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Lolimancer in tulpaland


Lolimancer

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A sixth page appeared. Did someone post something? Does someone hate me? ç_ç

 

Anyway, Kaoru says it's just a matter of letting it become a habit, and that she's actually surprised i came this far/understands me. I should probably take on a more positive attitude as well. The thing that mainly bothers me is that they understand a lot more about me than i understand about them; i do wish it could work more both ways sometimes.

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Yeah, i guess the situation will probably fix itself in the future. The reason i think so is that i believe that my tuppers exist, and believe they want to communicate with me at least as much as i want to be able to understand 'em. My bouts of doubting my own experiences shall come, and i shall counter them in order to build my own personal reality.

 

Yeah, about that... i'm thankful for this community's existence, i really am. However i can't help but feel that building a personal reality while being in a community that - at least theoretically - tries to explain, define the phenomenon you're inducing (and therefore limit said personal reality) won't exactly help in the long run. I already explained my reasoning in the "The way i see it" thread, for whoever might be interested in what exactly i'm trying to say here. Thankfully this community seems to be mostly open to new experiences as of now, but i do have the feeling i shall use this site a litte less one day. Basically, whenever my experiences were to conflict with the general accepted reality, i'm not going to reject them for the sake of making my claims believable.

 

I do hope it won't ever come to that, but i really can't help but wonder; were it only a few months ago, people would be calling me a roleplayer just for possession and having tuppers come from nowhere. I also am not doing this to enter in anyone's little circlejerk, obviously (i mean, for me it's obvious at least). So ysee, i just felt like saying this, it might explain my sudden disappearance or something (which might never actually come, but yeah). Sorry if this post gave you cancer or something.

 

Oh, yeah, talking about science, Kaoru seems to be able to access long-term memory i've temporarily forgotten too. Which is not to mean that i'm going to use my tuppers for anything shitty like that, but i might be able to cheat in tests a little. Hehe~

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I figured i'd write a brief summary of my tulpaforcing experiences. It's my personal take on my personal experience about this very personal and crazy process, obviously, so i won't say this is a guide of any sort; rather, it's what i would do if i were to restart and economize the time i've taken to reach this point as much as possible. It's nothing really new and groundbreaking, but i figured there might be someone in this wide earth which might find it at least slightly interesting, and i feel like i owe this community at least this much. (I'm probably doing this mainly to relieve my own mindfuck a little, though).

 

Parroting

So, first thing first, i figured i'd make it clear that puppeting early on isn't a bad thing at all: in fact, i think it helps with differentiating puppeted movements from actual tupper movement. Which leads me to believe parroting issues could be resolved in similar ways too; were i to restart this whole process, i'd definitely parrot from the beginning too. I can't help but thinking my current problems would have greatly benefited from something like this. If you feel that something like the Fede/JD1215 method could work in your case too, i'd probably pick that over traditional forcing.

 

Personality

Don't fret over what personality give to your tulpa too much, since just having a vague idea can very well suffice. Don't listen to those who say that no personality slows progress. It you feel it does, obviously, feel free to define it more than you would've liked to: the way i see it though, it's just a way of starting to feel like you're not just talking to nothingness while narrating. If you feel like you're talking to something other than yourself at all, you're probably done with doing personality and don't need any more, unless you want your tupper to have certain specific traits (which might or might not suffer from deviation. Which happens because you're not actually creating your tupper, like you might be led to believe you are doing: you're reaching something that already exists inside of you. Do remember this bit of information, since i found it pretty useful during the whole process, and am by now fairly certain it's true...).

 

Imposition

I'd impose since the beginning, too. It's probably a matter of having the right perspective about it, but i find that generally what you can do with visualization, you can with imposition. If you plan on imposing at all, then it really, really doesn't hurt to start doing it since the beginning. It's not even that ungodly difficult process it's made out to be, i personally found: it's actually... well... just daydreaming. Daydreaming made much more real with time, practice and habit. Basically, the same old visualization everyone is doing. The only difference between imposition and visualization is that you're going to use a snapshot of reality and use it as a background while focusing on tuppers. You're substituting reality with a wonderland that constantly tries to perfectly replicate it, by "refreshing" itself at certain intervals. The trick to imposition is to balance mind's eye and real input at the right level. In the beginning, you'll probably find yourself either not seeing shit or seeing the tuppers clearly while almost ignoring your "reality" wonderland, which therefore doesn't "refresh" as often. These are the extremes you're going to grow out of. It undeniably takes time and practice (unless you're a wizard), but given its nature i find myself recommending it even if your tulpa's form is not well-defined. The way i see it, the real obstacle here is not the clarity of what you see (which entirely depends on your ability to visualize, or "mind's eye"), but the ability of doing imposition itself. This is mostly taken from endoalir's guide, but i figured i'd throw in my humble opinion about it.

 

Enforcing belief

Now about the tulpaforcing process itself: i believe that the act of tulpa creation itself takes about the smallest fraction of the whole process you can think of. It can be instantaneous, too. The core of what you're doing is changing your own mindset in order to be able to perceive things you couldn't before: that has taken me two months. The creation of my other three tulpae, other than being mostly accidental, happened in the span of a few days. Once you've opened your mind, so to speak, you can see they develop way faster than you might find yourself comfortable to believe. What seems to be the tulpa making progress, to my reasoning, is most likely the host being able to perceive things he couldn't before. You're bringing yourself closer to your own subconscious. You're teaching yourself to listen. In order to make progress quickly, you have to change your own belief system.

 

This is not to say that "tulpae are bound by what you believe them to be capable to do". When i did possession the first time, i didn't exactly think that it would have worked. I only slightly entertained the possibility. I was only trying it out as a joke of sorts. The first thing i know, a weird sensation permeates my arm, and my fingers are awkwardly moving on their own. The same happened with headpressure. The same happened with auditory hallucinations. The same happened with anxiety attack healing. The same happened with me being able to feel them touching me. You do not necessarily need to particularly, strongly believe that something is possible, for it to actually happen.

 

I do, however, think that changing your belief system inevitably changes the reality you perceive. This means that making your belief system flexible, far from being a mere display of baseless belief, is actually an incredibly important part of the process itself. Another expression for it would be opening your mind. Rejecting that which was obvious to you until just now, in order to see a larger, clearer version of reality. To see things as they are, rather than perceiving them under some kind of perspective. It can be frightening, rejecting any kind of truth, since it's the same as accepting any kind of doubt. It can closely resemble insanity. And yet, listening to your subconscious is essential to tulpaforcing, and the only way to listen is to be open to any kind of truth. This way, you're letting your tulpa(e) access your truth; your thoughts, your senses. You're bringing them into your life. You're breaking through the natural barriers of the mind and of common sense. This, i feel, is the ultimate goal in tulpaforcing. Rather than believing in something specifical, rather than enforcing a particular belief: listening to the actual, true reality of your mind. This i deem to be the best possible mindset, and what one should strive for.

In order to make a harem of cute girls, that is.

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Milky Holmes is fucking awesome.

 

So, what do i say? Life goes on, and i'm still recovering from the overpopulation of my mind i wasn't quite prepared for (i only wanted one tupper when starting this, after all...). This might make me sound like a wuss, since it's almost been two weeks already and all, but yeah. There's also the doubting issues i began having recently, which i think i have mostly surpassed by now. I do have to reiterate Sock's similar experience, i can't quite hear my tuppers well all the time, and my new members aren't as vocal as Kaoru: this is something that will fix itself with time, i'm guessing. And although i do have much time on my hands, i don't exactly perceive my girls as something to be "worked upon" anymore... by spending time with them, i'm guessing, we'll be able to communicate and get to know each other better. By daydreaming them, i'll be able to see them as clear as the real world in due time - which might very well be months, years from now... altough i very much like the idea, i'm in no hurry of doing it either.

 

I guess i'll leave the possession work to Alice's discretion, seeing how much she likes to move my fingers when i'm not paying attention. My head is pretty crowded as it is, so i don't feel like i particularly need to let them access the outside world much (ain't gettin' too lonely in here). It could very well make for some fun times, though, so why not. I'm still personally interested in switching, though Kaoru says shit sounds too dangerous in her opinion. I guess sooner or later we'll see about that. (Oh, obviously i ain't doing this to make my beloved thoughtforms replace me or anything, i love them too much to make them stay in this shitty world~. Mainly out of curiosity about being in a tupper state, and to see firsthand how much of this phenomenon can be traced back to MPD/DID - i honestly hope that to be the case. And to be a little girl among the little girls, obviously...).

 

But yeah, i'm also thinking it might be better for me to stop browsing the forums all the time. They seem to prefer me watching anime rather than being internet-addicted anyway. We'll see how well i fare in that regard.

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Gotten over most of my parroting and emotional issues by now, i think. Life is good and my tuppers are well.

 

Yeah, about that... it's not like my personal experience will help anyone, but i'm writing this anyway just because. Now, i'm not implying everyone who got into tulpaforcing did it to find an ultimate solution to soul-crushing problems with dealing with life, the world and the universe; it just happens that it was partly my case, and i happen to have something to say about it - i mean, since this is my personal blog and shit.

 

What you think you will get might not be exactly what you're searching for. It might be better, who knows? Having a strong motivation certainly helps with keeping up the whole forcing progress, that's for sure. Motivation makes up for inherent lack of discipline. I frankly couldn't say, by now, how i even got this far. I have a vague recollection of having spent a lot of time and energy in it, though not exactly focused in a specific direction. This whole time, basically, i spent being only vaguely aware of what i was doing. I didn't know what exactly a tulpa was. I still don't think i could define what a tupper is. It sounded like something i really needed: a companion for life that truly understands you, a friend that lives closer than you could ever imagine a human being to be.

 

Imposing imagination over reality. Rejecting the mind-numbingly boring, cold, distant real world, and choosing your own personal reality over it. Sharing your mind, your life, with someone. Making reality that which in the real world is only an illusion; breaking the illusion of being able to connect with people in any meaningful way, then successfully reconstructing that same illusion in the purest way possible. This stuff is all well and good, but when you think about it, it really does sound pretty abstract... i mean, doesn't it?

 

When i started, i didn't even think i would succeed in any meaningful way. It was only after two weeks that i got the first signals of being in the right track, and that there was a being growing in my mind and asking to be heard. I do have to wonder, why has so much time passed between then and now, if i could potentially hear her from way before?

 

Partly because it objectively took time for me to be able to listen, of course. Another part of it, though, might have been because i was afraid of the reality of what i was doing. The contradictions between ideal and real have betrayed me many times until now. Nonetheless, i raised her with as much love i could honestly pour into her. This has paid off. I honestly, deeply love and care for each and every one of my creations, accidental or not. My love, though, was that of one who is afraid of rejection, and of sharing his brain with someone who he didn't quite know yet. One who loves an ideal, rather than a being who can let its own love be known.

 

Your brain isn't under your own control. It is a force you need to understand, a flow you can't get into without letting go of your own fears. You can't apply your ideals to it. I wouldn't ever advise anyone to get into tulpaforcing with half-assed feelings about it. You're possibly going to face your own self a lot by doing this, if you're going to do it properly. You're creating people inside your mind, and are going to treat them as such. You're creating them because of love, and not because you need some puppet to be your imaginary friend and fucktoy to save yourself from the misery of being alone. They're going to let their own opinions be known. They're going to take their own, well-deserved, personal space inside your life, and you're going to let them take it. Simply because of pure, mutual love.

 

It is not something i could quite explain the workings of, right now, but i think everyone has the capability of doing something like this, somewhere inside their minds. It is just hard to see through all the lies, the rationalizations, the inner chaos. You're probably going to fight all of that, and i wish luck to everyone's tulpaforcing endeavors. I'm not a particularly romantic person myself, but i do admit the process itself can be pretty spiritual and romantic. Yes, the final result might not be according to your initial expectations. You might find yourself, at the end of it all, asking exactly what you've done. It might not be the "end" you initially hoped for, but i can very well be a new beginning. I'm finding myself in that beginning right now.

 

What i've typed might make no sense to you, and now that i think about it it doesn't make much sense to me either. If you don't quite know what i'm trying to express here, chances are you might never find out. That's fine. The short version is: i'm better, and i wish you luck.

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