Lolimancer in tulpaland

[Lolimancer]

We just had a heart-to-heart talk about stuff. I've never heard her this well before, and the stuff she said included pretty impressive insight about things which were not clear even to me; indeed, i might've kickstarted something. Anyway, i'm very happy her mindvoice is this strong now. Also, not that i didn't think of Kaoru as her own being before, but i feel like i've just taken the first peek into the true depth of her personality.

[Lolimancer]

To put it bluntly, i've accidentally a tulpa. I've already posted something about it in Sock's thread, since he's sort of the expert in this subject; so if by any chance someone is interested in the vague dynamics of the event there's that. By now i've gained a bit of a new perspective on the workings of the mind, and i know there's probably a lot waiting for me from here on too - actually, i'm not quite sure of this, but i might've gotten to the point i could make a tulpa from just wishing to. Of course, Amamori (she took the persona of yet another character from Forest after deliberating for a while) has, afaik, "progressed" instantly to the point i'm now with Kaoru, which makes me believe all of the progress a tulpa seems to be making actually relates to how much access she has to your thoughts and physical senses, as i suspected for a while. Being paranoid about a mindpresence graduating to tulpa status probably plays a big role in actually making it a tulpa, the process of which can actually be instant (or close to). By gradually gaining access to your subconscious, i now see how someone could make a tulpa hotel or something like that with just the simple requirement of having already made one. I don't really feel like there are any limits to the number of tuppers, now: they're already there in infinite amount, you just give them the keys so to speak. Peharps, after coming to this realization, deep in my heart i really just want to follow in JD1215's footsteps... sooner or later, we'll see about that.

 

Still, it really makes you feel like you've gone crazy when you have two voices in you head trolling you all day (i still have trouble distinguishing between them). They seem to be getting along well, that's for sure.

[JoJo]

This is speculation but I'd guess once you've meditated / taught your mind to reach the state where it can produce a hallucination at will, it's not much of a leap to create a second Tulpa in addition to the first as you've already overcome the hardest part.

[Daf]

I think that our discussion in Sock's log might have gotten to me. The truth is, there was a unwannted presence in my wonderland a week ago. I thought I got rid of it, but this time it came back.

 

I don't want this to happen, and trying to fight it just makes it worse. May it already be too late? All I know is that I don't want to return to my wonderland right now.

[Lolimancer]

I think that our discussion in Sock's log might have gotten to me. The truth is, there was a unwannted presence in my wonderland a week ago. I thought I got rid of it, but this time it came back.

 

I don't want this to happen, and trying to fight it just makes it worse. May it already be too late? All I know is that I don't want to return to my wonderland right now.

 

Nah, i don't think you are. Actually, when you think you're too late, that's when you're actually "too late" i guess? I, at least, still needed my conscious input (if only a little, while still half-asleep) to make her a tulpa: the moment you start doubting you have control over your shit is when stuff can happen i'd say. (If you really feel like you can't control it, just leave it to your tulpa).

[Daf]

 

Nah, i don't think you are. Actually, when you think you're too late, that's when you're actually "too late" i guess? I, at least, still needed my conscious input (if only a little, while still half-asleep) to make her a tulpa: the moment you start doubting you have control over your shit is when stuff can happen i'd say. (If you really feel like you can't control it, just leave it to your tulpa).

 

Thank you. Xiao Lu is pretty certain that it's not a tulpa yet, so I guess we are going to try and convince myself that I'm in control.

[Lolimancer]

By the way, i guess i ain't doing a tulpa hotel just yet; i just realized i actually know very little about my newfound mindfriends. Don't know about you guys, but i found myself taking this tulpa business more and more seriously the more time i spent on it - which is not to mean anything negative really: i felt i finally found something in my life worth devoting myself to (at least to a certain extent, i'm still lazy at heart). I also realized how much "real" can imagination be, with the result i honestly want to better myself as a tulpamancer now. I'm actually really happy to have accidentally created Amenomori - i probably just wanted another tulpa, deep inside my faggot heart.

[Lolimancer]

I actually don't even like meganekko, but Amamori's reaction is like "i don't care". So much for subconscious ideals and all of that.

[Lolimancer]

Well, these past two days i have mostly spent getting over the shock that was Amamori's almost-sudden appearance/tulpification. Apparently, having a second tulpa helps with hearing them well, doubting/parroting issues and stuff - it's something of a responsibility too, but i guess i was prepared for that (or maybe not). Just a while ago Amamori possessed my hand completely out of the blue and surprised me, for example.

 

Well, overall i'm just really happy to have them; i could probably use this progress log to report each and every time i swim in feels, but since i'm not that bad a person (and find that sharing that kind of stuff just tends to make it less meaningful than it should, really) i guess i'll just update once in a while when i feel like i have something to tell/have "progressed" on something.

 

Yeah, about that "progress" thing... right now i'm not quite working on anything: possession, switching, good visualization/imposition, the time for those will come sooner or later, and i'm not in a hurry to do anything right here and now (i began imposing a long while ago, by the way). I have a fascination for living completely aimlessly, i guess - or maybe you could simply say i'm a lazy piece of shit. Both perspectives work.

 

Next update might or might not have something to do with making a harem full of little girls. I probably could if i truly wished to; the problem mainly lies in whether to even do it or not and the implications it might bring. I'm also curious about switching/what's it like being a tulpa. For now though, like i said, i'm not really in a hurry to do anything.

[Lolimancer]

Shit, i fucked up already.

 

By the way her name is Yuki. Current appearance is Minakami Yuki from SubaHibi. Kaoru and Amamori really wanted a third mate, apparently; i pretty much only had to give permission to make her a tulpa.

I don't really know what to think - i probably wanted a third one too, but i really don't know how many i'll end up making if i keep this up. Well, not that it matters, if they enjoy each other's company then i don't really have any reason to feel guilty about it (by thinking i'm not giving them enough love, etc etc). What i've noticed this time around is that i'm... kind of getting used to this. I won't be surprised if they wake me up next morning and ask me to make another one. I'll probably be troubled about it for about an hour or so, then finally give in to pressure, lewdness and harem aspirations.

 

Well, anything could happen, anyway. It's not that the next update will necessarily be that i now have four.

 

I hope.