mordred's thread.

[mordred]

Progress: 25+ hours.

 

Current progress as of 12/07/2012:

Not much to say, I've changed up how I do stuff a little. Trying to keep up a backdrop (wonderland) was too much effort, so I went back to using a blank void, except I decorated it a little with a bed and a chair and stuff. I've also started passive forcing every now and then, just to have something to do in-between sessions when I'm not narrating.

 

I've given my tulpa a human form the past couple days. I did this by imagining her fairy form squishing in, then expanding rapidly into a human shape, then I designed the shape into things I would like. If I ever get good enough at drawing, I'll draw her.

 

I'll list how she looks:

• Black, straight, near-shoulder length hair.
  
• Skin-tone is not too pale, has a bit of a creaminess to it. Just a nice, natural skin-tone.
  
• "Icy" blue eyes.
  
• Pinkish, slightly reddish lips (without makeup).
  
• Eurasian features with almond-shaped eyes (long eyelashes).
  
• About 5'11 - 6'.
  
• Size 9 feet.
  
• Small breasts.
   
  
• Round yet firm backside.
   
  

 

 

inb4 3lewd5me

 

 

This is just a basic idea of a human female body, made up of a bunch of different things I like. I would gladly welcome any deviation, as it would confirm sentience for me.

 

I've been helping the visualisation process by giving her proper massages. It personally helps me because I've given a few women lots of fucking massages in the past, so it adds that extra "depth" or "solidity" to her body- like the feeling of muscle slightly under the shoulder-blades, the feeling of the ribcage on her sides that ends at her waist which goes into the protrusion of her hips, the feeling of the trapezius and rubbing softly-yet-firmly up her neck with your fingers, etc. All of that shit helped me somewhat with my visualisation.

 

I still can't see shit super vividly, but I'm sure that will get better with time.

 

---

 

That's all for now, I guess. Hopefully my next update will be either related to achieving full sentience, or a drastic improvement in visualisation. Both would be very fucking welcome.

 

'Til then.

[mordred]

sentience

[mordred]

progress report: 2:02am, monday 25th feburary 2019

 

when you lose

kill

a tulpa you lose more than the feeling of an "other"; you make yourself forget whole chunks of memories from that time. to remember a tulpa and to remember the timeframe spent with a tulpa is to keep it alive — but the sense of loss never really leaves, even after I lost 

killed

her. pandora's box was better left closed. the OGs from /x/ /jp/ and irc that didn't go nuts should know what i mean.

 

alternatives to having a tulpa:

1. getting a pet dog
   
2. making online friends on discord
   
3. making online friends on videogames
   
4. making friends at work (or finding work to do so)
   
5. talking to siblings or family
   
6. finding a significant other
   
7. picking up a hobby that has interactions with other people (usually in a form of class you can sign up for)
   
8. finding religion
   

the burden and joy of a tulpa is not something most people can handle healthily. however, the above list are things people use all the time to abate their loneliness. if your tulpa is just an easy way out of trying to find real social contact, then you might find yourself making the same mistakes I myself made years ago. if it's just for experimentation, then good luck on your tulpamancy.

 

I'm not sure on the current social state of the people on this forum 

though it looks like handholding snowflake instant gratification garbage like everything else online these days

  but there may be very little info on the type of state of mind it actually takes to have a tulpa without literally fucking losing it. I don't care about the redditors (nor have I ever) so I won't bother saying anything there. if you're going through these progress threads wondering whether it's real: it is. if you're wondering whether it's worth it: for the most part, it's not. there were times where I thought it was the best thing to happen to me, but the time spent in my own head meant I was ignoring the reality of my life for far too long. it was just another form of escapism I was desperately searching for.

 

you do not become "enlightened", you do not become part of some special online clique, you do not stop being lonely.

 

the greatest advantage of a tulpa to a healthy mind would be a secondary entity to help mental processes and creative thought. 

the greatest disadvantage of a tulpa to an unhealthy mind is to consider the tulpa a real person. 

 

the small percentage of people who have managed to have sentient, vocal, visualized tulpa that helped them (the host) to progress in life are so exceptional as to not be the standard. the standard of people with tulpa in 2012 was barely achieved sentience with little to no vocal aspect, and this was when almost every method at the time was purely experimental in nature, when there was always a shadow of doubt when talking to other people who had achieved sentience.

 

I'm not sure what the meta is now, but I do know the types of people that come to look at these threads, so this message goes out to you.

 

don't reply if your account was made after 2014

[Guest]

I expect Lucilyn to say something about this. We never hear about this side of tulpamancy, so it's interesting to hear this perspective. I'm hugely into escapism, so that's not surprising. Also, I don't follow directions as a general rule, but I won't comment further. I really don't know what it would be like from my current perspective, I can't even imagine it.

[Guest Reilyn-Alley]

Yeah, I'll reply to what i want.

 

You sound like the bitter person who blew out their knees playing sports so now warns everyone against the evils of playing sports. Your experiences don't reflect nor sum up everyone elses and there is plenty to gain for anyone trying this stuff.

 

There are warnings here and there for people who are in really bad states of mind or too young or too mentally ill that creating and living with another person in your head is a big responsiblity. How many visiters here just blindly went and did it anyway? You only have yourself to blame.

 

I'm gonna just stop now because you killed your tulpa and don't deserve the attention. Just wanted to warn new readers you are the special snowflake here, not the new generation of forewarned and prepared practitioners.

 

But you either stopped reading when you saw my account was recent or it was green or it was too long to bother.

 

Because you messed up that means it's not worth it for anyone, right? Wrong. I hope you get better or fixed from whatever is wrong with you.. But otherwise? Don't care.

[Apollo Fire]

Saying that it's unhealthy to see tulpas as people is definitely a good thing to be telling people. Yup, definitely. /s

[nihi0145632]

This is giving me the Koomer and Oguigi vibes but hey, It's your choice, Sad to see someone go. I've never seen Tulpaforcing as escapism at first place but curiosity to try, an extra activity to fit my time. Personally, I feel like I made the right choice making one myself and I feel like they will stay longer than I believed.

 

Almost regretted it once but that was because of my own recklessness.

[GrayTheCat]

If I stumbled across Tulpamancy just because, I would have never made a Tulpa. The only reason I came here is because Ranger told me he was real and I want to give him the best life I possibly can.

 

On the forums, I and Ranger made close friends and Ranger had a chance to mature into his own person. I understand moving forward that I will have to re-learn how to live and this process will take time. Once we learn how to live as a plural system, most of the cons will be acomodated. I already did this once with my diagnosis of autism and anxiety.

 

I however believe that Tulpamancy isn't for everyone. I personally believe making another person just for the heck of it is wrong, however the line between accidental and intentional stopped existing as soon as I realized Ranger was alive and kicking. I made the choice to help him develop into his own person. The guilt of killing a sentient person with the addition of losing my imaginary friend and losing the confidence to do anything in my head would have destroyed me.

 

There is no reason to cast you out from the forum because somehow I doubt things are much better for you in real life right now as a singlet. You're not the only one who lost their Tulpa or Tulpas who frequents here either. I'm not going to ask you to revive your old Tulpa because doing so would bring you back to where you started, but if you want to chat here that's fine. You may want to avoid the on topic and PR threads, but feel free to participate in the forum game threads and lounge threads.

[Guest]

I concur with Cat's sentiment exactly.

[Luminesce]

Doesn't matter when my account was made, I just happened to hear the word "tulpa" in 2014. My tulpas were made accidentally in late 2009. Beliefs lined up very well with 2014 .info, which was probably the first year where people on the forum knew what they were talking about - a lot less "4Chan" and a lot more massive threads of massive textwalls of people debating about how tulpas work, which I was there for and participated in mind you.

 

you do not become "enlightened", you do not become part of some special online clique, you do not stop being lonely.

 

This is the most 2012 .info thing I've ever heard, lol. You 2012ers keep coming back and talking about this stuff (in this case, "becoming enlightened") I've not heard mentioned in like six years. But you're all so painfully jaded - people these days are happy, for starters, but they're also stable. The current generation of new tulpamancers I've been watching over - Angry Bear and Cat two of them - are enjoying good progress and productive relationships that show absolutely no signs of waning. There's so much less doubt and general strife than in 2012-13. And while there's less serious discussion than in 14, new regular members seem relatively well-researched to the point they often give advice I'd have given myself.

 

Anyways, you being relatively jaded by your experiences and the era you were a part of aside, I agree with your "tulpamancy alternatives". Generally the people who should be practicing tulpamancy are the ones who were interested in having lifelong partners in their heads right off the bat. It's probably not going to hurt anyone (possibly some suicidal types I guess) to not pick up tulpamancy. And we give ample warnings to people who seem to be "just curious" these days - I saw someone just earlier almost unreasonably question a newbie's decision to make a tulpa, telling them to make sure this was what they wanted. But all in all, I think a lot of the problems you have with tulpamancy are either projecting your experiences as nearly inevitable (I've seen far more cases than just myself of tulpamancy working out great long-term), or just not being up-to-date on how the community's faring these days. Which is fair, especially seeing as tulpamancy turned out not to be for you. If anything I'd just like to ease your worries a bit.