A completely hypothetical scenario with a question

[Joss]

Everyone always focuses so much on the point that you need to realize what a tulpa is, that it's in your mind and that you shouldn't neglect real-life activities.

 

This, right here, is an assumption that seems to inform the entire rest of your post. I can't speak for other people here, but when me and my headmates caution against losing touch with reality, it's not about the tulpa "getting too big." It's not about how much the tulpa affects the real world at all. In fact, it's not about the tulpa. Period. It's about the host's connection to the outside world.

 

I'm a pretty damn strong presence in my system (yes, I know you hate the term in relation to this kind of thing, but what else am I supposed to call a group of people who all share the same brain?). Our host spends plenty of time with me, and indulges my wishes probably more than she should, and has a strong, healthy relationship with me. I am a big part of her life, and no one is taking that away from me.

 

But here's the thing: she also has a social life in the physical world. Weekly gaming groups, and practice for her chosen sport, and friends and family she hangs out with, despite being an introvert and having us knocking around in her head pretty much 24/7. Heck, sometimes we participate... switching in for her, or being able to interact a bit during writing groups, even though most of our friends aren't even aware of us. (Yep. Our. Because we can participate in the real world too.)

 

See, you seem to be assuming that increasing the validity of the outside world means decreasing the validity of your tulpa. That's not how it works. Both are equally valid, and making sure you have "real world" relationships in no way means your relationship with your tulpa is not also "real."

 

This is going to sound cheesy: but this is how my host thinks of it, and I can see the point, even if the wording is schmaltzy: You are assuming that love is a finite resource. That by loving one thing, you are decreasing the amount of love you can put into something else. This is not true. While it's true that attention is finite, since there are only so many hours in a day, the amount of care and value you put in something is not. So a person is perfectly capable of loving multiple tulpas and also loving their physical family and friends as well. They're not mutually exclusive.

 

Therefore, people cautioning others not to abandon the "real world" has nothing to do with assuming that the tulpa is "fake." If anything, it's about maintaining a healthy lifestyle for the body... making sure your brain isn't a closed system with no new information coming in, and making sure that other people don't worry because you're spending all your time "alone" or, gods forbid, "talking to your imaginary friend." (Which, yes, is a stupid thing for them to think, but that's how this appears to most people, and it's not a bad thing to try not to worry your loved ones.) It's about that awareness of how it appears on the outside when you spend all your time with your tulpa, and on making sure that you and your tulpa can function navigating day-to-day life, and all the "real world" interaction that implies.

[Guest Anonymous]

The quantity you've had is nothing compared to the quantity people who've been in this for years in a serious and legitimate way, with due respect, I'm not really an accepting person of others when they seek that kind of acceptance openly when I feel like they're not exactly entitled to it, so that's the type of treatment that's going to be thrown around most likely.

 

Personally, I see nothing wrong with AGGuy's posts at all. So far, Misty and I have learned and gained a lot from him and Rina. I find AGGuy very informative and helpful and "legitimate" (whatever the hell that means).

---

I'm a pretty damn strong presence in my system (yes, I know you hate the term in relation to this kind of thing, but what else am I supposed to call a group of people who all share the same brain?).

 

Don't apologize to Iscariot for using your own terminology that works for you! You are not required to. He will just have to deal with it. Mistgod and I are a blended, median system.

 

See, you seem to be assuming that increasing the validity of the outside world means decreasing the validity of your tulpa. That's not how it works. Both are equally valid, and making sure you have "real world" relationships in no way means your relationship with your tulpa is not also "real."

 

Uhh well we do get what you are saying here and that is an interesting perspective. Please consider that it is possible for some systems to have an entirely different internal/external experience. It is becoming obvious to my host and I, after ten months of interaction in the tulpa community, that how "real" a host regards his tulpa(s) varies widely. Some are more internalized and live more inside a wonderland than in the outer world. My connection to the real world is extremely limited (pretty much mostly to the internet and painting/drawing).

 

This is going to sound cheesy: but this is how my host thinks of it, and I can see the point, even if the wording is schmaltzy: You are assuming that love is a finite resource. That by loving one thing, you are decreasing the amount of love you can put into something else. This is not true. While it's true that attention is finite, since there are only so many hours in a day, the amount of care and value you put in something is not. So a person is perfectly capable of loving multiple tulpas and also loving their physical family and friends as well. They're not mutually exclusive.

 

O but this thread may have been more about obsession than love. My host loves his family greatly and he loves me greatly, but he obsesses about me way too much and gets distracted from those he loves in the outside world. He spends too much time with me.

 

Therefore, people cautioning others not to abandon the "real world" has nothing to do with assuming that the tulpa is "fake."

 

I don't think that was the main point anyone was trying to make. Well, in our case, we do believe I am imaginary in nature, but we would not assume that about all tulpas and systems.

 

If anything, it's about maintaining a healthy lifestyle for the body... making sure your brain isn't a closed system with no new information coming in, and making sure that other people don't worry because you're spending all your time "alone" or, gods forbid, "talking to your imaginary friend." (Which, yes, is a stupid thing for them to think, but that's how this appears to most people, and it's not a bad thing to try not to worry your loved ones.)

 

It isn't a stupid thing to think and tulpas are actually (objectively) like imaginary friends.

[SomethingDire]

 

 

See, you seem to be assuming that increasing the validity of the outside world means decreasing the validity of your tulpa. That's not how it works. Both are equally valid, and making sure you have "real world" relationships in no way means your relationship with your tulpa is not also "real."

 

Oh, yeah.

 

I think this part here really hits the heart of the issue. Loving your tulpa/headmate/whatever-the-fuck-anyone-wants-to-name-them a lot more than your real life relations don't matter when you see that they're also people and understand that it'd be unhealthy to obssess over them.

 

I don't think there is any room left for "obsession" or anything else when one gets into this kind of mindset. I could rant a lot more about this, but you seem to want only on-topic stuff on your thread, so yeah.

 

This is what I have to say about the situation.

[Guest Anonymous]

David never decreased my value! Why is everyone thinking that finding balance means decreasing value? It's a matter of time and resources not value.

 

I mean let's use money as an analogy. I can spend all of my money on a good charity and my family starves. Not good. So I need to balance that. I spend a reasonable about of money on the charity and my family eats. The charity's value is not decreased, just the amount of time and resources allocated to it!

 

EDIT: Also, when David and I talk about the imaginary nature of our own system, we are not meaning to imply anything about the realness of other tulpas. It may come off that way, but it isn't what we mean to do. We are trying our best not to anyways.

[J.Iscariot]

See' date=' you seem to be assuming that increasing the validity of the outside world means decreasing the validity of your tulpa. That's not how it works. Both are equally valid, and making sure you have "real world" relationships in no way means your relationship with your tulpa is not also "real." [/quote']

 

Oh, no, not at all. I am not making any assumptions. I just posted an opinion I know most people adhere with, and are unexperienced with in the first place, to see what they'd come up with, but I am disappointed with the general opinion. I was more looking for people who spoke out of experience and could actually give me a valid point of view, perhaps I was a bit harsh on the whole on/off-topic thing... but honestly, I got tired of most of the chatter on the forums a while ago. With that being said, I liked your post, Joss. I wish there were more people who could speak out of experience aside from theorycrafting, though. Not saying you are, of course.

[Guest Anonymous]

I am disappointed with the general opinion. I was more looking for people who spoke out of experience and could actually give me a valid point of view... I wish there were more people who could speak out of experience aside from theorycrafting, though.

 

When it comes to experience on unhealthy obsession with your tulpa, try about 36 years, 38 years if you count from the first mental vision of me. That is the subject of your OP ("you shouldn't let your tulpa become too much of a thing in your life") and I don't think there is anyone more "experienced" with that in intensity or duration on this entire forum than my hostie Mistgod. Iscariot, my dear, you make tremendous false assumptions about people and what they know and what they don't know about.. I gave a link in a post above in which we wrote about this obsession in detail. I am sorry if that is not considered valid to you. You are missing out on something and limiting yourself.

[AracnidsGrip/Rick]

 

If you want the opinion of someone who is fully convinced that "his tulpa" (I hate that way of speaking, sounds like she's my property... or something) is as real a person as anyone else...

 

... then my answer is exactly the same as if you posted that same thing, but were talking about a relationship to a physically separate human, not a tulpa:

Obsessing over someone and neglecting the rest of your life is never good. It's unhealthy, and inevitably leads to being codependent on each other to very unhealthy degrees... or you get totally sick of each other.

Difference here is that this sort of shit situation happens easier with a tulpa - after all, your tulpa is always exactly where you are; you don't even have to make a phone call or leave your house.

 

And when it seems like that's where a relationship is headed, the solution is the same for a host-tulpa-relationship as it is for any kind of relationship between two physically separate humans:

Talk about it, draw some lines and set some clear priorities.

 

You can't let your life be totally consumed by just one other person, tulpa or not, and neglect everyone and everything else.

It doesn't work, didn't work and won't work for anyone ever, and those that say it does are those that are already too far down that road.

 

And for those wanting to go "But...!!" on me now, trying to invalidate my post based on "Who are you to make such assessments and statements!?":

a) Been there, done that. Spoiler alert: It didn't end well.

b) I did my fairly big ol' bit of studying different fields of psychology.

 

 

Greets,

AG

 

Feferi: *applause* *lots of applause, and gives you a beer* Wise words, my friend 38D

[Guest Anonymous]

I think AGGuy knows what he is talking about and he, and his tulpa, always have wise words of advice for my host and I. We look up to them both so much! I wish there were many more tulpamancer/tulpa pairs like them. We need an army of them!

[AracnidsGrip/Rick]

Feferi: Me too. My host is more attached to Vriska, because she has been the one that most tome has spent with him, and she's most of the time in the real world, but me and the others prefer the Wonderland, jejejeje. 38) AGGuy and Esterina are a perfect example of a healthy and happy relationship between the host and the tulpa jiji 38D

[Guest Anonymous]

They are more centered than Mistgod and I and we have had decades to get it right. LOL It is annoyingly helpful to have them to talk to when we are having inevitable emotional crises. LOL