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So he's trying to improve you, and you recognize he's grown so... Claude is more mature than you? :P

 

[saylin] Probably. But keep that on the down low, I'm 'pposed to be smart, y'know.


Greetings, you wonderful darlings. Isn't today a wonderful day? I suppose for starters, I should say hello, this is Michael: I've finally got my own account to speak with, and this will most likely be the last of accounts given.

 

Progress is mostly related to me, and thus, I am the one who will speak today- if that's alright with you all. Okay? Okay. <3 RIGHT! So I actually was able to front with free reign, and golly me it was the time of my life. Typically I simply front to voice chat, but oh, not this time. This time I was able to clean! I scrubbed the windows, the oven, a few dishes and the fridge! My only disappointment is that I was not able to conclude with tidying Sarah's room a bit. It honestly needs some work... oh well. Perhaps another time! Now if only I could get to cooking, or baking, that would be fantastic.

 

In addition: I must note it's very unpleasant to front and feel the brunt of the foods the previous fronter just ate. I am not a fan of spicy food, and before fronting, my host had these awful Jalapeno things.. the sting was extremely uncomfortable. Next time I refuse to front until that's died down a bit. Though I suppose I could also just get used to it, but... I'm the queen of this system. I want proper treatment. ;)

 

Life is taking a wonderful turn for me, for the better- I feel most of the things I've dreamed for are coming true- and I certainly am looking forward to life more than ever, now.

 

On a single side note, we've found that my form is essentially stuck. I've tried changing it before, and it just.. reverts. Clothing is the only exception to this. And from what I know, this isn't me or my host doing it.

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That's definitely something we'll work on- though I feel part of it might be he just liked his form- which, in that case, I figure we'll just leave it.

 

That said, I do have a quick update: Our parallel processing has improved.

 

Today was a day I had a voice call, and as per usual, it was impossible to message anyone else, really, save for shit posts. I can't text talk well while typing. However, Michael had no issues carrying on his own conversation in another window (and enjoying himself a bit too much with it), despite my talking. He did all of the thinking on it, while I proxied him. At the time I thought not much of it, but it was only after I looked at how well he was able to use the brain as I talked, compared to how I used the brain as I talked, which left me in a state of awe. Hey, it's something.

 

Appearances are changing around here, quite a bit. Raymond now has shorter hair and some scruff on his chin- though I don't know how long that will last- Sen's eyes are violet now, and Kane and James are adapting their old forms from before sentience, when they were roughly 16. I feel it's an attempt to shed off the past traumas and move forward, so I'll support whatever they choose regarding if they keep it or not.

 

 

As a final note, today for Easter, no one really acted out specifically except Michael- who wore a blue and white dress with bunny ears and a bunny tail. I may even draw it, later. Was fairly cute. That said, it's been a lazy day- mainly due to back pain- so we'll be getting back into the scheme of things soon.

 

By the way... Andrew has a kingdom of slugs now. It's a long story, but they're his friends and he likes them, so.. sure. Whatever.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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Progresssss Timeeeeee!

 

Now that I'm not sick, I'm finally letting them front again- Raymond fronted a couple days ago to talk, and he's a better conversationalist than me, for sure. He cracks a lotta jokes, and it's nice seeing him interact with my aunt. In addition, I've started forcing actively every morning- mainly to spend time with them, but also to eventually get to the point I can picture all eight at once.

 

Forcing sessions have been fun. Recently, James and Sen made a robot together, named Grimlore. Seems like a friendly little thing, and let me pet him. I met him in today's forcing session, where we sat and had breakfast, then went to the beach. Michael made these fluffy, scrumptious scrambled eggs with warm, chewy breakfast sandwiches of sausage and egg in a biscuit. Absolutely delicious, from what I could taste.

 

We then just.. talked. It was full of jabs at each other- mainly regarding how Kane ripped off Raymond's dick yesterday- which, by the way, James examined. Turns out it's compromised of 99% ego. And I must correct from yesterday in a chat, not 1, but 4 percent actual dick, meaning his ego is so large it compromises of 103% total dick.- I remember Kane off-handedly saying, "It's okay Michael. We won't examine yours. Unlike Raymond, you have a choice." But I know it's all in jest.

 

After that, I gave James an idea of what to work on next- a teleporter- so he, Raymond and Sen went off to work on it while the rest of us went to the beach. I learned 2 things, here:

 

One, these guys currently travel from land to land of the wonderland through air tubes, which is fun as fuck.

 

And two, this one's more complicated- it turns out these guys can actually puppet my wonderland body, and actually do some of the time. When control was released by Michael, I found it a lot harder to move around. Apparently it was so I could keep up with them. Now that I think back on it, it does make sense, considering at other points Raymond would legit just carry me when we'd travel.

 

That said, my sensory input is improving greatly. Playing marco polo at the beach, I could hear them and locate them, in a sense. And when Raymond- the fucking ass- decided to come up behind me, and play along without telling me, I genuinely heard him behind me. And also nearly had a hard attack. I almost opened my eyes, too, but he clasped his hands over them to keep them shut. I could feel the cold wetness. Not 100%, no, but I could partly feel it.

 

At the end of the session, we ended with a group hug and shit ton of "I love yous" before parting.

 

As a side note, I'd say it's nice to see Kane and James separating from each other sometimes, to associate with other people. Kane played with Lance at the beach, while James worked on his thing. This is really a closer group than I originally thought.

--

 

Moving ON from the forcing session, Lance wants to delve into the spiritual beliefs, perhaps even take on a religion. This is the first time someone has expressed wanting to believe in a god since Claude, who now, like the rest of us, identifies as agnostic or atheist. I feel he just wants to view the world for more than it is- explore his options, see if anything just makes sense to him. Despite my differing beliefs, I accept this decision and want him to do what will make him happy. Raymond, our antitheist, is not as happy, but I'll work on him.

 

Claude is still extremely sensitive. A comment someone made when he'd begun speaking caused him to hold onto it for the rest of the day, honestly, despite our attempts to get it off his mind. He is doing better now, but fighting his views of worthlessness and self-hatred is a constant battle. If this keeps up, I may begin forcing solo with him for a while.

 

In final news, Michael has recently entered a relationship with someone, and I will definitely say it's an odd experience. Michael is happy, at least, but as someone who isn't very touchy-feely, it's so strange seeing someone actually feeling things so intensely in my own head. Makes me wonder if I'm capable of feeling that much, and if I just have something blocking that ability. Mental scarring, perhaps.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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Mental scarring? No, you're just like by host. Well, maybe not. She hardly feels compared to some of my mood swings. And she is not into romance or dating like I am.

 

Claude, you are a good person, and deserve stuff.

 

Err, did I read that part about someone ripping off someone's member properly?

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Yeee you're probably right on that one. Ah well- to each their own, really, and whatever makes them happy, makes me happy y'know?

 

That said, I have a huge update: Claude is actually changing in demeanor a lot. In a chat I had last night, someone in a similar situation to Claude was talked about. The solution referred to was that they needed to deal with it themselves, in a sense. Something only they could fix.

 

That resonated with him, in a sense, and last night I was presented with something.. surprising. A change of form, for one, and also a change of demeanor. He's taken a new willingness to fight what's going on, as well as this passion I haven't seen before. It was actually kind of scary. Part of me doesn't even buy it- I still think he's gonna change back at points, that this is too good to be true. But he's been insisting this is a permanent change for the better, and that he's not going to let himself fell into those stoops anymore. Maybe the active forcing helped a bit, who knows.

 

What gives me hope about this is that when I mentioned the past, he simply said, "Who cares? It's over and done with." Which is something he couldn't do before.  So... yeah. Lots of positives.


 

Moving on, active forcing has gone quite well. Grimlore died for a while, but was revived. It... apparently previously killed itself due to contact with Raymond. Not sure of the details.

 

Heads have been taken off at random points, that was a thing for a while. The lack of serious pain in wonderland leads to.. very odd antics in this sense. I'm tempted to add realistic pain just so they'll stop ripping each other up.

 

Raymond's temper seems to still be a thing, and I've found out what he's most like: the system guard dog. A "threat" is automatically hated, hence why he's got such a gripe against Religion. He deems that it clearly hurt me before, so it's bad. I don't know if this is a bad thing or a good thing, but I want to at least work on his temper, as that's less protective personality related and more, he needs more patience related. But don't we all, am I right?

 

 

Also, I'm still trying to find names for our system. The Eccentric Battalion came to mind, but I'm always up to suggestions. And.. uh... Yeah I dunno, that's about it, save for more fronting and fun times. Will come with more updates later probs.

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Ehhhhh-- no, that wasn't us. I could see it, though. But nah. We never did that, our wonderlands are generated a lot like how a wizard zaps a spell, or the Avatar uses the four elements.


That said, I do have... some progress? I guess? It's more emotional stuff than anything. For starters, Michael has proven to have very intense empathy abilities I never had- or perhaps I did, I've just learned to suppress them. Anyway, while it's a neat skill, it's also a bitch to deal with when you're starting out, as Michael's learned. Feeling other's pain to intensely is not fun, especially when it drives you to become a sobbing mess. We're gonna work on how he can deal with it, though, together.

 

Actually, this system in general sucks with being open with emotions. We tend to bury them, out of fear of them making us weak. Granted, some are better at it than others, and others yet, I didn't even know they were suppressing them until- sudden waterworks. Like Raymond, he's done that to me. Hopefully that's something we can overcome- not seeing emotions as such an issue.

 

Claude has been an excellent help during the turmoils, and.. what can I say? I'm proud of how far he's come along. But he's still our Claude, as we've found- which is hilarious, but don't tell him I was laughing at him- and.. yeah. Suppose that's it for now.

 

This also isn't progress, but I've noticed we are absolutely horrible to each other when it comes to banter. Like, we love each other, but we can be horrible. Like just recently, Kane and James made this giant, terrifying robot that breathed fire. So of course, they name it Raymond 2.0. Maybe it's because when you care for someone enough, you trust them not to mean what they say. Who knows.

 

Oh, and we made a tumblr. And Michael made his own tumblr. Don't follow Michael's, though, it's gay.

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... Haaaa. How am I gonna explain this. Okay!

 

So you know shit's gone down if I'm doing an update a day after the previous, and boy, did shit go down. To keep it short with a huge TL;DR up here: Claude split last night into his original halves, and we had a hell of a time getting him back together.

 

 

 

For the longer explanation... Claude had felt a bit broken up inside yesterday. That, combined with experimenting with his form a bit much seemed to literally split him into thirds. This translucent form of him that could talk faintly but not be touched, and his original components- Xenos and Amber, who is now calling herself Lucy. 

 

Obviously I was doubting this even happened for about an hour, since this is some shit that we never had an issue with before. After all, Claude has been fused for a year. However, I think the problem comes in that while they merged, they never integrated. And I don't know if they could, with each other. Lucy and Xenos were always opposites, and the merge to begin with was more of a panicked accident than a purposeful thing.

 

Now you might say, "... They could just refuse, right?" Nope! That's where shit really gets complicated. After seeing the wonderland, being individuals again.. they didn't want to. They liked being out and free. Meaning they didn't want to re-merge and form Claude's body. Which I had issues with, since we already have 8. However, even when I later tried, Claude just couldn't physically form without them.

 

To add to this, Claude began to feel the system would do better with them. That he didn't want to impose on their happiness, so he decided he wanted to leave. Die, for better sake of the term, and let them live their lives. So the entire thing was a mess, everyone was panicked.

 

Now, let it be known that they don't have issues with Claude. Hell, Lucy and Xenos adore Claude and worded this. They just didn't want to leave us to be his body, and.. I'll admit, it made me feel bad. However, with talking, they eventually relented and they all remerged- giving Claude his body, to which everyone was relieved.

 

Lucy and Xenos aren't gone, however- I can still hear them talk, and they've been using Claude's body to switch in and talk to people. Which... works, but trippy. It's like I have a tulpa with his own tulpas, like what the fuck.

 

That said, this is only temporary. We in reality have two options at this point: either all of them integrate into one base person in mind and body, which would be hard considering they're all so vastly different, but doable, or find a way to get them out of Claude without destroying Claude's form and being.

 

I.... would prefer the integration. After all, pulling them out would mean 11 people in this goddamn system. But this entire system aside from me wants the latter option, finding a way to pull them out. And my hesitation in asserting an integration due to my attachment to them- they're my first tulpas, after all- and their reluctance as I'm an obvious minority. We'll have a long discussion on it and try to figure something out.

 

So... yeah. Lots of confusion, lots of what the fuck, and I'm probably insane but.. hey. Least we didn't lose Claude.

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[Xenos] Ahem.

 

Of course, looking at this tag- you all can figure out how things went. This is Xenos, and Lucy and I have chosen to stay in this system.Claude is independent at this point. With effort, we managed to give him his own body while we split, so he's quite alright. This also means I can be a complete arse to you lot without ruining his reputation. Shall be quite fun, indeed.

 

So as you can see, I am Xenos. I was originally here before... any of these strange individuals, really. Granted, my character is one that isn't as old, but I started this soulbond brigade. I was the first to be found and take pride in it. Without me, bloody Raymond wouldn't have ever gotten out of his mess. Quite a fun time, there.

 

I hope to be well accepted here, even if my initial memories of this place are extremely negative and full of rather butthurt arseholes trying to scream their opinions- my host included, embarrassing as that may be to admit. It seems better. My rules are simple: Don't give me a reason to dislike you, and I will not dislike you.  Good day.


[saylin] Lucy'll probably introduce herself later, Idk. BUT HEY WE GOT UPDATES. FIRST BEING THEM TWO JOINING OUR SYSTEM.

 

In other news, lots of drama today, lots of sad shit. Really hit me today that having multiple people in your head with issues is hard and taxing. However, most of it's sorted, even if there's some residual negativity there. Will take time to clear that all out. 

 

I honestly feel really bad for Michael, though. This whole week has just been a shit storm for him. And I know the guy's a trooper, sure, but god, give the guy a break, life. I don't like seeing him so stressed. Or so hard on himself.

 

Bonus sidenote: Lucy is the only one to not have an anime form in my head. Most appear in that style, but Lucy is equivalent to a real life person. Somehow is still able to interact with the others.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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