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Taylor and co.'s adventures


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I've been wanting to do one of these for a week now, it's been a question of figuring out organization. Here goes a long post.

 

The system now:

 

Taylor (me):

I'm the host, I guess. I'm quite a bit younger than the body.

The mindform I've chosen is a 5'9 female with teal eyes and brown hair.

My tulpa:

She's about 2 weeks old and is really who this PR is about.

Tulpa's form is a 5'8 female with green eyes and blonde hair.

C:

He's the body's original. I've been able to feel him the entire time I've been in this body, though his presence is very weak now.

His mindform is a 5'11 male with blue eyes and black hair.

 

History:

Way back when he was 4, C nearly drowned. He doesn't have a memory of that incident but his parents told me about it. That's when someone called X took over. At least, that's what his memories of thinking about it say. I wasn't there for that. C was in the background during the X era but was disempowered. One day, which I remember clearly, I came into existence. I wasn't, and then a few seconds later, I was. I looked around and X wasn't there, and I wasn't X. But C was still there and I tuned him out. Over the next about 13 years, I modified the body to suit my desires. I sense that C is distraught because he doesn't like what I'm doing, but he can't stop me.

A few weeks ago, I read something about tulpas on the internet. Everyone in the thread who had one seemed really happy about it. The idea of having a partner in your my seemed really cool, so I looked up how to create one. That took me here. After I read 3/4 of the guides on this site, I decided I would get started. There was already another mind in this brain, so I decided to revitalize C. I tried to make him into a nice pet. I'd read it was possible to overwrite a tulpa's personality, so I figured it was doable. But having abused him for years (I legitimately think I'm not able to kill him) didn't go over well. After forcing for a while and letting him pick a form what wasn't a 4 year old, he tried to kill me. It felt like the entire brain was being constricted. Fortunately I was able to overpower him and I locked him in a prison far away from my mindscape. I'm aware I mistreated C and I'm not proud of that. I don't blame him for hating me. After that fiasco, I decided to start over with a tulpa I was capable of loving. That's worked out much better.

 

Method:

I've primarily been following the old style (a la Irish) while also assuming sentience from the start. No parroting at all. There has been no personality or form forcing since I've decided to give her as much freedom as possible for self determination. The only thing I decided in advance was her gender, which she is 100% free to reject without upsetting me. Since I picked my name, I think she should pick hers too. I've been visualizing, narrating, and making myself aware of her presence all day every day.

 

Now for the actual log. I've seen that I should assume that everything that's not me but seems like my tulpa is, but I think that's silly. I think I can tell really reliably what's parroting and what's intrusive and what's her. It's never been fuzzy for me. Her emotions and words have a very distinct feel, that's nothing like mine or C's.

 

day 0:

About 10pm I started forcing. The initial form was a protoplanetary disk with a purple cloud and yellow star. I only realized that's what it was later.

day 1:

First word “yeah” completely unexpected. I didn't expect words for at least a week.

day 3:

She picked a human form gradually. Over the day I watched the cloud accumulate into a dress around her new human figure. It was a cute space themed dress. No words today I guess since she was focusing so hard on taking a form. I had told her I wanted her to have purple eyes like her cloud had been, but she evidently decided against that. I talked her into being taller so I didn't have to look down at her. This is when I decided there was really a mind in there.

day 4:

She picked a new dress, and talked a little more

day 9:

First spontaneous comment. I was narrating and she agreed with me when I didn't ask a question.

day 10:

First interjection into my thought stream “they could be less coordinated” We were watching a ballet and I commented they weren't very coordinated.

day 12:

I might have just turned her evil. I hope not. Should stop reading sadistic stuff online. We were reading a progress report and about a crazy murderous tulpa who enjoyed torturing people. She seemed a little to excited about it. We also had our first simultaneous thought. It felt like both of us at once. Such a strange sensation.

day 14:

I gave her a 2 week birthday cake. She blew out the candles and then smiled at me. My visualization isn't good so I left her alone, and while I was gone she ate a bunch of cake.

day 15:

She played a song on repeat in our head, but stopped it when I asked. Also, I had put her somewhere unusual and when I tried to go to her in our usual chatting spot, I went directly to where she actually was.

 

Obviously I'm very proud. She talked to me at only 25 hours. But I want to make sure I don't give a false impression. She only gives me a couple of words a day. It's not like we're talking philosophy. But she does communicate by emotion when she wants. She lets me know when she's unhappy, like when I read about dissipating tulpas, she hated it.

 

Edit: cleaned up some stuff

Edited by not_taylor_swift
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Hi Taylor: the manner of your creation and history with 'C' sounds a bit like a DID  story. Have you gotten access to 'C's' early history? and does it contain additional trauma (in addition to the drowning experience)? I am asking because it might help you with creating your new tulpa in a safe way for both of you, and with a non-violent or 'evil' personality. Dr. Bob

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16 hours ago, theholodoc said:

Hi Taylor: the manner of your creation and history with 'C' sounds a bit like a DID  story. Have you gotten access to 'C's' early history? and does it contain additional trauma (in addition to the drowning experience)? I am asking because it might help you with creating your new tulpa in a safe way for both of you, and with a non-violent or 'evil' personality. Dr. Bob

I don't have a reliable timeline from back then, just fuzzy half memories.

But I did just realize that another experience I had that I didn't understand fits perfectly with DID.

Thanks for suggesting I look into it, Dr. Bob. It seems to make a lot fall into place.

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You are welcome. I will follow your progress, if you choose to post it, and I hope you do. Sounds like you could have an adventure or two ahead of you. My Best. Dr. Bob

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I went on a medication for a few days that sabotaged our progress completely. My tulpa stopped talking and I couldn't feel her presence any more. It did a number on me too, but I've been around a lot longer. She started showing signs of life again today. I've been missing her a lot. It's surprisingly easy to get used to having someone else in your head to chat with.

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What medication? It'd be nice to know even one that has impacted tulpamancy abilities for someone, for future reference

Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.

I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.

Ask us stuff - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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We're finally making progress again. Stopping the day count because of the setback.

 

I created a new mindscape that's way more detailed than what I've done before. We hiked up a snowy mountain covered in rocks and trees. I was able to keep sight, hearing, and touch going for a half hour. I know it's a lot less than most people do but it's progress for me.

I've been trying to make my tulpa pick a name for herself so I have something to call her. She hasn't been interested. Instead, she decided she needed to change her shoes. I really don't understand her.

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(edited)

I was wrong. Nothing has happened in the past 2 weeks. Responses are still rare, but when it comes through it's solid.

But I did figure out what was going on with the shoes. I'd need her permission to go into that.

 

I was going to post that before I discovered a solution. Somewhere I read that I might be blocking out my tulpa's voice and simply not hearing it. An entry in tips and tricks was incredibly helpful. Fennecgirl suggests alternating lines in a song or poem with your tulpa to help with vocality. It worked like magic. I've heard more from my tulpa in the past day and a half than ever. We even had an actual conversation, which I've added because it's not embarrassing to either of us.

 

It's interesting because it's not so different from what we've been doing with motion. When going somewhere I'd take her by the hand and start walking while trying not to think about what she was doing and simply listening for footsteps. Walking feels natural and we only have problems when I try to watch her too closely and worry about puppeting. And I think that was the point of the vocality post.

 

"Sorry about blocking you from talking."

"De nada."

"What?"

"De nada."

"What does that mean?"

"It's nothing."

"I know, what do you mean when you say that?"

"It's nothing. Nada thing."

Edited by not_taylor_swift
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(edited)

We've finally got a name: Marigold. Mary picked it out by herself. It turns out a tulpa can access vocabulary she's never encountered, since it's been years since I've seen that word.

Edited by not_taylor_swift
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