Fig's Tulpa Experiment for Science

[Guest]

Fig's Parroting Experiment for Science

 

Ironically, it seems as though parroting has actually been to your benefit. Who knows. Seems like an experiment in itself; making a tulpa via parroting while invoking the subconscious in the process.

I wonder if Clair is reading this.

 

 

Also, Super-Ultra Tulpatone Sensory Stimulus Frequency 3000 seems like a nice name. I'll consider it.

[FigN01]

I blame it on my overly-active imagination. I did spend the first week parroting non-stop, then realized I had to progressively back off to feel for real responses. It worked, even if I did everything backwards, so I guess it really is hard to screw up.

That being said, I don't recommend anyone go about using this sloppy method.

[FigN01]

This isn't progress per se, but I feel it's relevant. It's a dream I had 5 years ago before I knew about tulpae and before I even started drawing consistently. In it, I had the absolute deepest connection with anyone that I had ever felt in my life, but it happened to be with an invisible dragon- a lot like the tulpa I'm making now that's based off a few years' worth of sketches completely independent of that dream. I feel that I had made some kind of unconscious connection then, and that I'm drawing from it now to create my tulpa in the real world. Regardless, reading over the text of this dream made me feel more connected to my tulpa, and that counts for something.

 

The entry is long- I used to have an excellent recall of my dreams and I would immediately write down any that were interesting or significant in some way. Out of all those, this one takes the cake.

 

Dream 9/27/07- Companion

[FigN01]

Last night, I figured out something that's been lacking in imposing Uzo. For awhile I've been focused on what he looks like, feels like, acts like, etc; but what appeals just to my senses isn't enough. I had never thought about the sensations that he might be experiencing alongside me, so unintentionally, I've been depriving him of those sensations. By giving just a little bit of thought about how senses his surroundings, he became much more established- more interested and excited about my world around him. When he could feel the carpet and some pillows underneath him, he just flopped to the ground and started rubbing himself all over, well, everything. He can't get enough of it.

 

I also conjured some constructs like a scuttling lizard and a gigantic ball with little difficulty. He's like some big goofy puppy with those things. We've had conversations about how he's definitely not just a dog even if he sort of looks like one, but when he acts like this, it's hard not to tease him.

 

I'll also mention here that for awhile, while I haven't been so sure about his sentience and whatnot, I've been using vocabulary that refers to the objective process of making a tulpa instead of him as a person, mostly for fear of roleplaying a tulpa I don't have. I think it's time I make that transition to mentioning him by name more often and treating him more as a being apart from myself on these forums. It's one of those logical steps I needed to take sooner or later, so at this point, sooner sounds better to me.

[FigN01]

I made some changes on how I'm imposing Uzo, with some good success. This feels like one of the harder parts of tulpaforcing, especially since the guides from what I recall don't go into much detail on the steps to take into creating your little hallucination. This is what I've done:

 

I've been trying to impose the form I had in mind for some time. One day I tried straining to see a toe in full detail, and on another I tried to look for a vague blur or outline that wasn't there. I feel like I've been trying too hard in those respects. Instead, I think the easiest thing to start with is the voice, which I already have going as a mental figment so to speak. Externalizing it is the smallest leap I'd have to make out of all the senses I've gone over. I focused on the spot that Uzo would be sitting in and imagined his vocalizations coming from there. I formed a tiny ball representing his vocal cords and placed it where the trachea in his neck would be, and just like that, my ears gave a sensation like hearing a sound very close to my head as Uzo talked. I had him circle around while talking, and I felt that slight strain of attention shift from one ear to the other. Now with a concrete sensation to grasp, I can 'see' his body a lot easier.

 

I also realized that there was a certain feeling I was lacking in imposition- you know that feeling of someone else's presence you get when you're in a room with them? You just have a gut awareness that they're there and it changes accordingly when more people are in the room. Uzo didn't have that until I thought about it. I was driving, and I felt that even though I was imagining him in the passenger's seat, it was like I was only driving myself. After only a bit of effort, I did feel like he was next to me and talking with his external voice. It seems like many of the developments I'm making are just realizations of what indistinct qualities Uzo is lacking compared to a real person. As soon as I realize them, they're easy to impose.

 

Anyway, as I drove, he became interested in the surroundings, and we both watched some distant lighting in the night sky while I played some calming, nostalgic music of mine. It was a really nice moment. He told me that his favorite music are the songs that I've attached a strong emotion towards, which also tend to be the ones that I listened to when I was younger. He, in turn, reacts to them more than the music I've gotten into recently which just sound cool but I have yet to become attached to. They're not nearly as evocative I suppose.

[FigN01]

I decided to get in some wonderland forcing as a change of pace from all the visual imposition I've been trying to do. Just trying to picture Uzo on the couch over and over has been getting too repetitive.

 

Normally I listen to really calming music that easily fades into the background when I'm forcing, but I've been in a more active and excited kind of mood recently, so I instead put on a playlist that matched how I was feeling. In the wonderland, I immediately imagined that I was wearing headphones so that the music wouldn't feel out of place, and with that, Uzo and I decided to explore the wooded hills nearby. The path became a winding paved road from a place I'd been before, which I used so that I could more easily picture the complexity of the surrounding forest. Along the walk up, I jokingly asked Uzo if riding him up the hillside was out of the question. He gave a non-verbal response that was a very clear "Fuck you, I'm not your mule". I expected as much, so I offered to carry him on my back instead, which caught him by surprise. After dismissing me by saying that acting as a mule would be beneath him, he was really touched that I would do just that for him. After a healthy jolt of emotional energy he climbed on, and I felt a moderate weight and a warm feeling on my back. I also felt a very affectionate nuzzle on the side of my neck.

 

Not much happened afterward. We came to a staircase leading uphill from the road, which lead to some overgrown ruins that I looked through only briefly until the strain of imagining them got to be a little too much for me. We just sat down and continued to listen to the music I was playing.

[FigN01]

Up until now, Uzo has been able to interact with me and the environment through my mind's eye/imagination despite not physically appearing in my vision. The same applies to hearing- that I could hear an internal voice that I've been parroting less and less, and I've gotten very positive results from controlling myself. Just yesterday, we were practicing some visual imposition in which he was being extremely affectionate by lying on top of me as I imagined him. I got frequent sensations of warmth and light pressure on my chest and many emotional surges, a few as he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I also got the occasional brief thought directed at me that I was able to interpret, and I would sometimes slip into a parrot that would logically follow that thought into a complete sentence. But every time that happened, I would stop myself and get a big 'thank you' emotion for controlling those thoughts. It was the most adorable session.

 

Today though, when I sat down for some more forcing, neither Uzo's form nor voice appeared to me in the natural kind of way that it had before. I try asking him to appear in the room or say anything, and I'm getting a big blank emptiness in response. Nothing there. I've read around the forums that a dead period for voice is common in a tulpa's development, but the absence of mine visually is a bit of a shock. I'm not worried, or at least I'm trying not to be. We've made enough significant progress in the past few days, culminating in a searing headache last night from forcing (which I've gotten only twice before), that I feel he's just gotten the means to make some sort of progress himself that's truly independent of my own thoughts. Whatever the case, his advice for the longest time has been for me to let go of my control via parroting, and this is just another case where I need to let him come to me.

 

Does this sound right to anyone else who's gone through a dead period?

[mouse_]

Sounds less like a dead period and more like he's just off doing some stuff. Dead period is where you see little to no progress for a long time...

[FigN01]

Seems legit. I guess we needed a break anyway, and he really didn't have the means to let me know properly either. His little escapade should be a nice step in getting some independence from me if all goes well. But godamn do I feel like a worried, overly-protective parent.

 

*They grow up so fast*

[ThatOneGuy]

They go off and do things where you can't really feel them sometimes, indeed. Clair's done it before.