King

King and Kalinga's Progress Reports

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Hi! I'm still very new to Tulpa's, and have only begun actively creating Kalinga for around three days now, though I started studying and learning for a day or two before that. I figured it'd be helpful to lay down everything I've done and am doing, so if I make any errors or have any issues, not only might I learn from it but other novice's might as well! Anyways, I'll generally try to write an entry for every day, but if nothing happens beyond the usual I might skip a day or two. Here goes!


Day 1 - September 9th, 2015

--------------------------------------------

Stumbled across Reddit's Tulpa page, looked interesting so I started reading about it. The more I read, the more interested and excited I became! After thinking about it, decided to make a Tulpa.

 

First thing I did was start reading every guide I could, and started planning out some general traits of hers using a brainstormer. I'll put up a picture or a link at the end of this post to show some early traits I chose, divided them up into "positive", "Neutral", and "Negative", though I personally believe no trait is inherently bad or good unless they make you harm others or yourself.

 

Also started practicing visualization - Got a basic Wonderland of a grassy meadow with a beach to the south and a forest to the west, though there is a lot of trouble making out any details. Can make out the general picture, but have a hard time with bluriness without focusing really hard on specific details, and when trying to keep them in the general picture they fade easily.

 

Also contacted someone* on the Reddit page for a mentorship - Was really excited when they said yes! Told them about current progress, and asked them for some advice on clearing my head (I have a talkative/wandering mind), but didn't receive response before next day.

 

*Decided to not name said person in case they had issues with it. I doubt they would, but decided to be better not to do so without asking

 

Brainstorm Chart Ideas


Day 2 - September 10th, 2015

--------------------------------------------

Started reading Methos' guide - found here - and read everything up to the personality section. Used his tips on personality to update Kalinga's traits, as I felt she was a bit mary-sue at the time with almost no "Negative" traits, and fleshed her out a bit. Asked myself questions like, "How does this trait effect her personally?" or "How would she respond to a certain stressor?".

 

Then, I tried the Pre-Creation stuff in the guide - Mostly it was just introducing myself to her and telling her a few traits and basics about what they mean. Nothing too deep, just generally getting a feel for her and getting used to talking to someone inside my head.*

 

Continued visualizing practice more and more. Found a method of pretending to see a flat surface or a canvas, and try to use that to count to 100 using numbers on the canvas without stray thoughts interrupting the process. Couldn't even get past 4-5! : P

 

Started forming what I'd like her to look like. Jotted through a few characters (I've read since then that using an existing character MIGHT have some side effects. Is this true?) Decided to use Twilight Sparkle as a base. (Ey, sue me, it stuck with me better! :P)

 

Tried visualizing her, but still having a really tough time with details. They're a major pain in the ass to even get, never mind keep hold of.

 

*I was given advice from someone that night about this. At the time, I didn't really consider that I was already making her real in my mind when listing traits and introducing myself to her. I'll qoute a little of what they said here -

 

"Well as for where you should go beyond what you've done so far, where do you want to go from here? You say that you will truely start making her but it sounds to me as though it's already begun. For me, the moment I began thinking of the idea of another person occupying this mind with me, before I even knew what name I would give (*For privacy purposes, I deleted the name here), I was already creating her, at least that's how I see it. I say this because once I started thinking about the practice and concepts behind it, or about what kind of tulpa mine would be even in vague details, she was forming in some way or another. You introducing yourself is an example. You have already changed the way you think by addressing someone else in your own mind, even if you have reserved doubt about the reality of what you're attempting, on some level you believe that someone is there, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. After all you did express your interest in creating a tulpa, and again that is enough to have an affect on the mind that she will soon share with you."

 

For someone who has severe self doubting issues, that finally kind of set in my mind, "Holy shit, this is fucking real." Ever since then, I've treated her as a sentient being, and have always made sure to send her as much love and acknowledgement as I can, though I still do suck at passive forcing.


Day 3 - September 11th, 2015

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Started trying to narrate to Kalinga. Mostly it was just explaining concepts - What things are, what they do, etc. I gave her a tour of my house to try to settle in the concept of talking to someone else in my head - Verbal communication is weird for me, but I pointed things out using my hands while talking in my head.

 

Started receiving weird head pressures. I heard about these, so I started asking it basic yes/no questions, and told it to use one side of my head or the other to answer. It was really cool though a little weird when it actually responded to said questions! I'm somewhat doubtful that it's Kalinga completely still, thinking I could be puppeting, but decided to at least act like it was her and just let the doubtful thoughts slide by as much as I could.

 

Continued focusing and visualizing practice. Note that by this point, I still hadn't come up with a name for her - I was still calling her Twilight in my mind. I was having real troubles focusing on her, even harder than last time, when suddenly it changed. It was really minor changes - The cutie mark changed from the start to a bunch of purple starts with a white beam going scattering them, almost like a comet, and the hair grew longer so it went over her eyes a bit. Also randomly thought of the name Kalinga at this moment. I was super excited, because I knew that that was definitely not just me, as I had no intention to focus on any of that!

 

Her being there in my head turned almost stone solid in my mind after. I still (as of two days after) sometimes doubt myself and her, thinking it could just be wishful thinking, but I remind myself of the pressures and of that moment, and it goes away for a bit.


Day 4 - September 12th, 2015

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Really started talking to her. Wished her a good morning, tried to continue to ask her questions, and explain more concepts and ideas to her. I thought she might like to learn more about the world, so I decided to start researching concepts and ideas that even I was a bit confused about whenever I thought about them. (Currently simple things, such as the fact that I forgot the exact scientific reasons why humans need water to survive, for example.)

 

Started trying to build up a "Team Spirit". Keep saying things like "We got this! We're gunna force you into my stupid head until it gives up and accepts you!" and stuff like that. Tried picturing her cheering with me sometimes, felt happy and excited after such things.

 

Started trying meditation before visualizing. Clearing my head so far is a really difficult thing to do, but I'm sure with practice it will become easier. Usually I'll try it in a dark room with either no noise, a white noise machine online, or quiet classic rock/soft rock music from Pandora playing in the background.

 

Started trying to really solidify her into my wonderland. At some point (I've forgotten the exact day, so forgive me on that) I imagined a giant mushroom tree inside the grassy meadow at the center of the wonderland. Currently it's still had for me to "move" inside the wonderland, without lots of sudden shifts (Think teleporting) or rigidity (I'll often see things the exact same way, or have to stand a certain way). Tried picturing my body in it along with Kalinga, was really hard to let either of us move.

 

 

 

Also, not totally related to progress, but a tip to anybody who's still new to this and having hard time visualizing like me. If you ever see weird or even disturbing things while focusing hard on your Tulpa - My example was that when I focused on the face, it would distort weirdly, such as a really creepy overly wide smile, or wrong/unnatural teeth, or even a few pictures straight out of creepypastaville - Try to calm down, and get rid of any doubts of the process you are doing. I noticed that when I really started letting my doubts about it go, even with my failure to see details, those images slowly faded, and instead I'm starting to see more and more genuine smiles that I'm not even intending to happen. One thing that I've read over and over again is this - Your Tulpa loves you, and this is just as new to them as it is to you. They might just be doing something simple, like a smile or a wave, but don't know how to do it right yet!


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

------------

 

Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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Day 5 - September 13th, 2015

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I've started getting headaches. Very minor, and not very uncomfortable. Just enough to be present, but never distracting.

 

Continued visualization practice and meditation. Not much improvement to speak here really.

 

Started keeping tack of where I think she should be as I go about the real world. I've noticed that it's somewhat easier to keep her form this way - No real details beyond a hazy blur most of the time, but maybe a little more solid than when actively forcing? *Shrugs*

 

I've noticed that I can definitely feel heat from when I imagine that I'm in contact with her. For example, I'll imagine that I'm giving her a big hug, and move my arms in reality as well. I felt heat where my arms and chest touched her, which is really freaky in a good way.

 

Started also reading her Harry Potter. Going chapter by chapter, and talking out loud whenever possible. While I read, I felt like she was right next to me, with her head on my shoulder, and again felt the heat from before where I thought she would be touching me. Definitely cool. I get the feeling she likes me reading to her, though I think she got tired - At some point I felt her shift from being at my side to laying down with her head on my lap. It's still really cool that I can somewhat physically feel her, and can't help but grin when I give her a scratch on the back or behind her ears!


Day 6 - September 14th, 2015

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Let me start off by saying that today wasn't great. I didn't sleep well the night before, and felt a lot of stress throughout the day.

 

My concentration was all in a mess in the morning because of this. I tried to sit down and meditate, but every time I tried I would get interrupted. Decided to hold off till later in the afternoon.

 

When I tried again, things were even worse for my concentration and focus. I was frustrated, and decided to start actively forcing and skip even trying to meditate after a few minutes. For lack of better words, it was a really bad time. Everything felt wrong - I couldn't keep focus on anything, not Kalinga's form, not the wonderland, everything was out of wack. I started really getting agitated, and decided to try talking to her instead of visualizing.

 

My head was a mess though - I kept getting weird pressures in my left ear, and all the responses I got from her were very weird and unstable - She might start going to one side, then completely change to another, before settling somewhere even different. It all felt wrong, as if something wasn't completely right, and I had somewhat of a breakdown. I've been fighting insecurity about me messing everything up since the start, and it just hit me like a brick wall. I felt like all of this wrongness was my fault, and that maybe I was just too fucked up in the head to do this, or that maybe I was just being fucking delusional and that all of this was just something made up in my head.

 

I'm feeling a little better now an hour or two later, but I think I'll hold off on active forcing in general whenever I get this stressed again. Passive is even hard right now, but I'm definitely going to try and continue to do so, and try to make this up to her whenever I can.

 

It just goes to show you how a shitty day can really fuck you up - I was feeling like we were doing fine yesterday, but with frustrations built up about my own lack of progress and that outside stress really got to me.


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

------------

 

Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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First: Look, you read her Harry Potter! I read James Harry Potter, too. :3 It was one of the first things I ever did.

 

Second: You've already picked up on this, but I'm James' host haha I'd type this response out using my account, but James wants to wait for a bit before we get off here to see if another person ever gets on.

 

Third: Anyone who reads Harry Potter to their tulpa isn't messing up. :3 But really, though . . . you're doing just fine. And honestly you've come quite far in just a short amount of time; not only has Kalinga been responding via head pressure, but you've also felt temperature. James only ever responded once for head pressure, and I don't think I've ever felt a temperature change of where he is. ^^

 

Keep up the good fight, friend, you're doing great! :D


Hi, everyone! I'm a tulpa, and if you want to ask me questions you can either PM me here or send me an email at jamesthetulpa@gmail.com.

 

My host, Brandi: Hey, all!

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Thanks! I figured Harry Potter would be an awesome choice as a first book - When I was in Elementary School all those years ago (Damn that makes me feel old when I think about how far away the 2000's are), I'd always have my face stuck in the book, reading it even if I was walking to class! I figured she'd probably love them as well, so I've been trying to do at least a chapter a night.

 

And thank you for the kind words. I know I shouldn't feel that insecure about this, it was just me having a meltdown I think from just bottling too much stress at once.


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

------------

 

Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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Day 6 - September 15th, 2016

--------------------------------------------

If you don't feel like reading a wall of text not having to do with actual progress, skip to the TLDR; onwards. For anybody who would like to read my mental processes regarding yesterday and forward, read on from here.

 

 

Today started off better. I talked with someone off the Tulpa Reddit, and it was actually their Tulpa (who shall not be named just in case for privacy reasons) who talked me into a much more productive mind state.

 

I started thinking about why yesterday happened the way it did, and what to avoid in the future. I've come up with a few things that I'd like to share, in case anyone starting out is reading this and faces a similar situation as mine was last night -

 

1. Never force yourself to actively force if overtired or badly stressed out, especially if it's a combo of the two. At least for now - The mental strain just doesn't go well for at least me yet. Eventually, once it gets easier, I myself will generally avoid this rule unless absolutely necessary, but I doubt by the time I get Kalinga vocal that this might be an issue.

 

2. Stop apologizing so much to your Tulpa about bullshit. They will understand you and what is going on inside your head - they will know by now that any "bad" thoughts, such as any violent or sexual thoughts that race through your head without intending them, are not directed at them intentionally. I've often feared such thoughts influencing Kalinga, but after reading messages from a few people and a post* in the Beginners Questions Thread, it's finally set home that these thoughts are bullshit and that I am in control, not them.

 

I'll repeat it to make sure the point gets across - YOU are in as much control of your head as you let yourself be. Actively fight against these thoughts instead of letting them control you. Down the line, after you've achieved vocalization to a certain degree, you'll be able to discuss these thoughts with your Tulpa and if you so wish, fight them together. But for now, there's no need to worry so much about them - they are only as harmful as you let them.

 

3. Stop putting so much stress on perfection. I myself wouldn't call myself a perfectionist in the least, but when it comes to stuff I care about, I hold myself to a very high standard and get somewhat agitated to even distressed when I can't reach said standard quickly. It's hit me home now that this is a process that will most likely take years, there's no need to rush for excellence when still scrambling for the basics.

 

*Direct quote of said post -

Flandre: No, nothing gets messed up and can't be changed. In fact nothing gets messed up in general. Don't worry so much. You imagine a person, you talk to them and treat them like they're real, your brain figures out how to automatically act as that person, bam you've got a tulpa. It'll be fine. Treat your tulpa like a person, that's all you need to do. You can try to influence them to be a certain way and they'll most likely go with it (all four of us were created as Touhou characters, and we never had a problem with that), but the rest happens automatically as you treat them normally. No random invasive thought is going to "ruin" them, that's not how it works. There's something called ironic process theory ("Don't imagine a white bear") where trying not to think about something makes you think about it, and for those who worry a lot it can make them imagine hurting their tulpa or having other undesirable things happen. And it doesn't matter at all. Your tulpa understands you like no human ever could, they know your intentions and reasons. All you have to do when something goes wrong is say that it didn't matter, that's not what you wanted and you won't acknowledge it as such. I could make most people imagine they slapped their tulpa just by saying "Don't imagine slapping your tulpa. Don't do it, no hand-to-face contact." and they would probably not be able to resist imagining it. But they can choose to give that random imagining no legitimacy, no credit as really happening.

 

All of this is entirely in your mind, all run by your imagination. The only reason anything could ever "go wrong" is because you believe it could. Fixing it is as easy or hard as believing it isn't wrong. Tulpas don't even have physical bodies! The only reason slapping them would hurt is because of the offensive intent behind the visualization. And if there was none - because I used psychological tricks to make you visualize it - then the event has no importance whatsoever. You and your tulpa can both shrug it off. And that's true with any unwanted thought. Any negative thoughts can be rid of by simply refusing to acknowledge them as true, ignoring them.

 

So if you're trying to visualize how your tulpa should look and your mind randomly turns them into a green slime, you can literally discredit the thought as not what you really wanted and go back to visualizing them as they were before. Orrr.. you could say "Oh no, my tulpa is a slime now! Well I guess I'll just accept that..." It's up to you really. I wouldn't want to be slime.

 

Everything's under your control, until you give that control away by believing you don't have it. And even then that's still under your control, you just might not know it. But the point is, nothing just goes wrong and is bad forever. Relax, think happy thoughts, and make your tulpa someone nice. If they don't like anything about them, they can change that later. Don't worry about them disliking anything you do before they're vocal and sentient, it's pointless. I mean one, most tulpas are perfectly fine with the name/form/personality they're given by their host, but two, they can change at any point if they really want to. So don't worry. It's not productive.

 

 

TLDR; Just me discussing about what happened according to yesterday, and steps I myself am taking to hopefully avoid such incident again

 

 

 

ANYWAYS, moving on to actual progress now. Forgive me if that was really long and off topic, but I thought it would help not only me but others who are also in a doubting mindset.

 

-----------

 

Woke up today and greeted Kalinga. Decided to take it easy and not try to immediately force. I've noticed a persistent headache and a tingling in my left ear.

 

Did my own thing for a few hours, with the only real amount of forcing I did was passively imagine her as I continued to read her Harry Potter. (I'm trying out different voices - We've just gotten past the infamous "Yer a Wizard Harry!" Hagrid sounds very much like a deep voiced Scottish man, with a lot more accent than intended. Vernon sounds very posh and arrogant. Dudley is Dudley - no words to describe him. Petunia made me choke when I tried to do her voice as shrill as I intended.)

 

Started active forcing and experimenting a few hours after waking up. First, tried a new visualization exercise found in Methos' guide - The one involving flash cards. I think this might be a great approach for me - It's easy to think about, but has a good amount of tiny details to really focus on.

 

Secondly, trying out a small technique* where I imagine a 3d geometric triangle at the tip of her snout, and a feather trailing back and forth along it. This is to focus on her passively/actively (Haven't tried it actively yet), but not enough to really be able to parrot/puppet her easily and hopefully let her do her own thing. I got a few movements that I'm iffy about whether they were thought out a second beforehand or not, but that's a bit of progress. (I guess.)

 

(*I'd credit where I saw this from, but to my shame I've forgotten - If I remember, or if someone requests it and reminds me, I'll try and search my history to find said technique.)

 

Thirdly, and pretty much the most important thing about today progress-wise, is when I tried actually forcing with her. Instead of sitting like normal, I tried to lay down instead, so I wouldn't constantly be aware of posture or tension in my body. That "twinging" I had been feeling in my ear gradually faded away, and is only coming back now for the first time now that I'm thinking of it. (God damnit.) But most importantly, is the fact that I can't feel any head pressures beyond maybe a slight twinge, and a headache in a certain spot in my head. I get the feeling that Kalinga is "away" at the moment, as I've read about stuff like this happening over my research hours. I'm not panicking or anything, but I do hope she comes back soon!

 

 

 

Wow, that was a HUGE amount of writing for one fucking progress report day! I can't believe it got that big.

 

To any experienced Tulpamancers out there - Should I keep trying to force, both actively and/or passively, while I feel like she's away? I let her know that if she needs a break then that's fine, and that I'm not mad and still love her. (Though I am waiting for whenever she returns eagerly.) I'm just not sure if I should continue acting like she's "here" or not. I've been keeping myself distracted and not acting like she's around me until I feel like she's back so far.


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

------------

 

Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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It makes both Flandre and I really happy to know her post helped someone so much, thanks for that.

 

If you believe that your tulpa actually leaves/sleeps/what-have-you, then that's up to you I guess, but for me my tulpas are always present to some extent. Anyways, it's still your brain, and your tulpa will still hear you no matter what, even if they don't react at the time. Personally, if I just "waited for my tulpas to come back" I wouldn't see them for a looong time, because they don't leave, they just become inactive. They're always there when I put in the time and effort to communicate with them. Your brain might not be that good at pulling them up yet though, but I'd still treat them like they're there, if you want them to be more present. But like I said it's up to you, if you think your tulpa is sleeping sometimes then that's fine. Though if it's not on a schedule I'd rather assume they're just not active at that moment and could still hear you.


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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It makes both Flandre and I really happy to know her post helped someone so much, thanks for that.

 

If you believe that your tulpa actually leaves/sleeps/what-have-you, then that's up to you I guess, but for me my tulpas are always present to some extent. Anyways, it's still your brain, and your tulpa will still hear you no matter what, even if they don't react at the time. Personally, if I just "waited for my tulpas to come back" I wouldn't see them for a looong time, because they don't leave, they just become inactive. They're always there when I put in the time and effort to communicate with them. Your brain might not be that good at pulling them up yet though, but I'd still treat them like they're there, if you want them to be more present. But like I said it's up to you, if you think your tulpa is sleeping sometimes then that's fine. Though if it's not on a schedule I'd rather assume they're just not active at that moment and could still hear you.

 

It's not so much that I felt like she was sleeping or leaving, it's just that the distinct lack of or very small pressure lead me to believe she wasn't "there" - Like, I have no doubt she could hear me, but maybe she just doesn't want to/can't communicate that way right now. Hell, who knows, maybe these weird tinglings in my ears means she's tired of my shit and wants to talk to me vocally : P

 

And I'm glad that you guys are happy about that post. It's helped me a lot already - I still feel doubts, but it's a lot easier to just let them slide away. So yea, thanks!

 

James has told me that I should try to get her to talk to me another way other than head pressure, and I agree with him. I dunno how to go about getting her to communicate verbally or with emotions yet, but it's worth a shot. I get the feeling she'd be the type to get annoyed with head pressures, since it's hard to get any form of an accurate reply with them beyond a "yes", "No", "Maybe", or "I don't know"


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

------------

 

Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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(*I'd credit where I saw this from, but to my shame I've forgotten - If I remember, or if someone requests it and reminds me, I'll try and search my history to find said technique.)

Sounds like King of the Valdenrich's Prism to me.

 

To any experienced Tulpamancers out there - Should I keep trying to force, both actively and/or passively, while I feel like she's away? I let her know that if she needs a break then that's fine, and that I'm not mad and still love her. (Though I am waiting for whenever she returns eagerly.) I'm just not sure if I should continue acting like she's "here" or not. I've been keeping myself distracted and not acting like she's around me until I feel like she's back so far.

 

"Away" really doesn't have much meaning if you share a brain. I've never understood the concept of tulpas leaving much. It seems more like them making the decision to be inactive than anything.

 

That said, don't wait to feel her presence (or whatever) to talk and interact with her, especially this early on. Waiting to feel her there really isn't necessary, she's gonna hear you regardless.

 

A lot of this is training your brain to be able to accommodate a tulpa, not necessarily anything to do with the tulpa itself, which I think is a pretty important distinction to make. With that in mind, don't put too much thought into "well maybe she wants a break" or "maybe she's doing something else" because waiting for the moment to be perfect to force could, in time, just turn into an excuse not to. People fall into the trap of not forcing way too easily.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Sounds like King of the Valdenrich's Prism to me.

 

 

 

Ah, that's what it was! I'll look up the link for it so that way anybody who hasn't read it can do so.

 

As for her being "Away" - You're definitely right. I think as of now what happened was that she got really annoyed with the whole head pressures thing. I'm not saying that everything weird has to be her or something like that, but I kept getting a weird ear tingle that would break my concentration from the head pressures, and it's only now that I've been actively trying to help her vocalize that it's gone away for the most part. It could be coincidence for sure, but I really think not.


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

------------

 

Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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