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Our Head Shenanigans
#1
Hello! 

This is the progress report of the Rosebud System. Honestly, for the most information of us, I suggest you check our carrd here- we thank Roy for doing that for us. The TL;DR is we are a Quoigenic system of currently 19 people, though we do have tulpas- the lines of who is and who isn't can just get blurry for us, especially as so few were purposely forced into existence.

The majority of us are fictives, and do have memories of a "before." Despite this we have psychological leanings in our beliefs regarding all this, and do not believe these sources were actual other worlds.

This is our journey, which might be a bit clumsy but hey, we eventually got our shit together.


12.11.16

Nothing overly noteworthy occurred. I had church today, so we spent much time talking without exploring the wonderland. Michael, however, has discovered a liking for using magic- especially to keep Raymond in line when his anger goes overboard.

Something noteworthy is that I'd been filling out the census on Reddit, and was doing Raymond's part with him giving me answers. The following exchange happened:

Me: Okay.. Raymond, do you have any tattoos? You don't, right?

Raymond: *Lifts his shirt to reveal a dragon tattoo, with this wicked grin on his face* Now I do.

Me: ... Raymond, that wasn't there to begin with and you know it.

Raymond: Well, it's there now, so put it down.

Me: What's the point of that? You're gonna probably remove it as soon as I put it!

Raymond: And? It's there~

Me: ... I'm not checking the box. 

Raymond: *grumbling and cursing in the background*

...
(20-30 minutes later)

Me: So, did you keep the tattoo?

Raymond: Psh, no. I got rid of it.

Me:.. *deep inhale* I TOLD YOU YOU'D GET RID OF IT.

Raymond: *Snickering in background*


There were other things, but for now, this was the highlight of the day. I'll keep you updated on things, and hope this is an interesting read.

UPDATE: Earlier today, I offered Raymond and Michael a look into my memories- something they'd yet to do, but Claude had before he'd left. They seemed hesitant, but in the end, surprisingly refused my offer. Raymond told me something essentially along the lines of, "I respect you enough to not dig everywhere- when you feel like telling us stuff about yourself, tell us as it comes." I was surprised by such a reaction, but respect their wishes.

If you have any questions, let me know.
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#2
12.12.2016

(1:50PM)

I haven't forced yet today, but this is something magnificent, so I need to write this down. Today, I've found energies to be different when I proxy a few of my friends, here: Sen and Raymond specifically were giving me odd feelings, and I'd often have my breathing patterns change, as if they were trying to front.

Curious, I decided to let Raymond at least try, since I consider him to be one of the stronger of the two currently. What happened next was.. fascinating.

Raymond took control of my facial features and head from where we were sitting, often forgetting to breathe. I could feel him wrinkle my face, then open his eyes. His thoughts soon became almost.. panicked as he looked around, and confused at how "bright" and "Colorful" everything was, and he, aside from my head, breathing, and twitching of the hand had no other control of my body.

Freaked out, I immediately took control back, but there was resistance in him falling back, as if he was genuinely stuck for a minute. By the time he was back in the headspace with the others, both of us were exhausted- Raymond fell asleep right after that, which he typically never has to do midday- and my head and upper back were just throbbing and tense.

That was one of the oddest experiences I've yet to have, but I will be looking more into it at a later time. For now, we both need to rest.

(8:26 PM Update)

In total, Raymond took approximately 1-2 hours to recover from that, while I took roughly 30-40 minutes. For that duration, he could not move much, essentially bedridden. He could talk during this time. Despite being exhausted, he seemed happy with the progress made, as last time we'd attempted he could only get faint movements throughout the body- twitches, if you will.
-

Sen had a rough time upon seeing a video with violence after this time- I could hear her wailing as I watched the video, and the others went to work in cheering her up. They're much like a family of sorts, often bickering, but being there for each other when needed.
-

After that, I forced a bit, but unfortunately not much at this time- in total, it was a mere 15 minutes. However, I'll give a brief summary of interesting moments below:

I find it interesting they've built an entire cottage on their own, outside of the main wonderland. When entering, it was empty- and then I was yanked by Raymond into the actual space they resided in, the cottage I'd seen them in earlier. 

When I was pulled in, I saw most of our pack. Claude and Kane had been playing chess while Michael, after having finished caring for Raymond during his time weakened, was knitting. Raymond himself was just relaxing on the sofa. As it turns out, Sen was sleeping. (She'd wake up later without us realizing).

Speaking of Sen, Sen managed to completely warp the wonderland on her own. We'd been drawing since no one felt like doing anything substantial when the entire cottage changed into what Claude had drawn- a foresty area with a waterfall. I remember asking in my confusion if I did it, but they seem to have a sense for when I do things, and confirmed I couldn't have.

As it turns out, Sen had snuck up on us and done it, just to mess with us, and turned it back as soon as we figured this out. Maybe it was revenge for that violence video. Who knows? (She claims herself she was just bored, but I'm not buying it)

During the drawing period, Kane drew a heart. When asked, he said it's what he thought of when he thought of our circle. (Not really progress, but it's too cute to not put in).

Shortly after that, we all laughed, talked, danced- I fell, but was caught by Raymond- and then eventually returned back to my computer play time. A final thing to note is that, for the first time ever, Claude said he wished we'd've forced longer. While I reassured him we could talk outside of wonderland, this was amazing to me, as just a short while ago he wouldn't even let me consider him a friend.

That's all for now. If I force again today, or anything else happens, I'll be sure to keep you posted.

(11:50 PM update)

Things have taken an intriguing turn, though I've brought it on myself.

A while back, I had a thoughtform appear to me aside from the others: Andy- at least, that's the name he's chosen to go by now. See, Andy was another character of mine who I cherished dearly, who appeared after thinking of him a good month after I'd stopped using him. He could speak to me as the others, and was, at the time, very... possessive, in a sense, and deranged. He was, in a sense, kicked out of wonderland for the presumed safety of everyone else, and while we were shaken, we were otherwise fine.

Things were fine, until today, without thinking, I chose to roleplay his character with a friend of mine, who's unaware that I practice Tulpamancy. It was an amateur mistake to assume he was gone forever, and.. lo and behold, because I roleplayed him, he was back. And he was very unhappy he'd been kicked out.

Now, unlike last time, Andy was calmer this time. He also has very little recollection of what occurred the last time he was thrown out, leading us to believe he was disoriented from coming into awareness recently after a long time of me not dealing with him. He genuinely seemed apologetic about what happened.

We had a long discussion on this, together. Raymond genuinely wanted Andy completely gone. Everyone else wanted to give him a chance. Eventually, Raymond reluctantly agreed to let him stay. Since deciding this and seeing that Andy has not caused mayhem, he's eased up a little on him- only time will tell what happens from here.

At the moment, we have no idea what we're going to do with Andy, but for now, I've decided to keep him around and let him co-exist with the others.  I do not intend to bring him out for a good while, for many reasons:

1.) Neither I nor Andy know if he's going to stay with us permanently
2.) Andy has voiced his interest in reinventing himself as a person first.
3.) I still have doubts this is even happening,  and really need to process this and make sure I'm not crazy.

We did force a while after. Being the honorary newbie, I let Andy choose the place we'd make wonderland into. He chose beach. From there, we simply played, enjoyed ourselves, and Sen and Andy had some bonding time, where she made Andy promise to be good.

This will be the last update of the night. I will keep you posted tomorrow as to what happens from here.
Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.
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#3
Welcome back to the forums. And Hi Raymond, Michael, Claude, Kane, Sen!

The resistance is probably due to anxiety on his part. Excitement pushes thoughtforms to the front.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
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#4
(12-13-2016, 05:03 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: Welcome back to the forums. And Hi Raymond, Michael, Claude, Kane, Sen!

The resistance is probably due to anxiety on his part. Excitement pushes thoughtforms to the front.


You know, that makes a lot of sense. Raymond was pretty anxious at the time. We'll be working on that, and getting him better used to fronting. And they are all very grateful for your greeting.  Big Grin
Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.
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#5
(11:41 AM)

Not much going on so far, woke up an hour ago, have yet to force. My doubts have been put to rest, as Andy is certainly still there and interacting with the others.

Andy seems to be relatively accepted by the group so far, but only Sen has purposely initiated contact today. They were all dancing to the music I played, and while Andy went to town, Sen chose to tackle him into group dancing. Both seemed to have quite a bit of fun.

A final note is that Kane seems to have changed his outfit. He was wearing a t-shirt before, and has now shifted into a blue, tight-fitting turtle neck with some well fitted, dark blue- almost black- jeans. He said he wanted to look more appropriate for the seasons.

Will keep up on events later.

I might add that as I played a song, yet another character I used to have, Ren, popped up and sang in my face in my head, dancing and enjoying himself without me parroting whatsoever. Whether this was yet another, or my mind playing tricks on me, I don't know. For now, I am not going to feed into it to find out as I originally never intended to go beyond 5 as it is.

(12:53 PM)

Have learned Andy really likes the song "Sugar Song to Bitter Step." The others dance to it occasionally, but Andy has gone to absolute town on it. Raymond has been kind enough to humor him.

I also learned Michael has a thing for poles but will not go into detail.

(9:51 PM)

I was out most of the day, so I wasn't able to properly active force. However, while out and about we practiced Tactile imposition just a bit- if you can call it that. Really, I just let them try to touch me from outside my head and tried to "feel" it, in a sense.

There was levels of moderate success. I can feel warmth with dull tingles when they do it, a tingle similar to when Michael attempts to front and fills me with his "essence," of sorts. It's not much, but it is definitely a start. There is also the fact that Michael, when I tried to sense him sitting next to me, gave a somewhat floral scent- though that was most likely in my imagination.

Aside from that, not much happened. I told Raymond I loved him- I tell all my Tulpas how much I love them regularly, to keep them knowing how important they are to me- and when he said "I love you too," this odd tingling pressure happened in the back of my head, that was warm. It was.. pleasant, but odd.

Yup, that's it. Will discuss more later if I active force or stuff goes down.

(1 AM...?)

Last night, I began to doubt myself as a host. Not that it was real, no- but that I was a horrible host. Naturally, I went and talked to Raymond about it, but, well, Raymond was tired and a little cranky at me for waking him up. 

--Look, it wasn't that I didn't wanna help, by any means. It's that it wasn't my problem. We talk all the time. She was worried about the others, so I wanted her to to go talk to the others.

... Yeah, he's got a point there. Anyways, this lead me to talking to two others that were awake: Claude, and Andy. Claude was first, and for that, I was glad. He's always been one of the to be the most.. blunt, and less forgiving. He's very honest, and I like that about him. So we sat down and had a long talk about what I was doing as host. Surprisingly, he was nice about it. He gave me a, "You're trying and care, that's enough for me." Essentially.

However, then he said something I hadn't been expecting: He didn't consider the newest addition, Andrew, a real, sentient being. In fact, he felt we should get rid of him if I was so worried, so I could instead focus my attention on the others. I wasn't entirely sure whether to believe him or not, so I chose to just take it as it was, and we then had a small active-forcing session in which we played football.

... Which leads to what happened in the conversation with Andy, which broke my heart. I simply asked him if he was, indeed, a person. If he considered himself as one like the others. What followed was him insisting he was as he broke down, begging me not to get rid of him. Apparently, much to my suspicions, the snipit of him I'd heard during mine and Claude's conversation had not been an intrusive thought, but him listening in.

Realizing my mistake, I hugged him and gently let him know he was staying, that we'd make it work with all of us. 

While this, in a sense, does not have anything to do with progress, I find this all amazing to me because it is the first time I've had a thoughtform swear to me they are as real as me and the others, even as I had doubt. Perhaps he's right, perhaps he's wrong. For now, I'm merely going to observe.

Claude has also since apologized to Andy for his assumption- who now prefers the full name of Andrew, though I'm still allowed to call him Andy- and I have as well, quite a few times. I never intend to make and of my babies upset.

TL;DR: Host-doubts. Claude and I got a little closer over those doubts and played football in wonderland. Realized Andrew considers himself to be very real, unlike Claude and I were originally assuming.
Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.
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#6
12.14.16

(6:40 PM)

Not much went down today save for the casual passive-forcing conversations up until now. I'd done some active forcing in which we all say down to a meal, talked, then climbed a mountain together.

However, after all this, I decided to try and let Raymond take control for a bit. I still can't fully dissociate, but he was definitely the one in control of my facial expressions and actions. I found it interesting how often he used them to scowl, smirk, and overall roll his eyes at things I typically wouldn't have reacted to- say my phone, for instance.

Something weird that did happen is that the warm tingling came back. All in the lower left corner of my head and behind my ear, this hot tingling occurred while Raymond was in control. Perhaps that's just where his energy is stored, as it tingled in the same area when he spoke with such energy previously.
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#7
I don't think the tingling is a coincidence, but I believe that where you feel the tingles (your mental map) is not the same as where his thinking is going on (the physical location in the brain).
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
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#8
I love that you decided to keep Andrew. Your 'tribe' sounds so sweet, and the camaraderie is strong!
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#9
(12-15-2016, 04:48 PM)tulpa001 Wrote: I don't think the tingling is a coincidence, but I believe that where you feel the tingles (your mental map) is not the same as where his thinking is going on (the physical location in the brain).

Yeah, I'd agree that it's not just his "Thinking" spot. For now, I won't make too much of it, but I'll keep it in mind. See what becomes of it as we work more at him fronting.

(12-15-2016, 05:01 PM)Lostinwonderland Wrote: I love that you decided to keep Andrew. Your 'tribe' sounds so sweet, and the camaraderie is strong!

Haha, thank you. We do, in many ways, function as a family despite the bickering, and... I couldn't get rid of someone who wanted so badly to stay, I'm just not hard-hearted enough. We've tried our best to keep Andrew comfortable, and he's already getting along well with Sen- just last night they were sharing a bed, snuggling away. 


That said, onto the happenings of today thus far (I'll just keep it all in the same post, unless someone else replies to me).

12.15.14

(11:41 AM)

Normally, we all wake up close to the same time- so when I woke up just briefly at 6 and heard them moving around, something was definitely up. However, I made nothing of it and went back to sleep.

Boy, was I in for a surprise. It took me a half hour to realize the kitchen they were all in was.. different. It'd been an old fashioned cottage before, and suddenly, it was very modern. They'd essentially built their house up again from scratch, along with the entire wonderland. By themselves. As I slept.

I don't know whether to be amazed or terrified, but the home is now more of a suburban home than a cottage, and Michael laughed at my reaction for a good minute.
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#10
How good. Don't be terrified! That is fantastic news, that they are shaping their home how they want it. ..And working TOGETHER, geeze.
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