dæmons in HDM, not created, and dæmons do not require attention/concentration/periodic forcing like tulpas do.