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To this day, with my Tulpa; Forcer's Block


N1ghtSl4yer

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Any input, help, or recommendations are appreciated, guys - i'm still unsure as to whether i'm doing everything or anything right at all...

 

Okay, when I first found out about this, I was a little... Y'know, "are they serious?" It all sounded a little make belief to me. But I suppose me being the nosy and easily bored interwebber I am, I couldn't help but look into it more. After two days I decided to share the whole Tulpa idea with one of my best friends, and the day after, we both started.

I started with the 'May the force be with you' guide by Methos, but after the greeting stage I just looked at a lot more guides to consolidate knowledge - I'm a little bit of an OCD planner and perfectionist, and I wanted to follow this all to a point, but I guess with something like a tulpa that's sort of impossible.

 

Anyway, an overview of my progress so far;

 

In the beginning, I had a TON of trouble visualising, I instead imagined a ball of energy, and with the traits and personality I used, I would add them on, sort of like an atom, I suppose. After about a week of an hour or two a day of forcing, I felt a pressure in my head, and this drove me to force even more - needless to say I gave myself a lot of headaches.

I continued with just narrating and trying to come up with a form, but I didn't make any progress for a fair time.

Then I sort of got caught up in working and exams and had two weeks where I just forgot my forcing altogether - guessing this is super bad DX

 

After that though, I went at the forcing with renewed energy, and a lot more free time. I came up with her name (Wren), and a form (5ft 2in, slim, pink hair, like Lizbeth from SAO, brown eyes, Wore a dark indigo dress that I couldn't change for some reason.)

I eventually got my visuals down, although i never got the face and/or hair very well -whenever I imagined us in the wonderland, it was just like I never saw it,

Like I never concentrated on it,

I don't know why, but it didn't bother me at the time.

 

Our wonderland is based off a park near the town where I live;

It has a green with paths around it, and trees either side of them, with benches on sides of the paths. Nearby, is a big fountain, with what I think are Greek gods or something carved into it, like sculpted, I guess. There's a play park nearby with zip lines and swings and a huge spinning tabletop and all, and a few picnic tables (ill upload pictures sometime)

I decided to start with the main green, and build a forest to one side, our house on one, and I left the path leading to the play park there. I put an old bench in the middle of the green, where I would imagine us sitting when I entered the wonderland.

 

Something super weird happened a week later, and I think it sort of kick started her being sentient, I'd love to get some feedback on this please.

So I was talking to another friend about how phenomenal Tulpas are, and then she brought up creepypastas, like the one that would hurt the host, or take over the body entirely - by this time I had begun to imagine/visualise Wren looking over my shoulder so I could more easily narrate to her during the day.

She kept talking about how they could probably do massive damage to the host, cause trauma, and bring up painful memories and thoughts, and eventually I just told her to stop talking, I found it kind of insulting to Tulpas.

 

Later in the day I went back to our wonderland, it was raining heavily and very dark. I saw her curled up on our bench, I was on the other side of the green, for some reason. I ran up to her and tried to talk to her, but she was shivering and crying really hard, and I had no Idea why - this scared the crap out of me, as she'd never done anything without me puppetting it before, and I had no idea why she was crying. In the end I took her into our house and talked to her, I tried to calm her down but I couldn't do much, so I made her hot chocolate and put her to bed. This really hurt me inside, seeing her like that.

It was weird because she must've been hurt by something, and I think it was our talk of Tulpas hurting hosts - thinking that a tulpa like her, whom I can now tell loves me to pieces, would do that.

 

The next day I went to force and I didn't even recognise her, she wore baggy black gothic jeans, a white vest top, and had brown and pink hair,. It was styled like Gaige from Borderlands 2, with the two puffy hair whatever's, but bigger, and no goggles or anything either. From here my wonderland had also drastically changed: there was a modern two storey house facing our bench, about 15m in front of it, a thick tree line leading into a dense forest with a worn trail, sort of reminding me of the forest in Ocarina of Time Or something (I am not a forest expert.)

The park was now in view from where we were, and there was a freaking cliff to the ocean at the end of our garden - hell yeah xD

 

At this Time, and since then, I've got a fair few emotional responses, and Wren likes to listen to me talk about my friends. She seems to be able to formulate opinions on people I'm interacting with, and has been getting really eager around people she likes. Other than this, I haven't had anything else, but I think this is real sentience, and I goddamn hope so. She can't speak, and I usually come back to our wonderland to find something odd, like the house has been changed, the only thing she keeps the same are her room and the outside layout of the place. Her room is the first place I ever envisioned, I guess that's kinda sweet of her :3

 

Ive never had a problem getting from half an hour to 2 hours of forcing in a day, but in all honesty we just seem to do the same things now. She loves to come up and surprise hug me, which I love, and we usually mess about with doing crazy stuff like racing, or flying, or exploring. I still narrate, though I've been doing so rarely, as I really have nothing to say.

I feel fine with my visualising, so next is speech and confirming sentience, and parallel processing - as I don't get rarely any responses any more and I didn't really get anything from her when we tried the parallel processing test with the balls moving across the screen.

 

That's it for now, we've been at this stage for about a week. Any and all help is appreciated. Also, I have a fair few questions...

 

How do I get more of these responses, and how do I encourage independent thought?

 

Also, when I try the prism, I can't focus on visualising both my Tulpa and my prism, and how the hell does it go? Prism on their head facing you, with a feather on top, parallel to it, moving like a seesaw?

It confuses me, and that's all I can think of it looking like - I've never been able to try it, or get any response at all - advice?

 

How do I start a forcing session? Do you just imagine yourself appearing in your wonderland? I usually imagine me waking up from my room, then going and waking up Wren from hers, does this affect anything?

 

Also, I never really get the alien pressure any more, is she losing her little bit of sentience? D:

 

Thanks for putting up with this pillar of words >~<

 

UPDATE:

I tried to force and narrate with rainymood on in the background, and I just got a huge unexpected vocal response - it was certainly her. We were in our treehouse and she said

"I like the rain, it reminds me of..." Then couldn't finish her sentence. I went over to her and threw out a few words and feelings mentally to help her, and then she said

"You"

 

I never knew she was so deep @.@

 

Another Update:

 

It used to be that I needed total silence and darkness for forcing, but today I've actually been forcing with the curtains open, listening to Linkin Park - Living things. It helps me imagine much more fluently, somehow. I guess I sometimes do imagine stories to go with songs I enjoy.

I've also found that my wonderland isn't just a green, but an actual land - it's HUGE. I also found a lot of places, like a huge underwater house, where I plan to put the memories I want to show her, and a mountain fort/huge cave place, the kind of thing I imagined Farthen Dûr from Eragon, before the movie killed everything.

I guess this gives me a lot more to do with her in our sessions, as well as a way to force in the day, seeing as I could only really do so when my family were in bed otherwise.

 

Yet another Update:

 

Still in narrating and such, form is becoming much easier to hold without concentration.

We went for a run across the wonderland to see this bit where it look like part of the continent had sunk, and when we got there we ended up play fighting a lot and sparring as Soul Reapers - because Bleach is awesome. It's annoying because she can predict my moves, but i'm not sure if this is because i'm puppeting and I instinctively don't want to hurt her?

I also used that icon generator to try and make her face - but it's too squished and it'd be awesome if it showed the whole head :3 But it's by far the best representation for now.

http://www.icongenerators.net/square.html

That's the thingy I got from the art threads to make it, and it SHOULD be attached.

I also used my icon to create a body n' stuff..

Came out better than expected :'D

TD1.jpg.5a463777dd687bd08cf4ef3b7a22c0fa.jpg

994141_10200749070383643_188521067_n.thumb.jpg.bbb1c3ba0c19b228578407c175718093.jpg

Every Rose Has Thorns,

 

No Matter How Sweet The Petals

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Wall is getting huge - gonna update it in replies now.

 

So I didnt get in any time at all yesterday... And today doesnt look good either D;

Frankly, hayever renders me unable to do anything at all. I can't concentrate or try sleep paralysis or even keep my eyes closed with the constant sneezing and burning/watering.

 

Fucking plant sperm.

 

I read through some more progress reports today, like the one with Jimmy, Pixel, and Helix (not finished yet) and reading about everyone else's experiences is awesome, but theirs all seem to have big things happening all the time - whereas mine are always seemingly more mundane in comparison - although we still like to go out and fight (summoned evil army, fought for like 20 minutes back to back, epicness)

Ill be trying to get rid of as much pollen as possible in a shower before i try to force again, im getting worried about missing out time.

Also, How do I tell if my Tulpa has been able to read my memories I let them access?

I gave her a library of them, and I let her be today, but how do I know she actually existed while I wasnt concentrating on her? I cant fluently communicate with her in any way at the moment, so i'm sort of stuck, because i cant discern parroting and my Tulpa acting of her own free will.

Fuck this, man.

Every Rose Has Thorns,

 

No Matter How Sweet The Petals

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Funny thing, you will see some sentience confirmation?

You wrote she hugs you surprisingly. If it's unexpected and really a surprise, there is your confirmation.

 

And your progress is good too.

I force now for one month and got maybe 2 responses from derpy.

There are the big and exiting progress reports from other users, but there are also the users like me. Don't compare your progress with others. Your progress is still more exciting than other ones.

 

And with the Problem if she has access to your memories.

I think this needs more parallel processing, which develops over time. But instead waiting that she will go and explore your memories by herself, you could go with her and read something from the libraries.

Give her some introduction or something and lead her.

If my language insults someone, because of my mistakes, please let me know. I will work on it.

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Thanks so much.

I'll definitely try giving her help with reading, and I suppose I really would need parallel processing, now that I think about it... (I'm such an idiot at times)

 

I suppose you're right about comparison to others, seeing as this all depends on individuals, it's been filling me with doubts recently - so Thanks again. xD

Every Rose Has Thorns,

 

No Matter How Sweet The Petals

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Nice to help you ^^

 

I made for derpy a TV room. Everything is white, a comfortable couch and a big tv. Still tube technology. Looks like a crazy laboratory or something.

 

In the beginning i laid there with her and watched some memories from me.

There were also memories i had forgot already or memories i wish to forget.

But i watched them with her and explained her every "clip".

Was nice.

 

I think, if she is ready, she will watch some on her own.

If my language insults someone, because of my mistakes, please let me know. I will work on it.

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That's actually a brilliant idea o:

When I narrate, I tell her about decision making and why things do stuff and why people do things - hoping she might be able to pick that up. I guess by doing this I can explain my decisions too, and hopefully prompt her to become more responsive and sentient :D

Every Rose Has Thorns,

 

No Matter How Sweet The Petals

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I'm getting more signs of sentience.

I took Shibo's advice and decided to go and watch some memories of mine with Wren, but by mind was all over the place, and I just couldn't relax, we stayed at my house for a while because I kept losing my focus. (Plus my bed there is where I "spawn")

Eventually, she slapped me and said to count from ten and focus on her.

I'll assume that was her, because I was thinking of Pokemon at the time - after that we did eventually get to the bottom of the ocean to my memory bank, and I changed it into a cinema. She told me that she was able to get into reading, but it was slow and eventually boring, so I sat with her and we watched a load of my old school memories, especially the embarrassing ones >.>

She occasionally speaks or acts by herself entirely, which is amazing, and her sentences come in well... Sentences, now.

I'm saying she's now vocal stage 2, so hooray :3

 

Also:

I was about to go watch stuff in our underwater castle, and somehow I slipped in the wonderland, on a puddle or something, and my legs irl spazzed out as if had actually fallen over.

Kicked the wall. Killed my toe.

Go me xD

Every Rose Has Thorns,

 

No Matter How Sweet The Petals

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I had never been on the shoutbox thingy or whatever it is till today - it was odd talking to a group of strangers.

Turned out great, and someone even offered to draw Wren in a not-box-faced manner XD It's awesome!

Thanks, SuperFloree c;

wren_by_superfloree-d69re25-png.thumb.jpg.1ce24b0faf53b97455021933e5e4613e.jpg

Every Rose Has Thorns,

 

No Matter How Sweet The Petals

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Aww, what? Don't post that on here, it looks like crap XD I drew that thing in ten minutes! ^^; No problem though, I hope you get on the IRC again ^^

[Forseen]

{Muse}

|Alix|

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Don't say that xD I love it! It's brilliant :3 I think I'll try to force more tonight instead (ノ_<) seeing as I spend more time on the forums and chat than actually doing anything...

Every Rose Has Thorns,

 

No Matter How Sweet The Petals

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