Stevie

Toothless Aggression

Recommended Posts

That's some nice progress on imposition!

Still don't see a damn thing, but I really suck at visualizing stuff correctly even in my mind.

 

Maybe one day he'll start shitposting. I'd be so proud. Probably won't happen, but hey, a man can dream.

Never give up your dream, man!

I think shitposting is the only thing that worked even better then expected for us.

 

I've kinda been pressing him to talk a little bit about his beliefs and stuff in here, because we kind of have the interesting situation of basically my being agnostic (on a good day) and his leaning more toward theism (not a particular religion, just as a concept) and his thinking a lot about how we share a brain and what not, but he's not really comfortable doing that and I don't wanna like, just write all his personal shit down without his consent, cause that would be shitty as fuck.

Yeah, same here.

Ido would not even reveal her real name or what she looks like, let alone personal beliefs. But then again, I wouldn't either so I guess she has a point.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

[10/01/15]: It's been a while since I updated this thread because I figured that maybe I just wouldn't make more progress. Someone also posted some shit from here on some faggy cringe tulpa twitter and it cowed me into not posting for a while. Maybe that's what they aimed to do in the first place, don't know. Now it's my birthday and I'm getting ready to meet some pals and I'm thinking about all this bullshit.

 

Fact of the matter is, I have made progress. I can get an outline when I want to, not that I actively try imposition very much anymore because it's taxing as hell. When I do try, it's easier if the backdrop is a solid wall or a repeating surface, haven't had much luck against the background of things like forests or more urban environments. I've concluded that imposition is very possible but it'd take forever to actually get to the point where a tulpa is indecipherable from reality. I've gotten to a place where I don't really care about it much anymore.

 

Chris is just doing his thing. I've tried and failed to get him hyped up for hockey season. He's definitely aware and thinking of things when I'm not thinking of him, and that's been the case for a while, just because I know I've been able to ask him to run background processes and what not. I keep somehow getting unconvinced but then he winds up doing something that reminds me that he can do that type of shit. I think he's earnestly trying to prove himself, it's kinda funny.

 

It's been almost seven months since I started this- that's pretty crazy. Looking back, it seems like it's done me some good. Around a month ago I got in a shitty place where I was like, damn, why did I do this, why the fuck did I make this voice in my head, but I think that's like, almost a normal reaction. Like, as a human being, people regret things that they're fine with, and it's just a part of processing the fact that it's something you can't really take back.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, Happy Birthday, man!

 

Time files, it's been almost a year since I started and you've quite surpassed us with your progress.

Challenge accepted!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Chris is a little over a year old now, and yes, he's still around.

 

I disappeared from the forum because not only did I start working an average of fifty hours a week but my living situations started changing pretty rapidly for a guy my age due to a lot of different sort of shit happening. Bottom line is now I live in Minneapolis, which is very, very far away from outside Boston, in my eyes at least.

 

We never did get imposition down the way I wanted it to go. Sometimes I can get that blur or change of texture but we haven't been able to achieve much else. I've continued my studies with psychoactive chemicals and how they affect tulpas but don't really think that the information we've gotten from that will help the community as a whole, and I don't really feel like writing it all down and organizing it anyway.

 

I visit the wonderland occasionally and Chris has things going on there independently, he gets about as excited as he's capabe of when I show up there. Most of the time we just have five or ten minutes of small talk if I'm out smoking a butt at work or in other "in-between" moments where most people would probably be using a cellphone, I guess. We've never had that "every waking moment together" type relationship anyway, because he's not much of a talker, so that really isn't a change from how things have been.

 

I haven't read anything that I wrote in this thread a year ago, mostly because I don't want to get like, embarrassed. However, I don't regret any of my actions. Chris is vibrant and my best bud; he's helped me out of some sticky situations and got me up and on my feet during times where all I wanted to do was give up. Sometimes he can get a little ornery when it comes to my not having the motivation level that he does at times, but hey, if that's his only flaw, I can deal with it. He's a bootstrap Carnegie kind of guy, if you get me.

 

Now that things in my life have calmed down a little I hope to be able to hang around here a little more.

 


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome back!

 

Good to hear Chris is still around, I've been wondering what happened after you disappeared.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Glad you're back, man.

 

Hope you can be around more, too, and glad to hear Chris is doing well. I hope you've been giving him plenty of hugs and kisses.


If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

 

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Yakumo Thanks dude

 

@Enny Thanks dude x2, and no hugs or kisses for Chris, but last night we beat up a bunch of giant spiders with wooden baseball bats so that's almost the same thing right?

 

Note: I'm updating this now because due to the negligence of someone else my living situation is changing AGAIN. Still in MN, though I'm not sure what we're gonna do. Guess that's what I get for rolling with a party animal. After tonight I don't know how often I'll be able to be around, maybe in the same capacity that I have been, maybe not. I have a job starting this weekend, though, so that's exciting.

 

__________________

 

It's easier to try imposing the brain bro when he's far away because it's like I'm trying to mess with a smaller field of my vision. I've been experimenting a lot with trying to impose him on the apartment buildings across the street from my own apartment. Especially when I have a smoke, which I have to do out the window because there's no smoking here. Not much else to do, you feel me? The sky makes for a good backdrop though. I've been able to get some blur action going, not really an outline but like a smear almost.

 

I asked Chris to elaborate on why he didn't want to talk more on the internet, considering it's one of the few ways he can express himself to others, etc, and his answer was: "I'm not used to anyone else hearing me talk." which is a little different than what his answer used to be, which was more like: "The internet is a stupid waste of time."

 

I feel like I should recap you on some of the things we did while I was gone, but I don't wanna go into too much detail cause it might be a little asinine, so take this bulleted list:

-Stevie and Chris: Ghost Hunters

-Stevie and Chris get drunk and trespass on the property of an abandoned factory (I'd call it urban exploration but it was more or less just boredom and public intoxication)

-Stevie and Chris give up really quickly on their idea for a tic-tac-toemania

-(Screw third person, you get the idea) We had a bitchin game of paintball with a ton of NPCs in the mindscape, we were on opposing teams and it almost turned into like an RTS type situation

-The wonderland in general has become so huge with a ton of different areas and stuff. Things spawn out of nowhere all the time, either people to chill out with, weird shit to fight, or sometimes weird shit to chill out with and people to fight, either way

 

So yeah that's some of the stuff we've gotten up to.

 

I feel like maybe I should start timing my sessions for working with imposition, less because I want to hit some hour goal and more because I'm just curious about how long I spend on it. It'll be hard because I don't have a phone anymore. Next update maybe I'll have some of that.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I asked Chris to elaborate on why he didn't want to talk more on the internet, considering it's one of the few ways he can express himself to others, etc, and his answer was: "I'm not used to anyone else hearing me talk." which is a little different than what his answer used to be, which was more like: "The internet is a stupid waste of time."

 

The thing that helped me with that is roleplaying forums. I spent a while posting "as a character," who just happened to be myself, and that helped ease me into getting my public-vocality legs. Now I can't stop talking online. Honestly, it's surprising how validating it is to be considered your own person by total strangers.

 

Also, you're in MN too? Friggin April snow, am I right? :p


~ Member of SparrowNR's System ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Back in Massachusetts.

 

Chris and I watched a hockey game today. I really only follow the Bruins but he genuinely likes the sport. Maybe he just likes that he has something to like, I think that's part of it.

 

Imposition is touch and go. On the 28th I got some things going after a half hour of undivided attention, and by things going I mean an indistinct shadow something in my vision. Since then I haven't been able to really spend too much time solely focusing on imposition alone.

 

I don't usually write stuff like this here, but I've been having a tough time of it lately. Chris helps and I appreciate his concern, it's just that if things are out of my power as a physical person then they're definitely out of his, yknow? He can offer a fresh perspective and some motivation, which can do a lot, but not much else. The landscape of my life has changed so much in a year and I can't help but feel that I've brought all of this on myself. Except this whole time I haven't felt in control for an ounce of it, like I make these poor decisions but they're all just a product of what came before it.

 

Alright, enough of that.

 

@Joss Chris actually had a reddit account once upon a time, he lost interest in it though. Toward the end it was more like I was urging him to log in and it was like a chore for him. I just don't think he's a social dude.

 

I'm going to continue working with imposition. I've found that priming a session with the whole "tulpa is there all the time just keep visualizing all the time" thing works pretty well. I think he gets bored being out here though, like there's more to do in my head. Hell, that's part of the reason I threw on the hockey game today. I didn't even realize he dug it so much until he was just there, watching. I feel like a shitty host sometimes because I don't pick up on stuff like that. It was the Nashville Predators and the San Jose Sharks, if anyone's interested. I sure wasn't.

 

Let this stand as a monument for why you shouldn't update a PR at 2:30 am.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good to read about you two still kicking together. Like Yakumo and Enny, I wondered a bit what happened when you disappeared. Sounds like things are chugging along quite well, from my view, though. Midori sends her regards, as well.

 

Peace.


Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.