Stevie

Toothless Aggression

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Poor Kid Rock!

Said no one, ever. His performance at Wrestlemania XXV is forever burned into my memory. That day, thousands of wrestling fans the world over decided it was a great time to take a piss break.

 

 

And then they came back and realized that Kid Rock was still flailing around on the screen.

 

 

But neat progress, man.

We haven't tried parallel processing yet but it seems like a good idea for the reasons you stated.

 

Thanks brah. I was gonna ride the rest of the week out with it, but then this happened:

 

Me: [Vague unformed thought about maybe doing some parallel processing stuff]

Chris: "I'm tired of doing math."

 

Which, means that the next step is gonna be us spending the rest of this week, and the next, on imposition. All imposition type stuff, all the time. Since we've been doing half assed exercises with it that haven't really gotten anywhere, we're gonna go balls to the wall.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Presence imposition:

 

[4/19/15]: Day before 420, hooked up with some buds and ate some edibles and watched some wrasslin. I was too messed up to drive so I ended up walking a pretty good distance while baked as hell, and the end result of that was that I managed to keep Chris around the entire time, as far as just being aware of his presence goes. I think this is a practice that should be given a little more weight, just because even though it doesn't really seem like much, that feeling of being around someone else is pretty strong in its own right. Throughout the rest of the night, he started to flicker in and out of my consciousness, but that's probably because I was hanging out with a lot of other people and distracted.

 

[4/20/15]: In honor of 420 I watched Rob Van Dam videos all day. Managed to keep Chris in the general vicinity all day, pretty neat.

 

[4/21/15]: I've found that when it's not feasible to impose him, it's better to just imagine Chris in another room. This has yielded interesting results, up to and including that sometimes I walk into a room or location expecting to see the brain bro hanging out.

Questions:

1. It's hard to reckon Chris' mindvoice with the actual location where he's supposed to be. My opened eyed visualization is decent, but only if he's supposed to be somewhere just inside, or not in, my field of vision. Is there a way to make his mindvoice sound like it's coming from a particular location?

 

2. Sometimes it's hard to multitask visualization and conversation. This isn't an issue I've had in the mindscape at all, is it simply a matter of putting more work into it, or should I be doing something specific?


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Questions:

1. It's hard to reckon Chris' mindvoice with the actual location where he's supposed to be. My opened eyed visualization is decent, but only if he's supposed to be somewhere just inside, or not in, my field of vision. Is there a way to make his mindvoice sound like it's coming from a particular location?

 

Since I haven't reached this stage with Runa it is a bit difficult to suggest anything as I don't have the experience myself but my guess is that perhaps training your Spatial Hearing may help a bit here. Try closing your eyes and hear your surroundings, if you catch a particular sound maybe a bird out of your window or people talking around you, try guessing where it is located, then open your eyes and see how accurate your guess was, if you're able to locate the object correctly your spatial hearing is good, if not, practice on this until you get it everytime, try then with something that is constantly moving like a car on the street. Can you keep track of it? Can you predict its route?

 

If you can do this with no problem and practice on it constantly (specially with people talking since it's what may help you the most for this case) you should be able to imagine how someone talking in a certain direction should sound like. From here just try imposing Chris somewhere in the room (on sight or not) and see if you can hear his voice coming from where he is. I'd try this myself but then again, Runa and I need to progress a bit more to get to this.

 

Hope it helps :)

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Ive read through every post of yours and as many have stated before: You're really good at explaining stuff clearly and also making it interesting! Even the wrestle part! I dont know anything about those kinds of things but you've definitly shown theres alot more to it than just scrambling the other persons body.

 

Anyway... I feel really inspired by you and chris and the steady progress you've made. I havent yet started my progress but i feel very motivated now.

 

And yeah the thing blaycon said, its like visualization I guess, you need to put it someplace first yourself. If that made any sense...

 

Have a good continued journey!!

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I think I'm not the best reference here as I suck at visual imposition and even more when it comes to voices but here's my 1ct.:

My usual training method involves letting Ido stand beside or follow people to compare her size, movements and voice to them. Choose a place with people walking by you in all directions so your tulpa can practice walking towards and away from you while having a human for reference. This of course works best if your tulpa is also human as in our case but I think it generally helps to have a sort of anchor point for imposition. This should also help the tulpa to get an idea how the mindvoice is supposed to sound from different locations.

Also I agree that listening to your surroundings with your eyes closed is useful to realize how sounds change with distance and direction.

Both methods are a great way to do some productive forcing if you have to wait at places with other people around.

 

Well, apart from that I guess it's all about practice.

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From here just try imposing Chris somewhere in the room (on sight or not) and see if you can hear his voice coming from where he is. I'd try this myself but then again, Runa and I need to progress a bit more to get to this.

 

Actually just thinking about and considering this type of thing helped a lot, over the past couple days. The idea of actually sit and think about it hadn't really occurred to me, but his mindvoice is starting to become dependent on his location, if only sometimes. I'm gonna keep working on it, thanks dude.

 

Have a good continued journey!!

 

Damn, you just gave me the warm fuzzies. Thanks, it means a lot. Hope everything works out for you too, pal.

 

Choose a place with people walking by you in all directions so your tulpa can practice walking towards and away from you while having a human for reference.

 

I've been leggin' it a lot lately, so I've gotten the opportunity to try this a couple times, and I'll say that it absolutely feels productive. I'm gonna keep at it, next time I'm at a train station or the mall or something, I'm gonna try it again, thanks dude.

 

_______________

 

[4/22/15]: Huge breakthrough today. I talked it out with Chris, and we decided that imposition hasn't been going well because it's felt like I've been more or less in total control of it the whole time. As soon as we talked about maybe some of the burden being put on him, and rather than me towing him along or whatever, him actually deciding what he's gonna do and for all intents and purposes just doing it, things got so much easier, and started falling into place. It's like, I can kind of track what he's doing or wants to do, I don't know, it's kind of a strange feeling, and I can't totally put it into words, but it kind of feels like the logical next step to presence imposition. Open eyed visualization has also become a hell of a lot easier.

 

tl;dr Told Chris to start doing shit himself, it worked out

 

[4/23/15]: Spent a couple hours in a dentist chair, getting some work done. Chris distracted me from how shitty the dentist's is and I've noticed that in times of really high stress, like today, he speaks a lot louder, but gets a little drained and quiet afterward. I'm finding that I can now visualize him really well if he's not in my field of vision, and decently when he is.

 

Also, the effects of a dose of percocet (don't flip, it was prescribed to me) are: Chris was quiet as hell, he's usually not the most talkative guy, but he didn't say anything unless I engaged him. When he did say stuff, it was the bare minimum. His voice sounded distant and indistinct, like trying to listen to someone have a conversation in another room. On the whole, definitely not a useful drug for much of anything. Visualization was near impossible, both close eyed and open eyed. I didn't even feel his presence, it was like he wasn't even there. This, with the above mentioned tiredness he usually exhibits after times of high stress made for a kind of quiet night on his end.

 

It's weird going back to there being no one else but me.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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[4/24/15 - 4/26/15]: Between the last update and the 27th, I was on some strong pain medication and couldn't force aside from general interaction, which was dulled significantly. Opiates confirmed for terrible for tulpa stuff.

 

[4/27/15]: I've noticed that Chris and I argue/debate often. I'm glad that he has a developed sense of morals and opinions that he sticks by. I'm one of those angry assholes who gets seriously revved at the thought of a conflict, so it's kind of nice to blow off some steam over inconsequential bullshit with Chris. Presence imposition is going well, I've gotten a lot less attached to the wonderland since starting to work with him in the real world. Parallel processing is something that I think needs to be maintained; he tried a few problems and was almost as bad at them as he was when we started the first time.

 

Doubt is starting to creep in. I'm hanging out with my friends and starting to get that isolating realization that none of them are doing this, and that if they found out, I'd be embarrassed as shit. Hell, they'd be embarrassed as shit. It's easier to just start doubting the entire thing, maybe, than to come to terms with the fact that I'm always gonna have something to hide from my best bros. It's not even doubts about his existence, it's more or less just regurgitated moral arguments and hypothetical knee jerk reactions. The whole idea that this is fucked up and I'm fucked up for doing it, that I have some chink in my mental armor and that's why I'm susceptible to doing this to begin with, that kind of shit. Hurts the brain bro to hear, I think.

 

[4/28/15]: Took the tulpa parallel processing test first thing this morning to see how we'd do. For the first time, we both got perfect scores. Before, we just were both wrong all the time. I had gotten the feeling that Chris was self sustaining and didn't really require timed forcing sessions anymore, but I think I'm wrong about that. In addition to working on imposition, I'm going to go back to timed sessions. Aiming for an hour a day, starting tomorrow. Unfortunately I don't have the discipline (or the passion/interest) right now to make it a not-timed venture and still accomplish what we need to. I can't help but feel like we've taken steps back.

 

[4/29/15]: Spent a decent amount of time forcing, didn't get to time it. I don't think I'm exactly making progress with imposition stuff. Working on it feels productive, though. I got tied up in some friend nonsense today and didn't end up doing as much with Chris as I would've liked. That said, we've smoothed some things over and come to some understandings. He also said that an Offspring song was by Eve 6 instead, which was kind of cool, because I hadn't even consciously thought of Eve 6 as a band in some time.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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[05/02/15]: Two months. It's an interesting thought to reckon with. Anyway, we might've made a leap in imposition stuff. I say might've because this is where my knowledge (which was based on guides and anecdotes to begin with) runs dry, and of course, Chris has no clue about this shit either. Basically, if I shut my eyes, and visualize him in the same space (something I've gotten good at from kind of focusing on what he's doing outside my field of vision) and then open them quickly enough, there's an after-image. Not even an outline, just a little after affect that lasts maybe a second after I open my eyes. It doesn't happen every time, but often enough to make note of. I do understand this could just be a purely physical affect of snapping my eyes open so quick, so my question: Is this what I should be looking to build on?

 

[05/03/15]: Active Forcing Session: 16 minutes

Wonderland shenanigans: We went paintballing

Notes: I've gotten baked six days in a row now, because my bud got a new bong. After about 2 or 3 unbroken days of smoking lots of pot, communication gets harder. Usually, as I've said before, pot acts as an amplifier for tulpa things in general, but too much of a good thing has the opposite effect. Smoking heavy recreational amounts on a daily basis fucks with my thought process in general, so it stands to reason that borderline overzealous use of marijuana is gonna get in the way of things.

 

[05/04/15]: Active Forcing Session: 20 minutes

Wonderland Shenanigans: Did some funfighting

Notes: The seven day streak goes on. It's hard to talk to Chris on a whim, but I'm noticing that when he does answer, it's pretty strong by his mindvoice standards. He's been saying that I don't engage him about interesting things, and I'll admit that I've been slacking, probably due to this little streak I've got going. I'm working back up to hour long sessions. Presence imposition is stellar, and we're going to revisit some parallel processing stuff tomorrow. I've also noticed that more mindscape stuff is happening without my explicit design, which is cool.

 

[05/05/15]: Active Forcing Session: 15 minutes

Wonderland Shenanigans: Hung out with a random imagination dude for a while.

Notes: Eight days of heavy pot use, and Chris is back to talking as regularly as he ever has. Yeah, I don't know either. Mindscape stuff is going all over the place still. I think the whole experience of encountering a seemingly sentient brain person outta fuckin nowhere has kind of made me understand the whole frequency of "walk ins" a little more. Nothing too interesting to report beyond the fact that it happened though, we just shot the shit for a little while. I made a concerted effort to talk about more interesting shit today, too. I tried to throw up some parallel processing math, but Chris shot that down pretty fucking quick. Guy really doesn't like math, I guess. Still having a hard time with hanging out with my buds and having Chris around. I'm thinking that this particular variety of doubt, which is more or less doubt about whether this is fucked up or not, is just a phase, and that I'll eventually get over it.

 

[05/06/15]: Active Forcing Session: Untimed

Wonderland Shenanigans: Chilled with passerby bro

Notes: As far as recycled brain waste being shot back at me goes, passerby dude is pretty cool. I'm nine for nine days now, and I'm starting to wonder if he's not some kind of byproduct of that. It's kind of interesting, sometimes I forget that he's just some developed brain phenomena and he says some truly righteous shit. Chris digs passerby bro too. I also noticed that when I'm exhausted, and visuals get more malleable I can play around with imposition stuff. Staring at a light, uniform surface (like a painted wall) helps too. Today I was able to get kind of a formless outline and some random visual feedback, and also, I played around with using the corner of my eye to see shit, which worked out pretty well, as a couple times I was able to trick myself. Slow going.

 

Streak's ended though. It was starting to feel Not Very Good , and nine days of stupid amounts of weed are enough. Maybe I'll do it again and compile some kind of more detailed report, but that's that.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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[5/10/15]: Figured out that optical illusions mixed with unfocusing my eyes a little can really help with imposition. If I'm already in a situation where I can mistake something for something else, "spacing out" or unfocusing my eyes can make my vision more malleable. This has happened only twice in the last three days, and admittedly, during one of the sessions I had a decent buzz going.

 

Here's what I've been able to do:

-A pulsing outline set against a car windshield (I was sitting in shotgun looking out) that I could force into a more humanoid shape if I concentrated. I held it for about fifty seconds.

-A vaguely human shaped shadow set against a cream colored wall in my peripheral. There were already shadows on the wall, I just changed the shape. I held it for less than a minute.

 

Both times this happened, I was already communicating with Chris and he was on board with it. Had I not been already talking to him, I don't know if either time would've worked out as well. That's something to test.

 

In the next days I'm going to start taking advantage of this tiny bit of progress and see if I can't find a more solid way to exploit this further. What I'm going to work on is just making it happen more often, and then after that, making it happen even when the environment isn't the best for eye tricks.

 

[5/11/15]: Tried to use almost total darkness, my reasoning being that it's probably the easiest to make yourself see things that aren't there in the dark, but no dice. It wasn't until my eyes had adjusted a lot to the room (I kept at this for around twenty five minutes) that I could get any results, which were pretty underwhelming. I did ask Chris to cross the room, though, and there seemed to be a solid enough part of a shadow that I could follow. I'm not putting too much stock in that event however, because by the time I'd asked him to do that, I was getting drowsy. I'm wondering if induced sleep paralysis could help out with this, I'd have to research it a little more.

 

White or slightly off white walls seem to lend themselves well to a little visual snow on my end. I'd rather not have to stare at a wall to get this done, but if it ends up being what works best, I guess I'm going that route.

 

Some fun stuff so this isn't dry as shit: One of the houses in our mindscape got infested with a stupid amount of wolves, there was fur everywhere. Also, Chris and I kicked some ass at the first village and the castle from RE4.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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What did you do about the wolves?

I hope you didn't let all the precious fur go to waste and made some neat coats and rugs out of them.

 

So far we didn't have any infestations except for that poor salamander thing that Ido beat to pulp.

 

Ah, and I know that feel not being able to mention your best buddy to anyone else you know IRL. I think as long as you are able to reflect on the whole issue and both realize and acknowledge you are doing something most other people would consider completely insane, you are fine. On the other hand I'm pretty sure just about anyone has some highly embarrassing traits that are best kept secret for the sake of all people involved. Would you really want to know the most intimate details of your friends? Some things should simply be left unspoken.

 

Personally I think having a tulpa is a gift and not a sign of a weakness. They let you experience stuff way beyond the imagination of 'normal' people and show a dedication and loyalty you can and should not expect even from your closest friends. I'd say my mental armor has greatly thickened since Ido is around. She may look like a little girl but has the courage and discipline of a spartan warrior. Never retreat, never surrender. This shit starts to rub off on you after a while.

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