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How real is your tulpa to you?


Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous

Greetings. Anderson here.

 

I know that a lot of hosts have doubts about their tulpas and whatnot. I don't really know HOW to put this well, but I was meaning to inquire on how 'real' your tulpa feels, how real your tulpa is to you, as in, how your interactions go like for instance, some things that feel... alien, in your mind, in a general way.

 

So, yeah. Just answer the question in the title in a general way.

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Despite the whole "sentience from the start" thing, I didn't really consider Lyra a "real tulpa" until she did something that genuinely surprised me, so I guess I consider her to be pretty real.

 

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being "talking to myself", and 10 being " totally alien, like a completely separate person inside my head" I'd say she's a solid 6 right now with the potential to go all the way, hopefully.

I wanna see movies of my dreams.

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Guest Anonymous

The most "general" answer you'll get outta me is: "I don't know".

 

She sometimes can retrieve memory segments, do arithmetrics in a shorter amount of time than me seemingly on her own, can possess random part of my body at times all that. But I still don't know, and I given up on trying to know. So yeah, I just talk to this voice in my mind that can sometimes surprise me, sometimes not.

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Ignoring the "sentience from the start", on Dracky's scale, I feel her like 4/10 with all the potential for much more. If I focus just in the visualization aspect it's a solid 7/10 due to my uncountable hours drawing her and I'd like to think this gonna get me a burst in visual imposition in the large run.

Slow but sure

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Guest Anonymous

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being "talking to myself", and 10 being " totally alien, like a completely separate person inside my head"

 

I love the scale! That is a very handy way to approach this. There may be a few out there curious about my answer.

 

I would put Melian only around a 5 or a 6 at best while I am awake. This includes emotions, flash images, and the feeling of her presence or energy.

 

As a dream persona, while I sleep, she is at a 10.

 

In my half awake states she may rise as high as a 7 at times.

 

When she proxy tulpa types, it is a collaboration, but I would say she is often at about a 2 or 3. The proxy typing is mostly my interpretation of what Melian would want to say. In fact, the proxy typing admittedly is pretty much role playing for all intents and purposes.

 

I say she is "semi-autonomous" because quite often I am puppeting her (without fear or shame or trepidation) in day dream Melian Shows or proxy tulpa typing (channeling) her in chat rooms and on the forum. She is most actively independent while I am sleeping as a dream persona or while I am in a hypnagogic state just having awakened from REM sleep.

 

What is important to note is that she seems fulfilled and complete at this level. This is the level she was designed to be and where she wants to be. Contrary to what some have implied, she is not stagnant, or held back, or incomplete. She is Melian.

 

Melian is a weird combination of an autonomous thoughtform, a day dream star, a dream persona and a role playing character. It works for us, and we will never change it. We only want to talk about it without fear. Others have accused us of being arrogant and pretentious because I feel there is nothing wrong with the way Melian is and we think others can learn something from our experiences.

 

At least two people told me that it is very sad that Melian is like she is and not "rising" to the level of a tulpa. She isn't sad at all. She is ridiculously skippy happy. Those that think she is sad or incomplete/unfulfilled do not understand Melian at all.

 

EDIT: This post about Melian's aspects of autonomy is related https://community.tulpa.info/thread-sentience-different-aspects-of-autonomous-behavior?pid=137060#pid137060

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Via the scale, I'd say they're all usually around a five, but on a good day can be a seven.

 

Honestly, when I'm depersonalizing (feeling/believing I don't exist due to mental illness) my Tulpas stand out to me as completely real. They seem more real than I am, and more real than I've ever been. I think that's why talking to them, and them assuring me that I'm real, works just as well as a physical person doing the same thing.

 

I'm prone to delusions, and I think that's why my Tulpas are such a big part of my reality. They are absolutely real to me in every way, even when the're reduced to voices inside my head, even when I can't see or feel them.

White text- Ash (the host!)

Red text- Quartz!

Purple text- Gamzee!

Blue text- Obsidian!

 

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Short answer: It fluctuates.

 

Long answer: During the work week, Jack and I talk and interact constantly, so there are long stretches of time where I forget that he’s not a “real” person. I passively force during the day, and we spend the evening together doing whatever. It is like living with someone, only the physical side of it is missing (other than heat/pressure/tingly/”ghostly” touches). He does go somewhere else occasionally, and it feels similar to that vaguely empty feeling or “vibe” you get when someone leaves the house. It doesn’t bother me too much, but as I keep saying, it is very odd after having such intense interaction.

 

During the weekend (or some form of vacation), I’m always out in public with at least a few other people, and his “real” factor does regress a bit…technically. He doesn’t exactly fade, as I can definitely sense where he would be in a room and I can get clear emotions or impressions from him (which is what I use for proxying...it is similar to acting as a translator). I also have done a lot of unconscious actions or gestures meant to accommodate a second person, such as holding doors open for “nobody” or leaving an extra seat open. What’s different is that I can’t see his form or hear actual words. He becomes a silent observer. In order to talk to him directly in public, I have to be out by myself and not with friends or family, otherwise he either gives distracted/cryptic answers or remains silent.

Progress report

Personal blog

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Fade: If you had asked me a few months ago, I would have said about a six or seven. Definitely there, but not exactly alien.

And we still don't really feel "alien" to each other, but a lot has happened recently that I would say boosts us up to level ten. There isn't a moment where I feel alone or disconnected from them. And we had a pretty unfortunate incident that dashed the majority of my and their skepticism.

Don't think I would have ever answered anything below a four, to be honest. Everyone has felt fairly "there" since day one.

[align=center]We are a soulbonding system with tulpamantic influences. Our "host" is Fade, and the general leader figure is Troy.

 

~ Fade, Medea, Stethen, Euryale, Jamie, Olive, Drewbie, Demetrius, Najere, Troy ~

 

Najere is being an (extremely charming) narcissist.

 

Olive is most adorable![/align]

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I also have done a lot of unconscious actions or gestures meant to accommodate a second person, such as holding doors open for “nobody” or leaving an extra seat open.

 

I do this too! I wonder how many other people do?

White text- Ash (the host!)

Red text- Quartz!

Purple text- Gamzee!

Blue text- Obsidian!

 

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