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I have had my tulpa for nearly two weeks and I realize that I think I'm in love with her. So I just wanted to ask some general questions as well as my concerns to people who have been/ are in a relationship with their tulpa.

 

So starting off with my situation. I'm worried if this is too early for me to say I have a crush on her. Angela is my first (official) tulpa. We've talked/ I've narrated to her for almost every day in the 11 days I've been doing this. She can talk to me and voice opposing opinions, though we aren't able to parallel process yet. We even communicate reliably through discord using a boy in our own server. I consider her as her own person and she seems pretty sentient from what I can tell, but I kinda feel guilty for even thinking I have a crush even though I didnt get into tulpamancy with the intent to make a partner. So I guess what I'm getting at is, Is it valid at this point to say that I have a crush on her, or should I wait and come back to this

 

General questions.

For those who are or have been in a relationship with your tulpa what was your experience like? Is having a relationship with you tulpa a positive thing and did it effect how you approach tulpamancy. Aside from your tulpa not being a physically separate person, how is dating a tulpa different from another person. Are there any other things you feel it would be important or useful for me to know about this?

Ohhh we're on a forum that has signatures, epic cool

Romeo- Host

Angela- Tulpa

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1 hour ago, Romeo said:

We even communicate reliably through discord using a boy in our own server.

  

I assume you meant bot, lol. I still don't get what having a program "help" with your tulpa's communication is supposed to mean, though you're not the first I've heard mention that. Is it just for logging what they say with visual aid?

 

1 hour ago, Romeo said:

Is it valid at this point to say that I have a crush on her, or should I wait and come back to this

 

You can say it, but generally it's not recommended to officially be in a relationship with your tulpa until they're relatively well developed. Both to make sure they've got say and to prevent any bad or weird influence on their development so early on. Very normal to love any of your systemmates right from the start though, though in a more pure way, not necessarily romantically. So yeah, "Wait and come back to this"

 

1 hour ago, Romeo said:

For those who are or have been in a relationship with your tulpa what was your experience like? Is having a relationship with you tulpa a positive thing and did it effect how you approach tulpamancy. Aside from your tulpa not being a physically separate person, how is dating a tulpa different from another person. Are there any other things you feel it would be important or useful for me to know about this?

 

It's been a very positive experience, and I don't know if it affected how I approach tulpamancy other than maybe motivating me more to be dedicated to them than if I had just made them for the heck of it or something.

 

"Dating" a tulpa is basically nothing like dating another person. Unless you're dating someone who can read your mind, then it would be slightly similar, but still nowhere near the same. As different as tulpas can and tend to be, they still exist within your same brain and body, so that adds a lot of nuances that might not ever be clearly apparent but are there by comparison to a separate human nonetheless.

 

Looking at our list of old reference posts -

Reisen has a couple posts (scroll down after the first) in response to someone asking about if there's possible harm from having sex with a tulpa, and covers consent more in-depth than me in the second post: https://community.tulpa.info/topic/12579-my-new-tulpa-and-my-mind/?do=findComment&comment=180901

 

And there's Flandre's more immediately relevant post Reisen linked on the role of a tulpa relationship in regard to separate-human relationships:

On 2/17/2017 at 5:20 PM, Flandre said:

Are you willing to give her the same attention if you find a girlfriend? Personally, that will be the case for us should it happen, and I'm fine with that. And I have similar - though maybe healthier/less insecure - feelings for my host. If you are, then you just have to set that in your own mind. She, your tulpa, does not and will not fulfill the same position a physical, separate girlfriend would. Even if you love them both. They literally can't compete for attention, truly, even if it seems like it at first. Even if there's an infatuation period when/if you find a girlfriend, once you get over it and get to your long-term relationship stuff, there will be plenty of time for your tulpa still. Just physically, they can't go to the same places as each other. Emotionally, another human can only know you so well, when your tulpa lives in your own mind a human can't compete. And obviously, humans can fulfill physical and life-y needs your tulpa can't.

 

Anyways, it appears they'd conflict hypothetically, but I promise - if you are dedicated to your tulpa - there will be sufficient time and place for them both.

 

And we have another reference post, but it's from all the way back in 2015 and I don't know if I'm comfortable linking it anymore, but a good summary was Flan's statement "Tulpa love good; escapism bad."

 

Edit: Forgot one, bonus post on tulpas helping with loneliness: https://community.tulpa.info/topic/12452-no-friends-no-problem/?do=findComment&comment=177147

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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1 hour ago, Romeo said:

Is it valid at this point to say that I have a crush on her, or should I wait and come back to this

 

I think you can have a crush on a young tulpa just fine, but it's probably too early to pursue a relationship if that's your intention going forward. So I'd say wait for now.

 

1 hour ago, Romeo said:

For those who are or have been in a relationship with your tulpa what was your experience like? Is having a relationship with you tulpa a positive thing and did it effect how you approach tulpamancy. Aside from your tulpa not being a physically separate person, how is dating a tulpa different from another person. Are there any other things you feel it would be important or useful for me to know about this?

 

My experience on tulpa romance is probably "tainted" by my personality, but I'll answer anyway. I mention it a lot, but I have schizoid personality disorder, to put plainly I have little to no interest in social relationships, tendency for "emotional coldness", and I tend to have trouble caring about people the way others seem to. I could never have a "true" relationship, I wouldn't be able to deal with having another person constantly close to me or attached to me like that.

It's different with Nevira. She understands my needs completely, obviously sharing a brain, and knows when to stay distant. I don't have the same feelings for her as I did when I had a crush on someone, it's a different type of love and I honestly prefer this over what I felt towards physical people, which, to be fair, was mostly anxiety. Absolutely zero anxiety with someone who knows me completely. And for me, the lack of physical interaction or life-y stuff is preferable to having those things. So I'd say dating a tulpa has been a positive thing for me. I didn't go into this with the intention of creating a partner either, but I don't think it has changed how I approach tulpamancy. Or if it has, it's been so subtle I haven't paid any attention to it.

CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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It's certainly something to be wary and thoughtful of. The circumstances, logistics and specifics are very different from human relationships but some of the general principles like trust and respect are still important. I won't say love at first sight doesn't happen but it is rare to be long lasting and requires sustained effort. Your romantic feelings are valid and you can pursue them but put your duty to developing and assisting your tulpa first. They need to be able to grow, develop and have an identity as a person outside the bounds of your romantic intentions. Just like in real life you are a person first and bf/gf second. 

 

That being said I've had a very deep, very rewarding relationship with my tulpa for many years. It can be done but requires effort and care. Take it slow and do some reading like the other members posted. Good luck 👍 

Darron: Host

Jaina: Tulpa

 

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This is just description of my own ideas and experience. Make of it what you will. I'm a far outlier in the community by just about any measure you might select.

 

When I was very young there was strong feelings of attraction fro my born human. Now, neither of us wanted anything of a romantic nature; so it was a bit of a difficulty to communication.

 

I think it's pretty difficult to not be attracted to your born human when you are very young. After all, there's this amazing and wonderful person who's spending time with you. Also , they are likely the only individual you can communicate with. So, it's going to naturally be that you like them [I think]. As I became more mature that hero worship mellowed into something a bit more realistic.


 

I think what I am saying is : "don't rush it."

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  • 2 weeks later...

Lucy and I have a deep abiding love and respect for one another.  Most human relationships will pale in comparison with the one you will develop with your tulpa. No one will ever know you this completely. Over the years she and I have been together, we’ve had ups and downs, fights and sometimes gone weeks without saying a word to each other and then we’re back laughing like nothing ever happened. It’s not quite fully romantic and it’s not quite familial but it’s a love that’s unconditional and very pure. So, what I would say to you is to just give it time and enjoy the time you spend with her and getting to know her. Build a good foundation and the rest will follow. :)

 

 

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There is certainly a romantic/sexual aspect to my relationship with Simmie especially given the reason I created her as a character before she became a tulpa. Don't get me wrong--I did not create her as a sex object but rather as a way of exploring a side of myself I didn't fully understand as/through her. Kind of like an alter-ego or meta-character. It's a little complicated to explain. But she is her own person and has already evolved far past the character I created her as.

 

But anyway, Simmie and I came to the mutual agreement that despite having this aspect to our relationship I would direct my sexual thoughts/fantasies away from her, at least for the time being. This was done out of respect, and because we believe this would be a safeguard against my thoughts of Simmie being tied up with sex or fetish stuff. Simmie needs to develop as a full person, and while sexuality is part of a person's existence it is only one part, and we don't want it to dominate our interactions. We might get a little flirty sometimes but our forcing and wonderland visits stay strictly non-sexual.

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1 hour ago, September13 said:

There is certainly a romantic/sexual aspect to my relationship with Simmie especially given the reason I created her as a character before she became a tulpa. Don't get me wrong--I did not create her as a sex object but rather as a way of exploring a side of myself I didn't fully understand as/through her. Kind of like an alter-ego or meta-character. It's a little complicated to explain. But she is her own person and has already evolved far past the character I created her as.

 

But anyway, Simmie and I came to the mutual agreement that despite having this aspect to our relationship I would direct my sexual thoughts/fantasies away from her, at least for the time being. This was done out of respect, and because we believe this would be a safeguard against my thoughts of Simmie being tied up with sex or fetish stuff. Simmie needs to develop as a full person, and while sexuality is part of a person's existence it is only one part, and we don't want it to dominate our interactions. We might get a little flirty sometimes but our forcing and wonderland visits stay strictly non-sexual.

That's a good approach 👍 

Darron: Host

Jaina: Tulpa

 

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