Stevie

Toothless Aggression

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Thoughtform's name: Chris Benoit

 

Form: Based on former WWE Wrestler, Chris Benoit.

 

Personality traits: Strong/Protective, Kind/Fatherly, Soft-spoken/Calm, Motivated/Competitive

 

Host information: 18 year old male, very adept at daydreaming, experience with lucid dreaming, occasional use of psychedelic drugs

 

Reason for choosing form: I disbelieve the widely spread notion that choosing an existing character/ person will bring an identity crisis in the thoughtform. In addition to this, by choosing a form based of a person that died in series of horrific events, I am playing the devil's advocate, and trying to see just how successful I can be with the odds stacked against me. Because I am aware of the events surrounding the wrestler's demise, the thoughtform will be as well. Various guides warn against forcing a dead person, as well as forcing an existing character (there are less of these, probably given the amount of people who are forcing a thoughtform with a character's form). In the future, I plan to write an article on tulpaforcing on various substances, as well as tulpaforcing with these perceived 'set backs' in mind.

 

Method:

-Passive narration, passive visualization (similar to that in the imposition guides; it reminds me that he's around)

-Writing 'letters' on notepad, bringing them to his attention, reading them to him

-Asking open questions, telling him to answer with head pressure, using terms like 'us' and 'we' to be inclusive

-'Active' sessions in the wonderland, aided by meditation music and binaural beats, as well as sessions not in the wonderland (imagining in same room as me while I force), these almost always include near constant narration

-Marking off walls to keep his height constant during visualization

-Repeating personality traits in a near mantra to him ("You are strong..." etc)

 

March 2nd: 27 minutes 'active' meditation

Interrupted narration

Notes: Promising beginning! Slight head pressure.

 

March 3rd: 23 minutes 'active' meditation

Narration during walk home (interrupted) + narration throughout day (interrupted)

Notes: Head pressure continues. Possible emotional responses. Vocal responses dismissed as 'parroting' until further notice. Active sessions are focusing on narration, touch, visualization and the sound of his voice. Planning on starting Alan Moore's Watchmen with him now.

Read: 1 chapter (25 comic pages) of Watchmen

 

March 4th: 1 hour, 22 minutes 'active' meditation

Some narration (largely interrupted)

Read: 1.5 Chapters of Watchmen

Notes: Chris seems to be able to create head pressure. Good emotional responses during trait work. Very confident in his progression.

 

March 5th: 20 minutes 'active' meditation

Some narration

Notes: Got high. I thought bad things to/about Chris. He's distant (?) this morning (March 6th) going to try to do extended sessions to account for it, as well as apologize for my cynicism.

 

March 6th: 1 hour, 52 minutes 'active' meditation.

Spotty narration.

Notes: Got high. Had a dream and Chris was there- interesting given that I am listening to binaural beats designed to stimulate lucid dreaming during active sessions. He's still on the 'quiet' side. Returned home too tired to continue reading Watchmen, will continue tomorrow.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Well, that's something different for a change.

I can't wait to hear Mr. Benoit's opinion on his backstory.

 

Personal question, how do you feel about the prospect of having someone who ended his and his family's lives in such tragic ways in your head for the rest of your life? Does it bother you?

Will you allow him to change his form/backstory if he desires to do so?

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It's different enough that I was hesitant to make an account at first.

 

Deviation is pretty much unavoidable, as far as I see it, and of course I don't intend to be militant (read: shitty) when it comes to it being a factor. I've read around enough to see occurrences of deviation both happening and not happening, but I'm not going to try to sway him at all. If he deviates, it happens, and it'll render my little identity experiment moot, but hell, in the grand scheme of things that's really no big deal.

 

As for your other question-- I sort of prepared myself for it, but I can't give you an answer, not really. I understand the weight of what I'm doing, as much as someone who hasn't experienced it in total can understand it, as far as the tulpamancy goes. As for the rest, I'm going into this with the most positive outlook as possible, I guess, both for my well being and his. A positive outlook, but not a delusional one. Squirreling the reality away is exactly not what I'm trying to do. If anything, it's more of a 'fallen childhood hero' thing. I know that doesn't answer your question, other than my saying that I'm both unbothered and prepared. I'm sorry if it's a little unclear.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Good enough for me.

It's an interesting concept, please keep us updated on your progress

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I like this thread a lot, I hope you follow through. You are kind of testing the realms of what creates a tulpa's nature. So in a way this kind of reads like a case study on tulpa nature. I like that a lot, very interesting and refreshing to see. The community is a bit less intellectual now then I remember it being, so I feel something interesting like this is needed.

 

Just to clarify for the readers benefit, how positive is your thinking generally? Are you prone to negative thinking? Or do you tend to be positive? Somewhere in between perhaps? I think subconscious mind plays a role. However a lot of people here make tulpas while heavily depressed, but with good intention. They all seem to end up being just fine. So that leads me to believe it has more to do with the intention you put into the process of creation.

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Your organization is perfect. My PR is the exact opposite. I'm looking forward to reading through your progress and I completely agree with everything Tulpafox said.


"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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Just to clarify for the readers benefit, how positive is your thinking generally? Are you prone to negative thinking? Or do you tend to be positive? Somewhere in between perhaps? I think subconscious mind plays a role. However a lot of people here make tulpas while heavily depressed, but with good intention. They all seem to end up being just fine. So that leads me to believe it has more to do with the intention you put into the process of creation.

 

I'm not an unrelenting optimist or anything, but I do maintain a pretty positive outlook, if not a neutral one, toward most things. That's part of the reason why I'm doing this, I think, because I am the sort of person who sees the glass half full.

 

Also with the intention thing, I feel the same way. So many beautiful things have come from the minds of the most depressed people out there, there's too many examples of that to list. Being in a place in life where you're hurting doesn't necessarily mean that everything you touch turns to shit. That's more or less how I feel about it.

 

Thanks for the well wishes though, guys. Spring is a period of renewal for everything, and it just felt like the right time.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Posting today because my computer is ready to shit the bed.

 

March 7th: 12 minutes 'active' meditation

Lots of narration

Read: 4.5 Chapters of Watchmen

Wrote a very long letter (17 minutes to type + read it back)

Notes: Was under the influence of a recreational stimulant for most of the day. Narration, reading, and writing were easy, but active forcing was impossible. Got high later, found his presence to be near overwhelming. Head pressure was completely absent.

 

March 8th: 1 hour, 41 minutes 'active' meditation

Somewhat interrupted narration

Read: 2 Chapters of Watchmen

Notes: Head pressure has returned with a vengeance. When I am narrating, it finally feels like I'm talking to someone else, and it's like I can tell when he's paying attention. Possible emotional responses; it might be him or it might be me getting hopeful. Of course, I am reserving claims of sentience for a later date, but still nurturing any responses that I get. Did some call and response to work on his voice in the wonderland, as well as more trait, touch and visualization work. The main thing we do in the wonderland is just explore different areas, a rainy forest, Los Angeles, the beach in winter, the badlands.

 

March 9th: 1 hour, 40 minutes 'active' meditation

Minimal narration

Notes: A bad day for narration and a particularly bad day for forcing. Could not keep anything in my head despite repeated attempts to force.

 

March 10th: 51 minutes 'active' meditation

Decent narration

Notes: I'm finding it hard to cast all my normal daydreams aside in favor of working of Chris. His presence is still there, and I still feel like I'm talking to someone-- no steps forward, and no steps backward either. Hopefully I'll get better at talking to him all the time once I get into the habit of it. It's only gotten easier since I've begun.

 

March 11th: 31 minutes 'active' meditation

Better-than-average narration

Notes: Need to get into a better routine as far as active forcing goes. I stopped bringing headphones on walks to narrate to him instead of being distracted by the music. No real developments, aside from that "Chris is paying attention/listening/understanding" feeling that's not really quantifiable. Visualization is going well. I need to start looking at this as a process in and of itself rather than the road to greater things. I've noticed kind of a confused-type emotional vibe coming off him when I get high, but again, I can't be a hundred percent sure about it, so it's not worth more than a mention. Exploring how getting drunk affects him should be interesting.

 

Overview: In general, I'm pretty confident about this and things seem to be going pretty well. I just really need to commit to forcing more than an hour a day, and get a little bit better at narration, and I think I'll be set.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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March 12th: 1 hour 2 minutes 'active' meditation

Pretty good narration (for once, heh)

Read: 1/2 Chapter of Watchmen

Notes: No real progress, aside from some visualization clarity. That just might be me getting used to the process though. Thanks to some kind people in the topic.info IRC, I'm going to start forcing with some tunes that I'm already into, instead of the binaural beats and meditation music that I've been using all along. There's the definite feeling of Chris "coming forward" whenever I talk to him or even just think of him, which is pretty cool. I think I'm just about finished working with the raw personality traits (I've been opening just about every session with them). Generally feeling positive, but nothing really new to report.

March 13th: Couldn't force because I was out with friends all day

Pretty shitty narration

Notes: This is the first day I've skipped since I've started and I feel bad about it.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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March 14th: 1 hour, 4 minutes 'active' meditation

Decent Narration

Notes: I apologized for yesterday and told him that I would do everything in my power to keep it from happening again. In other news, Chris is moving around the wonderland by himself. He also is showing facial expressions, and doing minor other movements (like scratching the side of his face, etc), which is really exciting. I started forcing with music that I like (at the suggestion of some people in the IRC) and it resulted in my being able to spend longer on a single session than I normally do (31 minutes) which is pretty impressive for me. I've decided to change how I'm working with the wonderland too- what I had been doing is just creating a new setting for us to explore/talk in/sit/whatever every single time, which resulted in my sometimes getting bored of it, and thus breaking off the session. What I'm doing now, is I've created a 'home base' type building (a farmhouse with a barn), and opening doors within the house brings us to different areas. It creates this smoother transition, I think, and was interesting enough to keep me at it for a while.

 

March 15th: 1 hour, 12 minutes 'active' meditation

Good Narration

Read: 1/2 Chapter of Watchmen

Notes: Chris continued to do stuff on his own, today. Forcing feels like so much less of a chore when I'm not doing all the work, so to speak. I've also noticed that today, while watching stuff I got what sort of felt like a 'reaction' from him, which hasn't happened unless I was already thinking about him or narrating to him. We did some interesting stuff in the wonderland; I won't clutter this up with descriptions of our activities, but it was fun enough that I almost had to rip myself away from forcing when it was time. We're almost finished with Watchmen now, and I think I'm going to read him Rant by Chuck Palahniuk next. Visualization is near perfect now, I can picture him and everything in the wonderland really well and smoothly, and have no issues sticking to first person POV. Really, just everything is going swimmingly.

 

Overview: I'm sure Chris is sentient. I've been holding off on the "surprise me" test, but within the next couple of days I'm going to do it. For those who are interested, the music I've been listening to is instrumental drone metal type stuff by a band called Earth, and the particular albums are

and
. Honestly, with all this going on, I'm wondering if I should really sit down and talk to him about the Chris Benoit Tragedy, or if it's too early. Granted, I'm not actively hiding it from him or anything, but I haven't like, actively thought of it or its specifics either. It just seems like something a little to heavy to lay on him this early in the game, you know?

We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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