Does this sound like a tulpa or a headmate?

[Bubbles]

Hey guys...

I need your help and advice with something. I've been thinking about this for a while now but I was sort of squashing and denying it.
Sometimes I feel like a different person... I type in a different way, I feel a different way. I view my friends a different way as well. 

Sometimes I conflict and have two different views and opinions on things at once, and it takes a while to make a decision because of this. I was wondering if this sounded something like a headmate or an involuntary tulpa?

-Bubs.

[Ice909]

A reply formed with purely tulpamancy in mind--

It might be some form of headmate, or it may be you just unsure of what you're true thoughts and feelings are. I know sometimes I'll have very mixed feelings on something when my system mates are more decisive, and vice versa. How long has this been occurring for? 

[Bubbles]

22 minutes ago, IceCreeper909 said:

A reply formed with purely tulpamancy in mind--

It might be some form of headmate, or it may be you just unsure of what you're true thoughts and feelings are. I know sometimes I'll have very mixed feelings on something when my system mates are more decisive, and vice versa. How long has this been occurring for? 

I'd say it's been happening for maybe 10 months?

[Ice909]

Goodness me, that's quite a while. 

[Adagio]

I'll give our two cents, since we did have a problem like this. We would say it's fairly likely it's a headmate, under the assumption that these changes in views are stable to an extent.

 

Now, since you said sometimes you can have two different views on one thing at the same time, I'll also add the possibility of you being median, which is a form of plurality in between seperate multiple people in one body and one person in one body.

[Bubbles]

My friend helped me make a list because I have a really bad memory.
- Sometimes I try to do several conflicting actions at once and I just end up standing there frozen instead
- Sometimes I "wake up" and I have no memory of anything I've been doing for the last few hours, even though I've obviously been awake and doing things
- Sometimes I'll be doing something and see myself in a mirror and I won't realize it's me.
- Oftentimes I have internal conversations with myself, But they aren't monologues, they're dialogues where I don't know what my brain is going to reply before it says something
- Some people call me unpredictable since I seem to change what "version" I am at different times
- The "versions of me" are consistent
- Some of my skills seem to be restricted to certain "versions of me". I can't draw sometimes even though  love it.
- Sometimes I feel and act like a completely different age, people often refer to me as the mum of the group (in a negative way)
- My opinions, likes, dislikes, handwriting, typing style, speech patterns, and vocal pitch change sometimes
- People who knew me when I was little ask me why I'm so shy when 7yo me was so bubbly and talkative
- The main "version of me" has changed after a significant event
- I dissociate a lot and have trust issues

-I have a bad memory overall

-I struggle to listen to people

-Using plural pronouns feels way more natural and I'm forcing myself to use 'I' and 'my' when 'we' and 'our' feels a lot better.

[Glaurung26]

Many of those, though not all, sound VERY tulpa-like.

[Bubbles]

But how can it be a tulpa if I didn't make it, I haven't even made an imaginary friend?

[Ranger]

I would not assume headmates or something else, I highly recommend you get seen by a professional. If you are having trouble remembering things and you can't keep up with how you interact with others, I am concerned things can get a lot harder quickly.

 

One of the problems with tulpamancy is you can split up an already unstable sense of self. If you happen to have a mental health condition that creates the feeling you are multiple people or scrambles what is you and what isn't, tulpamancy may cause more confusion and make your underlying condition worse. If you do create or already have tulpas, they may or may not behave like normal tulpas depending on what underlying mental health conditions are present. Unfortunately, odds are good general tulpamancy advice is only somewhat helpful, irrelevant, or even harmful depending on what you need.

 

Having what feels like different versions of yourself isn't always related to plurality. I remember one tulpamancer mentioning they feel like they don't have a completely continuous sense of self and it being part of who they are. I am also aware some mental health conditions can create more dissociated "versions" of you that are unrelated to tulpamancy. While I believe some cases of amnesia can be caused purely by mindset and/or anxiety, it is still serious and can still lead to long-term dysfunction.

 

Please go see a mental health professional, they will be able to give you a better understanding of what is going on and where to go from there. While you are completely capable of creating tulpas, I think practicing tulpamancy is not a good idea. While I think tulpamancy is capable of helping with mental health conditions, it needs to be done under professional guidance, especially if the underlying condition disrupts your sense of self.

Edited December 2, 2021 by Ranger

[ruleofthumb]

Stone: I second Ranger's recommendation. You may want to see a professional about this. Your symptoms seem to be consistent with a dissociative disorder (specifically, the amnesia and dissociation).

 

Best of luck.