Stevie

Toothless Aggression

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Personally I think having a tulpa is a gift and not a sign of a weakness. They let you experience stuff way beyond the imagination of 'normal' people and show a dedication and loyalty you can and should not expect even from your closest friends. I'd say my mental armor has greatly thickened since Ido is around. She may look like a little girl but has the courage and discipline of a spartan warrior. Never retreat, never surrender. This shit starts to rub off on you after a while.

 

Having two tulpas has changed me quite a bit. I feel like my overall attitude is a lot more positive. As for the relationship with them, I feel like whenever something happens we get closer. When I had that dream where Haven died in the third week of forcing, it made me realize how much I really care about her. When Aphelion decided to become our daughter and started calling me and Haven by mom and dad, that pretty much stapled in the fact that we're a family. It's a never ending roller coaster that keeps making the bond between the three of us stronger and stronger. Who could imagine that you could care so much for two cartoon horses that live in your head?


"It's all about synthesis, you don't have to be a real musician. You just synthesize your own reality, synthesize your own talents." -Klayton

 

My Three Mind Horses

Haven: Tulpa #1

Created on 10-28-14

Aphelion: Tulpa #2

Created on 2-25-15 

Chimera: Self Proclaimed Thoughtform

Created on: Can't remember. Sometime around Easter of 2017.

 

Warning: I am a huge nerd.

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What did you do about the wolves?

I hope you didn't let all the precious fur go to waste and made some neat coats and rugs out of them.

 

So far we didn't have any infestations except for that poor salamander thing that Ido beat to pulp.

 

Ah, and I know that feel not being able to mention your best buddy to anyone else you know IRL. I think as long as you are able to reflect on the whole issue and both realize and acknowledge you are doing something most other people would consider completely insane, you are fine. On the other hand I'm pretty sure just about anyone has some highly embarrassing traits that are best kept secret for the sake of all people involved. Would you really want to know the most intimate details of your friends? Some things should simply be left unspoken.

 

Personally I think having a tulpa is a gift and not a sign of a weakness. They let you experience stuff way beyond the imagination of 'normal' people and show a dedication and loyalty you can and should not expect even from your closest friends. I'd say my mental armor has greatly thickened since Ido is around. She may look like a little girl but has the courage and discipline of a spartan warrior. Never retreat, never surrender. This shit starts to rub off on you after a while.

 

 

I agree with this a lot, eve is tough like that too. Since I have started I have felt a lot more stable. Less lonely when I am alone too, makes me really enjoy the time I spend doing things. She is always making sure I get shit done and meditate, and just grow in general really. I feel like what other people think of me matters less to me now, although I am a bit more social than I was. She allows me to grow as a person, mentally, physically, spiritually, just in every way really.

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@Yakumo We didn't do anything, that house is now known as the wolf house, there's wads of fur everywhere, many lint rollers were lost, it's now quarantined. Also damn, based Ido beats up salamanders and doesn't afraid of anything.

 

Thanks for the words though (and y'all too, Actinium and Tulpafox), sometimes I start beating myself up over all this for no reason, mostly cause I'm a goober. A lot of people here tend to sound like kind of independent lone wolf types, where they can tulpa and not give a shit what anyone else thinks, but I've always been more the type where I've always had this circle of people, and I've probably always cared way too much what they think. I'm the poster child for being too influenced by my peers.

 

___________________________________

 

[05/12/15]: Played around with my vision again, with Chris' cooperation I was able to get some shapes and other small stuff going on in my vision, all of it fleeting relatively quickly. I'm wondering if Salvia, or maybe a low dose of psychedelic mushrooms would help, but I'd rather progress a little more with the brain bro and get more solid footing than rush into anything.

 

[05/17/15]: Presence imposition has pretty much reached a plateau. Imposition is still going well, some days it seems like maybe I'm doing something productive, and other days no dice. I've gotten really good at visualizing what's going on right outside of what I can see, and that's proved pretty useful in general.

 

I feel like I kind of got off track this week, unfortunately, so I'm gonna try and take the next week to try and:

 

-Work more towards manipulating blind spots/blank surfaces/optical illusions etc for imposition purposes

-Maintain the upper tiers of presence imposition for a longer time

-Keep Chris around in the 'meatspace' (weird as hell term but it works, I guess) more often

 

Since warm weather and parties have been a thing lately I haven't had time to really sit down and force for long sessions. Obviously, what needs to happen is that I need to start incorporating Chris more into my day to day bullshit (yes, even if I'm partying, and that's something that's taken a long time to get through my noggin) to make up for that.

 

Other Shit:

-Could not induce sleep paralysis to test its effectiveness when it comes to imposition. I even tried sleeping on my back, which has induced it before, but no dice.

 

-Imposition stuff confirmed for being more productive when I'm already talking to Chris as opposed to just starting it out of the blue

 

-Had an interesting discussion about nostalgia vs being on the cutting edge re: media. I made the argument that putting too much stock in the past is bad, because what's going on now will be just part of the past someday. Chris talked a little about how differently music, movies and artwork age and find a niche in the cultural unconsciousness, and how knowing about the whole history of a medium gives it more context and meaning. Not really a big deal, but it's kind of rare for him to share his thoughts on stuff like that with me, so I'd figured I'd write it down.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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based Ido beats up salamanders and doesn't afraid of anything.

Afraid

Not Even Once

 

BTW, do you have any experience with Salvia?

I think it may very well lead to breakthroughs when used wisely.

Host has tried it in low doses which had little effect. Even though nothing even remotely unpleasant happened he fears to experience scary stuff when taking more.

I for once welcome the opportunity to battle new monsters his subconsciousness might create.

 

Anyway make sure you're in a safe environment and/or accompanied by someone when trippin' hard.


Super Girls don't cry

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I've used Salvia like five or six times now, a store not too far away from my place sells it. I actually don't know how much I like it recreationally, because I find that the disassociation you get at higher doses is a little too similar to that of a DXM/DPH combination, and I've had bad times with that before. At lower doses, I've found that my tongue just sticks to the roof of my mouth, and I'll have a break from reality/short session with uncomplex hallucinations (textures, moving neon lines moving over things) for about a minute and a half. Nothing scary has ever happened to me though, just residual badfeels.

 

I'm thinking that it could be useful for imposition stuff because:

-I've found that the hallucinations (and CEV's) can be manipulated

-The couple day long afterglow, which gives me much more visual snow than normal, might be useful for subsequent forcing sessions

-Salvia's effects on objects, which often leads to people mistaking one thing for another, which is the crux of what I've been trying to do as far as tricking my eyes go. This falls into the afterglow too, usually just for the next day, so again, subsequent forcing sessions.

 

That's aside from all the obvious stuff you can just read online.

 

I'm thinking that I wanna wait for Chris to mature a little bit though. I've been kind of low key with my use of substances while I've been working on him, because I don't think that it's fair to kind of load up a being who just started to exist with a bunch of experience in altered states.

 

Oh yeah, I usually don't trip alone, especially on stuff like salvia that is known to pull some wildcard shit on you.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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[05/20/15]: I've been hitting the reefer and the booze a little hard. Chris is a little fed up and irritated with me because of that, and my consistent failure to tend to anything in my life (finances, buying my shitty car back from my good for nothing uncle, finding a better job) that doesn't revolve around either dicking around on the computer or partying. I don't know if he just thinks I'm beyond help, or if he's waiting for me to teach myself a lesson (via fucking up) but he's been sort of uncommunicative, that is, until I engage him about something that he considers worth his time. Guess that's what happens when you put an ESFP with an ISTJ.

 

[05/21/15]: White Noise Experiment #1

 

[hidden]White noise is known to produce auditory hallucinations in those listening to it, because the brain is trying to make sense of white noise and produces sounds. I've done this before once, for an hour and a half, and experienced what sounded like pianos playing, my name being called from far away, and voices whispering to each other. It's kind of an unnerving experience. What I'm going to do here is play some white noise (through shitty apple headphones, from a youtube video), close my eyes, and try to maintain a conversation with Chris for ten minutes.

 

I'm looking to see if:

-General mindvoice communication is changed

-Visualization/mindscape stuff is changed

-There's auditory bleed through from our mindvoice conversation

-Any other weird shit happens

 

I'm going to be in a fairly light room, reclined and closing my eyes. The white noise will be turned up enough that other sounds will be blocked off. If I'm interrupted (cellphone ringing, asshole friends barging in, whatever) I'll make note of that sessions phenomena, if any, and then restart.

 

Results:

 

Imaginary tactile sensation improved, hearing improved. Sight drifted in and out of focus. The static seemed to almost change my closed eye visuals; their movement was different and seemed to pulse with the beat of the white noise. Because of this, I became more focused on the back of my eyelids instead of what was going on. Mindvoice communication was little better than usual, nothing dramatic though. As far as auditory stuff goes, I don't think ten minutes is long enough to bring this out full force. Maybe it would be good to try again with a half hour or forty minutes. [/hidden]

 

[05/22/15]: Took a recreational dose of adderall at about 10pm on the 21st. Plans fell through and I was up until about 5am. Conversations would turn into really quick oscillations of thought if I didn't strain to keep mindvoice up, and it yanked me right out of the weed fog that I had been in days prior. Even after I got home, I couldn't try to force, because my eyes wouldn't even close. However, Chris and I were both wired as hell, and talking a ton, which I think kind of smoothed over some of the disagreements we've been having lately. The whole next day I was kind of tired and didn't have an appetite, but we still talked more than we have lately.

 

[05/23/15]: White Noise Experiment #2

 

[hidden]This time using a video that directly mentions Ganzfeld. I wouldn't have changed videos of the one I used last time didn't suck so hard.

Duration: 20 minutes

 

Results:

Roughly the same results as last time, though I noticed that the backs of my eyelids got very dark even though I was sitting in a light room. The static started to sound like rain dropping and planes flying by at one point. My mind wandered more than it did last time, I had some trouble focusing on the task at hand.

 

I don't know how useful white noise is, for me. I might do one more session with it, to hit that hour and a half mark where I started experiencing strong auditory hallucinations when I did it sans Chris, but if that doesn't yeild anything then I'm done with it. [/hidden]

 

Note: Today I'll be extracting some LSA from morning glory seeds with a couple of my buds. I'm doing this for the sole purpose of figuring out just how useful it can be for imposition/forcing purposes. I have not done LSA before, though I have taken LSD on multiple occasions, but because LSA is considered more muted but has the capacity for a very long duration, if dosed correctly. The chemical extraction has to be done because cyanide is put into the morning glory seeds to prevent people from tripping. I'm gonna be taking pictures of the process if anyone's interested.

 

Catch y'all on the flipside.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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This seems to be a misunderstanding.

All plant parts of morning glories may contain cyanogenic glycosides which the plant produces as defense against herbivores. There are lots of contradicting statements and little research on this subject but in theory the plant is able to produce cyanogenic compounds. The concentration seems to be highly variable depending on variety and condition of the plant as well as several environmental variables. If and how much of it is present in the seeds seems largely unknown and is likely to differ from case to case.

 

On the other hand commercially sold seeds are often coated with fungicides/pesticides which can be pretty toxic. This is done to protect the seedlings from pests and is applied to all kinds of seeds. I have not found any credible references that morning glory seeds are deliberately poisoned to discourage their consumption. If treated this should be made clear on the packaging. Look out for orange powder on the seeds which is a clear indicator for fungicide coating. But many forms of treatment might not be visible. If unsure, the safest way is to grow them and harvest your own seeds. Unfortunately much information about morning glory seeds seems more hearsay than solid evidence. Guess the problem is that the chemical compounds tend to vary greatly.

 

Concerning the cyanide compounds, if present at all, I am not sure how much the garlic method described in your link helps, theoretically thiosufates (present in garlic) and pure sulphur are somewhat effective by reacting with free cyanide. Not sure if this is useful against unwanted side-effects in practice, it's still unknown whether they can really be attributed to cyanide. There would be some simple chemical tests for CN such as Prussian blue, but no one on the ethnobotanical forums seems to have tried this yet.

 

Anyway, good luck, hope you don't get nausea. I am looking forward to your report.

Just don't overdo it, this stuff isn't really beneficial for your health, especially kidneys and blood vessels. Be sure to take extended breaks between sessions.

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Anyway, good luck, hope you don't get nausea. I am looking forward to your report.

Just don't overdo it, this stuff isn't really beneficial for your health, especially kidneys and blood vessels. Be sure to take extended breaks between sessions.

 

Oh thanks for clearing that up dude, and yeah, managed to stay nausea free, for the most part.

 

___________________

 

[05/23/15]-[05/24/15] LSA Trip Report:

 

Dose: 10g Heavenly Blue Morning Glory Seeds (7g initial dose with 3g redose at T+3:00)

Extraction: Cold water extraction

 

[hidden]The entire extraction process took about two hours, and after I had downed a pint of what was effectively LSA water, I was feeling a little gross. The water itself tasted fine, it was almost like very weak tea, but I was kind of nauseous for the first forty-five minutes or so. Then I started coming up. I was riding shotgun with a friend, kinda sorta making conversation with Chris, and noticed how vibrant and 'cartoony' everything had become. Physically, I felt like I was floating. However, conversation and general shit (I was out and about while all this was transpiring) came naturally and easily, I interacted with people who didn't know I was tripping and they didn't seem to notice anything odd. My pupils were dilated as fuck though.

 

Anyway, instead of doing this chronologically, because a lot of this isn't going to be relevant to y'all, I'm just gonna break it up by categories.

 

Conversation: Chris was able to talk at will, no issues, and we both seemed to be making a lot of crazy connections. When we did talk, we went hard, basically. Lots of interesting thoughts flowing around, I wish I could've written a few down. However, we lapsed into silence sometimes too, which is normal for us (who the hell can keep up a conversation with one person that long?), so it seems like in general, aside from being under the influence, conversation wasn't impacted.

 

Closed-Eye Visualization: The closed eye visuals were very distracting, I couldn't control them, and they were so cool that I kept getting caught up in them. Once I got used to them though, I found that my experience of the wonderland was far more vibrant, and somewhat geometric. I wasn't interested in doing anything but just checking it out, my mindset made it seem more inane than I would usually consider it.

 

Open-Eye Visualization: This is where things get interesting. Things seemed to breathe, in that they would grow and shrink rhythmically, but not with the intensity that they can during a regular LSD trip. I could control most of the OEVs, making them more noticeable or shutting them down almost completely, depending on how much I wanted to feed into the visuals. I didn't see anything that wasn't already there, aside from repeatedly mistaking one thing for another. Stop signs for people while in the car, etc etc When I actively tried to practice imposition, I found that trying to manipulate the edges of my vision, rather than what was right in front of me, worked a lot better. I achieved some shadow-y type shapes before my eyes got tired. [/hidden]

 

tl;dr Probably more recreational than useful for forcing purposes. The visuals are nice, the mindset is comfy, physically everything's great but it's not a state where I felt like I could get anything done, in fact, I really didn't want to the entire time, and Chris was dismissive as hell about it. I'm not actually sure that I enjoy this substance so much, I might not pursue it again, it's a lot of work for what sort of feels like a substandard LSD trip. However, I found that the open-eyed visuals were useful.

 

[05/26/15]: Asked Chris to pass me a lighter today. New low. Gonna spend a few days reevaluating my life. Seriously though, taking a little break from active forcing, gotta let my brain take a break.

 

[05/30/15]: I was playing some CAH with the IRC people the other day, a card in the tulpa deck popped up that said something about tulpas forcing their hosts. Seemed like a funny concept, so we tried it. I did my normal reclined chillin forcing thing (actually in my yard, I was also getting my tan on, gotta keep them aesthetics), and told Chris to do whatever his idea of forcing is. The main thing that happened was I just got some head pressure, which usually doesn't happen to me anymore. I'm not sure what that means, or if it's not a coincidence. I'm interested in administering an actual Ganzfeld type test on myself, because I've been reading a lot about sensory deprivation and hallucinations, but I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't do shit.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Interesting report regarding using LSA for forcing. I have taken LSA before and remember having just about the same experience, nauesua inducing LSD junior. Actual LSD was some thing I used to have acess to back in my youth (long self-incriminating story). It was a bit strong for my tastes, had a negative experience or two, never again.

 

These days I don't get high on anything. I personally think that the only useful drug for forcing would be low dose amphetamine, for the focus and energy. A little caffeine does the trick for me.

 

Regarding the lighter incident, its awesome that you have had an experience like that. Im jealous really, that's quite a progress marker. I know if I did that eve would be ecstatic, I would never hear the end of it.

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These days I don't get high on anything. I personally think that the only useful drug for forcing would be low dose amphetamine, for the focus and energy. A little caffeine does the trick for me.

 

I've tried to be generally open minded when it comes to using drugs for forcing, most of them just plain aren't helpful, and that's okay. Most of the time I'm taking substances that I use recreationally and trying to work them into a forcing method, and maybe that's just the wrong idea.

 

Regarding the lighter incident, its awesome that you have had an experience like that. Im jealous really, that's quite a progress marker. I know if I did that eve would be ecstatic, I would never hear the end of it.

 

Thanks, when it happened I just felt like a big dork, mostly.

[align=center]

_________________________________[/align]

 

[05/31/15]: Got some advice on the IRC, that fully believing your tulpa is there is what people who are trying to impose should be looking to do, as opposed to my messing with my physical sight. I tried this out in the wee hours of the morning, and instantly, it clicked. It just felt like such the right thing to do. I kept shutting my eyes, centering myself, and just focusing on that general belief- "There's an asshole named Chris in this room with me" and then opening them after around ten minutes. It feels productive, which I think is really important when it comes to this stuff. Gonna continue to work this way, if you're reading this, good looks, Thunderclap, you're a real bro.

 

[06/01/15]: After a long imposition session I opened my eyes and there was a flash of something. Could just be a garden variety floater, but floaters don't flash. Scared the shit out of me because I was in the dark, but this time it feels like it could be something.The most common type of phenomena I get imposition-wise is:

 

-Dark Spots: I snap open my eyes/whirl around theatrically and there's just this section in my field of vision that's darker. It's not even a shape, it's usually around the size of a basketball, and kind of around the equator line in my field of vision. Usually by the time I've even processed that I'm seeing something out of the norm, it's gone

 

-Clear Lines: Happen when I'm staring at a mostly uniform-in-color space and then give imposition a try. They look like they could be the outlines of something, but then they just turn diagonal and move downward until they go away (which again, is very quickly), these are a little easier to do things with though, sometimes I can move them at will

 

-Shadow Movement: When I'm working on trying to impose on my peripheral and shadows seem to move, similar in intensity (or lack thereof) to the other two

 

Now, all of these have ramped up a little, and when paired with trying presence imposition or already conversating with Chris, they happen more frequently. I think the best way to force with imposition isn't in the brightest of light, with lots of things in your field of vision (distractions) and shadows galore, that's when I've gotten the best results. I also have to do some research to figure out if these aren't naturally occurring phenomena that I've just been overlooking all my life.

 

I get worried that this won't be useful to anyone else, or won't be able to be replicated. I'd really like to write an imposition technique that actually tells you what to do and how to do it at some point, because a lot of them seem to be really fucking vague. If I do succeed at this enough to shake a stick at, maybe I'll write a guide and have people who're ready test it out.

 

[06/02/15]: Chris turns three months old today. I already told him I'm just gonna refer to his age in months until he's like 3 years old, like some wicked annoying people do with their babies.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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