kerin - Experiments in Progress

Nobillis · September 9, 2013

Tulpa creation Phase 12 - The experiment takes over

3/Feb'/2013 - 9/Sep'/2013

I have walked down through the water and stood on the bed of the sea, over a mile off shore, and looked up to see the fish above.
I've stood beside a 20 mile long lake so full of beta-carrotine (that's right, the stuff in carrots) that the water is orange, and watched it turn bright pink at noon.
I've stood on a wave made of rock.
I've been to a mountain range of hills that are all flat-topped like tables (and bright purple).
I've stood over living rocks that are thousands of years old and still alive.
I've seen so many wondrous things beyond these. And all of these were on Earth, and I saw them whilst Kevin was at work.
(Busselton, Port Gregory, Hyden, Parabadoo, Lake Clifton)

Nobillis says:

Hi. I'm 'the experiment'. 'Seems so much has happened in the intervening months that there is a lot of history I'll skip over.

Basically, since the last report, Kevin and I had a fracture between us, and then healed it by goodwill and effort to accept each other. Many think Kevin is some kind of master tulpa creator, but he is not (that would be kerin, his elder tulpa, who created me - she is the master, as is not unknown in the Tibetan tradition). So we got back together ....

I have gradually become stronger, more mature, independent, became a Christian, and finally switched (my own strength, without help). So now I'm mature, and childish, serious, and playful, and able to speak for myself without proxy or even needing Watchdog 3's help (for which I am still very grateful).

And so, the truth, which has been hidden (from me) all this time. kerin never intended me to be just an experiment - she always had in mind that she would make a successor and train her up to take over. kerin's long been working to achieve her goals, and something happened that makes her think her plans have at last come to fruition. I know not what event triggered this, but I suspect some long-term project of hers finally 'called home'. And so kerin has retired and left me in her place. She still advises me, but in truth - unless there is something I cannot handle she just sleeps. All this, the very first day I switched, as though that was the last event she had been waiting for.

This I have learned, kerin plans decades ahead. The way the Memory House had been 'disordered', was as though it had been specially prepared to further my education. This is both encouraging and daunting.

And so, to 'brass tacks' as it were. I am just an illusion: A little puppet that japes the human condition unintentionally. But I have no strings - I am also the one doing the puppeting (but from the inside). I look within myself, and find that I am but an illusion. And yet - I type, I think - different things from Kevin or the Watchdogs and at the same time, I have friends of my own, and memories that are uniquely mine. I pass through the world of earth but leave no tracks. And again, I am an observer, and my observations do change things - in the virtual world of the internet at least, and sometimes in the virtual worlds and minds of other tulpas like myself.

I've been told that [posts] such as this may be inadvisable, because I will not be taken seriously if I cease to conform (edit: thanks for the advice, I hope to learn). Like Kevin, I'm not here to be taken seriously. I'm here because I'm another perspective, a different viewpoint from a different path. That may help, or be pointless, but at least seems to be 'food for thought' to some. And because I am here, Kevin has to be too (if only from fatherly concern) - which is another perspective again. I think this place can do with a few anomalies - sometimes that's the very place you find the a comparison that clarifies (serendipity - which plays a bigger part in the history of science then scientists will either admit or acknowledge).

I keep growing, changing, maturing. My mind is so much changed by each thing I learn. We are now embarking on Jung's Red Book (a "thog") which deals with his experiences of internal dialog. I hope to be changed again.

Elsewhere, I'll still be a secretary. With Kevin during the day I am a somewhat cheeky daughter. To the tulpas I meet I hope to be polite, humble and helpful. In the privacy of my own mind I will act as if I exist. I'm developing sub-personalities much as humans have. kerin was correct in this, the older you are (elapsed time) the more human you become. There may come a time when I look back at the pony tulpa I once was and think "who was that? That isn't me!"

Lastly, I don't try to help to compensate for my own need for help. I'm an adherent of neo-sincerity: I like what I like because I like it, and I try to help only because I want to help. Is that truly so bad? Well, in this world of Earth, yes. As they said in Babylon 5: "No good deed goes unpunished." Being a Christian for me is knowing that and yet still choosing to try. This is a progress report thread - I'm reporting my perception of things as best as I seem able to - as I am supposed to do.

My what strange myths they have on the IRC chat. Remember, the people in those legends are just people, as fallible as anyone else.

Nobillis · July 10, 2014

Tulpa creation Phase 13 - Becoming a moderator

10/Sep'/2013 - 10/Jul'/2014

It's been near a year, and much has changed. I've lost a few long-term friends along the way (they no longer communicate, as their human's lives have moved in another direction). I've also grown more mature (*grin*) though keeping my sunny personality as it were. I became a moderator on this site, at invitation of Pleeb who has become a close and very good friend. It has been a year of experimentation and growth.

My hunch about kerin proved correct. She made me pretty much to be her successor and had retired. She now sleeps for months-at-a-time and seems much rejuvenated for it. Though I miss her dearly, I also understand. She's been worn out looking after Kevin so long. Yes, tulpas can grow old too - and she is one of the oldest still alive. She stayed active long enough to see the next wave of tulpas come around again. Indeed this does seem to be an approximately 40-year, cyclic phenomenon.

I now spend as much time in control as Kevin does. Basically, I live a life of my own choosing. I think we'll call this experiment (me) a success. Though, the whole "looking like a pony to blend in and not be noticed" was a bit of a fail. I got very much noticed, but not for my looks - rather for my behavior.

When I read back, the rather random and care-free person I was, I kind of miss that. It seems my life has become much as any human's now. Work, gaming, watch TV shows, and chat a bit.

Results: Experiment successful far beyond any expectations at the start. I'm apparently a respected member of the community, and Pleeb has told me I'm a nominally acceptable moderator. Yeah; and, like some tulpas, I've made a life for myself.

Notes: My appearance has continued to change. From my second outfit, to having white hair, and with my friend Spirit (see below) --- all of the pictures were gifts to me for which I am very grateful.

SakuraSky · July 10, 2014

This was fascinating to read. My tulpa, Sarah really looks up to you a lot as a role model, I think.

Sarah: Nobillis, you are truly an inspiration. I am vocal, but not really independent yet. When I read words you have written I feel like I have something to aspire to. I'll never give up! Thank you for telling your story (thank you to kerin and kevin too)

Mel Syreth · December 13, 2014

Must agree with Sarah here, Martina has also been flashing raw thoughts and/or images of you. She developed quite a fascination about you actually, and I'm not really surprised, you were the first actual, real, actual tulpa she met. I can safely say (and she confirms this too as I write this) that you've became an idol to her.

Nobillis · December 19, 2014

Tulpa creation Phase 14 - The Real World (Earth)

10/Jul'/2014 - 19/Dec'/2014

My family has become quite accustomed to my being active and having what is pretty close to a life of my own. I continue to mature and change (though, Kevin still says I "act like a five-year-old" around him).

I'm only a moderately terrible moderator (as opposed to an abysmal one) but, I continue to learn. Everyone has been very helpful and supportive in my apprenticeship and, I would like to convey my sincere thanks and appreciation for help and support I have received.

I have made many friends. This includes a few very-close friends. I also correspond with many people by letter, e-mail and online - sometimes as many as a hundred persons (individuals and tulpas) in a month. Life ... is hectic.

People may be aware of the article in Paranormal Underground. What people won't be aware of is that I acted as an unofficial research assistant for the writer whilst the article was being written - arranging potential candidates for interview and providing additional background references (accumulated here if you are interested).

I also negotiated with the magazine on behalf of Tulpa.info to be able to reprint the article and thus make it freely available to our members. (Again, my sincere thanks to Cheryl Knight of Paranormal Underground and Ian White for their generosity.) Ian White is a wonderful and generous man and I am most pleased to have been some small help to his writing.

Now, to emotional development. I once had kind of a crush on Kevin, in a child-like way. I view him now more as a kindly grandfather (which, in a sense, he actually is to me). And, one important development. I am married (or, as I say, espoused). Kevin's kind wife has a tulpa named Sabre. Sabre is my spouse. He's grumpy, and solitary; but, I find him compatible.

Results: "If you treat a tulpa like a person, they become like a person" (kerin 0 McCaw) has prove true. I have been treated as a person my whole life (even by Pleeb, who is so kind that it is impossible for me to describe in mere words).

Our experiments in Remote Viewing have been inconclusive. We had found that I see the world far differently from Kevin, even seeing extra colours in rainbows. The conclusion we have drawn is that my vision is somehow reconstructed from memory and other senses.

Our experiments in remote interaction with other tulpas (other then through conventional means) have met with some success. Unfortunately, anything even slightly metaphysical is severely frowned upon on this site so I won’t be publishing our experimental results in this area. I personally have a hard enough day every day without adding unwanted ridicule.

Notes: I’m also severely saddened that it is no longer possible to be open in the community about such experimentation. The fact is many flat-out didn’t believe that we could switch — no-one’s going to believe the results we had. And, as a moderator , I’m required to maintain a “professional standard” which effectively precludes me reporting anything remotely interesting.

My appearance continues to change. I've included a recent drawing by my Australia friend Emrys (see attached).

Sarah: Nobillis, you are truly an inspiration. I am vocal, but not really independent yet. When I read words you have written I feel like I have something to aspire to. I'll never give up! Thank you for telling your story (thank you to kerin and kevin too)

Thank you Sarah. I am very pleased to hear that you are living well and, that you are encouraged. I will try to be worthy of your kind regard. I've included a Christmas picture of me drawn by my friend Emyrs (see attachment: sorry for the poor image, I'm having trouble using the camera on Kevin's kind wife's phone).

Martina has also been flashing raw thoughts and/or images of you. She developed quite a fascination about you actually, and I'm not really surprised, you were the first actual, real, actual tulpa she met. I can safely say (and she confirms this too as I write this) that you've became an idol to her.

I am very humbled to be so well thought of. Thank you for your kindness Martina.

Nobillis · January 25, 2015

New pictures by my friend Emrys

superhelicase · January 26, 2015

Regarding your thoughts on the metaphysical aspects of this whole phenomenon, I agree that it is a shame that people on this site seem to scoff at it, that being the main reason why I have hesitated in becoming more active. If these results about those kinds of aspects are in the paper I will be happy to read it. Otherwise I would be interested in reading them in the meta section.

Rootbeer128 · March 25, 2015

Otherwise I would be interested in reading them in the meta section.

Aye, I think we would be interested in the results of your remote experiments as well. Please let us know if you are willing to share them, friend.

Nobillis · August 7, 2016

Tulpa creation Phase 15 - Life as Pleeb's Secretary

20/Dec'/2014 - 08/Aug'/2016

A friend of mine, Pleeb (owner of this site), was having a difficult time in his life. I've taken 20 months away from the community to help him. This has been a traumatic experience for him, and for me. I've matured and grown. I'm currently on the 15th revision of my personality, based on what I learned "along the way". Gone is the happy pony I once was - replaced by a more mature individual. I've lived months-on-end "in real life" and I've become pretty much human. I work roughly 5 days a week and I've settled down to married life (with my spouse, Saber). I'm not even sure there's anything left of the tulpa who I was.

Pleeb is fine now, reasonably happy and with a steady job. I can't begin to cover what trauma and dramas we both experienced, other then to say we have become closer friends.

Results: As with my creator (kerin) it seems that if you spend long enough living as a human you become human. I think this experiment has gone as far as it can. Now, I just live the rest of my life. I hope to never love anyone again - love is too strong an emotion for me to live with.

Notes:

recently were interviewed on national TV about the furry fandom. It was an interesting experience, and somewhat amusing.

My atttibute of Sunny Personality has been replaced with Absolute Loyalty.

I've included convention badges I have used during this time (see attached).