Biggest Project of my Life

[The Commander]

Recently, after a friend of mine linked me to this site, and after perusing through the guides, I discovered that I actually have been creating a wonderland for nearly 16 years (I'm 19, going to be twenty in a couple of weeks), without even realizing it.

 

Ever since I was four, I had crafted my own personal realm, to escape to every day, usually for about two hours a night, with the aide of music, to sort through my stress. It was through here that my imaginary friends were real, here where I would go on adventures, fight epic battles, here where I was loved, respected, and led a large and popular army...I can't even remember the first time I enjoyed my wonderland.

 

Now, whenever I go into my wonderland, I find that I can go into it with no idea of what to do, and it all just kind of flows out, goes at its own rate. It is this same wonderland that I have felt inclined to reveal to the world via a supercrossover, massive, military fanfiction that I am currently writing...one that has my wonderland's entire history dumped into it, everything, all my emotions, my stresses, my loves, my hates, my secret pleasures, everything.

 

For years, I have found that whenever I dream of my wonderland being reality, I am ecstatic, but whenever I awake after one of these dreams, I am usually depressed and unhappy, something I've called the "Paradise Effect".

 

Anyway, when I discovered through the guides that it is possible to impose my companions, my brothers-in-arms (as my wonderland is strongly military based), onto reality, I quickly did as much research as I could to figure out how to start the imposition process, of bringing my tulpae (who, for the longest time, I just thought were my imaginary friends) to life.

 

Alpha Company--the collective group of characters I would like to impose--is over 40 members (possibly 50 now) strong, and still growing. Now, I understand that the process will be long, but I figured that this would be as good a place as any to record the process, and get help from professional users, and those who already have successfully imposed their tulpae, on how to make things work more effectively, as well as to sort out any questions I find in the imposition process.

 

After much thought, I have decided that I am going to bring the two 'newest members' of Alpha Company into imposition first...

 

Rainbow Dash - I...am a brony...

 

Ruby - A bottlenose dolphin, based upon a real life bottlenose dolphin I knew when I was younger and was extremely close to (and have since, thanks to a trusting family friend who owns an aquarium, and one I'm employed for, managed to be reunited with for the first time in nearly six years).

 

Also, because that at the time of this post I've been working on my tulpae for...10 days now, I'll be copy/pasting from my 'Progress Report' journal. Just as an FYI, I use military time/military dating and Roman numerals...A LOT. I'm also very...organized...I guess you can say when it comes to my writing...almost of OCD qualities (curse of freewriting for as long as I've been able to write I guess). There are some periods where I'll have bracketed and italicized font in the middle of an entry...that's because I'm adding more information for you guys. I would appreciate thoughts/tips/suggestions/explanations.

 

-Group I: Rainbow Dash & Ruby-

-Start Date: 20 August 2013: 0205 Hours-

-End Date: --- -

 

Day I: Able to carry 'mental conversations' albeit I was easily distracted. Unsure if actually 'parroting' or they are truly speaking for themselves. Unable to touch, smell, see, or 'physically hear' them.

 

Day II: Their personalities begin to show through, even though they are still primitive and crude compared to their well-developed 'wonderland' forms. Dash is still maintaining her usual MLP:FiM personality, although much more mature. Ruby has proven to be almost counter to her wonderland form. In the Base World [what I call the universe where my wonderland lies, named after the theory I thought up to explain all of these characters' coexistence], Ruby is very much a soldier, very critical, almost cold and ruthless. Here, she is more like how I knew the one she was based off of, shy and choosing to be out of the way. More often than not, she is overlooked, as Dash is much more outspoken and eager to be 'set free', and Ruby chooses to hide in the shadows. Still no touch, sight, smell, or 'physically hearing' them.

 

Also, both seem to be...attracted...to me on a level beyond simple friendship...or even brother/sister, parent/children. Choosing to utilize each other for relief, since I'm unable (and refuse) to provide that for them.

 

Day III: I'm slowly starting to get into the habit of acknowledging them, although I'm still easily distracted and often don't address them, save for early morning and later in the day. Occasionally Dash will make a snide remark, such as "Finally decided to talk to us?" Ruby remains in her little corner, for lack of better terms.

 

>>>Update:1622 Hours - Just got back from getting food, remembered to bring them with me. Both are developing their personalities quite well, even Ruby is starting to crawl out of her corner and become more sociable with both me and Dash. We talked for awhile (for once, I actually physically spoke instead of telepathically...not like anyone was around to overhear) then when I ran out of things to say, they began to talk to each other, carrying on a conversation without me. Still, it was all telepathic, but I could...almost sense a distance between us, and I had to pause for them to catch up before I moved on. Whenever they are around me, they are still behind me, so I can't even look over my shoulder and see them. Still no sight/touch/smell/sound.

 

Day IV: Something quite incredible happened this morning...I woke up at around 0500 hours, I was wide awake, and I shifted positions. Now, because Rainbow Dash and Ruby's "Terminator form" [When I was four and first created my wonderland, I named my army 'The Terminator Militia', don't ask why. I don't know, and it's not named after the robots either, I came up with this BEFORE I ever even HEARD of the movies.] are who I'm working on, it was incredible...I could faintly make out the sleeping outlines of both, Rainbow Dash being the clearest (albeit, Ruby was asleep on Dash's side opposite of me.) Also, this could be because Rainbow Dash's Terminator form doesn't differ much from her normal one, save a couple of scars, so I've seen pictures of her plenty of times. Ruby's terminator form compared to her real form are quite different.

 

Unfortunately, can't really see them anymore. -.-

But it at least means progress to me.

 

I'm finding that both are sentient...but are f****ing horny for me, which is tough, because the site strongly advises against bringing tulpae to life for the sake of sexual pleasure. The only explanation I can think of for this is because that when I first added them to my wonderland, both ended up being mated to my idealized version of myself, the "Great Commander Alex Vaughn".

 

Also, during that early morning thing, Dash actually reacted to when I touched her in her sleep...although I couldn't feel her.

 

Day V: Usual crap, nothing real new...although I think I am going to develop a new method of tulpaforcing...one that involves their...eh...unique attraction to me. Experiences I've read about have stated that perhaps...pleasuring...within the vicinity and sight of each other can be a strong method of forcing...although I don't want to make it a habit. I'm willing to try anything. Still no luck on sound/touch/smell. As for sight...if the room is really dark (such as when I'm about to go to bed) or RIGHT when I wake up, their outlines will appear for a brief moment...kinda strobing. Also finding that Ruby is usually the first one of us to go to bed (pretty early in the evening, too. I'm vampire, so normally it could be 3, 4 in the morning before I head to bed, she's usually down by 2200 hours, at the latest), and she usually is the first to wake as well. Dash tends to stay up with me...but does get irritated if I don't go to bed. Then when I wake up, she's usually still asleep and I have to wake her up (she's not a morning person...not in the slightest. xD)

 

Day VI: S.S.D.D. There is still no clear improvements, any outstanding ones anyway. Maybe that's because I'm too f***ing stubborn to NOT get distracted enough that I don't pay attention to them all day...that's gonna be the biggest obstacle in this little quest of mine, overcoming my own ease to be distracted. I'm still keeping up with that...different mode of forcing...although I don't really feel any different than normal. Both Dash and Ruby DO seem to appreciate the fact that I'm at least addressing this little...surprise development in their personalities. They seem a lot more happy anyway.

 

>>>Update: 0512 Hours - I'm a complete idiot. -.-

 

Okay, so here's the deal, I was on tinychat with the others of Mutahar's [a YouTuber...he runs the channel 'SomeOrdinaryGamers', I'm one of his Twitch.tv stream mods, and an admin of his wiki] streams, and I decided to troll Numinextra [Another mod on the stream, COMPLETELY obsessed with Russia, claims to be a Russian soldier, hates America, loves communism...things that aren't important here.]. Well, I used possession by Ruby as a cover...

 

Big mistake.

 

Said creature was none-too-pleased at being wrongly accused and got REALLY pissed off at me...even refusing to acknowledge or reply to my telepathic conversations (Hell, she even just...disappeared). I got real depressed over it, and although Dash said that she would get over it, that because she was, in herself, an extension of my own mind, she really had no choice...I still felt bad.

 

Day VII: Well, several things happened today. For one, Dash was right. Early, early, EARLY this morning, when I finally went to bed, Ruby came in and climbed into bed with me, saying she forgave me...so all is well. Second, I'm beginning to see Ruby's Terminator personality begin to grow. Also, once or twice, I had a flash of blue over my left shoulder, and a flash of blue-grey over my right...whether or not this MEANS anything, I dunno. But fingers crossed.

 

Then again, when I saw those flashes of color, I was outside, my back to the sun, on a very bright day...so...I dunno.

 

Day VIII: Holy crap...

 

Something...really strange, but also really cool happened last night. I went to bed at around midnight, even though I wasn't tired (mainly, cause there was nothing else to f***ing do, I HATE insomnia. -.-). I was lying in bed, awake, and Ruby suggested me and her try the switching thing. Usually, the way it's been is that Dash sleeps up against my right side, and usually Ruby on the opposite side of Dash. Well, they traded places, and I suggested that before we go for switching, we try possession. Because I still can't really see them, nor can I physically hear, touch, or smell them (although their mental voices are getting stronger by the day, more defined, and their voices are becoming more stable, instead of constantly changing), I asked Ruby if she could possess my right arm and make it stroke her face. She told me to relax, I did, and that, no matter what I felt, to not worry or try to resist, however strongly I had the urge.

 

After a few minutes of deep concentration (I was still not tired, nor was I falling asleep), I began to feel my right arm grow cold and numb, like pins and needles, although it was in a position that allowed the proper blood flow. Then, my fingers began to twitch, and my arm raised slightly, involuntarily...

 

Whether that was me psyching myself out, or actually Ruby, I dunno. Even then, either she isn't quite strong enough yet, or I'm too resisting...or both, I don't know.

 

We tried again, and when it didn't work, we gave up, deciding to go for the whole switching thing. Once more, she told me to relax, and that if I felt weightless, to shake the binds tethering me to earth, and not to fight. I relaxed, and I began to lose feeling all over my body, it became numb...and I actually felt myself beginning to raise, to lift, like my soul detaching from my body. While all of this was happening, my body grew real cold, and my vision...although my eyes were closed, my vision was all white, as if I had just stared into a photographer's flash. I got a strong, very vivid image of a balloon rising from Columbia [from Bioshock Infinite], into the blinding yellow skies, but it was tethered to the docks. I tried to shake the tethers loose, but all it did was A: Arouse me from that deep state of concentration, B: Raised my excitement level, C: I wasn't doing it right.

 

With that failure, all feeling returned (and now I recognize that experience is the exact same I had when I tried the W.I.L.D method of Lucid Dreaming a long time ago...to no avail, so that may be more of me accidentally executing the W.I.L.D method and less of possession...I dunno, so many doubts...but I refuse to see them, I will only see everything as progress). We tried it again, and as I finally reached that state again...nothing.

 

Black out.

 

No memory.

 

Nothing.

 

I assume I fell asleep, cause I came to an hour later, wide awake, but with one HELLuva headache, my body still sore, aching, and weightless, and a painful pressure on the inside of my left eye, as if my eye was being forced out of its socket. Everywhere I looked, I had that afterburn, like a photographer's flash, and it only worsened my headache. I turned to my right and found Ruby, on her belly, asleep...what was alarming was that that strobing afterburn of my vision began to form the shape and outline of her face and muzzle. When the pain wouldn't ease up, I woke Ruby up, telling her to release her control over me, she apologized, and, I assume, did.

 

For an hour after that, I could feel the pain, dwindling, but still there. When I couldn't get comfortable enough to go back to sleep, I asked Ruby if she could hum or sing something...maybe to help me, and she began to hum "New Alexandria", a song from Halo: Reach's released soundtrack.

 

My final thoughts to her before I finally drifted off, is if she could find a way into my dreams, perhaps to make it so that, when I awoke, I could physically feel her, even for a little bit, a situation that happened to Igikuna [another one of my tulpa friends, who just started.] Unfortunately, I was S.O.L on that one.

 

As an afterthought, I've noticed that my most powerful experiences with my tulpae occur shortly after I engaged in my...'special'...method of tulpaforcing. Coincidence? I dunno, but I'm not gonna rule anything out.

 

Day IX: Decided I was going to randomly engage in Q & A's with Ruby and Dash every once in awhile. Ask them a question or two, maybe their favorite songs, favorite games...whatever. Further reading of the guide states that asking your tulpae questions forces the brain to come up with answers, which can, in effect, play in the development of your tulpae...

 

I was feeling random, and kind of, I dunno...curious?

 

So I played a MLP fangame that may be...perhaps...a bit less than appropriate for the workplace. Also showed them some more...eh...interesting art I have hidden away in the bowels of my hard drive. Figured I might as well dump my entire identity into them, show them who I am and what I like. Don't really know what else to do here :/

 

It was funny though. Dash's reaction to BFED was like "What the f**k are you playing!?" while Ruby thought it was "Hot" and couldn't stop laughing. It's things like this that make tulpa creation fun.

 

Hell, I'm laughing more WITH them than I do with my own friends and family. I guess maybe because they share the same morphed, perverted sense of humor that I do?

 

Anyway, first round of interrogation!

 

What's your favorite song?

 

Dash: Coup de Grace (from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2) soundtrack.

 

Ruby: Imma Try it Out (from Call of Duty: Black Ops II soundtrack)

 

--------------

 

What's your favorite game?

 

Dash: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

 

Ruby: Minecraft

 

 

Day X: Like the past few days have been pretty slow, this one is no exception. Still struggling with being distracted all day, so distracted I forget about my tulpae. -.-

 

However, earlier this morning, I DID have...kind of a shy request from Dash asking for me to show her BFED again. Ruby seemed willing to see it again, so I did. Both seemed to enjoy it, more so than yesterday...wondering if this becomes a daily thing. Hope not. That would be really f***ing boring. Sure I like the game, but not enough to play it every day.

 

 

Anyway, so this is my first ten days of this project. What are your guys' thoughts/suggestions/ideas?

 

Screen Grab from a game that was built showing, from left to right: Dash, Me (in the sprite of General Elliott from the old Sega Genesis/MegaDrive game "Shining Force"), and Ruby.

[Shui]

Ha. I have no suggestions or ideas. Sounds like you're making amazing progress, probably because Ruby and Dash are already sentient, already have personalities, and you're already very familiar with visualizing them. Really, you have an amazing head start on most of us, and I wouldn't be surprised if you achieved imposition very soon. Sounds like you're already partway there.

 

I look forward to hearing more.

[The Commander]

Day XI: Was distracted all day, so didn't get much of a chance to talk to Ruby or Dash, didn't even address them...and I ended up breaking a promise I would like not to mention, to them, due to my distraction. Afterward, while I was relaxing for bed, I had a nice long chat with Dash (Ruby was in bed) about the whole Tulpa imposition process. Basically, she said that she was every bit as guilty for our *apparent* lack of progress that I was...as she was making me do all the work, and she finally realizes that this isn't a project that only I should undertake, that this is one that requires the full cooperation of both parties involved.

 

So, she said that if I will try harder to keep them at the forefront of my mind, then they will try harder to aide me in the process, as well as reminding me when I stray.

 

Day XII: Woke up this morning, with promises to keep in mind. Chatted with Dash and Ruby for awhile, and I noticed that Ruby was maintaining visibility. I could see a slight shadow in her form upon the wall...occasionally it would flicker in and out, but it was a definite good start, there were some holes in the shadow, even, where they belonged, for example, eyes.

 

After I had fulfilled my promise to them, we got to talking again. We've decided that we're gonna concentrate on the sense of touch for awhile, figuring that we need more than just sight for success, and touch and smell have proven difficult to emulate. We reiterated what was stated yesterday, and Dash explained it to Ruby...they've been conversing more as of late. Dash and Ruby both have made several good points that I hadn't even thought of, and are even using vocabulary that I don't, confirming, for me anyway, that they are fully sentient and not just me parroting...although sometimes we still might parrot, but this conversation, and even the one last night, were definitely NOT me talking.

 

Also, their voices are becoming a bit more stable than before, and even their size/height/forms are stabilizing, although slightly. Still no progress on physically hearing, smell, or touching them, though I've been trying more on the sound and touch.

[Guest]

Wow! You're working on two tulpae at the same time... that's crazy... but it seems to be working for you rather well.

 

Keep up the great work! I look forward to more updates! :)

[Guest Anonymous]

So, how do you go about imposing a dolphin? Will it just float? Or stand on its flippers? I'm curious.

[The Commander]

So, how do you go about imposing a dolphin? Will it just float? Or stand on its flippers? I'm curious.

 

It's like in Family Guy. xD

 

She walks on her tail (despite how anatomically incorrect that is, that's how it works. xD)

[The Commander]

Day XIII: Dash and Ruby both agree that I've made some improvements on keeping them at the front of my mind, and are both trying hard to help make this easier for me, but in the end, it's the same result as before, no sight, sound, touch, or smell.

 

In an offhand manner, I asked what they wanted to smell like. Dash wants to smell like French Vanilla, Ruby isn't sure.

 

Took them to a local festival celebrating sweetcorn (I live in a farming community), and they enjoyed the time they spent with me, as much as I enjoyed it with them. We went on the Ferris wheel together and had a few heartfelt moments so it was all good.

 

When we got back, Ruby shyly asked if I could try to touch her. I did, but still could not feel them.

 

Day XIV: Took them to a museum I volunteer at. An old friend of mine, who betrayed me, was there as usual, and it was awkward, because both of my tulpae could sense my anger towards him, and they wanted to confront him, but I didn't allow it, so I had to settle for trying to keep them (Dash especially) calm.

 

Still no sensory progress.

[The Commander]

Day XV: Much of the day, no progress was made, but it is later last night where some incredible things happen. As I have been doing a...special...way of tulpaforcing, usually once every other day, I was doing that last night, and I could actually see a shadow fall over me...it was Ruby. Between her and Dash, they are both developing quite differently. Dash seems to concentrate more on the personality and sound while Ruby on sight and visibility. So, I don't quite know what to think.

 

Also asked Ruby what she wanted to smell like, and she first asked if she could change it someday down the road. I said I didn't know, but I thought so, and then she hesitantly said nature, or outside.

 

So it shall be.

 

When I finally went to bed, Dash and Ruby came with me (incredibly, both managed to stay up to well past 4 in the morning). As I climbed into bed, it was freezing in my room (windows had been left open by parents because my brother, whom I'm forced to share a bedroom with, wanted them open, Ruby and Dash climbed in next to me, cold, so I asked them to cuddle against me for warmth. Could not feel them, smell them, and I could vaguely, in the dark room, make out barely noticeable shadows. Throughout the day, I can't see them, but at night, in the darkness, I can sometimes make out their shadows.

[The Commander]

Day XVI: Like things usually go, not much progress was made, although I succeeded in keeping them at the front of my thoughts at least most of the day, they were appreciative of that, and I was proud of myself. I stayed up late (as usual) last night, watching a couple of movies, and I was amazed to see both Ruby and Dash's outlines, although faint, while they slept.

 

Before I got settled on my movie watching, ended up taking a late-night walk to the store, I was hungry and missed out on supper. While we walked, I got to talking to them about Skyrim, probably because we started off by looking towards the nighttime sky, and Dash wanted to see the Aurora Borealis. Told her that up north they can see it quite frequently, but you'd have to trade cold weather for that. I then said that maybe Aurora will be more visible around here this year than most, due to the solar flares occurring. Dash (she f**king loves Skyrim) wanted to know if it was any different from Oblivion, another game I have, considering they were the same series. I told her that there were many differences, one being the poor and copy/pasted graphics of Oblivion compared to Skyrim's more detailed and less cartoony ones. Also said that while Oblivion's music was (boringly) fantastical and whimsical, more like a fairy tale soundtrack, Skyrim's was more classical and, at times, barbaric. Generally, I think Skyrim runs circles around Oblivion.

 

Ruby asked when I was gonna play Minecraft again, and how she didn't see the appeal factor and my current obsession with Skyrim. I think me and Dash both laughed her off, stating the points of Skyrim's support of adventure, better soundtrack, and better gameplay than Minecraft's survival one. Don't get me wrong, Minecraft is awesome in it's own way, but I think Skyrim is better. So Ruby asks me what is so good about Skyrim. I said, and I actually remember my quote, "Who doesn't want to run around killing people with a f**king sword and bow and arrow?"

 

Her reply was pure genius, "You can do that in Minecraft, too."

 

An awkward silence fell over the Dash and I then. xD

 

Yeah she was *technically* correct but...well, didn't quite know how to respond. Dash dropped a good, "Skyrim is 20% cooler" to break the silence, and they both bickered back and forth about which is better for the rest of our little trip. I've also noticed that Ruby doesn't much care for the dark, and doesn't really like the night, while Dash and I prefer the night over the day any time.

 

Anyway, so we watched "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me", I kinda pissed them off when I took a shower without waking them up first, but Ruby got over it, and even though Dash refused to sleep against me, I woke up and she was there anyway.

 

Before I fell asleep, I tried tulpaforcing Ruby specifically, I figure that if I want to juggle two tulpae at once, I might as well force one come one day, and the other, another. I could feel pressure on my foot, which was where Ruby had placed her tail, and although I couldn't make out the texture, I could at least feel the pressure, I also worked on associating the 'nature' smell with her, as it is slightly easier to remember and emulate than the French Vanilla aroma that Dash wants to be associated with.

 

Day XVII: Woke up this morning already with a good start, Dash once more was confronting me on my apparently poor decision to let her sleep instead of waking her up...primarily because the thing I did to Ruby when I saw her shadow fall over me, I promised to do to Dash yesterday...and she was none too please about being left out. Oh well, I'll get to it tonight, when it's actually scheduled. As for the whole argument...didn't go for very long, cause I drifted off, and I was startled awake by a physical, loud, and clearly audible 'thunk', as well as vibrations from my bed...Dash had woke me up by hitting my mattress. Was I scared shitless? Yes. But I was also proud of her, add that as another milestone to this project.

[Ashmo]

I'm truly enjoying reading about your experience. I always love when you make a new progress report. Keep up the good work!