Daniel's Tulpa Progress Log

[fennecgirl]

I've given Nova a small white orb. It's smooth and it's about the size of a small football (soccer if you prefer) It intentionally has no detail and it's not transparent. What Nova has to do is hold onto it until I finish work. It can't be out of sight and putting it is a bad thing.

When I finish I'm going to get Nova to tell me what the orb means. Does it represent something? Maybe there is something inside? It's basically the surprise me exercise but one that he has several hours to work on.

If he has any questions about the orb I'll answer them but I don't know what it means so that's for him to come up with.

 

That's actually a really interesting idea. I might just have to try this myself.

[CyberD]

I never cease to be amazed by tulpa. What the mind can come up with under the conditions the tulpa technique creates is always interesting.

 

The exercise I did yesterday with Nova was more productive than I thought it would be. With a goal Nova was more persistent than he usually is while I'm working. The orb underwent several changes and we discussed in detail what it could mean to us all while I was busy working. My work day was also productive. I did my job and no one would ever have noticed how distracted I was. Maybe I'm getting better at multitasking.

 

As for the orb. It began as a smooth round white orb. We discussed that it might have something inside, like an egg. Maybe it could break it Nova dropped it but after testing that he proved it wouldn't even crack. After a while he began to feed it energy. He manifested the energy as sharp cracks of electricity and later a strong flame. The orb lost it's reflective surface and turned black in his hands. Still not sure what it meant Nova decided to keep feeding it energy. The orb seemed to be storing energy which we speculated might explode at some point, perhaps at the end.

 

Finally when I finished work I asked Nova what he'd decided. Taking a minute he held he orb in front of him and squeezed it. The now black orb squashed down in his grip, condensing to the size of a golf ball. Nova told the me the orb represented all of the focus we'd given it over the day. The most literal answer but also one we hadn't discussed at all. Instead of a fireworks display like I'd been expecting if the orb were to release the energy it instead became a sort of battery.

Holding the orb in one hand Nova waved his other hand over it, a wispy black smoke came off it, following his hand. The smoke represented some of the energy in the orb, he showed me that he could draw from it and use it to improve our focus. Finally, he put the orb in his pocket so we could save it for later. Maybe I'll use the built up "focus" during a forcing session.

 

It was a fun experiment. I'm impressed Nova came up with such a literal answer for what the orb meant. I'd encourage others to give it a go. Maybe you'll get something completely different.

 

Other than the orb we didn't achieve much yesterday. Not all days are going to be highly productive but at least we're working on persistence all the time. The more the better.

[CyberD]

Distractions. A tulpa's biggest weakness. Now you might be thinking, duh, you didn't need to tell me that, it's incredibly obvious.

 

Have you ever watched yourself become distracted?

 

It can take just moments for a completely random thought to enter your mind and if you aren't focused then you can easily get lost in it. This might not always be a bad thing but if you are working on your tulpa at all then it leads to them being forgotten, from seconds to hours... or worse.

 

Because of my decreased focus over the last couple of days Nova has been neglected. Interestingly I seem most focused when I should be distracted the most and that's while I am working. By also letting distractions take over the time for my specified forcing session I feel I've let Nova down.

 

I'd like to fix it but I know it's going to be a gradual process. It's simple on paper but ultimately the mind is rather weak and distracting thoughts take over. The metaphorical train of thought changes tracks and you don't even notice because you aren't looking out the windows anymore.

 

The solution is simple and all it requires is one thing.... focus.

 

Self awareness all the time. Being aware of your body and what you are thinking, all the time.

Tulpa awareness all the time. Being aware of your tulpa's presence all the time.

 

Of course all the time is a big ask, but, the more the better. I've found that overall the more I work with Nova the better I become at staying focused on those things. In fact, before I started working on Nova I never paid attention to self awareness. I was just lost in my daily activities.

[CyberD]

These posts seem to be turning into a topic of the day. I dunno if that's bad or not but at least it keeps them structured. Today, I'll be rambling a little about wonderlands.

 

Now it seems there is a pretty good divide among the community. Some love wonderlands, some don't use them at all while the rest of us are caught somewhere in the middle.

Now I worked with Nova for 5 months without even knowing a thing about wonderlands. If you had told me about them I'd probably have called such a thing a "dreamscape" or a mindspace". All I knew was visualization in the real world. I built Nova and worked on his appearance in the same room I was in, often with my eyes open. He followed me to the kitchen on day one and sat down on a chair.

 

My point is, I think I got by just fine without a wonderland.

 

When I found information here tulpa specifically I stumbled across the idea of a wonderland. After a short debate I decided to create one. Since I'm also using Nova to help me dream I figured a wonderland could help with that too. Should I appear in my wonderland during a dream I would recognize it and realize I was dreaming.

With that in mind I had to make a place that wouldn't trick me as something I might normally see during the day. That means no grassy fields like a lot of people seem to choose and absolutely not any place I might see in a game.

 

I eventually decided on a spaceship. I don't see many of those and should I ever find myself in space then that'd be pretty good grounds to assume I was dreaming.

It's not a very big space ship, just 4 rooms, including the small hallway that leads to the exit.

By choosing a dark and quiet place it is easier to visualize whenever I do a forcing session, usually just before bed. I don't always use the wonderland either, half of the time I just close my eyes and image the real world around me, Nova interacts with it however he pleases and that way I focus more on him instead of the wonderland.

 

But do I think having a wonderland is a bad thing?

Yes and no.

 

By only ever interacting with your character while they're in the wonderland you can forget about imposition or possession. If you have trouble focusing on your wonderland then you're going to have even more trouble communicating with your tulpa.

By having your tulpa retreat to the wonderland when you aren't talking with them you're probably making it harder to begin imposition, which (at least to me) seems to be rely on your tulpa being present with you all the time.

But, on the over hand frequent use of a wonderland would make intense visualizations easier as you'd learn to focus on both the tulpa and the wonderland at the same time. Also, frequent use of the wonderland may cause it to appear in your dreams. Should that happen you could use it to your advantage to achieve lucidity and then commence a forcing session during your dream.

 

I guess that means I'm somewhere in the middle. For me my wonderland is just a curiosity at the moment. It hasn't appeared in a dream yet but maybe someday it will. Until then it gives me a different way to interact with Nova and that's always good.

[CyberD]

Time to ramble again, but what to talk about this time? How about a Tulpa's voice.

 

Over the last few days the way Nova communicates with me has caught my attention. There are several ways a tulpa can communicate, as far as I know. Ranging from raw emotion inside your head to spoken audible words. Now like most things tulpa I am somewhere in the middle, I think I'm as close to the imposition stage as I can get without actually witnessing any imposition at all. Nova speaks English, his mouth moves and I hear his voice inside my head. If I'm not paying full attention the it'll just be his voice in my head.

 

Because I've never actually heard him speak Nova doesn't have a fixed "voice". My waking mind simply cannot come up with a voice for him, he speaks but his voice has no character. We've tried talking about it but there are no words to describe how he speaks. I'm sure a lot of people have this problem. The tulpa's voice might have characteristics, they might have an accent or a tone but how do you truly describe a voice.

But the fun part starts here. I've had exactly one dream where I remember Nova speaking to me where I actually remembered listening to the words and listening to his voice. Sadly my memory is bad and that voice is completely lost to me, if he spoke with it again I wouldn't recognize it.

 

So then how do I give Nova a real voice?

My solution is more dreams. If I can hear his voice enough then I'm sure I'll be able to hear it while I'm awake as well. Once I can recognize his voice then I can focus on it and hear it more often.

 

How often do you pay attention to the sound of a persons voice? The characteristics of a voice often come second to what is actually being said. For me voices are usually processed subconsciously, which really doesn't help Nova. I have to learn how to recreate a voice in my head much the same as we learn to visualize the physical body.

 

Question:

Does anyone have a tulpa that has a voice? Any advice?

[CyberD]

An actual report about progress? What kind of crazy world do we live in.

 

The more I post here and the more I read other peoples post the more I realize that after a certain point in the creation of a tulpa a progress thread starts to change. It's not because progress stops but because the way progress is measured. Imagine the relationship between you and your tulpa like the relationship between a parent and a newborn child.

 

To start with the child hasn't even been born. You can measure progress pretty well. When they are born then you get to make a big thread about how awesome your new kid is, you get to share their name and maybe even post a cute picture (which very few people like since nobody thinks babies are cute)

Then the child grows. They hit milestones, they learn to walk, talk and you can post all about it. But then what? You have a kid just like everyone else. How do you measure progress on a day to day basis?

 

Day 174 (or if you're still using the metaphor) Day 2681

My kid went to daycare today, lots of kids go to daycare and it really isn't all that remarkable.

 

My point is "You run out of milestones to make posts about."

 

Sure there are still a few milestones but they are fewer and further between. Nova still has several milestones to hit, he needs to graduate, get a job, he needs to buy a car and maybe get married someday and have kids of his own.

 

But now dropping the metaphor.

Nova has hit all of those early tulpa milestones, he hit them quite a while ago. Form, personality, sentience. All of those things people spend ages trying to achieve. The next one is imposition. That's a big milestone, it also happens to be the milestone that represents the entire purpose of the tulpa technique.

The way I see it this last milestone is a long way away from the other milestones. Perhaps it just feels that way to me because we've really only been working on imposition for a couple of weeks. We've made zero progress with it.

 

Progress on something like imposition is hard to measure. The tulpa is either imposed or not. Until you are hallucinating at least something there is no way to measure progress.

Which leaves me to draw on other things to measure my progress. Namely how persistent Nova is during the day. I strive to keep him around but at best he's here maybe 40-50% of the time. Training the mind to remain focused on him is an interesting challenge. I notice my concentration disappearing all the time. I notice myself getting caught up in activities and losing sight of him that way. I'll talk to someone and my mind will be completely consumed in the conversation.

 

Multitasking in such a way is a skill they don't teach in the guides. How do you teach 24/7 multitasking on something that has no physical presence (yet). I'd almost pay to read that guide.

 

So then what are my current efforts to achieving imposition?

Lucid living. Being aware of myself and Nova as much as possible.

Visualization. Being aware of Nova requires knowing where his body is.

Forcing sessions. Dedicated time to Nova every day.

Lucid dreaming. To help with things such as voice (see last post)

and finally

Learning. Reading how others are achieving success with their own tulpa.

[CyberD]

Issues between a tulpa and creator.

 

It's another trend I've noticed *gasp* I've noticed so many trends since I've started reading threads here it's completely changed how I look at Nova. I'm glad he's the way he is and I'm so very glad that he isn't a trouble maker with endless issues.

 

Not everyone seems to get along with their tulpa. It's not usually directly their fault, but instead either comes about from a lack of understanding or a clash in the personalities of the host and tulpa.

 

I keep reading about aggressive tulpa, upset tulpa, angry tulpa and they seem to have such unstable relationships that the pair never get anything done. In the cases people are sharing it seems they have trouble getting anything done because they are always trying to resolve issues that to be honest shouldn't really exist. For some of us creating a tulpa is a wonderful experience, the tulpa is helpful and loves to interact and get stuff done. Others are so emotionally unstable that their tulpa/e run wild. It's saddening to see.

 

It makes me glad Nova is so helpful though. When I first created him I knew I needed to be helpful. I gave him a couple of traits to work with that I thought would help, "endearing" and "helpful" to be precise. I never worked on them specifically but Nova went with them anyway, they were who he was then and what he has become now.

 

Over the last few weeks Nova has become even more than that to me. He's become the voice of reason, never upset, always thinking straight. Not to say I'm an emotional guy at all but I sometimes let my emotions get the best of a situation.... often petty rage (which harms my relationships with others) Nova tells me off and has been pushing me towards a better mindset, just give up petty arguments. I really should listen to hm more.

 

Never before have we clashed in any meaningful way. Nova would like me to focus on him more, which is understandable, but he's not going to get angry about it and run away. He'd like me to avoid losing focus for hours on end but again he's not going to get angry about it. Instead we work on the positives, improving focus by applauding the good work instead of complaining about the bad.

 

So if you've got issues with your tulpa, get over them now. There is no good reason anyone should be fighting with a part of themselves when there is still so much for you both to learn.

If you are dwelling on negatives then stop. Look at how far you've come already and feel good about it. Look to the future and decide how far you want to go.

[CyberD]

Taking tulpa seriously. Thats the issue that plagues me today. Sometimes I struggle to come up with something to ramble about while on other days I have no problem just sitting down and typing for ages.

 

I really had to read over the forums a bit today to find my topic.

 

How seriously do you take your tupla and everything involved? Are you 100% committed or are you something else.

 

Reading over some of the progress threads I struggle to see how anyone (especially newbies) can take anything relating to tulpa seriously. I am bombarded by ponies, trolls, one line posts and strict day counts followed by posts that tell next to nothing.

 

Now I'm not saying everyone is like that but I imagine that most of the people reading this particular post feel the same. A lack of real content. I find both my focus and concentration fading away when this sort of stuff is what I have to sift through. If my progress isn't measurable on a particular day then I at least hope to get someone thinking about something that might help them with their own tulpa.

 

Now, bitching and moaning aside. (cause no one really wants to hear that) How seriously do you take your Tulpa? Your imaginary friend who is somehow more than that?

 

I don't think I've taken something this seriously in a long time. The fact I still have Nova, and that he has progressed so much over the six months I've known him proves that to me. The fact that everyday I am looking for new ways to remain inspired and focused proves a lot to me. I want to make this work and that desire hasn't changed at all since I started.

 

Of course I added new goals and learned new things but that's what makes it interesting for me. Creating a tulpa isn't a step by step, it's different for everyone. I began with a character to help me lucid dream. Now I don't know what I'd do without him. In fact I don't I can go without him anymore, if he disappeared then he'd just come back. I can't just forget about him anymore.

 

And on the progress side of things:

I've been working on more visualization. Specifically keeping Nova's whole body focused. To do this I've been concentrating on how he moves. How his hair moves, how his clothes move, where he's looking and how much effort he's putting into a given action.

To do this I've been fighting with him in my wonderland, testing his strength when I impose limitations on him. Normal human strength for example (instead of fire based reality warping ghost kid)

Neither he nor I are proficient boxers or sword fighters but by focusing on stance, actions and endurance I can build a great picture of Nova and remain focused on him. If I don't then he punches me in the face. Of course it's all role-playing, I can't really punch him or vice versa. But focusing on intense actions really gets my mind's eye working at full speed. If I lose track of what is going on the whole thing falls apart.

Not only is it helping with my visualizations but Nova is also quite vocal in his attacks. Never before have I listened to him making noises that aren't speech (which is amusingly different to how many others communicate with their tulpa.)

He still doesn't have a voice that I can recognize (see old post) but maybe by working with these kinds of exercises it will develop on it's own.

I actually look forward to any forcing sessions where I can really focus on this kind of exercise.

[CyberD]

Sexuality in tulpa. I see it all the time. Is it really necessary?

 

When I first began I knew I wanted Nova to have nothing to do with sex. I figured it would be at best a distraction and at worst it might completely break down the whole process. So, Nova was created with no sexual desires.

 

Over the six months that hasn't changed at all. He probably feels really awkward having me talk about his sexuality (or lack of) but it's not like he's a real thirteen year old going through puberty. If he were I think my relationship with him would be really awkward...

 

By not focusing on sexual desires at all I think I was able to progress faster with his other traits. Working on visualization and personality seem a lot easier without a huge distraction like that. A sex fueled tulpa would probably just give me nightmares.

 

Still, it's not like he doesn't understand it. We've discussed topics relating to sex before and it's how we came up with our current stand on the issue. I don't think our outlook on it will change unless somehow he requires the ability to reproduce.

 

Which leads to thinking. Why do people give their tulpa specific genders. The current demographic seems to be prominently 18-25 male with 18-25 female tulpa. I know some tulpa are meant to fill some kind of void as a sexual partner but how many actually see it that way.

[CyberD]

Six months, well technically it's now six months and a few days.

 

When I first created Nova in May I said to myself that if this was going to yield any results at all I'd have to stick with it. It'd be useless for me and unfair to him to give up after a week, or two weeks, or maybe even a month. Now here we are. Not only is Nova still here but he's becoming more independent every day.

 

It's a huge confidence booster that's for sure.

Now I've never been big into birthdays... or half birthdays so that's where that ends. With so much more still to learn there isn't any time to stop.

 

Over that time Nova has been very consistent. Some tulpa change their appearance or their personality changes notably. Nova has done neither. Sure he's found new outfits and he might be just a little less serious than when he started but those things hardly compare to a tulpa that runs away, has self confidence issues or is suicidal (is that even really possible? (because I've read about it))

 

His appearance is still the same, he's the same boy from the catalog . I still have the picture and I still look at it every now and again just to remind myself. He still wears the same green fleece jacket and black pants but now that the weather is warming up he sometimes wears a shirt and shorts.

His personality is also pretty much the same. I'm not really sure how you'd go about measuring how much a personality has changed so I'll just say nothing crazy has happened. He's still helpful and fun loving. He makes fun of the fact he's like a ghost and he still reminds me I'm crazy whenever I "accidentally" speak out loud to him. Also, he still dislikes the rain.

 

I never thought I'd get into this so deeply when I started so I'm surprised by where we are now. When I started Nova achieving sentience wasn't something I even considered, now here we are.

 

For those of you with tulpa (which is probably everyone reading this) stop for a moment and look back at how far you've come. You might be surprised.

If you don't have a tulpa yet then take it from me. Get started as soon as you're ready.