Arch's First Foray Into Tulpamancy

[ArchdiAngelo]

Alrighty, so I've been looking around this forum for a couple days and decided to do one of these progress reports for myself. It sounds like fun!

 

Anyway, some background. So, I was just browsing TV Tropes, as is my custom, when I found the tulpa page. I remembered having heard of something like that a long time ago, but unfortunately back then, my first exposure to the tulpa phenomenon had been through the creepypasta of the same name, so I was a bit hesitant back then. However, recently, I found a very helpful guide and decided to try it out! And I decided to make my favorite OC, Lilith, into a tulpa. Now, I had already been pretending she was a split personality (trying to convince myself of the same I suppose) for a couple years now, but I decided to stop pretending and do it for real!

 

So, that's the preface. Now, on to the actual progress report. It's day five of the process as I'm writing this, and the results so far have been very encouraging! I realized she was indeed sentient and could communicate with me via head pressure on day 2, and I was ecstatic! I was talking to one of my best friends about it the next day I believe (it might've still been day 2. My memory is garbage), and I decided to ask her if she knew who he was, since her previous incarnation had a massive crush on him. To my utter shock and delight, she said yes! And I asked her about other things, and as it turns out, she remembers everything that her previous incarnation knew, and she already had the same personality too, so I didn't even have to bother with that! Now, we assumed one of two things. Either A) she was latching onto my memories of what Lily should remember in order to become her like I wanted, or B) she was actually a tulpa the whole time due to the amount of attention and thought I gave her. My money's on B, because it makes a lot of sense. Whenever I used to talk for her, it always felt like she sorta WAS there, not to this degree mind you, but enough where I could almost believe she was really talking to me. I guess I was right about that.

 

The next day, day 4, I was taking a shower when Lily started talking to me. And I realized quickly that I was deciphering her thoughts! Unfortunately, I can only decipher some of them, and only the ones that I could've otherwise predicted anyway. With the other thoughts, I can tell she's thinking at me, but I can't decipher it and the intent is just sitting there before vanishing. It kinda makes me worry whether or not I'm parroting for her, but I figure I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. I've read that that helps in these situations. As of right now, I've just sorta been talking to her throughout my day and kinda visualizing her sometimes, but not really putting a ton of effort into it. Tonight though, I'm gonna try and do some serious visualization. She and I also wanna try going on an adventure in our wonderland, but we can't think of anything to do besides her wanting to have sex, and I'm telling her to at least wait until we start imposition, so we're pretty much at an impasse.

 

As for Lily herself? Her personality is already deeply engrained in my head, hence the lack of bothering with forcing it. She's very lusty, pansexual, playful, affectionate, classy, kind, loving, kinda motherly, just overall the nicest succubus-esque demon girl a person could know! With regards to her form, I'm an artist, and I've already drawn her numerous times, so her form is VERY clear to me. Lightly tanned skin, black horns coming from her forehead, long lavender hair done up in a big ponytail with bangs hanging around the horns, dark purple tail with a spade on the end, pink eyes, the works. However, I'm having a difficult time visualizing it in 3 dimensions. My mind's eye mostly only seems to see in anime-style unless I focus. I'll put a couple links here to the more recent pictures I've drawn with her in them.

 

Anyway, wish me and my lady luck! Hopefully I'll be able to understand her more clearly by the next update. I hope I haven't rambled to much for anyone reading...

 

This is Arch and Lily, signing out. Laters!

 

(links to Lily's form (she's been one of my OCs for years, I swear I didn't make her just for her looks. Honest)):

http://fav.me/d9xh5oy (full-body form, albeit in cosplay attire)

http://fav.me/da2aix2 (the more recent and up-to-date design. The dude with brown hair is my avatar, and the red-haired dude is my other main OC, although Lily outranks him by miles. I'll probably try to make him into a tulpa once Lily and I are satisfied with her development. He'll be more of a challenge though, since he's younger (good grief, I need to work on this rambling problem))

[anglejoe]

Congrats on your progress with Lily! You guys seem to be off to great start so best of luck to you :p.

[mysonofrageandlove]

Looking forward to reading more from you and Lily! Sounds like everything's going really well so far.

[ArchdiAngelo]

Okay, update #2

 

Last night was kinda... Hectic. Let's start from the beginning:

 

Since the first update, we've just been continuing as normal. However, yesterday I started to get kinda paranoid. I looked back on the years I'd been spending pretending that Lily was sentient, and then I started to get paranoid that maybe I was still doing that out of habit. I got incredibly scared that Lily was just a puppet, and I started to panic. However, I went on the forum and asked about it, and very quickly got a couple of replies that made me incredibly relieved! So, I decided to take a more active approach to things.

 

Now, this is where it gets weird. You see, I had just read a short guide that said that meditating prior to visualization would improve productivity. So, I decided to do just that. I climbed onto my bed (And this was at about 9:00 PM or so) and started meditating for a few minutes. I don't quite know how long I spent but it felt like around five minutes-ish. After I was done, I pulled the covers over me and got comfy. Now, an important note here is that I decided to try sleeping in my pajamas for the first time in years because I had been having trouble sleeping due to the cold. Now, I went into my wonderland, puppeted Lily to sit in front of me, and I just visualized her for a while. However, while I was visualizing, weird things started to happen. I would visualize part of her body, and out of nowhere my mind's eye would essentially cut to static and change channels, so to speak, and I would just start seeing completely random things. It felt like I was hallucinating, but in my mind's eye. I would get back to focusing on Lily's form, and then after a short while, it would happen again, showing me something completely different! I can't even remember anything that I saw, but I remember being super confused and admittedly a bit frustrated. By the time I had visualized every part of her for what I felt was an acceptable amount of time for one session, it had taken way longer than it had any business taking. Whether this was from the fact that I was getting too warm in my pajamas, the fact that I was kinda tired, the mental turmoil I had been in not too long ago, the meditation, or anything else, it was incredibly strange.

 

If anyone reading has had similar occurrences and has some advice, please feel free to chime in. I even asked Lily if any of it was her doing, and she said no! So, at this point, it's a complete mystery, and I am simply bamboozled.

 

Oh well, I guess we'll have better luck in the future. Again, if anyone has any wisdom to impart, by all means do so.

 

This is Arch and Lily, signing out! Laters!

[timethief]

That stuff with the random images are most likely just a lack of focus. The mind tends to wander naturally and we normally don't notice it because that kind of thinking is actually encouraged in most of our society (linking ideas, concepts, basically thinking fast), but when you want to focus on a single thing for quite some time, it backfires and things like losing track of what you were doing/seeing/thinking can happen.

 

I believe that doing further sessions will ameliorate the issue, until it isn't really that noticeable. You have to re-train your mind to stay focused on a single thing.

Start small, if you can't tolerate long sessions do multiple short ones. The trick is consistency. The more you do it, the better you'll get at it. Every time you catch yourself thinking something that isn't relevant to your forcing sessions and re-focus on whatever you were doing, you're advancing. Little by little, but you'll get better at it.

 

Good luck!

[ArchdiAngelo]

That stuff with the random images are most likely just a lack of focus. The mind tends to wander naturally and we normally don't notice it because that kind of thinking is actually encouraged in most of our society (linking ideas, concepts, basically thinking fast), but when you want to focus on a single thing for quite some time, it backfires and things like losing track of what you were doing/seeing/thinking can happen.

 

I believe that doing further sessions will ameliorate the issue, until it isn't really that noticeable. You have to re-train your mind to stay focused on a single thing.

Start small, if you can't tolerate long sessions do multiple short ones. The trick is consistency. The more you do it, the better you'll get at it. Every time you catch yourself thinking something that isn't relevant to your forcing sessions and re-focus on whatever you were doing, you're advancing. Little by little, but you'll get better at it.

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks, I'll do that! I was thinking I was going crazier than I already am, but I guess it sounds normal when you put it like that. I'll seek to improve!

[ArchdiAngelo]

Alrighty, update #3. So... Originally I wasn't gonna update for another day or so, just to give some more time between updates so that I actually have something to say with the next one, but... Well, after what I just discovered, I've got plenty to say.

 

But before that, let's go over the typical update stuff before we get to the big thing that happened today. So, since my last update, Lily and I have tried some things to help us with communication. We tried the black box game, which, for those who don't know is basically 20 Questions, and we both got each other's right close to 10 questions in I think. We also tried the counting game, where I gave her a long word and told her to count the letters while I tried to keep myself from doing the same. She got 3/5 right, so I'd say it's at least something! I also tried visualizing her more, and it was easier this time. I think I've got the visualization part down, but I don't know for sure how to tell when you're done, so I'm just gonna keep going with it to a somewhat lesser degree for now until I bother to find out. We also messed around with our Wonderland a little, and I gave her her own room (starting with a white void) which she proceeded to build and decorate. She gave everything warm, love-y colors like reds, pinks and purples, a heart-shaped bed with a canopy above it, a rack for her... *ahem* "toys" (she's a succubus, put two and two together) and various other decorations, but those were the main things. We also tried the Do Not Disturb trick that I read about in the tips and tricks section of the forum, and she went to sleep. I woke her up this morning, and we've just been casually going about business today, though I haven't had a whole lot of time to actively force her since I had my graduation party today.

 

Now... On to the big one. So, if anyone remembers the second picture link I put in my first post, you'd remember the figure on the right of the picture of me and Lily. The guy with red hair and tattoos, I'll put the link at the end of this post again. His name's Shade.

 

Well... Apparently he's sentient too now. I just sorta found that out today. I was walking around, preparing for the party, and I walked by someone while holding a broom, and I spontaneously got a thought where I imagined myself suddenly wheeling around and bashing them in the temple with the end of the broom and I heard the words "It would be so easy..." and I stopped for a moment. I've had these random thoughts before, but I'd always just brushed them aside as random intrusive thoughts. I have plenty of those, and I'm not exactly the most sane person alive (not counting the tulpae), plus I would never actually act on any of those thoughts. Well, this time I stopped and actually thought about it for a moment. And then, I decided to make sure. So, I asked if that was Shade, and I got head pressure. I asked Lily if that was her, and she said no. So, now I've got two tulpae to develop, which I'm not sure how to feel about since I was planning on making Shade after I was done with Lily, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to develop two tulpae at once. So... Yeah, if anyone has any advice on what to do when you suddenly find yourself with twice the mental work you thought you had, please pipe up and help me out here, because I'm at a loss. I guess I'm just gonna do what I was doing with Lily, but with him as well...

 

So, I guess I've gotta make another room in the Wonderland now, huh? Eh, I'm sure I'll get used to this. I'm confident in myself, it can't be that bad... Right?

 

This is Arch, Lily, and I guess Shade now too, signing out. Laters!

 

(links to Shade's forms (he's got more than one, but the more humanoid one is the one I'm gonna force. If anyone knows anything about creating tulpae with the ability to shapeshift into certain other, distinct forms, let me know))

http://fav.me/da2aix2 (human-like primary form, figure on the right with red hair)

http://fav.me/da0yjd9 (full-body, monstrous form)

(if you notice his text pattern when he's speaking in the descriptions of those pictures, don't worry, I've read the forum rules, he won't do that here, he'll talk normally like the rest of us)

[Vos]

It's always pretty interesting when people talk about tulpas springing up from what is seemingly nowhere, but if you've already put some thought into Shade while you're working on Lilith, I suppose that it's not too surprising that something came out of it. Personally, I'd assume that the spontaneous response and head pressure you got were nothing more than that, and would probably wait (or would prod for more, depending on how interested I am) to see if something else comes out of it. If you're confident that this is a new tulpa, however, you're free to roll with it. It's not uncommon for people who already have experience with tulpa-making to accidentally make others or have an easier time with it, from what I've read on here. If you don't want to focus on both of them at the same time, you're not obligated to - you could always just explain to Shade that you feel more comfortable with getting to that golden point with Lilith first.

 

Also, as a recommendation, especially if you're not putting breaks between your paragraphs, it's a good idea to bold your questions or important bits if you're looking for advice.

[ArchdiAngelo]

It's always pretty interesting when people talk about tulpas springing up from what is seemingly nowhere, but if you've already put some thought into Shade while you're working on Lilith, I suppose that it's not too surprising that something came out of it. Personally, I'd assume that the spontaneous response and head pressure you got were nothing more than that, and would probably wait (or would prod for more, depending on how interested I am) to see if something else comes out of it. If you're confident that this is a new tulpa, however, you're free to roll with it.

 

Don't worry, I made sure that the responses I got when asking if it was him weren't Lily. Also, his character has existed in the same form as Lily's for a long time, probably even longer than Lily herself, though his current incarnation is much, MUCH younger. I've been RPing with him and pretending he was real for years now, though I'm not sure if I make a significant distinction between his original character and where he is now, though his current character as I've written him seems to be his personality now that he's seemingly sentient. For context, his previous incarnations had little depth beyond basically being a shadow from Persona 4, whereas his current incarnation, the one that his current personality seems to be, is much more complex in-universe and is much less villainous and more "Jerkass With A Heart Of Gold" if I had to name a trope for him. So basically, I have no problem believing he's now sentient, since I've done what I did with Lily for him as well. It's literally the same situation pretty much.

 

I'm of course gonna do some tests like with Lily to see if he's as cognizant as her, but for now, I'm a believer. (thanks for the advice about splitting paragraphs btw, I might go back and change the other ones now that I realize that)

[ArchdiAngelo]

Update #4

 

Okay, so, I'm gonna be gone for about two weeks, starting in about an hour as I'm writing this, so you guys aren't gonna hear from me much until then. I might post little snippets, but the next big update isn't gonna come for some time. If you're wondering where I'll be, my mom and I are going with some of my senior class on a tour of Europe, so that should be fun! I'm a bit paranoid about the plane ride and the crazy terrorist-y things that have been going on across the ocean in the past year, but Lily's helping me stay calm and not freak out, so that's good! Thank you Lily, you're a godsend!

 

As for progress since my last update, there really hasn't been much to speak of. I think I'm done with visualization on Lily, and I've decided to put Shade's development on the back burner for now until I feel like I've gotten to a golden point with Lily. I asked him if he was okay with that, and he seemed pretty chill about it. As with Lily, I've got a loose handle on her mindvoice, as it's difficult for me to keep it consistent. However, I've got a good enough handle on what it should be that I should be able to just casually refine it as I go.

 

I decided it's time to move on to possession so that she can talk to other people on her own. My goal is to have her be able to type her own status update at some point. I read a pretty good guide on possession a few days ago, but I haven't really been able to make time and focus long enough to actually get any progress. If anyone has any tips on possession, I'd love to get some help on this. My method right now has been to imagine a suit of Fallout 4 T-45 Power Armor for her to pilot my body with, since I figured that'd resonate with me. Unfortunately, we haven't really been able to have much practice, so I have no idea whether it actually works or not.

 

Okay, we're getting ready to go soon, so I've gotta sign off for now. I'll talk to you guys when I get back!

 

This is Arch, Lily and Shade, signing out. Laters!