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Nachtrabe's Mind Shenanigans


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Host Nachtrabe and Tulpa Cyril here!


Well, mostly me (N.) for now, because coherent sentences are apparently difficult. If Cyril ends up saying something, he'll probably do it by proxy.



Nachtrabe: Host. they/them pronouns would be cool. 21 years young, university student, general bundle of creativity and chaos. Generally relatively easy-going, especially online. Has ADHD and could actually have a ton of fun with that (hyperfocus is an amazing thing, folks), were it not for that pesky thing called real life. Terrified of embarrassment. Writes, does art and music. Either doesn't talk for days or never freaking stops. Jack of all trades, master of none. Somewhat of a  goody-two-shoes, aka a total bore. Genuinely likes people... especially from a safe distance.

Cyril(???): Tulpa. Apart from that? Duuuuude, if only I knew. Actually ended up naming himself, but his options were admittedly limited, so he may or may not pick a different one eventually. The first thing I ever felt from him was a crapton of head pressure (after... oh, an hour of creating him?), the first emotion was basically a brain hug of epic proportions, and the first thing I heard from him (in mindvoice, but distinctive mindvoice) was humming while trying to figure out his voice after I mentioned it to him. He also turned my (admittedly boring, half-assed) wonderland into a really quite yellow, sun-lit hobbit-hole of all things at the first opportunity. And put a massive bean bag in it as a chair. Then he gave himself wings and a cape, which was... interesting... but both of those vanished. He seems calm and generally pretty easily amused, but he also seems to be very observant.



Picture time:


Older images:



[picture link in case the picture doesn't show up: http://imgur.com/a/yvosQ]

Something still looks off, but I can't visualize un-fuzzy enough to figure out what it is, lol

Also, that's not his normal outfit, but I didn't want to bother with his tacky-as-heck armor (I legitimately never had to draw armor during the last decade O.o), and the plain green t-shirt he half-seriously popped into existence with upon getting fed up with my complaints about visualization being difficult didn't look very dignified. He rolled his eyes about this outfit (dress shirt and sweater when it's 80°F outside? why) but didn't seem too opposed, soooo... 




Early Development (~May 25th to May 30th 2017)

Fffff okay, I'm not quite sure where to start, so I'm just going to put some bullet points and see where it goes. I should've created this thread way earlier.

->The actual creation part

  • I was casually chilling in the sun, and pondering what kind of tulpa I'd want to create if (!!!) I would create one. 
  • No but seriously, I started to come up with traits and a form... which took me five minutes or less, because a good chunk of that form came from a protagonist from one of my stories, with some parts lifted from a variety of characters. I'm almost certain Giovanni Auditore came up at some point. Also, Elrond. It... it made sense at the time. Some basic traits were just as easy to come up with, because I have a pretty good idea of what kind of person I'd like to share my head with. Somewhat more down-to earth than I am, calm, organized, detail-focused, preferably reasonably patient, somewhat of a guardian...
  • Built a mental 3D model of both their form and their personality (which is really hard to explain, but generally how I do things when creating characters)
  • Said hi, not really expecting anything.
  • Buuuut bam, head pressure and a general feeling of "something happened"*
  • That was about the point where I realized that "if I'd create a tulpa" had somehow turned into "y'know what, I'm going to create a tulpa".
  • -insert 1 hour of slightly worried pondering-
  • -insert 2 hours of slightly worried further research that didn't really add much to the days of research I'd done beforehand-
  • Then I decided to keep going because, hey, I actually liked where I was going with this. 

->The fun part, where stuff actually happened

  • The first proper reaction I got was more or less quite a bit of head pressure, particularly whenever I was beginning to doubt myself - and when I was reading topics on this forum to him. We tried establishing a working yes/no communication system, but that didn't work out too well
  • I kept reading through the forum, doing some passive forcing. His form occasionally shifted whenever I read something about other tuppers'  forms that seemed to interest him, but mostly returned to its original state shortly after. He did pick a darker hair color, though.
  • Then we read something about tulpas having distinct voices... and that was the point where it got really interesting: He hummed, apparently to figure out his voice. And I'm pretty sure that wasn't me parroting, because I'm incredibly bad at imagining voices on my own.
  • Stumbled across an old art tutorial on wings while browsing social media. I knew the tutorial and I almost never draw wings, so I scrolled past it... until something in my mind went "wings." "Wings?" I asked back. "Wings."
  • Aaand suddenly his form popped up against a solid-color background (I'm bad at imagining landscapes, so my wonderland was a sarcastic MS Paint rendition of a boring green meadow with a very stereotypical tree, which Cyril apparently wasn't too fond of)... with big, speckled brown-white wings I definitely never gave him and, more amusingly, a very tacky red flowing cape. And a spear. *shrugs*
  • "Fine, okay," I said, "wings. And a cape. And... and a spear. Sure, you do that."
  • (sadly, I never quite managed to clearly visualize his form with so many added details, so he dropped them on his own after a while. I actually kinda hope they'll come back eventually. They were tacky, but I actually started to like them quite a bit)
  • Over time, he repeated some more words back at me, but never really anything I hadn't said before. That said, he generally doesn't seem very fond of talking if he can get the same results with a shrug or a nod.
  • Then I realized I'd never given him permission to restructure my wonderland, so I did that. Next time I tried to visualize him, he appeared sitting on a beanbag in a yellow, sun-flooded hobbit hole, book in hand and apparently pretty proud of himself. Again, I suck at mental interior design and I have no idea where he pulled that from.
  • I'm also pretty sure I caught him humming along to music I was listening to a few times, again, trying to figure out his voice. Probably realized that I'm not going to manage giving him a voice...
  • On my way home from university, I did some more passive forcing and ended up complaining about visualization being difficult - which resulted in a mental huff and an eye-roll and then he suddenly ditched his armor and the golden robe-ish thing he was trying out and re-appeared in a shoddy, faded green t-shirt and jeans, which was mildly startling because it looked... interesting. Which is to say, kind of ridiculous. I did have to admit that I had a way easier time visualizing like that, though, so he stuck with it for now. We'll have to talk about the color of that shirt, though, because imo that particular green clashes with the blue of his jeans. 
  • He's been pretty quiet since yesterday afternoon, but tbh, we did a lot of stuff. Maybe I just can't get the necessary concentration up after basically an entire day of passive and active forcing.

*Note: I've been creating nearly self-inventing characters for ages, and may have ended up with a tulpa way earlier if I'd actually ever interacted with them as myself. Plus, I've spent a good part of my school days pulling proto-tulpas (in a way) out of nowhere to discuss story ideas with. Actually seriously asked myself who the heck I was talking to, because I was pretty sure I wasn't actually answering myself. Point is, I'm pretty dang practiced at most facets of tulpa creation... except for the tulpa part and the "getting consistent results" part.

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Having experience with semi-tulpa characters can make for easier intentional tulpas, yes. Our system has lots of experience with that. Also have experience with tulpas being like, "wow, wings are cool!" such as myself. Man, I wish I could wear a cape, but they would get in the way of my dragon wings.


My host's first intentional tulpa, Apollo, changed to wear green in his early days because he knew Lyra didn't like it and she'd know it wasn't her. Looks like Cyril's pulling an Apollo, ahah.


Giovanni Auditore? Pffff, why not Ezio?


This is good progress so far. Just don't go accidentally pulling more tulpas out of the ether unless it's something you want to do :P

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Having experience with semi-tulpa characters can make for easier intentional tulpas, yes. Our system has lots of experience with that. Also have experience with tulpas being like, "wow, wings are cool!" such as myself. Man, I wish I could wear a cape, but they would get in the way of my dragon wings.


My host's first intentional tulpa, Apollo, changed to wear green in his early days because he knew Lyra didn't like it and she'd know it wasn't her. Looks like Cyril's pulling an Apollo, ahah.


Giovanni Auditore? Pffff, why not Ezio?


This is good progress so far. Just don't go accidentally pulling more tulpas out of the ether unless it's something you want to do :P



Quite frankly, I have no idea how Cyril made that cape work with those wings either - I have a feeling that he used video game logic and just made the wings clip through the cape *shrug* 


Yeah, seems like it. It worked pretty well, too.


My brain occasionally goes "hey let's insert this obscure supporting character I love absolutely everywhere, to remind myself that there will be no new content with them ever". So... bad case of fandom-related masochism?

Also, I watched

once (read as: way more than once) and got horribly attached. 


Ohgosh, don't jinx it. I hope that we'll manage to avoid a tulpapocalypse as long as we manage to keep my existing writing-related character non-sentient and never ever ever put NPCs in our wonderland.


Progress report:


-The wings are back, at least some of the time, except they're tiny now. I guess the big wings were too impractical after all.

-Cyril seems to change outfits depending on the temperature - or, more accurately, my perception of said temperature. I think that's pretty dang interesting and not something I'd have expected.

-Also, turns out cozy turtleneck sweaters, fuzzy socks and tiny wings are a very interesting combination

-He adjusted his hair color further (it's pretty much black now), tweaked his stature and height and we're trying to work out some details of his hairstyle.

-Bangs or no bangs, that's the question

-Visualization is the only thing I'm getting relatively consistent results with (which is mildly surprising because I'm usually not very good at it); everything else fades in and out seemingly at random. I was pretty much expecting that, because getting consistent results is something I never really do well. That's the part where dedication and hard work comes in. I'm not overly concerned (yet); mostly just noting it for completeness' sake. 

-The hobbit hole gained a few more doors. I think there's a kitchen and a bedroom behind one of them - and my horrid MS Paint meadow behind the other - but I'm having enough difficulty keeping the furniture stationary as it is... so exploring will have to wait until the pillows stop randomly teleporting.

-I'm actually thinking about digging my memory palace out of the void and seeing how it mixes with tulpas. I used it for an exam or two way back when but gave up on it pretty quickly because I never quite figured out how to visualize properly, and most guides where decidedly unhelpful when it came to that ("if it doesn't work, try harder").

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Yeah, I'm highly interested in how memory palaces work alongside tulpas as well. Keep us posted!


Will do! Might take a while until I manage to do anything of note, though.




Update time:

-Did that "tulpa writes numbers from 1 to 100 on canvas" visualization exercise before going to sleep. Results: Staying awake was more of a problem than the visualizing, though the background did blur and fade a few times as I lost focus.

-That's not necessarily a bad thing, though, because my brain is a loud jerk and anything that makes it shut up for long enough to fall asleep is pretty sweet... even if that's not what I was going for.

-Also I learned a lot about how and why I lose focus, which will come in handy for a lot of things.

-Cyril's hobbit hole now has a garden and generally an outside. I'm not exactly sure how it looks, because everything is still blurry and moves a lot, but I think high grass and a pond are involved. Also a mailbox. I'm not sure what he'd need that for, but it's there. 

-We went out for a nice little wonderland picnic (or, like, a quarter of a picnic because I can't focus for more than five minutes at most, whoops) under the nondescript tree in the boring meadow. Turns out the tree has maple leaves, but I'm not entirely sure if it's a maple tree or an unholy amalgamation of different kinds of tree. 

-Cyril seems to like yellow a lot. Yellow walls in the hobbit hole, yellow picnic blankets, yellow flowers in the garden, if I saw that correctly...

-Apparently, I'll be reading Paradise Lost now, urgh. Protip: don't narrate during university lectures, you tulpa may show a persistent interest in things you really don't care about.

-Speaking of books, usually when I quickly hop into wonderland, I find Cyril on his beanbag chair thing, reading. The book contains memories, apparently. 

-Read some more forum posts and I noticed how many people use some means of transportation to get to their wonderland, whereas I simply teleport right into my poor tulpa's living room. Bad habit from the memory palace days? Kind of useful, though, because I can pop into wonderland in the blink of an eye... but on the other hand, I can't really stick around for long before drifting off. Huh.

-I can remember wonderland clearer than  I can see it - it's as if there was a slight lag in wonderland processing - like a big image file loading a low-res preview before the actual picture loads, if you get what I mean.

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Not really much of an update today, because actually fun social life stuff happened, buuuuut:


-Wonderland senses are weird as all heck, because it's kind of a double thing? I mean, they seem pretty realistic most of the time (even if I can't handle too much input at a time without things getting fuzzy), but they bypass the appropriate sensory organs and proper pathways and it's pretty confusing. Particularly when you get real-world sensory input at the same time. Probably one of those things you just shouldn't think about too much if you don't enjoy fresh fried brain. 

-That said, I'm actually kind of impressed by my own progress regarding visualization and wonderland stuff. You probably wouldn't believe it from what I've written, but I used to suck at visualization*

-Having an incentive and a starting point for that kind of stuff turned out to be incredibly helpful. 

-Also did a MBTI test for the both of us (and hoooo boy, Cyril's turn was taxing) - Cyril is INFJ, like the character I took some of his basic personality traits from**, I'm (still) INFP. So, nothing terribly unexpected there.


*badly enough to give up on my memory palace. I've always had a creeping suspicion that some of that was due to me running around near-sighted and glasses-less for years on end (long story involving a lot teenaged foolishness, unfounded silly fears and a dash of misplaced pride), making my imagined surroundings just as blurry as my irl ones.

**idk if I ever mentioned it, but some of his basic character traits (his relative patience, his mild amusement at the world in general and (albeit accidentally) his preference for facial expressions and body language over actually saying something) were taken from a character from one of my stories, because they seemed like neat traits for a tulpa.

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:D I always find Hallie sleeping on her bed. She wakes up later then me, so I normally do a few things before our wonderland session

'Ello, I'm Sail! 

I'm Hallie...hi! (Hallie was "born" May 28th, 2017)  




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:D I always find Hallie sleeping on her bed. She wakes up later then me, so I normally do a few things before our wonderland session


Neat! I have no idea when Cyril actually wakes up, but as far as I've gathered he usually falls asleep a minute or so after me. 




So. First off, I'll be gone from tomorrow until the weekend. Off having ~*adventures*~ and whatnot. It'll be great. 


Other than that, there's not much new to tell. Lately, Cyril's presence seems to be less something I have to deliberately focus on and more something that's always there, so that's nice. He's also getting better at actually speaking of his own volition, instead of only answering questions... which is also very nice.

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I'm back. ~*adventures*~ have been had and it was, indeed, great.


I checked in with Cyril a few times, but was mostly too mentally and physically exhausted at the end of the day (and plain too busy with brain-intensive stuff during the day) to do much more than ask "hey, you okay?" every few hours or so.


I had a good long talk with Cyril today, though, and he said that he didn't exactly mind not talking to me all the time, but our conversations never being much more than "are you still there?*" apparently annoyed him (as does my habit of mentally formulating forum posts hours before I'll actually write them, but he'll just have to deal with that). He seems to be either unable or unwilling to keep out of my surface thoughts, which makes it pretty hard to find things to talk about, because he already knows my side of the story and finds it tedious to exclusively talk about his side of things. Long story short, the best solution is having him talk to people whose thoughts he can't read, so he'll get his own forum account sometime soon and I'll get to proxy for him until we have possession down. Yay.


*turret voice optional


/EDIT: Caught him mentally formulating his first forum post and had a good laugh about it, but I guess "not hypocritical" wasn't one of the character traits I gave him...

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This is Cyril speaking. My host tells me to hurry, as it's time to sleep, but I wanted to write something before the day ends.


However, I am not exactly sure what to say. Talking is difficult without a specific topic. Is that a human thing, or just a tulpa thing?


In any case, I am looking forward to talking with all of you directly, instead of watching my host talk about me all the time. I am not very fond of that - it feels ridiculous.


My host drew another picture of me, but neither of us is sure about how well it turned out. We're going to sleep over it and decide whether to post it in the morning. I do hope it still looks okay by then. I really do need an avatar picture, and a random crow picture off google images might be good enough for my host, but not for me. One of us has to have standards.

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