Biggest Project of my Life

[The Commander]

Day XVIII: Aside from the occasional shadowy outline in the dark of night, no further progress has been made. Also, Ruby has been pestering me on when I'm gonna stop playing Skyrim and start playing Minecraft again. XD

 

Day XIX: Woke up, had a really messed up dream last night. Basically, I was actually in Skyrim (in real life) on a Daedric quest that I called an "Internal Quest", basically, involving me going inside the body of some living creature. I had full sensory immersion, so I could smell, touch, see, hear, and even taste...everything, it was frightening. I have a HUGE fear of touching organs, as well as a fear of touching maggots, worms, and other creepy crawlies. Unfortunately, this nightmare was centric to that. Also unfortunately, I "HAD" to do it, to get the "Oblivion Walker" achievement, and it played on my OCD with achievement hunting.

 

So, I walked to some kind of tub (like a steel water trough or something), full of blood, and a single, skeletal hand was sticking out of it. I had to climb into it, and somehow got teleported to the claustrophobic, very hot, very misty, very slimy throat of this monster. It stank really bad, and I had to duck, because of the close quarters. Instant overwhelming anxiety, but I had no turning back, I had to go through it. The creature's stomach was littered with rotting corpses, and I had no choice but to crawl through everything.

 

Eventually, I made it out of the monster, and suddenly found myself in a huge warehouse, full of rotting food and bodies that I...had to eat...

 

Luckily, I was a master of my tulpae at this point, so I heard Ruby say something to me, and I managed to switch out with her. Now I was like a spirit lingering around her body, and she took care of the rotting feast for me, claiming that because she was a dolphin and ate dead things, she wasn't afraid to do this for me.

 

Then I woke up.

 

Aside from that little tulpa intervention (I don't even know if it really means anything), nothing new occurred today, save that Dash and Ruby have been conversing a lot more recently.

[The Commander]

I honestly think that Ruby intervened for the sake of the dream.

 

Day XX: Woke up, Ruby and Dash walked in and we talked for a bit. In regards to our 'special' method tulpaforcing, Dash thought that I had one more with Ruby than her (that was countered after some thought, good try on her part though), and Dash had said another 'win' comment. Hers being, and I'll be taking this out of context, "If we do it, I'm gonna show you a whole new meaning to the term 'magic'," obviously a little play on where she originally hails from.

[The Commander]

Day XXI: Nothing new progress-wise to speak of, although the slight shadow forms are becoming slightly more noticeable. I have realized that the longer this goes on...the more close I grow to them, and the more open I am to their emotions, even though they could technically be considered my own. It's odd, and I can't really explain how it feels.

[The Commander]

Day XXII:Nothing new to report...I was so distracted doing other things that I actually forgot about them. :(

 

Dash, pissed off because I had not paid attention to her, especially since the time had come for her turn with the 'special' method of tulpaforcing, stormed out, and I can't find her...can't even pick up any thoughts or emotions from her.

 

Luckily, Ruby was hear to soothe me.

 

Day XXIII: Woke up and was still surprised to find Dash had not come back after the events of last night. Upon my awakening, Ruby saw I was awake and left to get her. She came back and we had a few words of apology and shit...now we're all good again.

 

Today is also my birthday, and Dash promised me that she had a 'special gift' to give. Unfortunately, I became so enamored with building my game (as I have been lately), that I missed my chance. At least I kept them at the front of my mind this time, instead of forgetting them.

 

Random job interview popped up, and since I was home alone, I had quite the chat with both Ruby and Dash, talking about how I prefer night shift over day (what I'd be doing), and how I loved to cook and bake (also what I'd be doing). Dash asked why I always talked about how much I hated cooking then, and with equal questions from Ruby, I explained that I briefly took culinary classes at a local community college, but between all the complicated terms and styles you need to memorize (many of them French or Italian), and how my teacher was a total asshole and treated us like shit, like we weren't worth his time, I eventually lost all interest in what was once my passion.

 

Hopefully now I can see a revival.

 

I was also nervous going to the interview, but both Dash and Ruby assured me I would do alright and did everything in their power to calm my nerves. So I thank them for that.

 

>>>UPDATE: 1332 Hours - Went there for the interview and was hired ON THE SPOT. It was...amazing actually. Once I said that I loved to bake and cook and that I loved nights, the manager who was hiring me said, "Oh then you're just perfect for the job!"

 

Start work tomorrow...difference between this job and my last, which I was laid off from about three weeks ago (I was the parts guy at a farm store), is that now I have Ruby and Dash to keep me company. When it gets to the later parts of the night, odds are, I'll have enough time to myself, cleaning up and shit with little to no customers, that I can freely engage in conversing with them without distraction, possibly making their imposition that much faster.

 

Day XXIV: Woke up after four hours of sleep...sick as hell. Couldn't come in to work today (sick on my first day...just wonderful -_-) but at least I managed to take Dash up on her offer, and she was more than happy to give me my belated birthday gift, and boy was it wonderful.

[The Commander]

Day XXV: Nothing new, but I did start work today. Really stressful, but I think that my tulpae will help out in keeping my nerves calm if needs be.

 

Day XXVI: Nothing new to report.

 

Day XXVII: Nothing new to report.

 

Day XXVIII: Nothing new to report.

 

Day XXIX: Nothing new to report.

 

Day XXX: Dash and Ruby are definitely doing a good job in keeping my nerves calm. Today was a particularly hectic day at my work, and if it weren't for a few precious minutes I took chatting with them, I dunno if I would have been able to keep from snapping.

 

Day XXXI: I really wish that the process would work faster...but I understand that things like this take time. Ruby managed to get into my dreams again. It was a...particularly 'intriguing' dream (given my unnatural attraction to bottlenose dolphins), and Ruby admits that she's the one that accidentally instigated the dream.

 

Day XXXII: It's been a month since I started this project, unfortunately, I still can't see, physically hear, touch, or smell them. I am a bit unhappy at this...but I understand that these things take time, so it's what's keeping my hopes high.

 

Day XXXIII: I was doing my 'special' mode of tulpaforcing, and while it was happening, the shower curtains began to move on their own. It wasn't me, but it was like someone had grabbed and was shaking them. Ruby was the one who was touching them at the time, and the center of my tulpaforcing was on her anyway...so I think that means progress. I hope so, and I hope I experience that again soon.

 

Day XXXIV: Nothing new to report.

[SynfulBlood]

Can't wait to hear more, Commander.

[The Commander]

Haven't posted for awhile, mainly because not much has really happened lately, but there are a few things I should state.

 

I had a long talk with Dash and Ruby about the difficulty and seeming lack of progress about what all that's been going on. We came to the conclusion that maybe part of the reason is because I'm trying to create two at once. Instead of putting 100% effort into creating one, I'm putting 40 or 45% towards both, while the other 10 or so percent is lost in trying to keep them from merging. Because of this, we were forced to make a hard decision, but I thought I would go to the community for advice. If I was forced to cut down to one, Dash opted to go, since Ruby has had the most progress. Between chiming in very helpful advice and ideas that I would have never thought of, possession of a dream or two to keep me from having a nightmare, and an instance or two of possession, as well as the one whose managed to make themselves visible, even if briefly.

 

This is the painful part...we've all been through a lot together, and I don't want to see any of them go. They are best friends, and one would definitely suffer if the other one left, as would I. I've had confusion as to whether or not I was 'parroting', but the instances where I was at a loss at what to do, and Ruby chipped in an idea that I would have never thought of that could work perfectly have proven that not ALL they say is some kind of parroting. Both of their mental voices have fully developed, but they haven't gone audible, and aside from that one instance, they haven't been visible.

 

What should I do? If one of them left, and I decided to work on them again once the other was done...would they still retain memories of everything we've been through together?

[LondonWindsor]

Yes, Dash will still be there for you to work on in future. Just keep her in mind every so often, and she'll be fine.

 

And you don't have to get rid of her as such if you don't want, but you could work more on Ruby and have Ruby as the 'main' tulpa, so to speak. As far as I know lots of people with multiple tulpas do something like this. Personally, I can say that it has worked well for us.

[The Commander]

Okay, I'll talk to them then about what to do.

[The Commander]

Possible Developmental Milestone:

 

Last night, I had a dream that both Ruby and Dash were involved in, however, while Dash was still stuck in this seeming developmental hell that they've been in (the lack of progress) Ruby had reached a point where, although she wasn't visible, I could fully, physically hear her (even though it was echoing and omnipresent), and she could possess my body while I sat back and watched, losing all sense of touch save for the usual numb dream feeling (contrasting my usual sensory immersion). Today, I asked Ruby if she had been involved in any way, and she denied it, saying she hadn't. She also said that it might be a sign of progress, referencing the age-old myth that you are near fully understanding a second language if you dream in it, suggesting the possibility that maybe the fact I'm dreaming of her as a fully audible entity could be a sign that we're almost to that point, at least with her...she's also the one that has seen the most sentience and progress in this whole project.

 

We both decided that it would be best to bring the question to the community. What do you think? Is it just wishful thinking, a rare dream that you actually want, a rare instance of lucidity, maybe an example of Ruby perhaps accidentally taking control of a dream, or something that could be a sign that she's near the point of becoming audible?

 

EDIT: As another note, I've managed to be able to keep in touch with them, whether thinking about them or carrying conversations with them while busy working, multitasking better. So I'm also slowly getting out of that rut of forgetting about them when dealing with RL things.