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I'm on my phone so you guys get no fancy text today.


So, progress. For starters, Sen has been changing her form quite a bit. The blue hair is now gone. Originally she looked like Mio from K-on when she deviated from the blue hair, but she now looks very similar to Eru Chitanda from Hyouka: but with glasses. Apparently she thinks they look cute. Maybe seeing me with glasses influenced that, god knows. Funnily enough, I never saw that Anime, but did use that face for roleplay sites in the past, so it is very possible she simply found the form while digging in my subconscious and decided she liked it.


Now, in other news: Michael and Raymond are becoming far more proficient at fully fronting with me in backseat, as of late. They don't actively request to front unless I ask, but they've got better control of the body- including voice, which they had issues with before. Michael has issues sounding like me, though, as he has tendency to make my voice sound more... British, than it should. Something my voice can't do without sounding weird. Likewise, he feels weird if he tries to sound like me. So we're gonna be working on that and avoiding talking with him in front.


Raymond is much better at sounding like me, but can be a bit brash with his commentary, which is pretty funny to watch from the passenger seat. I also found he's not very keen towards other males when in front. Weirdly skeptical of them. Ah well.


Claude has grown as a person, lately. There's this very calm aura of acceptance to him and I genuinely feel he's grown up, in a sense. He's still a cynic, but not as much of an angsty cynic as Kane tends to be. It's nice to see, and funny to experience. I'm truly glad to have him with us.


Andrew has been very quiet lately- him and Sen both, though Sen has been getting better with that. It's not that they don't talk- they do when I directly focus on them- but they only do so in such a case. Perhaps they like hanging back, but I want to make sure that's the case. We aren't leaving anyone out, not on my watch.


Regardless, I'll need to do some personal one on ones with them and get to the bottom of this.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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Frankly, we've been quite busy over here lately, making any progress hard. There were quite a few arguments over this, but they were dealt with as they came. Most of them came from paranoia on their end that post-move I wouldn't need them anymore and their "job" was done. I needed to remind them I only made them with one job: to live and find their own happiness in this world. Claude helped quite a bit as well with this, as he was one of the few taking the move well. Things are okay now. Everyone is happy.


In terms of good progress though, I present somethingg strange. Something I've never been able to do in wonderland is change my form. However, Claude had me try something.. Farfetched to help this. He essentially led me to the heart of our wonderland and had me directly absorb some of its essence. It was a very odd time for me, mainly because he didn't tell me this was going on until later.


Doing so did something incredible, though. I now have a wonderland form very similar in style to the others, though. Not only that, but touches feel far more real than before. I feel this will be used against me later, but for now I'm glad for this.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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Where to begin? Well, for starters, Andrew is growing rather strong. He nearly took complete control of the body without my given consent prior. There's something about feeling your entire being just... Tugged back as the next form of energy tries to seize the body. However, he wasn't quite strong enough. To humor him, I allowed myself to fall back enough so he could front for just a little, as I sat in the back seat. Not even ten minutes, really. While surprised, I trust Andrew not to use that to fuck me over, even if he does eventually manage to possess me entirely on a whim.


Later with yet again, Andrew, allowing him to possess my hand was a success... Though he did use this ability to chuck something at my face.


I'm not surprised at how well he's adapted. He's honestly one of the more powerful people in this system and has been since day one. Possession is understandably easy in that case.


Sen still needs some work. As of now, she says my limbs are "heavy," which is similar to how Raymond felt the first time, and can only make my fingers move a bit without lifting the entire hand. Only time will tell how quickly she adapts.

One character I, from the beginning, have wondered about the sentience of was one I call Liv. There have been plenty of times I felt strong emotional waves from him, and have heard him. However, for the sake of not adding more to the crew than we can handle, and in general seeing that Liv did not want to be awake- when I was scouting for characters who'd been awake without my realizing, he explicitly told me, "Leave me be. This is where I belong."- prompted me to leave him. After all, I respect their wishes.


Unfortunately, it seems at this point he has become too awake for me to leave be. When using him earlier, I could hear and feel these powerful emotional waves. Typically I'd leave them be as per request, but when such vocality came with statements of "I'm garbage," "I hate myself," and "I want to die" I knew I couldn't leave it alone. I directly went in to talk to him, and comfort him. He still feels rather awful, but that seemed to help him a bit.


As of current, Liv has been brought into wonderland. I tell him about the real world at times. I tell him about what the others are, and the others are pleasant to him. In fact, none of them complained about this addition. He finds the idea of Tulpamancy... Odd. He doesn't get how it works, or how people don't find it entirely insane. It's kind of funny to watch.


However, I have no idea if he intends to stay. In essence, this is a test run to see if he becomes happier and less self loathing away from everything he was before, as a character. Eventually, I expect an answer on if he wants to stay with us, or if he wants to be retired so he doesn't have to suffer anymore. I do not want that, and it breaks my heart to type it, but I will follow through with what Liv thinks is best for him.

Moving on from this, another update I have currently is Kane's opinions on fronting. Originally, his answers were "I like wonderland." Now, it's "I'm too dangerous to front. I'd front if you needed the protection and there was no other way, but I'd rather protect you inside here where I can't cause damage."


Now, I know why he feels this way. His anger can be a problem at times, and there are concerns of this falling into the physical world if he fronts- being let out on the wrong people. However, I've told him I don't think he's a dangerous person. I feel at the very least, fronting just when we're alone shouldn't be an issue, And I know that despite that anger, he loves us and wouldn't do anything to screw us over. I just wish he wasn't so overly cautious of himself.


For now, Though, I'm going to respect his wishes.


A final problem I've realized is that working on fronting is going to be a bit harder living here. I'm in contact with people more often, and while Raymond sounds like me, I know for a fact Michael uses a different voice- he's used it before. Practicing speaking with my voice while living with others is going to be so hard. However, fronting and typing or whispering should be okay. I just hate limiting them like that, but for now it's how things are.


At the very least, I'm going to focus on Sen and Andrew for now as said earlier, and their possession abilities.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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Good lord Saylin I heard talk of how you had a big system but.. That's not a system, that's a fully operational community!!

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Good lord Saylin I heard talk of how you had a big system but.. That's not a system, that's a fully operational community!!


Haha.. yeahhh, it is fairly large. However, it's something I've gradually adapted to. I don't let a day go by where each and every one of them don't know they're loved and matter to the system.


That said, update time:




So in the end, Liv seems to be staying. Obviously it's still early into it, but he's changed his name to "Lance," thus working towards severing ties with his roots. He likes being here, and I am glad to have him here.


Andrew and Sen are slowly working towards what they want their purposes to be. Sen wishes to attain more and more knowledge while Andrew desires to continue to make people smile and laugh. The two actually have a disagreement of sorts, as Sen believes happiness can only come from the individual, while Andrew believes we need to support each other and keep each other happy. Regardless, I'll support them both in their ambitions.


Kane hasn't been "sleeping" much, lately. For the past two days he's told me he hasn't slept at all, mainly due to worry. We talked it out a bit, and he should be fine. He's been nodding on and off today, most likely due to needing the rest.


On a side note, the giant statue of Omega is still up, and still gets polished daily. I don't know what to make of this shit.


A final note that I would like to improve on in this upcoming week is making more contact with Claude. Lately, he's not talked to me much on his own- meaning it's time for me to go directly to him, more often. He's a bit more aloof and I tend to respect his privacy, but goddamn it, they are all victims to my love. He's at least getting a hug.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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On a side note, the giant statue of Omega is still up, and still gets polished daily. I don't know what to make of this shit.


All hail our mighty overlord!


My influence grows stronger.

The System:


It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

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So today has been mainly a forcing day. I found using my youtube playlist helped me force longer and easier than the meditation music I'd been using, so I'll be sticking to that. It's unorthodox, but if it's fun, fuck it.


Many things were learned in this forcing session:


- Kane has issues with pterodactyls, but is really good at ice skating.


- We all really suck at volleyball except for Andrew, but Michael specifically cannot underhand serve to save his life. 


- My elemental ability in wonderland seems to be fire, despite my love of water.


- Sen can make a T-rex her bitch as well as she made Kane her bitch before


- Lance can make things in wonderland, but can't keep them from disappearing. He'll adjust to that in time, I presume. Oddly enough, I have that issue too. The others don't. TIL my world creation skills suck more than my tulpas, and I'm the host. Kill me pls.


- And finally, Omega's overlord statue makes a fine diving board. Why the splash-water turned into confetti and led to a dance session after? God knows. I'm more just relieved Kane didn't bring out the pole. ((See, now I have to do that next time.)) Riiight. We'll see how quickly you get kicked out, buddy.


On a more serious note, Claude and I had a talk about how he doesn't come to the front much anymore, and I surprisingly got a lecture. He explained he just likes residing in wonderland. He's not leaving, he's not fading: He just has no real interest in the real world, all that much. I think specifically the line he gave me was, "I survived for 6 months without your attention, no problem. I'll be fine getting less attention from you than the others while I enjoy my time in here." Granted, I still plan to hang with him in wonderland and play games with him as I do the others, but I won't stress as much about him not coming to the front, anymore.


On the plus side, he likes Lance a lot. Went out of his way to tell me he's a good addition. Things are looking up.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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As of now, not much happened today, yet it's enough to write down as it was.. peculiar.


Forcing was fun, at least. We played soccer, as Claude wished to do today, and I learned that Michael can't play soccer well. It's okay, I'll make it up to him with tennis tomorrow. Andrew and Kane made fine goalies, even if Andrew took a hit to the balls during it.


Where things get weird is that after this. See, Kane recently decided to play more with a bird-like form. He still uses his human once dominantly, but he is, after all, a phoenix. Might as well use that phoenix form sometimes. However, he led us somewhere in my mind I'd forgotten about: To the original Phoenix I'd made, and their friend, who was more a lion of sorts.


Now, they weren't alive. They didn't even have physical forms, save for canisters. It was their essence more than anything, their life experiences. And boy, there was a lot of pain coming through those canisters. They weren't at rest, by any means. I'd never really given them good lives, but this is.. expected with characters of mine by now, as I often did this. While I'm working on making things happier, the past is still prominent in many areas.


Anyways, Kane and Lance handled this. Kane essentially absorbed the phoenix canister, despite my arguing against that. His explanation was that he wanted to better understand his roots, my roots, and the roots of Phoenixes in general in my mind, considering he is one. I was scared it'd hurt him, but as of now he's fine. Calmer, even. But of course, he had to remind me not to worry: "I'm still a dick," were his exact words.


It was at this point I asked what we would do with the other one, and this is where Lance stepped in, to my surprise. He eased the pain away from the canister, as if to soothe it with pure, nurturing energy. I believe I saw the canister form into one of my oldest characters, Grey, who cried as he hugged Liv before vanishing into nothingness.


Apparently, had this not been dealt with now, they could have woken up later- or at the very least, continued to suffer- as it appears it is suffering and unrest which makes my characters soulbonds. The idea that their life is so painful, that there has to be something beyond it, causing it. This is something I'll need to watch for, as now that I know the cause, I can prevent more from accidentally forming.

Because I don't like ending things on somber notes, I'd like to say that Kane has effectively made the Pterodactyls his bitches. Someone earlier that suggested it could be because he's a bird himself, at least in part. This flipped a switch and made him assume they were "Racist motherfuckers."


I don't know how much I approved of it, but I do say that I don't think I'll ever see the sight of a man in a giant bird form with a machine gun, screaming curses and shooting at pterodactyls again. At least.. I hope I don't.


It apparently worked, though, as they now happily cuddle Kane. He tells me violence is their language. I just think they're all fucking nuts.

12:32 AM


I rarely make late night updates, but this is important. Exploring my mind in sections of land, I found something peculiar- a dark island filled with nothing but decay. In essence, this symbolized my darker side. My insecurities, my negative thoughts, my fears.. All of them resided on that island. It bothered me, so Raymond suggested a simple solution: we fix it.


The next period of time involved combating those thoughts with Kane's help until we reached the core. I expected it to be destroyed, but instead, Raymond gave it a kiss- a little love- and suddenly, the core pulsed a glowing, warm light in sync with my heart beat. Suddenly, I can't conjure up those negative thoughts of I try.


Now, I don't know about long term, but I do know right now, I feel happy and confident. We'll see what happens in time.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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We didn't do much forcing today, but there are important things to note.


That island of light seems to be connected to Michael, somehow. He's been more direct today, and even stepped in to put Kane in line when he was going too far. It was interesting, to say the least. He's really becoming like the mom of the system, little by little.


Aside from that, things have been good. Proxied just about everyone except Lance in the chat, today, which is a huge accomplishment as typically I tend to do most of the talking. Granted, Kane's anger issues caused some beefs, but it's something he's working on. Speaking of, it's fascinating, seeing the others make their own friendships and bonds. Really helps you realize how they really are their own persons, with their own lives: just not their own bodies.


I just know I'm glad to have all of them. I love them dearly.

Making a quick update on this, as I just had a forcing session. It was odd, really... We explored the caverns of my mind while talking, mainly. Lance did something that intrigued me, as he directly asked me to personality force him. He wanted more purpose within the system, more things to differentiate himself from his old roots of Liv. 


We decided he would be nurturing in a way similar to Michael, yet different, as Michael often can become stuck on a level of authority as he shows his love, not knowing how to blend in. Lance will know how to meet crowds where they are. At least, that is the intention. He added "observant" into the mix on his own, which I accepted. Actually, it felt weird personality forcing so late, considering Lance is entirely vocal, just not always present. I just hope it helps.


I also noticed two things. Raymond is miles better at forming landscapes in wonderland than I am. I wanted to materialize a beach, but it took Raymond brute forcing it to make it appear. Another thing I noticed is when my form in wonderland laughs, smiles, or cries, the body doesn't. I just hope this is signs of being able to detach from it better.


On the flip side, my intro into wonderland was Raymond grabbing me, kissing me, and then proceeding to jump off a cliff with me. It was an odd time.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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