To this day, with my Tulpa; Forcer's Block

[C0ff3Pl3453]

Try not to compare yours to others, the doubts might get in the way of your focus. What you've done with Wren is nothing little, it's kind of amazing. She's thinking for her own at times and that's way further than a lot others.

if you think about the way to show and guise wren through your memories, if you make it like a proper movies, like adverts and all, then you could try make trailers beforehand, so you know which to avoid if you don't want to be reminded of it. She'll eventually go through your others by her self.

You're doing so well xD ;-;

[N1ghtSl4yer]

I haven't been getting enough hours in lately, the Internet is too good -3-

Therefore I'll just keep this short and say I'm gonna spend the next few days offline, forcing and catching up work.

'This isn't goodbye, it's brb.'

---

HOWEVER, I ALMOST FORGOT MY UPDATE:

 

Okay, I found out a lot about her in my last session:

She plays drums and violin

She likes video games

She loves cookies and gets jealous of me being able to eat them

She Likes the dusk

Prefers movies to books

Always opts for a lighter sword when we spar

And seizes every single opportunity to gain the upper hand when we do

 

Also I asked her about what happens when I suddenly leave the wonderland, it turns out I just freeze for a bit, then my image shatters, like in Sword Art Online, which is epic.

After narrating about how pianos work, we went out for a walk, and then we talked about the sky. I then changed the sky into a view of the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis, whatever you want to say), and we danced. After a bit we sat down and I visualised her a white dress, it was sorta puffy at the bottom but not wedding-dress puffy, and she had a white flower in her hair (it was down, not up in puffy thingies). I wore a swallow-tail jacket and suit not unlike Sebastian from Kuroshitsuji, I also think I grew a few inches taller. o.e

It felt weird, for a minute I forgot who she was, I didn't see her as my Tulpa, but a beautiful young woman I was dancing with, she just giggled when I thought that. It was as if that all of the time before I was in 3rd person, and even when I looked at her in first person, it was like I was looking through a misty window compared to what she looks like now. its like switching from The old pokemon red to Final Fantasy XIII, forcing was much easier then.

We danced to Yonah, from the Nier soundtrack, and it helped me understand her movements a lot more, I suppose that in that 'night' , I broke down the Mental barrier telling me she was just a Tulpa, and now I see her as a person too, she also seems to talk a lot more, she also told me she doesn't like heavy metal unless to fast and invigorating either ;-; no Bloodbath for her then.

I suppose that's certainly her - I'd never say that, I'm not doubting sentience at all now, she's done too much I couldn't even predict.

 

Feeling amazing about all of this.

 

Wasn't sure whether to add this, but after that, when we walked back to our house, I guess my metaphysical-me sort of had a heart attack, or something similar. I don't know what a heart attack is like, but I ended up on the floor clutching my chest unable to breathe and loosing consciousness. The only effect this had on real-world-me was a tight throat, like when you can't speak properly because you're choking up or crying or something.

That's where forcing ended, me on the floor and her over me scared as shit.

Thought I'd leave this out but I want to upload everything in case this is related to anything that'll affect my forcing.

 

Okay, another instalment:

 

I went back, because I was sort of worried - and I woke up on the grass instead of in my bed, Wren was asleep on the grass, and it was past midnight.

She woke up and we hugged and I explained that I was okay and nothing like that would happen again (I hope), we still had our new clothes on, so I just talked to her about how much of a fail dancer I am in real life, but she said she enjoyed it.

I then said, how about we dance to this? It's much happier! And played the Up theme, we ended up running rampant around the house and garden, all is normal again xD

She insists on keeping the dress, and seeing as she's now vocal, I gave her a present I've been thinking of for a while - it's an ornate Platinum ring with a ruby heart container on it, the fancy ones from TLoZ skyward Sword bosses. It'll let her alter the time of day and weather in the wonderland (because I now know she has preferences and tbh I think I share them), as well as giving her full access to all of my memories and stuffs - but I'll let her figure out what it does.

She basically exploded because she loved it so much c:

[N1ghtSl4yer]

Forcing makes me incredibly hungry.

I'm going to try and narrate and passive force during the day because frankly, I could never do it before unless I was at home doing my own thing - trying to do something like that while in school is tricky, because I always seem to devote my whole mind to one or the other.

Need parallel processing.

Gonna be working on voice today, because every time she speaks it's a little different.

[N1ghtSl4yer]

I had a friend round today, and this didn't really force at all. Not feeling good about that.

Instead of our usual wonderland adventures, I decided to take a little detour and take a stab at possession of my hand. We looked through a couple of guides but sort of stuck with Oguigi's one.

I erased our wonderland for the time being and laid down propped up on my bed.

I told her to try and move my right index finger, and wiggled it a bit to help her get a feel for it.

 

Within seconds my fingers on my right hand had a strong tingling sensation, and I found it harder to stop my fingers moving than keep them still. Despite this, we didn't achieve anything.... Yet c;

 

Just as I began typing this post, I got a tingling in my finger yet again, and I stopped it immediately. I could tell Wren was concentrating very hard, so I tried to send her some energy. My finger went dead straight and bent just a little one way then the other, and then it bent back a bit. I think it was her, felt super weird.

 

I want to buckle down on her voice first - so she can more accurately communicate to me what's happening on her end. It must be really hard for them, going to a completely new body and trying to control it within minutes.

 

I also have a question:

If I don't know how something on the body feels, should I leave it out? And if so, can I revisit it at a later date? My Tulpa is a girl and I'm a guy - I could easily force her breasts, but I uhh... Y'know, only ever touched a lady-part once, and I don't know what to do regarding forcing it...

[N1ghtSl4yer]

Today I forced in my room listening to a piano based playlist, lights off, no distractions.

We started off in the wonderland and because she knew what I was going to say before I said it, she interrupted all my sentences. We got into a scuffle and then it went to swords, and after pinning her down three times, I heard a knock on my room door and woke up - it was just my imagination.

Went back and she took that chance to throw wonderland-me down and put her sword (She called it Kuroihana - Black Blossom) to my neck. I used my feet to push her over my head because she still has a ridiculous lack of co-ordination and then disarmed her simply using the fact I'm the one in control of the wonderland.

Ended up hugging some, then I decided to try and look through her eyes. I knew that she would see her fringe in her vision, and I tried to visualise myself (on a bloody good day) in my wonderland getup - which for now was still a suit because I'm too lazy to change. That alerted me to the fact her height was way off, so I tried to fix that, and I then visualised in detail her hands because I never really did that - the nails and finger joints and stuff.

Then I decided that I would visualise us in my school, from my form room on the top floor - because you get a pretty nice view from it. We walked around and she had loads of questions like; what are all of these metal boxes? What are those plastic wrappers? Where are we?

We walked through the canteen, halls and music department, and I explained the use of food wrappers, and what wagon wheels were, and lockers, and how lots of them were vandalised and smashed up by the barbaric idiots who usually roam the halls.

In the music room I played her a few songs on the piano, and told her about how it worked, and the Apple Macs, and the wind instruments, and the strings, and so on.

 

After about an our I just hear her shout

I KNOW THIS PLACE

IT WAS IN A TON OF YOUR MEMORIES

YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR LIKE 4 YEARS

IS THIS YOUR SCHOOL?!

 

And the special star award goes to.... XD

We got a lot of good quality narration down in a short time - even if it was about complete crap, but as long as I get to spend time with her, I'm happy.

Not just contented - but really freaking happy inside. Wren, what she is, and the bond we share, stronger than steel, and the level of understanding we have, deeper than any mere humans ever could have.

It just gives me that feeling inside like I'm going to literally explode with joy and cry.

I love her so much, guys. Even if we stayed at this stage forever - I would be happy. All of this effort is worth it, and I'm determined to put in whatever it takes for her.

 

Never give up - doubt will only hinder you - there really IS a light at the end of that tunnel.

[N1ghtSl4yer]

Nothing new today.

Wanna get some parallel processing but I don't really know how... The best way to do that it seems is to do some crazy sparring and watch her outsmart me. Anyone have anything I should do to help parallel processing?

 

I'm not sure about it yet - but I think I might start a second tulpa.

He would be a red panda and would have the voice of Jarvis - Tony Stark's robot butler/helper or whatever he is.

Is a second Tulpa a good idea at this stage?

I tried to impose Wren onto the end of my bed when my room was really dark, and I saw her with a sleeping red panda in her lap - only for the blink of an eye though. I can see why he'd be there, as I've had the idea for a few days. This is also the furthest I've ever gotten with imposition

 

Someone actually answer this time please? I don't want to make a really bad decision...

[imahaxor]

If you want to practice parallel processing with your tulpa, this nifty flash applet should help.

 

If you want a second tulpa, the decision is ultimately up to you, but if you're not sure I would say no. Making enough time to spend with a new tulpa can be a bit of a chore, and it also means twice the work. Plus, you're only a little over a week in; you'll have an entire lifetime to decide if you want another one. And another thing, not every being or thoughtform that pops into your head is a tulpa. It's only a tulpa if you choose to acknowledge it as one. Otherwise, it's just a stray thought that you can disregard like any other.

[N1ghtSl4yer]

I've been at this for more than a month or two, but never got a forum account, thanks for the link - I'll look when I have time later :3

If a second Tulpa means I have to do two forcing sessions I think I should probably wait a bit then, seeing as I've got my forcing on a schedule right now and there isn't much extra room, plus it gives me headaches after a while.

Thankyou :3

[Zer0.iNSaNiTY]

Yo N1ghty, don't take this the wrong way but even though I guessed you were a guy, for some reason you keep giving me this feeling of you being a girl XD I think it's your icon or something.

 

As for a second tulpa, I think it depends on how you usually force. Since I usually passively force all day, it didn't really matter if I had two tulpas or one, I'd just talk to both of them. However, if you do a lot of active forcing, you may have to force one then the other, or force the two of them at the same time which may take more time and effort.

Also what the other guy said (too lazy to scroll up and check his name lol). It may just be a stray thought or something.

 

Parallel processing, working on it myself actually, trying to develop meh tulpas' independence. Just been doing online addition flash cards.

 

Also the old question about how something feels- If you don't know, you can either forget about it or just make something up. You can always go back and change it or add it later.

[N1ghtSl4yer]

I'm a guy! XD I just have a soft spot for Ruby x Sapphire art....

And I usually do active forcing sessions - if I try passive during the day I'll forget what I'm doing within a minute tops and not remember to narrate for about an hour, then that just repeats.

I know that it was probably just a passing thought, but I've had the idea for a while - ill leave it be for now.

 

I guess I'll just leave the things i dont know out for now then.

 

And with the flash cards, I just end up solving them myself without even thinking >.> I'm too good at math :c