What do you do if you think your tulpa might be becoming depressed

[TB]

I'll post Lumi's response to my question from LOTPW

 

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Well that may or may not be difficult for a depressed host to help with. But, you do the things you would do to help anyone who was depressed. Show them support, help immerse them in positive thinking and positive activities. Some depressed people are perfectly good or even above average at these things (think Sayori in DDLC), but sometimes they don't feel capable of being positive to help either, depends on the person.

 

As a previously depressed host with an extremely positive tulpa who never became depressed along with me, I guess I'd say what I did was never drag her down. I didn't argue with any of her positive thinking, even if I didn't get it myself, and I always did my best to be positive when interacting with her. In the end, she ended up affecting me and I was the one that became un-depressed.

 

To be more specific, I think I've finally started to drag her down with the stagnation of our tulpamancy abilities for so long. She's always been very positive and resilient, but now it is her 5th birthmonth and it isn't going so great, and I think it started to hit her, so her personality seems to be changing.

 

I've sucked at and struggled with basic tulpamancy skills for so long and am pretty defeated, so it is hard to work on anything with the same enthusiasm as I did when I first started. My faith is low as a lot of advice are things I've done before and my brain doubts if it will actually solve the core issues I think. I rarely switch with her because when I do I feel too much like myself and it is hard to be completely out of the way, or even to the extent I was in the first switch. I almost feel the more I practice switching the worst it gets.

 

Communication is often basic and tentative, and she rarely if ever gets to do much of anything because switching is unsatisfactory. She's been patiently waiting for things to get better for years now and I think it is finally taking its toll. We talked about it and realized it might also just be momentum from the awful living environments I previously were in holding me back that are for some reason just coming out now. Things have improved but my habits regarding tulpamancy haven't changed much so I think that scares us, but maybe it just needs more time. Though I'd like her birthmonth to be a really swell time for her, but it is hard with the way I am and the way our tulpamancy is.

 

And oh, it does just occur to me that I think this was precipitated by doubts that spread to me earlier this month really souring things, but it is still on top of things that have built up for so long.

[ruleofthumb]

Stone: This probably won't help with your situation, but it is a response to title.

 

Cloud was depressed when switching, and after a while, she didn't seem interested in life or discovering hobbies for herself in general. She decided she didn't want to switch into the body, and later decided she didn't want to be forced. She's still around and has influence over me as gatekeeper and a conscience, and she will participate in group activities. She has said that she wouldn't mind dissipating, but stays around for Betty. She is not like my other tulpa, Betty, who is beginning a life in her own, has her own interests, and who is "forced" (or, given specific time to be focused on or be herself).

 

So, what have we done? We've focused on Cloud less so she feels depressed less. This won't work for every tulpa. If you have a depressed tulpa who wants to do things, then ignoring them won't help.

 

Now that I'm typing this, Cloud is giving me the impression that she might want to be more active, so what we've been doing might change.

 

You don't have to switch to let your tulpa do things. You can read to them, you can have them dictate a story to you, you can have them dictate your movements in a game that doesn't require quick reflexes. You can let them engage in most hobbies without switching if you have them dictate the body's movements. That's what we've done a lot.

[TB]

Thanks.

 

If people want to give more general advice as well that doesn't pertain to my situation, that is fine, for the sake of anyone else that reads.

[TurboSimmie]

I think that with depression in general treating someone with kindness and affection goes a long way. I think the best way to help a depressed tulpa varies wildly based on their personality. Some might need more attention from their host and other headmates, while others might need more time alone.

 

We have the opposite problem. I've never been depressed but my host has delt with severe depression for 16 years now. Maybe I'll create another thread for that topic later?

[TB]

8 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

We have the opposite problem. I've never been depressed but my host has delt with severe depression for 16 years now. Maybe I'll create another thread for that topic later?

I think it could be interesting. That was kind of dynamic with Rena and I until recently. I am not sure she is fully depressed on anything, but she has been not feeling very great for the longest stretch of time I've seen so far. I think she is bouncing back now though. But it is really scary. I don't want her to fall into my pit, and I wish I did more for her.

[TurboSimmie]

Yeah, that's the problem when one headmate is depressed; preventing the depression from bleeding over into other headmates.

[TB]

Sense of wonder for world is sacred, I wish not for her to lose that.

[TurboSimmie]

I feel that. I haven't lost it, and neither has my host, despite his depression.

[TB]

I haven't lost it but I think it can be dulled and it is hard to experience world with my anxiety. That is why I was wishing switching would be more extreme, because then she could try to see it herself without me being able to make decisions from the back or giving her my vicarious anxiety of knowing my body is in strange situations. I want to go lights out or even just not have my feelings affect the body she is trying to use

[Luminesce]

When switching with a host who has a drastically different mindset and worldview, the tulpa really needs to be very strong. Strong presence, strong will, and really preferably a strong sense of self that comes from practicing tulpamancy in general. If they don't have that, then - not even your personality or mannerisms, but - your brain's general thought patterns, habitual thoughts and reactions, and to an extent that's difficult to say your brain chemistry, will start to wear on them. For a strong tulpa like Lucilyn, she easily resists or just ignores all of that and is perfectly able to be herself even for long periods of time. But I could easily see a young or weaker tulpa, in a system that struggles with doubt, be worn down rather quickly by a mind that's so used to depressive/negative or even mundane ways of thinking about things. I'd say the experience of them switching would be great for the host to move towards their mindset via example, but the tulpa would need to not front for too long lest they start to take the brain's current mannerisms and thought patterns to heart.

 

But again, that's for a weaker/less-established-in-the-mind tulpa. Each of my tulpas has personally had far more effect on me/my brain than it's had on them, I'd say. But then, they were already ~5 years old by the time we learned about switching, and in a mind totally free of doubt for several of those years too.

 

 

And lastly now that I've scared people lol, I think simply interacting with your tulpa in the wonderland or any other way you can while they're not-switched will quickly and easily undo any influence long-term switching might temporarily have on them. At least in my experience, my tulpas might be lower energy or more neutral than normal after fronting for multiple weeks, but within the day after switching out they're back to 100% themselves, none of our mind's oppressive dreariness affecting them. And while my tulpas are very old and well-established in our brain, we also spend (unfortunately) very little time interacting compared to what a younger tulpa system should. So I'm confident if you spend quality interacting time together, that switching should have no ill effects on a tulpa who may have a drastically different mindset from you. And I would say each of my tulpas has had an overall positive effect on me or our brain's thought patterns over the years, from Tewi's productive-mindedness to Lucilyn's readiness to enjoy things.