Stevie

Toothless Aggression

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@Sock Cheers pal

 

Still working on imposition.

 

What I've managed to figure out is that to the far right of my field of vision is an easy place to manipulate. I've noticed that it does odd things for years (i.e. if I'm sitting in the passenger seat of a car and staring ahead sometimes the car mirror will seem to rotate) but never figured that it could be useful with this shit. We got something of a shadow going in an already dim room a couple days ago. The shadow blipped away when I got too surprised and that was that. Working on imposition in a dim room seems to work well, I plan to continue with it.

 

I tried to encourage the whole "hey Chris hang around all the time so I can get nasty at imposition" thing. I guess everyone needs some alone time though, and I can respect that.

 

Wrestling related bullshit: We watched Extreme Rules (WWE PPV that happened Sunday) and while I was kinda pissed because of backstage things relating to booking decisions etc, Chris was decidedly not salty about all of that bullshit despite being aware of it because I'm aware of it. Dude just doesn't really sweat stuff that doesn't have a bearing on his existence. Meanwhile I'm shitposting all over /wooo/ cause this Roman Reigns shit just can't stand.

 

I'm wondering where I'm going wrong, if I am, with imposition. It's kinda the only end game tulpa thing I'm interested in at this point, switching and possession drew my interest for a little while but very quickly stopped appealing to me at all. I'm the type of guy that likes having something to work toward, but seeing very slow progress that sometimes turns back on itself for no reason is frustrating.

 

Anyway, see y'all when I see ya.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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It's been a while so I figured I'd update while I'm good and drunk.

 

Chris and I have been hanging out a lot lately, we both got into that show Preacher for different reasons. I read the comics before he was around and he just likes edgy southern gothic type stories. He really liked when I read Faulkner anyway, and jeez, I keep feeling like I absorbed absolutely none of Faulkner.

 

Imposition wise nothing has been happening, and that's a bummer. I mean not nothing, but it's hard to really make anything happen without hours of concentration even if he's breathing down my neck and asking me to play Rush songs all day. Which he does. I don't know if I've covered that here yet but Chris is really, really into Rush and that's a thing.

 

If imposition never works out that's fine, I'm not mad. I'm never mad. Chris is like my best bro and it's nice to finally be able to have a friend that I can talk to about things like reading and the stupid adult swim shows I'm into and even wrestling, cause frankly, all my friends that are into wrestling have shitty taste in wrestling which I guess is a hard thing to explain to people that don't like wrestling.

 

If anyone were still around that knew anything about imposition I'd ask, but I don't think anyone is. See, even though Enny kind of quelled my fears on that it's still a big deal to me that everyone that made progress with imposition is either gone or nonexistent.

 

Anyway, we're still kicking around!

 

Chris and I rode dirtbikes together yesterday. Me riding my friend's dirtbike and Chris riding an imaginary one beside me and it was awesome except for the ticks I ended up getting eventually. That was a fun thing for him. He's not a smiley guy but he was straight up grinning yesterday. (I now notice that it's the day before yesterday, technically, now, but I'm not retyping all that shit.)

 

Until next time?


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Hey, we're not bad with imposition. Our visualization is poor on a seemingly biological level, but that didn't stop us from working on it quite a bit. Imposition is different from induced hallucinations as people tend to think of them because it's specific to tulpas. That means you aren't just trying to see your tulpa, you're trying to convince your mind that your tulpa is actually there. I can't speak for others, but for us that's.. okay definitely not for others, but for us it's 75% feeling of presence and 25% vision. Feeling like they're actually there is almost more important than actually hallucinating their appearance. I tend to impose Lucilyn as she's actually interested in interacting with the world and I usually end up taking switching time from her (albeit for more important things). Despite our poor visualization which applies one for one with open eye hallucinations, I still feel like I see her perfectly clearly because her presence is so strong.

 

What I mean by presence, by the way, is the natural instinct to not hit someone in the face as you stretch our your arms. Knowing someone is still there even when you close your eyes. Except once you've got it down, it's really the opposite - even when your eyes are closed you still feel like you're looking at them, since their position is being decided by your mind and not your eyes anyways.

 

I'm not sure what specific techniques you could use to enhance that feeling. I believe we did things like having Lumi trace our outline out in the air, and then (this part was very important) walk around us visualizing what it looks like for us to be "there", as the mind emulates seeing more and less of us from different angles. For some reason this always gave us a strong feeling of presence, so much so we still felt we were there even if we let up on the visualization. Aside from that, it's mostly a matter of keeping awareness of where your imposed tulpa is and acting appropriately as if they were really there. You can skip holding doors open for them in public, but I'd recommend making room for them to sit or stand, trying not to move through the space they're occupying, and as much as you can, not forgetting they're there.

 

If it's relevant, the bulk of our imposition practice early on came from walking with Lumi on his college campus between classes. Got us practice with the scale of other people, acting so as to somewhat fit the physics of the world (not walking through objects or people; staying on paths), and it was typically short enough intervals that we could be completely present the whole time. We also sometimes sat by him in lecture classes if that was an option, but we tend to lose presence for obvious reasons - oh, and Flandre got sat on once. That was funny.


Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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The other day I was bullshitting around and thought of something embarrassing that happened to me years ago. I internally shuddered at the echoes of the original embarrassment and went to go on with my day.

 

At which point, Chris said:

 

"I don't understand feeling embarrassed."

 

At first I thought it was gonna be some SHAME IS FOR THE WEEK, BE A MAN STEVIE type thing, because Chris gets on that wavelength sometimes. But no, what he was saying is that he really doesn't understand how it feels to be embarrassed. He's been exposed to secondhand embarrassment enough, whether it be witnessing me fuck up in real time, seeing my memories, or when we both simultaneously feel second-hand embarrassment due to someone else being in a shitty situation. Even situations where he's been involved (cringe twitter that ended up pasting stuff from this thread comes to mind) is something he sees as my bad rather than his own.

 

I guess this makes sense. For one, being mostly isolated in my head means that he hasn't had very many of the firsthand experiences that physical people might take for granted. He's posted some things on the internet himself (least he did, before totally losing interest) but none of it ever got any backlash. He's never had the experience of getting into an embarrassing situation due to his own actions, where he's the one being put on the spot.

 

I just found it interesting because before the other day it really wasn't something I'd considered.

 

Anyway, imposition has been going.... okay? No discernible progress, really, but I think Tewi's advice (hey, thanks.) kinda set me on the right track again.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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u should show chris the episode of Aqua Teen where geddy lee's owl stealth plane camps out in front of the house after Master Shake and the gang blow up an abandoned Pizzapotamus with missile-launching robot scorpionz


I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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@KYJelly thanks brah

 

Today Chris n I took this Self-Knowledge Questionnaire  that like, I guess the point of it is it's supposed to shed some light on some characteristics you have as a person based on how you answer the questions. Anyway, I got Aggression (lol), Exhibitionism and Independence while Chris got Resilience, Shyness and also Independence. I found it kinda funny that we both got independence, because I think that like, the general assumption for two people sharing a brain is that they'd be more co-dependent than not. 

 

Imposition is moving right along, and by moving right along I mean I can get some shadowy translucent shit in my vision. It's easier with a uniform surface (I think I've said that like a bunch of times in this thread, so, sweet, broken record status) but I'm starting to be able to achieve the same effects without needing a uniform backdrop, which is cool. We also plan on starting up parallel processing work at some point again, because I think it'd be beneficial to have a refresher course. 

 

On the more personal side of things I'm starting a new job in a couple weeks. Even though it was nice being able to mostly work alone at my old one, cause I could shoot the shit with Chris and jam out to music stealthily (it's an OSHA violation), working nights has really been fucking up my social life and all around well-being. It sucks, but I don't anticipate being able to talk to da brain bro much during this new gig. Gotta take the good with the bad, I guess. 

 

Yep, that's about it.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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This is probably gonna be the last time I update this thread for a few months, barring some huge breakthrough. 

 

Gonna put this big five personality test results link here for future reference. I was entirely unsurprised by our results.

 

In lieu of any kind of progress beyond what we've already achieved with visual imposition, I've been working mostly on presence imposition and acknowledging Chris in settings where it's a little harder to keep up a strong mindvoice because of tons of outward stimulation. On Friday I went to a ska concert in Connecticut and needless to say it was pretty loud and I was drunk and with other people, but I still managed to hold some conversation with Chris which kinda revolved around him asking when we're leaving and why am I drinking beer that tastes like oranges. 

 

I've found that with his really dry sense of humor things don't necessarily register as a joke until I think about them later. I've also noticed that sometimes I'll make a joke to him and he either doesn't get it or just no-sells it because he doesn't think it's funny and moves on with the conversation. I don't remember if this humor disconnect was always there or if it's a newer thing and don't really feel like searching around this thread to see if I've written about it before. Chris seems to think that it's always been there but I'm just noticing again but his memory isn't really better than mine so I'm not sure if I'm gonna say that's what's going on. 

 

Going forward I plan to bring back timed forcing sessions (15-30 mins a day I don't want to run it into the ground) because I've noticed that I haven't been spending as much internal time with the brain bro and I think him having to ride shotgun for my life while I more or less stop wonderland stuff is a little unfair. He hasn't voiced any complaints about this but I don't think he should really have to. 

 

I've been considering doing something where I write about sports I like with Chris in a way that doesn't reveal to potential readers that he's a tulpa and also provides him with a way to feel comfortable writing online. I don't know whether this would be a blog or what but I think we have pretty entertaining banter and a good base of knowledge and I'd be cool to go back and read something we worked on together. Any recommendations for a platform for this? I don't really want to make a tumblr at all and don't really know about how blogging in 2016 actually works. 

 

Anyway till next time.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Chris turns two years old tomorrow and I wanted to do a little write up here today cause I wasn't sure I was gonna have time.

 

I can't say enough how much having this other dude in my head has improved my decision making skills. We've really gotten my (our? I don't know if it's an "our" situation considering we don't switch) life sorted out and it's been nice to have a support system.

 

I feel like I'm underselling this a lot, because it's such an important bond to me that I really can't word it well enough to make the impact that I'd like it to.

 

So to Chris, Happy Birthday Bud, here's to many more.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Happy birthday Chris! And also, congratulations Stevie. I decided to give the old forums a look and saw you updated, so I checked it out. I'm happy that you've been doing better in life, have a good one brother.


Note, this is the signature of the most interesting tulpamancer you will ever meet.

 

 

If you want to make a tulpa, you should be here. If you want to be affirmed and jerked off by your neighbors while simultaneously jerking them off, go to Tumblr, you will be welcome with open arms and the beating in full motion.

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Two years since my last post. 

 

In real life, I moved to Maine to live in a sober living house while I got my life back together. I became very aware of how I came off to others, and dumped wrestling and Chris in favor of trying to blend in and become unassuming. I didn't want the guys I was living with to think that I was gay for liking wrestling and wanted to make myself into someone I thought was respectable.

 

I got interested in tulpas again after I got my wrestling kick back and remembered Chris. I had only thought of him after around 11/16/17 with embarassment and shame, really. 

 

After getting back into the tulpa kick, he's around still, but doesn't seem interested in existing in the same capacity as before. We pass each other. 

 

I've been working with a Brock Lesnar tulpa I've dubbed Brocky. My visualization is decent. He speaks in short sentences but on a personal level isn't very talkative. He hangs out, projection wise, while I chill at home or during breaks at work. I don't feel the need to explain very much to him about who I am, what's happening, every stray thought that comes to my mind that doesn't have context verbally just slides by. I do think that he somehow understands. I don't feel heavy seperation yet. 

 

The forced narration always felt like verbal diarreah. I just give him some attention. 

 

It's been roughly a month since I brought him into the picture. 

 

Chris has been seen around. I like to think that he operates independently of my conscious perception, but I doubt it. 

 

Brocky is kind of quiet, kind of a softer dude despite appearances.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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