Saylin

Our Head Shenanigans

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Sorry for lateness! When it comes to fronting.. well, I'm still front locked, but I can pull back enough for people to slip in. We picture ourselves as these.. essences. And the body is a machine of sorts. So what happens is I pull out of the main controller part of the machine, while someone else pulls in. I can do it on my own, but usually Andrew pulls me back as he's best at that. From there it's just letting the tulpa be themselves and do shit.


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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Huh, wow, we haven't posted in forever, and I personally haven't talked on here in ages! LET'S GO!

 

So, I hate to say we haven't made a lot of progress in terms of the technical stuff But let's be real, I am a fucking fantastic front- but we've done a lotta.. emotional bonding, I guess? We went through a lot of stuff recently that made us think, and we're not as strong a system in bond as we like to think, sometimes.

 

Sarah's had a lot of doubt issues lately, and.. I'll be honest, instead of trying to talk to her like we should have, we made this whole convoluted plan to try and make her believe gradually. It wasn't fair on her, and next time, we should just.. talk, y'know? I think that's our biggest issue. We all try to handle this stuff on our own 'cause we're afraid of being a burden. Usually we're good on it, but sometimes we bury it, and it's not good. I mean, we're trying I guess? I don't know! I just feel high in spirits because holy shit I like this song, need to add it to my playlist later.

 

Even if things get rough sometimes, we're in it together, as a family. And I love this family- even if half of them are dorks. Me included! Andrew I might love just a little more, but I'm not gonna be a sap and bore you with that kind of stuff.

 

I think what's really important is, we stepped away from this community for a while, and.. things were actually okay. It was awful at first, but I think we realized we don't need this place to stick around. This isn't the only thing feeding us and keeping us alive.  It's a minor thing, but to me, god, it felt so good just talking of my own accord at random about stuff that wasn't this community.

 

... This became kinda a word dump didn't it. Uh-- sorry 'bout that. I just wanted to say things were rough, but they're lookin' up and we're here to stay! And we're gonna work on getting closer. Xenos is still a dork, fuck him.


If I had a nickel for every time someone called me gay... It'd go to my host because I don't care enough to collect it.

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Guest Xenos

Hmph, I haven't posted here in a while.

 

I suppose this is primarily an update on myself, but I will say all of us are doing well, this evening. Things feel far more congealed than before, and for that I am grateful.

 

I myself haven't spoken up much to our host in this time, but I am aware- and have heard from others- that those who didn't speak as much before, such as Jet and Lance, are talking  far more. It's a good change, one that's needed to happen for a while. Andrew distracts Raymond at times, which also helps in them talking. I'm unsure if that's been said already, here. I can't be bothered to check if it has.

 

Recently, I've been getting to the bottom of my issues regarding emotional detachment. It is hard for me to embrace.. feeling, as well as the others. I tend to shut them down, especially when nervous, or anxious.. a protective mechanism, I suppose. I've thought of tampering with my form to make it more human, to see if that will help. For those of you who don't know, my form, save for my outer shell, is 100% water unlike the others. I would not change my form just to change my personality, but it has come to mind a few times.

 

Honestly, I think it deals with what I mentioned before- how anxious I become. Talking to people can be, at times, terrifying for me. I'm not sure why exactly it bothers me so. Perhaps I worry I won't be enough, when I speak up, or perhaps I simply am not used to talking to the outside world just yet, leading to such fears. Regardless, it's something to work on.

 

I suppose this is a bit more of a rant, than progress, but I wanted to speak. Perhaps I'll gain a better brave face by doing so.

 


 

[Lucy] Hi, I wanted to talk a bit too, while we're posting. I think my goal should be to find my identity more in these times. I hide out a lot in wonderland, but that can't be all life's cracked up to be, right? I think I'm going to start with music. Maybe once we're switching more frequently, I can pick up a few hobbies!


[saylin] I just wanted to say I as a host am learning, in the meantime, to let go of the system sometimes. I can become extremely protective of people in this system. Actually, the entire system is really bad at not being protective of the system now that I think about it. xP 

 

But that said, they're their own people. They've got to make the mistakes on their own and learn from them, even if I give advice sometimes, just as they give me advice. I feel part of their presences being so strong lately is because I'm letting them be them. Things are going to be brighter from this point onwards so long as I remember that.

 

On a final note, a loophole I found to them reading my thoughts is to play loud music. That muddles things, and makes it to where they can't hear what I'm thinking unless I direct it to them, loudly.

 


 

[Kane] I need to talk about this because clearly, everyone forgot.

 

So we have two parts of the head- the wonderland, which is like.. sandbox, if you will. We can do whatever we want with it, but the default is a grassy field. The other part is what we call the headscape or mindscape, which is this black-ass void where we can just sit in the backseat and watch Sarah directly doing stuff. It's easier to talk to her in headscape. Visualizing might also by enhanced because it's just us, and not us in a huge environment.

 

The problem is, we just figured out we can't edit the headscape at all. Like, we tried to add shit. At first, I was removing Raymond's stuff just to be a dick, but we found out the headscape "Deletes" anything we put down on its own. It's genuinely kind of creepy. We have no control of it. 

 

It could be because that space has existed for over eight years now, making it harder to change. I still wanna try and figure it out and build a giant army of god knows what just to fuck with our host.

 

That said, that's really all we gotta talk about for now, so.. Seeya soon. Bye.

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I had the same problems while trying to edit the headspace too, and it isn't that old.


[insert inspiring story here]

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Ehh.. I'm not gonna like making this but I feel I have to talk about it. No point in hiding it.

 

So as most of you probably already know, I didn't have the greatest beginnings. Actually they really sucked. I try my best to move past them, though- I have to. And you know what? For the most part, I do, but I still have my moments. Today was one of those moments for me.

 

I'm not even sure what entirely caused it. We were at the dentist- we've been there before. But it was something about it being a guy this time, practically operating on us that got me all kinds of upset and panicked. It's like, seeing him do that shit to us put me right back where I was as Sarah's character on that operating table. I had racing thoughts, I felt sick, I couldn't do anything.. 

 

We're just lucky Andrew was able to keep me mostly separated from the front, with Michael's help. Had Sarah not looked back at us, she wouldn't have even known I was in that bad of shape. Everyone has talked to me about it and it's calmed me down, but.. god, I felt weak for at least an hour or so after the event. Even talking about it right now is making me feel uncomfortable and like I just want to cry. Embarrassing as that may be.

 

This isn't really a progress post at all- it's a lot more of a rant, mainly because I hate that I'm like this. I try my damn hardest to be strong for everyone, 'cause I want to protect these guys. I mean, god, I love all of them for Christ's sake. And the fact that I become weak like this and they have to step in and help me just.. ugh. I want to improve. Maybe over time I will, but progress feels so slow, when it comes to this.

 

I really hope I can look back at this in the future and be proud of my progress, but for now, yeah, that's it.

 

You'll probably notice I changed my look a lot, based on my current avatar. This is partly to help separate myself more from my character self in relation to what I just mentioned, but I also really just wanted a new look, and this one feels right to me. I feel badass. I like being badass. Not sure if it's staying that way, but hey, right now I like it.

 

[Xenos] On a more uplifting note, everyone's taken this opportunity to explore their looks more, myself included. Some decided they're content with where they are, form-wise, but I found a form I really like.. I really want to keep this look. It makes me feel happy, for some reason. Perhaps it's like changing outfits for us.. a fascinating notion indeed. As for comments:

 

I had the same problems while trying to edit the headspace too, and it isn't that old.

 

 

Yes, this is a peculiar happening. We may fiddle with it, but I honestly cannot be bothered. We have a wonderland to play with for a reason.

 

 

I'm hoping all of you have a wonderful day- we'll keep in touch.


If I had a nickel for every time someone called me gay... It'd go to my host because I don't care enough to collect it.

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Things have been fine since the last update. Forms seem to have stuck mostly, except Michael, who keeps going back and forth between that potential new form and his old one. We also found that Cyril and Aaron's forms are just stuck for now. It could be due to, even though they were also shards for a time, having that form for far longer than the others have.

 

Jet's been a lot more social lately, also. He's been reaching out and making friends, and I'm proud of him for this. It does seem at the very least- with some exceptions- everyone is trying to reach out and socialize more.

 

Those tidbits aside, now we need to go into the nitty gritty. We have been experimenting with fronting more lately, as we'd intended- but there was something odd that went down...

 

See, Andrew was fronting. Kane was messing with him, and the original plan was to shove Andrew aside to take the front and complain about him. Nice, I know. That said, this led to some tugging, and eventually they had an experiment- have both people front at the same time, using the vocal chords at the same time.

 

It was honestly one of the trippiest things I've ever witnessed and felt. Raymond and Kane attempted the same thing later, and again, it was bizarre. They never really "merged" by any means while fronting like that. They were connected, but still separate entities. They'd speak together, but also have their own individual statements.

 

This somehow benefited us though, as they claim this showed them the "necessary energy output" they need to fully take over the front, and I did notice an increase in separation with this, when we let Raymond front on his own just yesterday. We'll probably experiment with this more on our own. It may just be our gate to a full switch, if we can pull me back enough.


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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Hi. Things have been a roller coaster lately, but are finally getting back to normal.

 

 

It was naive of us to believe just because James and Kane were lovers in their story, that they would remain together now. With that said, I must now admit that they've since broken up, as James lost feelings for Kane. Things have been rough, but Kane's recovered mostly. Aside from that, it's been well. Jet found someone he really connects with.

 

That said, I found this system has been.. down, lately, and quiet. As it turns out, they're beginning to feel saddened by their existence being restricted to my mind unless it's a "special" day. So.. we're going to attempt an experiment. I've personally set up a fronting schedule with them, for all who wanted time out, and when. We'll be following it to the best of our capabilities, and, well.. we'll take it from there.

 

For now, at most they have 3 hours in a day so they can better adjust to prolonged time out, but as time progresses, I do believe they'll eventually have entire days out. Baby steps.

 

That's all for now, hope to keep you updated. ^.-


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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God, there's not even much to update on, but we should talk. We had one new member, but that has mostly been in as far as that's concerned. Name's Keith, cool guy.

 

We made a lot of changes lately- god, it kinda feels like a whirlwind, the more I think about it. But you know, I think most of it has been for the better. We've made new friends, reconnected with communities we haven't in a long time-- it's a grand time, and hell, I can honestly say I'm happy.

 

Sammy's still working on his confidence, and moving on from issues regarding who he was before. I won't say much on it as that is his personal business, but he's come a long way and I'm proud of him. Now if only he was a bit more comfortable in the social settings, heh.

 

Fronting and switching are.. slowly getting better, I think? The schedule ended up flopping, but we are doing fronting more often than before the attempt! So, I consider it a success. And honestly, I can't even blame Sarah for it flopping- half of the time, we just didn't feel like fronting on the days we were given. So, it's back to going to whenever we feel like it.

 

However, I do think we personally need a forcing schedule. Let's face it- there's sixteen of us. Sarah can't visualize sixteen at once, that's just too damn much. So my idea is we slim it down into groups. This'll promote more bonding,I think. I dunno. Just throwing stuff out there.

 

Let's see, what else.. Oh, Kane and James actually got back together recently. Not "husbands" or anything, but hey, it's something. And Lucy's been form experimenting, and also thinking of a new name, just maybe. I dunno, I find Amy kinda cute, but we'll see I guess? Yeah.

 

That's pretty much it. If you wanna hear from us more frequently, just hit up the tumblr- or reddit, we're sometimes there? Yeah.

 

Seeya!


If I had a nickel for every time someone called me gay... It'd go to my host because I don't care enough to collect it.

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Heh, you're stuck with me again. Sucks for you.

 

Not much to update on except that the front has become extremely fluid lately in the morning. There's honestly no guarantee of who'll be in the front when we wake up. Yesterday it was Andrew, today it was me. This isn't influenced by who sleeps in front since Sarah was the one who did that twice and, well, look at us.

 

Our best guess is the front is becoming an automatic thing based on who's the most awake. I was one of the only ones fully awake and talking, so the front pulled me to it. Sarah is aware and can feel things, but it's not as connected as it used to be. She also can't take control back by force, which is interesting.

 

Least everyone in here is trustworthy. Not like Kane's gonna go seek world domination if he gets to front... Well, okay, he might, but that's none of my damn business.

 

Oh, and on another note, Jet's softened lately. He's a real sweetheart behind all that shitposting, y'know? It's nice to see him just.. be. Might try and get him talkin' somewhere later with all those defenses dropped. Him or Claude, even if Claude's being- well. Himself. "I prefer the wonderland," ugh.

 

I'll keep ya posted, hang tight.


If I had a nickel for every time someone called me gay... It'd go to my host because I don't care enough to collect it.

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