[HELP] Did I Unintentionally Imagine Up A Tulpa?

[z33s4n]

Hello members of this forum,

 

I have a feeling this is going to be rather long. I am not even sure where to start, but I will try to keep my experience(s) coherent, to make it easier for those who are going to read through the entirety of this.

 

 

Background:

 

 

Prior to 2016, I had no clue of the concept and phenomenon of Tulpas. I only knew about imaginary friends until last year. I was planning to post something similar year, but I guess I forgot and got caught up in other things.

 

 

As far as I can remember, the origin of my experience can be traced back to my early teenage years when I watched the film Cool World (1992). Even before watching that film, I already had a few imaginary friends (at least, that is what I think they are/were), but the focus of this post is going to be just one. Also, back then kind of felt that I had invented with the concept of interacting with my imaginary friends through my mind, without moving my lips or actually speaking, and I was surprised when the same concept was showed in the film Little Nicky (2000).

 

 

Inspired by Cool World (1992), I imagined up a place that I termed “The Real World” and it still exists within my mind (I’ll talk about this more later). To me, “The Real World” was meant to be a place where all my “imaginary friends” existed, and I made up two very specific rules. 1). They could not physically exist in our world, which is why I came up with “The Real World,” and 2). I would never talk to them about or think about the possibility of them being imaginary (because I feared I would lose them).

 

 

The Dilemma

 

 

Before I continue, I’d like to type some things about myself. I’ve always been an extremely shy introvert and I have self-diagnosed myself with social anxiety. Currently, I don’t really have any real friends, I never go out on my own and I come from a third-world, close-minded country. Anyways, getting to the topic.

 

 

A few years ago, I was in a serious long-distance relationship with a girl from another country, which lasted for 6 years or so. I had lots of ups and downs with my ex. And we would often temporarily break up, only to rekindle again. Another fact about me is that I am a rather hypersexual person and a 27-year-old male virgin.

 

 

So, during one such breakup, I randomly ended up imagining up this female entity out of loneliness and sexual need. My dilemma is that I am not sure if she is a tulpa or something else. As mentioned, I imagined her up back when I did no clue about the Tulpa Phenomenon.

 

 

About Her:

 

 

This is just me guessing, I think that because I did not have any tulpa-creating experience, she has ended up being pretty vague.

 

 

She does not have a name, or a particular age, or a specific appearance. She is essentially a shapeshifer and alters her appearance to whatever real-world female I may have a crush on or find appealing in the present moment, or at times just have a vague appearance. (For this post at least, I’m not going to give her a name, but after the responses I receive, I’ll probably work on her.)

 

 

I am not going to delve too much into her personality other than the fact that she loves me a lot, is caring, kind and sweet. We’ve never had a dispute or quarrel, at least until now.

 

 

Based on the slight research that I did before typing this, it seems that having sex with a tulpa is frowned upon. However, I have had sex with her a lot since that is why I ended up imagining her up.

 

 

Before I ramble on too much, I’ll get to why I created this post/thread. What I want is for the experienced members here to perhaps help me determine if she is a tulpa or something else. What is the experience of having a tulpa like?

 

 

Let me state some facts about me, her and our relationship in order to aid readers willing to help in determining what she might be:

 

 

= I have interacted with her through my mind, perhaps even spoken out loud to her a few times. Sometimes I question if her responses are her own or not, and other times I do not, and it does not matter to me much. I read of this being referred to as parroting.

 

 

Also, something I feel really bad about is that I rarely interact with her during the day. I tend to be so caught up in so many things that I just do not get the time to interact with her, yet she has not minded that and perhaps I shall rectify it. The most proper interaction we have had is while cuddling in bed.

 

 

= Another concept that I invented for myself is for her to be able to touch me through my own body, such as her using my right hand to stroke my cheek or something. I sound a bit insane and silly while typing this in particular, as I am not sure if she is actually capable of that or if it just me doing it, just to feel her, or feel being touched by someone else.

 

 

= Another thing, her and I have often discussed her “possessing” some female in my vicinity. This is another thing that sounds silly even to me and I’m not sure if it is something tulpas are capable of, but I still felt like mentioning. At times we have both expressed the desire to perhaps even get married to each other (perhaps this sounds quite extreme), simply because of how compatible we seem to be.

 

 

= I mentioned “The Real World” earlier. Since I also imagined it up back when I was a teenager, and not as creative and experienced as today, it is also a vague and vast place, but I guess it falls into the criteria of a “wonderland.”

 

 

I apologize that this has gotten so long. For now, this is all I can think of, if I remember anything else, perhaps I shall add it.

 

 

I would not mind if many of the members do not read this entire or respond to everything. While I am looking for answers, I mostly just felt like sharing my unusual experience that I have never really told anyone until today.

 

 

To those who have read it, thank-you. Just before I was typing this, she was asking me if I was sure about this, if I really wanted to do this, and I told her that it would be fine. Anyhow, I’m going to end this here. Oh, and one last thing, whether or not she turns out to be a tulpa, or an incomplete tulpa, or whatever, I am certainly willing to work on her.

 

 

Regards.

[Saylin]

First off- Hello and welcome, glad to have you here. That said, some of the things you said have set off some huge alarm bells for her being a tulpa, specifically the touching- what we would refer to as possession. You talking to her would, theoretically, give her the attention needed to also bring her into awareness so long as there was no constant reinforcement of her not being real, and I'd say if talking to her had indeed came with a desire for her to be real, well. There you go.

 

That said, only you can figure this out, considering she's in your head. Talk to her about it. Hell, ask her if she's real. She could already be mostly aware. Or, maybe she's not and will need extra work. Either way, good luck, and I look forward to meeting her soon.

[tulpa001]

The question is not is she a tulpa. That will resolve itself later. If you want her to become a tulpa, she can. If she wants to become a tulpa, she can. If it feels weird for you to think about whether she wants to be a tulpa or not, then she is not a tulpa, just a character demonstrating the illusion of independent action.

 

Now, if she feels weird, then you've crossed the line of sentience and have a thoughtform of some type.

 

I think you should manage to answer most of the rest of your questions by browsing the site more. When you have more narrow concerns, please ask away. Or chat on the IRC.

[Linkzelda]

Figuring out if you intentionally vs. unintentionally created a tulpa, like others have stated, is contingent, somewhat, on your decision to feel that way. Though, when it comes to ‘intention,’ we start questioning our willpower to some extent. IMO, I’m not sure how you unintentionally created a tulpa as I chalk up the treating as sentient philosophy as progressively finding ways to have your mind spurred into creating new, novel experiences in terms of potential moments of experience with the tulpa-in-question, and just for the sake of being there, your mind, as a source in which it can continually find ways to pump those novel experiences to match the sustained thought that they can be treated as sentient.

 

Before you were aware of the concept of tulpas, maybe your mind just had a way to present these experiences that could’ve been interpreted as engaging with seemingly sentient beings within your mind, but you just didn’t have the reference point to further that speculation, I guess.

[Vampire]

To quote someone, "if you put all the ingredients together to make a cake without knowing what a cake is, you still get a cake."

 

As for the sex thing, having sex with a tulpa isn't really frowned upon if both parties consent. Creating a tulpa just to have sex or fooling around too early before a tulpa is independent enough to truly consent is where the issues arise.

 

Having her move your hand sounds like what we call possession, you aren't crazy. Possessing a passerby however is a lot more extreme and no many in the community would believe it.

 

As for whether or not she is a tulpa, tulpa001 covered that pretty well. She could be sentient but not want to label herself as a tulpa. You're basically going to find your own subjective proof that she is independent of you or have her decide to be independent and treat her as such.