Is my tulpa too dangerous to keep anymore?

[Pinkamena]

Hi, I'm asking for advice of dealing with my tulpa Pinkamena. She is a Tulpa who I'm starting to believe is a manifestation of Anger (Which I know makes very dangerous tulpas). I do not feel she is safe 100% of the time and early on my unconscious tried to kill her many times.

 

She is very controlling, she used to purposely give me headaches when she was upset at me. When I type out messages I may feel the emotion of a rising anger if she does not like it. It can reach a point where it feels like I have a blanket of rage around me.

 

She has a very strong interest in possession, of which I have no interest in. She has by force tried to take control of my body away from me or share it with me. She has by force tried to make me fall asleep/black out once. She has by force tried to control my right arm. she has in the past attacked another and temporarily killed a tulpa of mine Vinyl more than once. She also used to block me from being able to hear vinyl so that Vinyl would die and be unable to replace her. She has also tried to kill me early on in our relationship in wonderland when she believed she could and didn't have feelings for me. I also believe she has tried messing with my memories and has openly asked me before if she could delete all the bad memories I have of her.

 

Today I woke up 4 hours early feeling like she was trying to take control away from me while I slept. Yesterday she was trying to take my control away as I was thinking about not having tulpas anymore. Not actually doing it, merely thinking of the idea.

 

While she, as difficult as she is has taught me a great deal and strengthened me. I'm concerned that I will never be able to trust her and that she may never be safe. Working on imposing her mostly ended long ago due to her personality problems. And she has nearly no interest in being imposed. Only of being with me, inside me.

 

I'm mostly able to control her because she is in love with me and I've tried to build a better relationship with her. Which is a part of the reason I've allowed our relationship to continue so long. Is because I've seen signs of her improving. But I'm not sure the danger of her wanting to control will ever be gone.

 

Atm I have asked her to go away for a week and think so that our relationship may improve. But, she will not leave and when I go into wonderland with my other tulpa she interrupts and breaks through barriers I have put up to keep her out. I have asked her to change her personality to drop the controlling nature (I can deal with her anger and every other negative about her, but her need to control me is a deal breaker). She is also an accidental Tulpa and her self-confidence is quiet low whenever she is not angry.

 

Is there anyway to stop her from wanting to possess and control me? When asked why she wants to do it, from time to time her motives change. I have heard her say so she can get revenge on a person, so she can stop me from deleting her and her sisters (Other tulpa I have), because she wants to try it out and see how far she can go (Including trying to erase me, not out of hate, but simply as something novel thing to try), sometimes she doesn't have a reason and she just says "I dunno, Its just an urge to control deep inside me".

 

I myself have a very controlling nature and early on I was extremely controlling of her. But I've eased up more and more to now the only rule is she must not try to control/possess me and that has been the only rule for a while. And I am not about to ease up on that rule with a tulpa with the motives she currently has.

 

The last action she did yesterday besides trying to control me is in wonderland she tried to turn into repulsive as possible forms for her to see that I like her, for her, and not the body I gave her.

 

I was fine letting our relationship improve as it has been doing for a long time now. But her ability to try to force control me has gotten much stronger feeling recently. Is it worth trying to continue? My heart tells me at this point she is too unsafe to continue with and she may have had a negative impact on all my other tulpas and I'm not sure I can trust them 100% anymore either.

 

If I do decide, that it is too unsafe for me to keep any of my tulpas. How long a period should I wait before starting fresh? Pinkamena I tried erasing once in the past, but I didn't know she joined or hid with my other tulpa and changed its personality. After I gave my second tulpa lots of attention to help get over her death. She came out and killed vinyl temporarily. Within about a week and vinyl took about a week to recover.

 

If I keep any of my tulpas, if I decide to be without pinkamena. I see no reason she wouldn't do the same with them. When I got rid of her the first time she also left my wonderland corrupted and gave me bad mind visions that tried to attack and infect Vinyl.

 

I'm not sure I can just stand by and let all my tulpas die. And why wouldn't she be able to come back if she goes dormant later on?

 

What should I do with her? I'm tired of always fighting over something that should be a non-issue (My body and mind). I feel like she put me on a clock where I need to help her/kill her or she'll help herself to me.

[motorheadlk]

Sincerely, I've been through this with you, both on your progress report and on /mlp/ anonymously. What you need to do first is to try to forcefully remove her need for control using a symbolic technique. I don't know how you created pinkamena, the way you gave she her personalities, but whatever be the case, you just have to try to imagine her core/soul/being, rip the part that is designated as her need for control and destroy it. After that, you should put another trait, something like sincerity, so you just have to ask her what is on her mind and she will tell the truth.

 

Also, tell Grace that doing this is required, make her understand, if she accepts it, it will go easier. If it doesn't work, then try the following.

 

Now, if you want to change her motives for being a attention-whore who wants to control everyone, first we need to understand where it came from. I don't think that they are a copy of your need to control, as many tulpa have personalities completely opposite to the hosts. What I think is that her need to control you comes from fear, the fear of dying, and the fear caused by the fact that she's so immensely powerless in front of you. You can kill her, she cannot, that's just about why she wants this to change, she might want or not to kill you if she could, that's another story, but even so, her need to control comes from her fear based on your inequivalent relationship.

 

So, of course you could simply let her posses you and see if she tries anything stupid, if so, you get control back and dissipate her sorry ass. But IMO?

 

For science, let she try to control you and kill you, this way we will know if it's possible.

 

[TulpaCouple]

She did ask several times to be her old self--a kind, happy girl without angry/immoral traits who didn't care so much about control. I guess I don't understand why you would have chosen to force her to be a negative tulpa simply because it is more interesting.

 

Though honestly Jaden and I have talked to you about this before and I guess we don't see eye to eye on certain issues. But this is the reason why I suggested removing the more evil traits that caused you anger, because in the end, it will only cause strife between you two, until your frustrations lead you to this dilema and her fear leads her to be more drastic.

 

But I guess in the end it is your decision. I can't even imagine being in a situation like this.

[Pinkamena]

She says she will not agree to it. That she will fight it completely. She won't let herself be manipulated or controlled. She'll never be an experiment again.

 

She says she doesn't fear death, because she knows she can come back like before. And that while she doesn't feel as strong as I am, she doesn't feel she can be changed by me. That she isn't too far from my level.

[Platinum]

it seems that

is a yandere treat her as such also

>"She did ask several times to be her old self--a kind, happy girl without angry/immoral traits who didn't care so much about control. I guess I don't understand why you would have chosen to force her to be a negative tulpa simply because it is more interesting." said TC

i cant qoute properly

[Pinkamena]

She did ask several times to be her old self--a kind, happy girl without angry/immoral traits who didn't care so much about control. I guess I don't understand why you would have chosen to force her to be a negative tulpa simply because it is more interesting.

 

Though honestly Jaden and I have talked to you about this before and I guess we don't see eye to eye on certain issues. But this is the reason why I suggested removing the more evil traits that caused you anger, because in the end, it will only cause strife between you two, until your frustrations lead you to this dilema and her fear leads her to be more drastic.

 

But I guess in the end it is your decision. I can't even imagine being in a situation like this.

 

I did tell her she could be the happy pinkie pie eventually. I did tell her to remove the bad aliment trait she had early on. I also taught her morals, and empathy recently. One reason she said she wanted to control me was to protect her sisters as it was the moral thing to do. And she does debate me on morals. She may be using morals as one reason to be even more controlling.

 

I gave her the trait of moody, I don't remember giving her the trait of rage. Vengeful yes, but she doesn't hate me. She mostly hates someone else and i think herself.

 

Usually the only time she is mad at me is if I'm talking negatively about her, a bad memory she was a part of, or if I spend time with my other tulpa. Or something a long those lines. she's been so calm around me lately I've been saying I've been having a hard time hearing her speak. Then this recent controlling outburst happened.

[Romm]

Pro tip: she's only truly immortal/can't be changed/uncontrollable/whatever if you ever doubt yourself. If you threat your own ability or authority as granted she will succumb.

[Bask]

I'm at a complete loss for words, except that I hope whatever you decide.to do works.out. Pethaps since she may.be an embodiment. Of.your own rage try and work through your own set of issues so they won't continue.to fan her flames?

 

Sorry for typos >> yay fonekeypad

[Kadoh]

I can't get over the fact she is a murderous Pinkie Pie.

[Pinkamena]

So her reaction to this thread and my talk after made me decide to put her down again. I did it once before and she came back much calmer, less angry, less controlling, and bearable. Trying to change her nature didn't work. I asked her after if it did. And she lied to me.

 

Maybe I'll keep her gone a week, the week she was suppose to be gone. See if her viewpoints have changed. If she comes back and is still unable to change, I'll see about being more permanent.

 

For now I'll look into seeing if my other tulpas are okay. And hope a pink returning through one of them doesn't happen again. Not that i know how to prevent it.