Little Amy & Hyde

[HydesLittleOne]

Losing Progress, Worries and Adventures In Ushering

 

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. If there's a lack in my updates, its probably because Hyde and I haven't made much progress like we used to. :( I hate this. I miss what it used to be like when we first started out, when I got more touches from him, and whatnot. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong and I've been getting more discouraged than anything lately, which isn't helping us, I know, but I can't help but think negatively. We had some awesome times in Texas, with Constantine, and my visual clarity was amazing. I just wish it could be like that everyday. I feel like my visualizations have been faltering, just as I mentioned before, and I haven't really been feeling him touch me much anymore. I don't know how to fix that. I feel like such a failure that I nearly gave up on him this morning again. I just started ignoring him, mad because I couldn't feel him anymore and I wanted him to touch me. He got really upset about it, and kept calling my name, but I just didn't want to reply to him. I'm just really, really sad lately. I feel like a failure and I feel like crying.

 

I know that some days are better than others, and I can't help but wonder if maybe it's because we stay home all day and don't really do much of anything, but watch TV and chat. It's making me cry right now just to write this. I'm a loss for what to do. He keeps saying we're a team and we'll get through this and we just gotta keep at it, but I just find it hard to believe anymore. I'm tempted to look through the Tulpa forum again for advice and other techniques to try but at the same time, I just don't feel like making the effort. I'm emotionally drained. Hyde is trying to comfort me, and I'm trying to believe in him but...I don't know anymore. I'm just really depressed.

 

Over the course of these days, I've been feeling the slightest hair caress every now and then, maybe a little tickle on my arm or leg out of nowhere, but that's about where it ends. Sometimes I feel the pressure of his hand against my chest or head, and had a lot of twitches in my legs, head, arms and fingers, but like I said, that's about as far as it gets lately. He's been really worried about me lately, because when we were forcing like a week ago, and I always force with my legs out in front of me, half way through our session, I started to sort of feel like the blood was draining out of my legs, an like I needed to move them. I'm starting to think I have restless leg syndrome, because lately, it's been happening A LOT when I'm in that position, always half an hour into the session. So while I haven't been active forcing much, I've started to just have my legs crossed Indian style and to sit up straight. That's seemed to prevent the problem, but still, Hyde has been worried sick about me because of it. He keeps telling me I need to go to the doctor so they can take a blood test and find out what's going on in my "little body," but I don't want to go. I've had other symptoms too, that I told the nurse on the phone who was trying to schedule me an appointment, but when I told her it was chest pains and shortness of breath, she said they won't see me at my regular doctor's office because apparently they don't have the proper things to diagnose me. What the hell good are they then? That's their job. So she suggested I go to urgent care or the ER. But I don't have money for that. I'm broke until the 21st.

 

I don't know if it's normal for a Tulpa to feel this way, but since Hyde really, really puts my health before anything else, he's been refusing to actively force with me until I get checked out, and find out what's going on with me. He doesn't want me to be in pain or my legs to be bothering me during the session. Once, when we were actively forcing, he told me he would attempt it but if my legs started to bother me again, he was stopping. And he kept his word, because we were about to go outside to his pool in the Wonderland, and then I started having that problem, and the next thing I know, he said: "We're done." Then he just left me there all alone. I asked him where he was, and he was like: "I'm right here, sitting next to you on the bed." Outside of the Wonderland of course and letting me know our session was over. He wasn't fucking around. But then again, Hyde rarely does. When he says something, he generally means it.

 

So we haven't been actively forcing as much lately. Maybe every other day, if I'm not too tired. Hyde has been asking if I'm feeling up to it. And reassures me that if I'm not feeling up to it, or if I'm too tired, we don't have to do it at that time. But I honestly feel guilty and find it weird that he's feeling that way. This is all for him, and he seems to care more about my health than progressing with me. He says he wants me to feel comfortable, and if I'm not comfortable, then I shouldn't force. He says my health is in fact more important to him than a forcing session. Someone else's Tulpa said to us a long time ago, to stop making excuses. Hyde insists that its not an excuse. He cares too much about me to let me go on feeling this way. That's why he wants me to go to the stupid doctor again, to get like medication and stuff if I have to. I will soon, I just don't know when. When I get money, I don't know. I ask again, is this normal for a Tulpa to feel this way about forcing? Care more about me and my well being than our progress and working at it?

 

Also, should I be concerned that I can't really feel him touch me that much anymore? How can I change it? It used to come so often.

 

He made me check my vital signs one morning before I went to sleep and I was feeling those symptoms again that I've been having. My blood pressure and heart rate was normal, and my heart and lungs sounded good, so he was happy about that. He was really concerned about my pulse ox though. That's the oxygen circulating through your blood stream, if you didn't know. Generally, it's supposed to be like 96 or higher, but while he was watching the reading on the machine, it was fluctuating between 92-95. It couldn't seem to stay steady. I don't know what was going on or why that was happening, but yeah...I was a little scared too. So he just made me get some water and then put me to bed. He's been wanting to check my vitals more often now. Ugh.

 

Since I'll be starting college in 11 days, he's been trying to get me to go to bed earlier. Not staying up until 9am and then sleeping all day. Last night I went to bed really early, around 3:30am. He was happy about that, and now I managed to wake up around 9:30am. So that felt good to go to bed early. Maybe getting up before 8am twice a week won't be so bad after all. He's already set a schedule for me like a dad now. Gah! So he says starting Sunday, I'll be going to bed at 11pm every night. Then when I start school, I do my homework when I get home, force with him, and before I go to bed, make sure I floss, my teeth are brushed, then bed by 11. I'm gonna hate this and him, but yeah...I will try my best to follow his orders.

 

So anyways, I hope this doesn't make me sound weird, but I've been allowing Hyde to get in the shower with me when I take a shower. It started back when we were in Texas and I let him get in with me. It's more for the sake of him keeping me company, rather than us just communicating in our minds. Plus, he likes to stand under the spray and get his hair wet. And...yeah he looks damn good when he does! I've seen his naked body now and...whoa. :D That's all I'm gonna say. He also likes to stand behind me and wrap his arms around my waist and kiss my shoulder. Plus hear me sing. Every time I say something, he generally leans in to hear me, and visually, I can see him out of the corner of my eye, which I enjoy. The last time I showered, I swear, I felt him like touch my hair, like toy with the wet strands. He said it was him so I believe it.

 

Last night was the first time we left the apartment in like a little over two weeks. I decided I'd volunteer to usher again at the California Theater. Mostly because I wanted to get out of the apartment, show Hyde what I used to do there in the past, and see the "In The Mood" musical with him. I was kinda crampy, from that time...but I still went because I was excited to see the show, and I wanted to do something with Hyde. I felt he deserved to get out after spending so much time kooked up in here with me. So I put on my "choir" attire, regular white shirt, black skirt and Mary Jane shoes. I also wore my black Victorian coat, and Hyde and were matching. :D Too bad no one could see us. He had on his white shirt, black slacks, boots and suede trench coat. We looked so good, matching couple. ;) It was rainy and really cold, so Hyde was glad I wore that coat to keep warm with my short skirt. I stopped to get a Subway and some cookies before the show since I hadn't eaten yet, and then we headed over there. It was so cool, weird and ironic at the same time to see Hyde in a theater setting. Like Constantine was there walking around! :) Hyde just sort of hung around, leaning against the wall, the bar, just looking around. I probably shouldn't of opted for being in the orchestra instead of the balcony. It was just a pain. I picked up one of the programs for the show, and was just looking at it, and Hyde was like looking over my shoulder at it, as he always does when I'm reading something. I forgot to take one home with me though.

 

One time, the usher supervisor asked me if I would take a stack of programs up to the balcony, so Hyde and I went up to take them. I told him that I used to usher up in the balcony when I first started. I showed him the balcony area and I forgot how small it really was up there. Still get good seats up there because the theater is so small. I started talking to this girl up there about how I wish Jekyll & Hyde would play at the theater and how I would only see it if Constantine was in it. And then Hyde was like half-way down the stairs and he got like annoyed with me talking about Constantine again. He was like: "Enough about Constantine already." Lol! XD Sorry not sorry. We headed back downstairs and Hyde is like: "This is a nice little theater." Since I had my Mary Jane shoes on and they were small heels, Hyde was still like: "You go down first, love, hold onto the rail." He never takes any chances with me wearing heels, no matter how big they are. Always watching out for me. Stairs, not a slope like over there in Houston when I fell outside, but still, he worries. So I took it slow like he said then went back to my door, where I was ushering with this other lady who worked there. I started to like clear my throat and Hyde told me to take a drink of water, so I went to the fountain and did.

 

When it got closer to the time to open the theater doors and start letting people in, Hyde was standing in front of the doors, and then he nearly got knocked down when someone came out into the lobby. He like stumbled then moved back really quick and was like: "Bloody hell!" Everyone who came to see the show was like so old. I guess that's to be expected because the music is from their era, the big band music of the 40s. I felt like Jessica Simpson in that "Newlyweds" episode, when she and Nick went to October Fest and she was like: "Everyone's so old here." Lol! Hyde noticed it as well, but then again, it was kinda hard not to. Okay, seriously, no one told me that the employees who work there don't really bother moving their asses to seat people, and make us, the volunteers do it for them. So this bitch had me running back and forth to seat people. Hyde was getting irritated with her fast. He was like: "Why doesn't she do it?" As I was going back and forth, he would basically just stand just inside the door, or lean against the door or wall while I seated people. I got a little worried when I couldn't really spot him in the crowd and I asked him where he was. He constantly reassured me: "I'm over here, darling, waiting for you by the door." So he was standing there the whole time as I sat people, but I still got a little panicked that he had gone somewhere, but he assured me like: "I'm not going anywhere." I guess I shouldn't be so paranoid, but when there's a lot of people around, I tend to worry because he doesn't always follow me around or tag along when I'm busy doing something. Unless we're at a concert or something, and he tends to stay close to me, guiding me through the crowds and trying to get me in and out safely. There were a lot of old people with walkers. Another time some guy asked me when the theater was built, I was like: "Umm....I don't know." Lol. I would of guessed 1920, but then someone sitting in front of him said 1901. Ah well. Well, there you go.

 

Needless to say, it was getting exhausting, going back and forth. I was complaining to Hyde that my feet hurt and he's like: "You should of worn those other shoes. Don't wear those again." Yeah, maybe flats would be better next time. Walking in heels gets too tiring. Plus I got hot and had to take my coat off. When everyone was seated, and only half the theater was full, the show started and we shut the doors. Hyde and I went inside the theater to sit down and watch. I took my shoes off finally. And it wasn't long before Hyde started to get restless and bored watching the show. It wasn't exactly his type of music, and even I started to get really bored and started falling asleep. The moment Hyde noticed, he suggested we go home so I could go to bed, but a part of me still wanted to stay. I was glad when I got to hear them play "Stardust." I love that song. I knew Hyde was bored with the show because he told me, and I kept hearing him sigh and out of the corner of my eye, I could see his attention was drifting. When they started to play "In The Mood," I started to cry a little because that was my grandma's favorite song, and she would of enjoyed the show had she been there. She died last year in April. :( And I started to cry and Hyde noticed and asked why I was crying. I tld him why and he said: "I'm sorry, darling. If I could bring her back for you, you know I would." And he put his arm around me to comfort me. I did feel this overwhelming and bittersweet happiness and warmth inside me though, as if my grandma were there and was enjoying it. At one point, Hyde made me giggle a few times, like when he said: "They could at least bring out the dancers to entertain us and keep us awake." Lol. Or something like that. He found the dancing more exciting and entertaining than listening to the band play with no one out front. He liked one dance we saw the video of on YouTube, and he gave like genuine "Wow"s at times.

 

I had to wait half an hour for my mom to come pick me up, so even though I was falling asleep, I still had to stick around so Hyde and I just sat there and tried to stay awake, even though what I really wanted was just to go to sleep. There was a fifteen minute intermission where the announcer was like: "We now return you to the year 2014 for a fifteen minute intermission." Lol! I was so dead tired, I was just leaning against the door trying to rest. Hyde stood there reassuring me like: "We'll get to go home soon, love." I tried to give myself something to do and went over to talk to my usher supervisor, and let her know I was going to leave when my mom came to pick me up. I started to talk to her about our trip to Houston to see Constantine last month, and these other ladies that were hanging around, telling them all about these older ladies that follow him around, as annoying as they are, and about how close I was, and what he said to me. And Hyde was standing there with me as I talked to them and he started to get annoyed, because I was going on and on and the show had already started again. Not that he wanted to see the rest of it, but just getting impatient because I was standing there talking to them and not doing anything else. I gave him a look like: "Just wait." Then I was done, he asked me why I was talking to her so long, and I was like: "Cause I can."

 

We went back into the theater, and we joked around behind the curtain and the door, pretending to dance to the music that was playing. Then we sat back down and watched a little more of the show, until my mom came to get me. I wanted to stay to see them sing "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy," but my mom came at that time, so I just saw half of it. Hyde was already standing up and ready to go. He was like: "Come on, love." So we left.

 

When we came home, Hyde was relieved and I just changed into my pajamas and fell asleep. I woke up around like 2:30, I forced with Hyde for an hour, and then we went to bed right after.

 

Next weekend, I might usher for "Mary Shelley's Frankenstein" and Hyde says that he'd really like to see that one, but I'm afraid I'll be sitting there complaining about how they are copying Jekyll & Hyde in some way, so I don't know if I will. I'm still thinking about it. If I do usher for it, I'll be doing it for Hyde, since he's interested now. Then next Saturday, we're going to go to the fair to see Daughtry perform live. WOO HOO! It's included with fair admission so that should be fun for us. Hyde's definitely looking forward to that too, since he's more into the whole rock scene anyway.

 

And yeah, that's about it. I'm going to go back to sleep now. I'll try and update again soon. And please, if you guys have any advice on how I can progress, it would be appreciated. Thanks!

[HydesLittleOne]

Heartbeats, A Different Hyde & Chest Pains

 

So I've been really trying to have hope that things will progress between Hyde and I. On Sunday (2/9), I even curled up and started crying because I told him I couldn't feel him touch me anymore and I really, really wish I could. He got really sad but he always gets sad when he sees me upset or crying, wishing he could do something for me. I was lying on my side with my back facing him and then all of a sudden, I felt my right arm moving upward, like he was moving in beside me and putting his arm around me. All of a sudden, my tears just seemed to stop altogether and he asked me if I felt that. I told him I did and he was like: "See..." He gave me a little encouraging pep talk, as he always does when I'm crying over something and I started to feel better. I know he constantly says he's working on it when it comes to touching me again, but I tend to doubt it more than I should. And he keeps reminding me we're a team and we have to work together, and how it's going to take much longer than three months. It's almost four months now. :(

 

Somehow I still feel like this is my fault. Like I've been a bad host, not giving him things to do and I'm trying, I'm really trying to get him out of the apartment with me, but I don't think it's enough. I'm hoping things will start progressing again when we go out more to shows/concerts, I start school and maybe we go to Vegas in April. It seems to me that Hyde and I make more progress when we go out to places. So maybe that's my problem. Not giving him time to go out and see the world. Whatever works, right? I don't know if any fellow Tulpamancers still read this log, but I really really need some advice here. I don't want to keep losing hope in him.

 

Other than that, I've been feeling just little touches every now and then. Same as always. Little tickles, hair caresses, weight of his hand every now and then like on my stomach, back, head or hand. He's got this thing he does, I don't know if I mentioned it before, but out of nowhere he'll put his hand on my back and tell me to take a deep breath for him. So he can feel my breaths. I swear this man loves my beating heart and the air that rushes through my lungs. He says it's the most beautiful sound in the world. He even gets a kick out of hearing the noises my stomach makes sometimes, whether I've got the stethoscope on or off. He's like: "I heard your little stomach." Everything is little to

him. My "little heart," "little lungs," and "little stomach." Oh golly geez... *rolls eyes*

 

He's not been happy with me lately. He's been wanting me to go to bed earlier because starting next week, we're gonna have to get up before 8am twice a week for my theater classes at the college. But that hasn't been happening lately. I been forcing regularly again, falling asleep during the day and waking up late at night. I swear though, that'll change next week. Class, get home, eat, do homework, force, weekly tv show, floss, brush teeth, bed by 11pm. Hyde says it sounds like a plan, he just hopes I can stick with it.

 

So Tuesday, something else that I've mentioned once or twice in the past, is that I've been feeling like muscle twitches/spasms as a result of forcing/Hyde. Sometimes it's my feet, arms, fingers, legs, head, and today, I felt like Hyde was shaking me. I was about to drift off into a nap when I felt my body be shook back and forth. I debunked it as not being an earthquake, which is my biggest fear, because the bed didn't move. Just me. Definitely Hyde. He says it was him. Earlier this morning, I felt my right arm moving up again, like I did Sunday, as if he was putting his arm around me again. I also felt him start to tickle me a little on my chest, around my breasts and near my neck.

 

We forced for an hour this morning, and he looked at my throat down in his basement because I felt a tickle in my throat. He also looked at my nose, ears and eyes, checked my reflexes and took my blood pressure. I didn't want to get started playing another game of doctor with him, so I suggested he be the patient instead. He offered to let me listen to his heart, and I told him I wouldn't be able to hear it but I could try. He took his shirt off put his stethoscope in my ears, then put the disc in my hand and on his bare chest over his heart. His hand was holding my hand over his heart with the disc. I really strained and tried to imagine his heartbeat. I didn't hear it but I did imagine a distinct bass drum like heartbeat, like a strong, drum type thumping. Good enough for me. I could of sworn his heart would be pounding, but it was steady and strong. I can see why he likes my heartbeat. Just imagining his was beautiful to hear. Then I told him I wanted to look at his beautiful eyes and he handed me his pen light, and OMG his eyes are so much more beautiful under the light. I almost couldn't stop looking at them. Then I wanted to look at his throat so he sat down beside me on the table and opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out like a sexy rock star and made me giggle then said "Ahh..." I told him his tonsils looked good.

 

One of these days, we'll have to listen to each other's hearts at the same time. We were going to but then I wanted to go back upstairs so he carried me his "bear hug" way upstairs and into his kitchen. He sat me on the stool and we hugged, held each other, and when I told him I missed him kissing my neck, he started kissing my neck again and I really felt my shirt moving a lot around the collar, caresses of his hair and mine and just...wow. I still wish I could actually feel his lips on my skin though, or his soft hair through my fingers, but maybe sometime soon. *shrugs* I hope. Well something is better than nothing.

 

Wednesday, we didn't really do much, but that night, I forced with Hyde for an hour. We went to the Pantages Theater where I saw "Jekyll & Hyde" for the last time. It was a little weird. I'll explain in a minute. So I told Hyde I always wanted to do the Emma Stone thing that she did in "Friends With Benefits", like when we were in Houston, TX, but I never got to reenact it then either. Nor did I get to do it when I saw Jekyll & Hyde there because these stupid group of guys were standing there singing. So I did it in the wonderland where I ran towards the theater and was like: "Constant-fucking-tine!" XD Hehe! Hyde got a kick out of that. God I love his smile! I showed him the pictures of the show that they had just outside the doors in the lights. Then we went inside and I showed him the entry where we came in when I saw the musical there, and then we went to sit down on the staircase for a little while, just chatting and stuff. I leaned my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me. And I pretended like he was a king and I kneeled at his feet on the steps. Hehe! Then we got up and I showed him this little "make-up nook" as he called it, that they have outside of the women's bathrooms. There's like mirrors where you can sit if you need to put make-up on or something, or primp. We stood in front of them for a minute and he held me. He looked so cute holding me from behind and his chin on my shoulder, smiling at me in the mirror. Ahhh! We're so cute! I had Hyde sit down in front of the mirror and I pretended I was his hair stylist and I was fluffing and ruffling his beautiful long hair. He was smiling and laughing when I did that. He liked it, but he didn't want me to mess it up too bad. He then pulled me to sit on his lap then we got up and went into the theater. I told Hyde how I forgot how steep the slope was to go down further into the audience, and how I was wearing my Lucy boots last time. He was surprised I didn't fall like I did in Houston. I showed him where my mom and I sat on the nights we came, and then since there was no orchestra, I was trying to figure out how to get us up on the stage. Hyde was nice enough to lift me up and help me out so I could climb up. Being tall and all as he is. All he had to do was hop up on stage, heh.

 

So the stage was already set for Jekyll & Hyde, in the scene where Hyde meets Lucy. Hyde and I went around to the side of the stage, in the rafters and I found the hat, cane, and cape that Edward Hyde wears, and he put them on. Then we acted out the part where Hyde meets Lucy. Hyde was a little aggressive, as he's supposed to be in the scene, pulling my hair like he did her, but I didn't feel it, luckily. Then, I don't know if it was the costume, but all of a sudden, he just turned into this whole different person. He wasn't MY Hyde. He was the evil, aggressive, demanding and angry Edward Hyde from the show. He spanked me with his cane and ordered me to kneel before him several times. I asked him if we were still acting, and he got defensive about it and was like: "What do you think?" Or something that implied he wasn't acting, so I just did as he told me to. Even if it made me feel nervous and intimidated. He didn't hurt me, other than tapping his cane against my shoulders and spanking me with it. But I tried to snap him out of whatever had possessed him to act that way. I tried to get his attention, saying his name really softly, taking the hat off and slowly removing the cape, letting it fall on the floor. I spoke softly to him, telling him that I wanted my Hyde back. Almost immediately, he softened up and became my Hyde again, apologizing to me and hugging me. I forgave him of course. But even with the cane, he started up again, acting like the bad Hyde again, so I had to bring him back to reality, softly coaxing him and eventually, he just dropped the cane and stopped acting that way. Fortunately. He acted dumbfounded, like he didn't know what he was doing, or what was happening. Like maybe he wasn't there, and this other personality took his place.

 

But anyway, things calmed down and he and I sat on the edge of the stage, and I leaned my head on his shoulder until our session ended.

 

Last night, we didn't force. I was just too tired. But here's something that I thought I'd bring up now. I'm really trying to convince my mom to take me 9 hours to Reno, NV next month to get to be taught a master class by Constantine. Hyde's form. I'm supposed to get paid next week so I told her I'd pay for most of the trip as long as I got to be taught by him and stuff, and just...be near him again, and yeah... I hope I don't faint. I just loved the 1080p visualization I had with Hyde back in Texas and I want that again. And I really want Constantine to hear me sing too. Because of reasons and he might fall in love with my singing voice. I'm nervous as hell, but weather permitting, we'll be going again to see him. Hopefully I don't have a heart attack on stage.

 

This morning, I was lying in bed with Hyde and I was letting him listen to my heart with his stethoscope again, and I was doing breath holds, to see how long I could last, and then after several times, I started getting chest pains and it hurt to exhale, and I had shortness of breath. Hyde really started freaking out, like sitting up in bed and asking me what was wrong, if I was alright, and if I could breathe, if it hurt to breathe, if the pain was anywhere near my heart. He was telling me maybe I should of woke my mom up and get her to drive me to the hospital. I think he was worrying I might of been having a heart attack. But I think maybe it was just stress or me holding my breath too much. He made me promise never to do that again. He says I don't have the lung capacity for it, or the training. Before I fell asleep, he made me pull out the stethoscope again so he could listen to my lungs and heart, and where it hurt. He said he's not a doctor, but maybe he could tell if he heard anything that doesn't sound like what he's familiar with. So I let him listen. After a while, the pain seemed to go away and he told me to let him know if I felt anymore pain.

 

Then I fell asleep. And that was about it. Tonight, we're going to usher for the Frankenstein show. Hopefully I can keep myself awake that long. Hyde is telling me to wear comfortable shoes. I'm only going to see the show for him, because he wants to see it. Otherwise, I wouldn't go. So yeah, more adventures in ushering. I'll report again soon.

[Denaile]

You and Hyde seem to have a strong bond going for you guys. And lol about the touching part, _______ would never do that to me (he finds it disgusting to even try.) Hyde seems to really love you.

[HydesLittleOne]

You and Hyde seem to have a strong bond going for you guys. And lol about the touching part,Neckrel would never do that to me (he finds it disgusting to even try.) Hyde seems to really love you.

 

Yeah, he's a sweetie... when he wants to be. Hehe! He reminds me he loves me everyday. We're inseparable, but I guess that goes without saying. ;)

 

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Sick At Frankenstein, Cold At Concert, More Health Problems

 

 

So we went to the theater to usher for Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein" and I'm kinda disappointed because I thought it was the new musical. Grrrr! I love musicals. Heh. Hence that's why I'm taking the class at school and with Constantine himself. It was kinda cool that they had search lights above the marquee. Reminded me of when I went to see "Jekyll & Hyde" at the Pantages. Hyde was dressed in one of the Constantine outfits he wore at the show in Houston. The black suit jacket, navy blue shirt, jeans and boots. There were some little high school students ushering too. Pfft. I guess I was the one in charge and responsible for supervising them. The usher supervisor told them to go to me if I had any questions or any problems with a patron. I was like: "Okaaaay...?" Lol! Hyde just sort of looked over at me and smiled about it, and said: "Looks like you're in charge." XD It sounded kinda weird, coming from him, seeing as how he's the one who's always in charge of me.

 

So we went to stand near the door, where I was paired with this other girl, Lexie. And unfortunately, I started to feel sick to my stomach, and Hyde noticed it so he suggested I go to the bathroom. So I did. Hyde waited for me outside. He rarely goes into the women's restroom with me, unless I ask him to or I'm in trouble and I need him. I felt okay after I got out. Not completely better but still. I tried to stick it out. But yeah, I ended up having to go again. And again and again, and again. Hyde was quickly becoming worried and chided me for eating the leftover Subway sandwich that I had left sitting out the night before. I had to go again once they started letting people into the lobby. Then in the middle of seating people, I had to go again. Fortunately, Lexie was seating most of them, and when I told my usher supervisor about how I was feeling, she understood and kept asking me if I was alright.

 

This one old lady got all mad at me for some reason, because I couldn't understand what she was saying. Well, it's not my fault she couldn't pronounce the word "program." She wasn't even pronouncing the "G" in the word. Then she has the nerve to get mad at me. It's not like I wasn't helping her down to her seat, although I didn't really have much of a choice. Hyde was pissed at her too. He was like: "Oh bloody fucking sakes." But anyway, I had to go to the bathroom again, and I heard the show starting. I apologized to Hyde time and time again for being too sick to let him see the beginning of it, and again when I had to step out during it to I again. He kept reassuring me that it was alright, he didn't care if he missed it, my health and me feeling better was more important to him. And to take all the time I needed in the bathroom. That was sweet of him. He seemed more intent on me feeling better than the show itself. So I took my time.

 

When I got out, they had already started the show, and since Lexie was standing just inside the door behind the curtain, I had to wait outside to keep people from coming in late. There was a seven minute hold. One couple came and I told them there was a hold, and Hyde and I heard a lot of tortured screaming coming from inside the theater on stage and we were like: "WTF?" lol! Fortunately, I noticed there was a TV in the lobby that was showing what was happening on stage. I pointed it out to Hyde. I didn't even notice that they had a TV there until that night. It must of been new. I thought the guy at the beginning was a cave man or mental institution patient, but he was just "the creature." Lol.

 

So after the hold ended, I showed the people to their seats then Hyde and I sat down near the back and started watching. Hyde was commenting on how this one guy had a touch of his personality, because of how he treated this one harlot like Lucy in the Jekyll & Hyde musical. Man handling her and stuff. Hehe! He also sat there and laughed a lot at the English men in the show, who were using the Briticisms he's familiar with, and going after the creature for coming around their turf. As I mentioned earlier, I had to get up and go to the bathroom again. I told Hyde I had to go and he was alright with it, insisting he would stay there until I came back. Again, he cared more about me feeling better than seeing the show. He tried to reassure me in his mind voice while I was in there, and insisted I call my mom and tell the usher supervisor that I had to go home. He was insisting we go home so he could put me in bed. But I had to wait an hour for my mom to come get me.

 

I went back to my seat and kept watching "Frankenstein" with Hyde. It is such a rip off of Jekyll & Hyde character wise. And canon wise. The scientist, Victor Frankenstein ( like Henry ) having created a monster, The Creature, he wanted gone after he turned into a killer. It was creepy the similarity between the characters. The scientist dressed the same, carried around a black bag, wrote in a journal and wore the same lab apron as Jekyll, even had his own lab, the mutton chopped beard on his face, and was set to be married to a woman who's name started with "E" as well. Like Emma in Jekyll & Hyde. Only this one was Elizabeth. I was like: "Pfft! Copy cat! Trying to be Henry." And Victor's personality was totally like Jekyll's, with how flustered, intelligent, defensive, determined and stubborn he was. Well, aside from slitting the throat of this one woman. I didn't see that coming!

 

I had to go to the bathroom again during intermission too and there was a long ass line. Hyde told me to get in the line though, that it would move fast. Fortunately that was the last time and at least I made it back before the second half. Over all, it was alright. Not amazing, but not awful either. Hyde said: "It was alright, I suppose." I asked him if he'd see it again given the opportunity, he said: "Probably not. It was good but it wasn't THAT good." Me too. There was one moment in the show, after the wedding (which we didn't see) that I looked up and got scared because these actors came out of nowhere. They were standing in the aisle next to me and walking down, throwing prop rose petals at people. Lmao! It was funny because they were just like heaving them at these people rudely. Not even lightly. Hyde and I started laughing. I was like: "What the hell?" Lol.

 

When the show ended, I hung around in the theater seeing the guy who played Victor Frankenstein hanging around and meeting people. I guess they were friends of his, but I told Hyde I wanted to see what he looked like up close. So I walked over there. Hyde followed. The guy was kinda cute, minus his mustache. He had a nice smile and eyes. Hyde was getting kinda impatient and restless with me when I was just standing there hanging around, listening to the actor talking with the other people. I know it seemed like I was eavesdropping but I wasn't. I wanted to meet him and say "hi," but I was waiting for the right moment.

 

Finally I just sort of got one of the other people's attention and they told the actor I wanted to say "Hey" so I did and I just chatted with the guy a little bit, telling him how the show reminded me of Jekyll & Hyde and stuff. He said he was just doing it to live out his Sweeney Todd dream, and that he can't sing. Lol. I told him I was a theater buff and that I'm taking classes this semester. And he asked me if I knew a certain teacher at my college, Professor Nelson. I didn't. He said he's really good though. So I guess I'll take that into consideration. When I left, I realized that the usher supervisor had shut off the lights in the lobby and was getting ready to close up, so I told her I was still waiting for my mom.

 

She acted like she had to wait with me. I told her I could just stand outside and wait, and she was adamant about me not doing that. Hyde was like: "Yes, love. You're not standing outside." He was being protective papa again. Lol. So yeah, I had to wait inside until my mom came. But one of the other supervisors waited with me though so...yeah. Then we went home when my mom got there.

 

The next morning, Hyde was being paranoid over my health when I started having chest pains again, and he made me pull out my blood pressure/pulse ox/heart rate monitor again and hook myself up to it. Grrr! I hate that. But he is so paranoid that he insisted I do it. So I laid there in bed resting while he watched the monitor. Of course he got concerned when he saw my pulse ox still wasn't normal. I still don't understand why it's not normal like it used to be. Neither one of us do, but I can't afford to spend anymore money going to the doctor. Especially not with college and the trip to Nevada coming up. I'll be lucky if I can pay half my bills after the money I spend for that.

 

Eventually, he let me take it off, after listening to my heart and lungs with the stethoscope too. When my mom came home with food, I ate and I wasn't really listening when she told me to be ready to leave for the fair to see Daughtry in concert. It wasn't until later that I asked Hyde what time she had said for me to be ready and he said "half an hour", and I honestly had no idea so I asked my mom and she said: "Half an hour." I was like: o_O !! He knew!! I wasn't listening before and he was! Wow. :) Hyde constantly surprises me when he listens better than I do to things that have been said. Normally I try to block stuff out but apparently, he listens well. Amazing!

 

So as lazy as I felt, I got dressed and got ready and so did Hyde. Naturally he had to be the daddy and remind me to take my coat. So I did and we headed out with my mom. Since she had taken most of the shit out of the backseat of her car, Hyde could ride in the back. We listened to my iPod on the way. I was parched so I went to McDonalds to get an orange soda then we got back on the road. When we got there, omg! It was hot as fuck! The humidity was awful. Ugh! I wondered why I even brought a jacket. My mom reminded me it was the desert. Never again. Hyde was so hot he had to take off his grey leather jacket he was wearing. Hyde reminded me to tie my shoe on our walk up to the fair. And I had to stop and scratch my ankles and legs every now and then. Hyde of course stopped and waited for me, wondering what I was doing and if I was alright.

 

It was so hot when we walked into the fair, and I wish I had put my hair up. Hyde wishes he'd pulled his back too. I kept lifting my hair off my neck. Hyde was like: "So this is a fair, eh?" He'd never been to one before, but he quickly realized he didn't like it for the same reasons I did. Too many people, mainly kids, and too hot. I pointed out stuff to Hyde, like the fortune teller and a live snakes thing. I was like: "Hell no." I was so relieved when we walked into this building that was air conditioned. I needed to get out of the heat. I went up to this Sheriff booth and asked him about how I had a CSI certificate, and asked what I need do next and how to get a job, so he gave me a business card to go online and get info on it. Then we headed to the concert area, and ugh, we had to wait in this big long ass line. Remind me never to see a concert there again. I didn't want to wait in it though, so I just let my mom stand there while Hyde and I went and sat down on a bench.

 

We sat there for a while, just chatting and stuff, and I was complaining to Hyde how I didn't want to be there. He was trying to reassure me though that we didn't have to come back, and earlier he said we could go to our own fair in the wonderland. Without anyone there but us. My mom called us about half an hour later and told me that they were going to be putting up barricades, so we went back to wait in the fucking line. I just sat on the ground while Hyde and her stood there, chatting with my friends on Skype. There was some really bad sulfur or smoke smell and Hyde told me not to breathe it in. He said he didn't want anything harming my beautiful little lungs. So I like held my shirt over my nose. I looked up at Hyde every now and then. He looks hot from a ground sitting angle. Hehe! So when they finally started letting people in, I got up and we walked into the outdoor concert area. I'm kinda glad we got in the line two hours early, because it was so fucking huge by the time we were going in, like wrapping around. At least people didn't run in and they had it organized.

 

So we went in and looked for a spot close to the front. I was gonna stand down front in front of the stage, but then decided I didn't want to be standing, so we found a spot in the second row on the left side of the stage, which was pretty good considering. Just wish the dumbasses in front of us weren't smoking a pipe. Ugh. And wish I'd brought my jacket because I was really cold. I had to cuddle up between my mom and Hyde. He put his arms around me, and I tried to feel the warmth but I couldn't. :( Anyway, Daughtry came on around 7:36pm. He rocked it out!! Eventually, I just had to get up and stand by the rail of the middle section, because people kept getting in my way. Hyde got up and joined me, standing behind me or beside me. I recorded some songs on my mom's camera, including my two favorite songs, "Waiting For Superman" and "Crawling Back To You." Hyde would like peek at the screen while I took the video, and I'd see him out of the corner of my eye. Also, I saw some little skanks and their boyfriends holding them from behind, and before I knew it, Hyde was doing the same to me so I didn't feel left out. I didn't feel his embrace, but still, he held me with his chin on my shoulder, and I just felt compelled to sway back and forth like he was holding me and swaying/rocking me back and forth.

 

By the end of the concert, Hyde was already a new fan of theirs. We moved closer for the encore and were standing in the pit. My mom came to stand there too, after sitting for the whole show. And wow, Hyde really got into it. He reminded me so much of Constantine standing there, constantly whooping and hollering, throwing rock hands up in the air like him, and clapping with his arms above his head. I was surprised to see the excitement and enthusiasm out of him, but it was refreshing and he was loving it. He's like: "I quite like them now." I'm glad he enjoyed it so much and that he had fun. I had a feeling he would. It was like watching Constantine cheering on Daughtry. ;) Awesome!

 

So when the concert was over, we headed out and my mom wanted to get some stupid "dates" from this tent so I had to go with her. But I also had to find a bathroom. So Hyde and I went off to find one. He walked ahead of me, weaving his way through the crowd almost effortlessly. We passed by a pony ride and he's like: "You want a pony ride, little one?" I'm like: "What am I? Five?" Lol! He just loves to tease me. Being his "little one." *rolls eyes* When we finally found the bathroom, there was another long line, and I was like: "Forget it." But Hyde didn't let me walk away. He's like: "Just get in line. It'll go fast." It did go fast. Hyde waited outside for me and then when I was done, we went back to find my mom. There was a monkey that was shaking hands for a dollar. Lol! Hyde was like: "What the hell is that?" XD I wanted to shake his hand, but I didn't. Then we went to get me a Cheese On A Stick and lemonade.

 

I was intent on just getting my food and going home, but my mom had to get some nasty Mexican food from this one food truck. She suggested I sit down and eat my food or it would be cold by the time we got back to the car. And Hyde agreed with her. I hate when he does that so I didn't really have much of a choice but to sit down on a bench and eat. Hyde and I sat there while she went to get her food. Then she wanted to sit somewhere and eat her food. Hyde and I passed by the pony ride again and then a camel ride, and he asked me: "Do you want a camel ride?" I was like: "What am I? Aladdin?" I told him I'd go on it if he went with me. He wasn't intent on going on it. I would if Constantine did too ;)

 

While my mom sat and ate her nasty food, we heard a hypnotist on stage, so Hyde and I went over to watch it. We stood there by the side since it was like packed full, and Hyde seemed to be getting a kick out of it. He was laughing and looked to be engaged in it, fully entertained. I told him I wished the lady could hypnotize me to see, hear and feel him fully imposed. He said he wished that too, and that it'll happen someday. Yeah, someday. :( *sighs* He says I'd miss out on all the work. Pfft. I'm just a very impatient person, but Hyde knows that. He always let's me know it. My mom came over to watch the end with us, then we left the fair, thankfully. It felt so good to get back to the car and sit down, too much walking for me. So we left and got on the freeway, and then my mom heard something that sounded like she got a flat tire, so she got off the freeway and pulled into this CoCos parking lot. I got down and kneeled on the ground to look under the car at the tires, and found that the rubber was coming off one of the tires, but it wasn't flat. My mom had to call triple A and get them to come out to change the tire. And since she had to take all of her shit out of the trunk to get her spare tire, Hyde had to get out of the backseat and stand outside. He was going to have to go into the Wonderland. Still, he eyed me through the window, waving, smiling and leaning in close, then leaned against the hood of the car. So yeah, he had to go into the Wonderland when we left.

 

When we got home, I was so exhausted, I just went to sleep. I didn't even bother brushing or flossing. Hyde seemed forgiving of that so, yeah, he let me just go to sleep, and insisted I not force. Just sleep.

 

Sunday, ugh, my throat felt like sandpaper when I woke up. It was really sore and I was coughing. And Hyde was really worried and ugh, made me take out my blood pressure/pulse ox/heart monitor and hook myself up to it again. Seriously, it was just a sore throat and he still made me get in bed and treated me like I was in a hospital. Ugh! I was just lying in bed, and he had me hooked up and was watching the monitor closely as I rested and it assessed my heart rate and pulse ox. He'd also make me check my blood pressure every so often. And he of course kept fussing over my pulse ox still not being normal, and every time the reading would fluctuate, he'd yell at the machine like: "Go up! Don't go down! Go up! It shouldn't be that low!" He does that a lot now. Even telling me to take it off then reattach it to see if it's on wrong. It didn't change anything though. Eventually, he took me off it.

 

Then we were watching this episode of "Ghost Adventures" about the Sharon Tate house in L.A, that I walked up the hill to see years ago when I went on a haunted tour. And when Hyde heard about how severely ill people get who go there, he pointed a firm finger at me and was like: "Don't go there again! Stay away from it!" Awww! He's like: "You've got enough health problems as it is. I don't want you anywhere near that area." Lesson learned. Heh. He's always so worried about my health, as we all know. So yeah, we watched the rest of that, and he got more and more protective about me never going there again.

 

Later on, my mom brought us pizza and crazy bread, and that was about it.

 

Nothing really exciting happened yesterday, so yeah...that's it for now.

[HydesLittleOne]

Semester Begins & Hyde's Panic Attack

 

So Monday was the first day I started my Spring semester of college. Can I just say I hate this getting up early shit? At 6:30 in the morning? FML. I don't know how the fuck I'm going to be able to do this for four months, two possibly four days a week. It used to be three days a week. I'll explain a little later what happened.

 

Anyway, I was already up before my alarm went off at 6:45 AM, and I still didn't want to get up, but Hyde made me. Grrr! So I got up and got dressed, and ugh, can I just say how much I hate the zipper on my backpack? The lining of the material on the outside got stuck when I went to Houston, TX and now I can't get it unstuck. I've been struggling and struggling with it, but nothing. And I was struggling with it more and more again, and Hyde was like standing there beside my bed, watching me struggle with it. Then I finally took a pair of tweezers and tried to wedge the zipper up, and ended up with a small cut on my middle finger. Hyde was telling me to be careful and not to hurt myself, but then that happened and he was disappointed in me. Naturally. Then I went and got a screwdriver instead to try and keep messing with it, but again, Hyde was telling me to stop and that I was going to hurt myself again. I'm desperate to get this shit unstuck! Before I go to Constantine's class in Nevada. So I just left it alone, made something to eat then Hyde and I headed out with my mom. She still had shit in the back of her car from that night of the concert, so Hyde had to go into my mindscape until I got to the college.

 

When we arrived at my first class, Musical Theater Appreciation, I almost mistook it as being an office and not a classroom, but it was a classroom. So we went in and I sat down, Hyde sat at the table in front of me, but then decided to get up every time someone new came into the class, because he had a feeling he would have to move anyway and that got tiring for him, so he eventually just sat in this chair at the back center of the room while the teacher went over the syllabus. I was a little sad that I didn't see any "Rock of Ages" or "Jekyll & Hyde" mentioned on it, but I know she'll cover both eventually. I did see one of Constantine's past musicals mentioned, "Jesus Christ Superstar." So that made me smile to think of him. And it made me smile more to see that I get to do a five minute power point ( even though I don't know how ) presentation on a musical from the past year on Broadway! Of course I'm going to choose Jekyll & Hyde! ;D Hyde wasn't surprised, but he was glad. Cause of reasons, obviously. I hate that we have to go see some stupid production of Les Mis that the college is doing this semester for an assignment, but whatever. She said we'd be covering like over 100 musicals and she'd be showing video clips from them over the years so YAY! Maybe she'll show Constantine!! AHHH! Anyway...she was asking people if they'd seen any musicals in L.A., and I raised my hand and she asked me what I saw and I said: "I saw Jekyll & Hyde 8 times," and she was like: "Wow, you must be a fan then!" Duh! Hyde just said to me right now as I type this: "Oh yes, this little one is a fan! That's how I was created." Hehe! He knows it. He said he should of said that, but no one would of heard him of course. I'm kinda disappointed that the "Show by Show" textbook wasn't listed as the main book we'd be reading, but she still said its a good reference to have. So I'm still gonna buy that one.

 

So after that class, we went over to the financial aid office. Ugh, I hate the huge ass hills we have to walk up just to get there. I was winded by the time I got to the top. I'm glad I decided to go early and that the teacher let us out after half an hour, because otherwise there probably would of been a long ass line to wait to talk to someone. Plus, they had only been open for half an hour, so that helped too. I found out that yes, I am getting my disbursement money this Friday, and OMG! Over 1400 dollars! YES!!! That should be more than enough for the trip to Reno. Hollaaaa! So yeah, I'm happy. I was then anyway. So after that, we went to the bookstore so I could get something to eat, but there was a long ass line for people buying textbooks and I was like: "Screw that" so we went to the cafeteria instead. Unfortunately, since it was morning, they didn't have much of anything for me to eat, so I didn't. Hyde was like: "You're not going to get anything, love?" So yeah, not then. There was nothing for me to eat. I told Hyde I wanted to check and see when that Les Mis musical was going to be, and I was glad that I have until April, cause yeah, I didn't want anything to interfere with our trip. And OMG! I think they're going to do "Legally Blonde: The Musical" here at the end of September, and if they have auditions...I am so fucking there! I don't know who I'd play, but I know they probably wouldn't cast me as Elle, because yeah, it's probably going to be a some little blonde bitch. Even if I wear a wig...which they probably won't let me do, but whatever. I'll still audition.

 

I went to the bathroom then we headed over to find my Theater Games & Exercises class after that. We just sat in there for like an hour, Hyde and I, and it's pretty cool that it was in a sort of theater classroom. So I just pulled out my laptop and was on Tumblr for a while. I even put my feet up on the chair in front of me, and Hyde was like: "Don't put your feet up there." *rolls eyes* Always the daddy. Ugh. I know he would of done it, if he could, so why does he have a problem with me doing it? He said the teacher is gonna get pissy at me, but anyway, yeah, I just kept them there. These annoying guys came in and they were sitting in the same row as us, and they were getting on our nerves. That's the downside of theater classes, that you get all these fucking animated and loud assholes who think they are funny. Hyde wasn't surprised either. He figured they belonged in that class if they were acting like that. When the teacher came in...wow...he was kinda cute. I swear, I thought he'd be some old grey haired guy, but no. Apparently all the male theater teachers at this college are either gay or hot. Gah! Whyyy? This class really wasn't what I expected to be honest. I thought it would be mostly Improv and fun little exercises and games to goof around, but apparently its just like a beginning acting class. With having to memorize a monologue and a scene, and ew, even a research paper? And he chooses the actor for us? No thank you! If I can't do it on Constantine, he can fuck off. Lol. So I thought about maybe, possibly, changing up my schedule and taking the Musical Theater Techniques class instead. I mean, I've gone to it before on the first day, and when I heard I had to memorize certain musical songs they give me, I wasn't really committed to doing that, especially since I know a limited amount of musicals. But now I would really rather do that instead of this. If I had a choice. I'd enjoy it more, and I'd get to sing at least. Plus, with my Constantine master class, he might be able to give me some advice to help me in the class. Teehee! ;) I checked on the Web Advisor site before I left the class, checking to see if the other class was still open, and it was, surprisingly, but the whole time I was sitting there, I was like telling Hyde that I didn't like the class anymore, and I didn't want to take it, and he was telling me, "then don't, I don't care." Or I'd tell him I don't think I want to keep this class, and he's like: "It's up to you, but you'll have to keep the Criminal Justice Report Writing class then." I called my mom up and told her I wanted to change my schedule, even though she had previously refused to take me to class four days a week. Somehow, I convinced her though, so I'm going to try and go to the Musical Theater Techniques class tomorrow morning to audition for it, singing a Lucy song from "Jekyll & Hyde" of course cause I'm the shiznit at it!

 

After we got out of that class, Hyde and I went over to the bookstore for me to get something to eat, but there was still the long ass line for people getting their textbooks. So we went back to the cafeteria instead. There was a long line there too, but it moved fast. I got myself a piece of pizza, a Sobe strawberry daiquiri and Hyde didn't let me get any candy, but I still got it anyway. And he wasn't happy with me, of course. But I wanted some gummies. :( Can you blame me? I don't know why, but I always have to eat something sweet with my food. I guess I'm weird like that. So I paid for my meal and then Hyde and I searched for a place to sit, which was easier said than done with the cafeteria packed full. Even outside. We eventually found a spot and I ate, then I got on my computer to check the other class out and see how I would fit it into my schedule. After that, we had some time to kill before Anatomy class, so we headed over to the library. When we were walking there, Hyde and I saw some students/girls in scrubs passing by, heading in the opposite direction, and he was like: "Must be nursing students. They've got Littmann steths." I swear, Hyde notices and recognizes anything medical related when he sees it, especially stethoscopes, and he always has to point it out. It's kinda cute. I rolled my eyes and was like: "Only you would notice that." As I often say to him. So we went up to the third floor of the library, where the stacks are and I sat there with my laptop and was on Tumblr role playing for a while. Hyde was glad when I put my headphones on and put some music on from my Pandora, so at least he wouldn't be completely bored sitting there beside me at the table. We headed out and to the Anatomy class about forty minutes before it started. I called it Hyde's class and joked about it being his and that I'm only taking it with him, you know, going along with him? He mentioned in the elevator wanting to see how my little body functioned. Oh God...XD When he makes me blush, I just...yeah. Unfortunately...it was going to get worse before it got better. We went up in the elevator to the second floor of the math & science building, and just hung around waiting for the teacher with the other students. Hyde leaned against the railing, while I stood there talking to this one guy and lady. The guy was going to the college to become a Paramedic, no surprise him taking that class.

 

The teacher finally came and we went into class. Hyde and I sat in the front row, and he was fully ready to start learning. I could tell he was happy and content being in that class. He was right in his element. Medicine, anatomy, the human body that he has become so interested in studying. Well...mine more than anyone else. *blushes* After she took attendance, and got the computer working, class got started and she gave us an overview of the Human Body and its systems. The only class all day that we took notes in and actually delve into instead of just going over the syllabus. That pleased Hyde, since, like I said, he seemed excited that he was taking that class. When we got to the cardiovascular system, Hyde said: "My favorite little system." That was...until...we got to the respiratory system, and my teacher started talking about breathing, and when a person is not getting enough oxygen through their blood, they could end up in a coma. For the first time, I felt my first emotional response from Hyde. An overwhelming fear and panic that came out of nowhere and made my heart start to race. I know it wasn't from me, because I don't get that unless I'm public speaking in some way, and it felt really foreign. Like it wasn't coming from me at all. Definitely my first Tulpa emotional response. It was definitely a new experience. And I think it was because, well I'm pretty sure that it was because he heard the word "coma" and his worries about what's been going on with me recently only grew. With my pulse ox being low and everything and the shortness of breath and chest pains. I don't ever want to feel that sort of emotional response from him again. It didn't feel good at all. I felt really guilty for putting that into him, and could feel his fear and panic. :( I tried as I might to reassure him over and over again in my mind that I would be okay, and get him to calm down, and eventually, I could feel that emotional response slipping away, and realized he was calming down. But he never wants to hear the word "coma" again. Not after today. Or even the words "me" and "coma" in the same sentence ever again. The tension through that whole class with me and Hyde was REALLY, REALLY HIGH. I felt like he was looking at me under a microscope. Every time the teacher mentioned the lungs, breathing, or oxygen, Hyde would give me this really firm and paternal side long stare. It didn't feel so good, having him look at me that way. I had to turn my head away because I could see him out of the corner of my eye, like he was my dad or something. I just pretended to focus on taking notes and forget that he was staring at me for most of the class. He was listening of course, but he was also glancing from me to the projector. I seriously feel like I made a mistake in taking this class for him, and letting him take it with me. What have I done? Seriously, what have I done? The more he learns about my body, the more worried he's going to get. I just know it. Even when I was taking notes, he was like telling me: "Make sure you copy that down." He was making remarks about my stomach, saying: "That's probably why your little stomach is sick all the time." For God's sakes... I really am glad that no one else can hear him, because I would have been so embarrassed.

 

I seriously don't know how we're going to get through that class together twice a week for the next four months. It's going to be a challenge, that's for sure. And an experience. Like I said before, I never want to feel that panicked and fearful response from him again, but if it happens again...so be it. I guess I can't stop it. He feels that way because he cares, I know. And everyone keeps telling me it shows how much he truly cares about me, but still...it makes me feel really guilty for putting those feelings into him. It was still pretty tense between us when the class ended and then I went to the bathroom. He told me that I'm the most important person in his life right now, and that he doesn't want me to end up in the hospital or in a coma. That I've got to get those blood tests done, so that we can see what's going on in my "little body." I'm really still avoiding it though. So we walked back down to the ground floor, and went back to the library for a couple more hours before my last class. I got back on Tumblr to role play a little more, and chatted with some of my friends on Skype, but tensions were still high between Hyde and I when I told them about what I'd experienced with him. And that firm paternal stare returned with a vengeance, but I tried as I might to ignore it, turning my head away and focusing on my laptop. He tried to get me to go to the health office to get checked out, and have my pulse ox checked, but I refused. Even if we had half an hour until they closed. I didn't want to go in there and tell them that I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen, and God forbid, have them call an ambulance to the college to take me away. Hyde insists though that if I feel sick or ill again, or like I can't breathe, that he won't hesitate to take me to the health office. He'll stop, get up and take me straight over there to get checked. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that.

 

So when the time came for me to head to my last class, we packed up our stuff and left the library, heading over to the Quad building. And seriously, I hate when you have a few of the same people in your class because of the subject. You know? Old classmates that were in your previous classes under the same type of major? I saw a couple bitches from my Principles of Justice System class. Some that I had an issue with before in a group project. Ugh, I already didn't want to be there. And there was another one that I recognized from my Investigation class. So Hyde and I went in the class, him and the rest of the people standing there, including me, not realizing it was already open and there were people waiting inside. And I sat down, and he sat down beside me, getting up every now and then when someone new entered the class, in case he had to move. He was just sitting there with me, hands folded on the desk, waiting for the class to start. He didn't have to move until like much later when some stupid guy came in like fucking half hour late. Ugh! I hate when that happens. He had to move to another seat in the back. But yeah, I was really exhausted after having been there at the college since 8am, and I just wanted to go home and sleep, and I started to have doubts about whether or not I could do this every week. Hyde noticed and was asking me if I was keeping the class, and I was like: "I don't know yet. Let me just see." Needless to say, I got bored really quick just listening to the teacher's less than enthusiastic attitude about the subject, and how people don't want to take this class and that it's repetitive. So his attitude turned me off. Plus, the syllabus was like three one sided pages with like barely any content at all to help me get a feel for the class. So that was another turn off. I was quickly losing interest.

 

In the midst of class, some girl told us that...my old teacher, the one who taught me how to be a CSI, died recently after going on a cruise with his wife and getting a pneumonia. I just saw him last semester and talked to him. I always used to talk to him after class too, and we'd talk about CSI and stuff, and he was a really nice teacher. :( He taught me a lot. It's so sad. I can't believe it. Poor guy. He was 69 years old, born on Valentine's Day. I had no idea. And he died on the 10th. Just before his birthday. That's hard. RIP Professor Joyce. I explained to Hyde who he was. He said: "I'm sorry, darling." He might not believe in God, heaven or hell, but at least he was sorry that I was sad by the man's passing. My mom thinks I should go to the funeral to show my condolences. I don't know though...if I will or not. I'm hesitant. It would probably be appreciated though. I just don't know. I probably won't go though. So the class was pretty boring for the most part. When Hyde knew I was going to drop the class, he was like: "Well then lets go, love. Let's leave." When the teacher was going to start taking roll call, Hyde and I just got up and left. And the man was like: "Are you leaving?" And I was like: "Yeah," and he's like: "What's your name?" And I was like: "It's okay. I'm not going to take the class." I don't know why it got a fucking laugh out of the students. And Hyde was like: "What the fuck were they laughing at?" I know, right? Ugh, anyway...yeah, we left. Then we went to the cafeteria and I got something to eat, another piece of pizza and some Panda vanilla cookies, and a drink. And just sat there on the cafeteria on Tumblr while I ate. Then I went back to the Quad building to wait for my mom to pick me up.

 

For some reason, she wanted to go to Petco. I guess because she had to get dog food, so we went there. Hyde came out again and we went inside and started to look at the cats. Hyde was like: "I bloody fucking hate cats." I was like: "Hey, you be sweet." Lol! I always say that to him, imitating Katie from "Paranormal Activity." And he always says back: "It's not in my repertoire. I told you that before." I toyed with the cats for a while, my mom and I while Hyde just stood in the corner near the door looking bored and annoyed. I don't know why he hates pets so much. He just does. Maybe because I created him like that. Is it too late to change that? He says: "You're bloody fucking right it is." *sighs* Oh well. I keep wanting to create another Tulpa, but Hyde is furious every time I even mention it. He's really territorial and possessive of me. He doesn't want to share. And if it's a girl...I don't want to share him either. It's a vicious cycle. I wanted to make a Tulpa similar to Henry Jekyll, but Hyde gets 10x more furious when I suggest that. One time he even asked: "What? I'm not enough for you?" He is. He really is. I just wish we had more things in common, but I guess you can't really change things about your friends. And as they say, opposites attract so...yeah. I was like letting the cats paw at a string on my Jekyll & Hyde hoodie, and Hyde was like: "You're going to ruin your hoodie, love." And they did snag a thread a little, one of them. He was like: "See!" I always wanted a black cat that I can name Salem, from "Sabrina The Teenage Witch." And there were a few black cats. Hyde was relieved though, when we left the cat room and then we walked around to look at the other pets. I got the chills looking at the tarantula, the chameleon, the snakes...eesh! Hyde liked them though. He was like: "Creepy." We looked at the hamsters, and damn, they remind me so much of the "little guy" I used to have. It makes me miss him with his cute little face, hands and I can't. :( I sort of implied to Hyde that I wanted to get a pet again, and he was like: "You'd better not." He made it clear he wouldn't want it around. Pshh! :( And that he hates pets. Meanie. I tried to make one of the birds say "jackass" or "fuck off" but it didn't. Lol! Hyde found it funny though. So after a while, we left and then I stopped to get a Subway on the way home.

 

When I got home, I was dead tired and exhausted, and all I wanted to do was just sleep, but I stayed up to watch my show, Cougar Town. And Hyde wasn't pleased with me when I didn't go to bed until 1 AM, when it was supposed to be 11:30, but honestly? It wasn't my fault! The fat cows that live above us were being so fucking rude, banging, walking hard, and they had some guy over and they were laughing and talking all loud. Hyde wanted to go up there and kill them. Yeah, me too. He always says if he could, he would. But he really wanted me to sleep. He was like: "At least try and sleep. Just try. That's all you can do. Put cotton in your ears." So I shut off the light and TV, and eventually, I managed to fall asleep. Hyde was so certain I'd fall right to sleep anyway with how exhausted I was. And I did. He's always right, isn't he? And he gets all cocky about being right all the time. Pfft.

[HydesLittleOne]

Class Issues & Emergency Panic Attack -- Day #115 --

 

So, on Wednesday (2/19), it seemed like my day went from bad to worse. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Both at school and for me and Hyde. Lets start at the beginning. I assumed my musical theater techniques class was at 10 am. So we got there on time, and Hyde and I went to the right class, and I asked these other students whether this was the right class, and they said it was the Advanced class, which I know had to be bullshit, because nowhere on the schedule of classes did it say they were different. Just different section numbers but the same class. I even went to ask the teacher in the office, the male teacher, Mr. Espinosa, and he said that it was the advanced class at 10, but damn it, I know what I saw. He told me talk to Joy, the teacher, and see if I was at the advanced level when I audition. I realized what a mistake that was, because she had like an attitude with me, and then when the class started and she was going around asking everyone new what experience they had, she claimed that this wasn't the right class for me. I even argued that the schedule didn't say anything about it being an Advanced class, and she still insisted that it did. I know what the fuck I saw! And I even checked it again on my phone...same. Fucking. Description. For both sections. So I was right, she was wrong. Dumb ass! I don't ever want to take a class with her!

 

Hyde kept telling me: "Let's just leave." And he was furious with her and calling her a cunt. Which she was. So like after a few more minutes, I just got up and we left, and I stood outside starting to cry about it because it made me so mad. I knew what I saw and I wanted the class to be at that particular time because I had my film class at 1:45pm and this one doesn't end until 2:20pm. Hyde hated seeing me like that, but he was trying to reassure me, but he insisted that I had to make a decision. One or the other. So we went back and forth while I contemplated my options. Finally Hyde suggested I just stick around to audition for the beginning class at 12:30, just to see what happens. So I caved and did that. I went to use the bathroom, then I started to search for another class I could take on Tuesday while on my phone, instead of the other acting class. I found this Dance Appreciation class so we decided to walk over to the bookstore to see how much the book was while I emailed the teacher. After I got my student ID card that is, so that I could use the Internet at the library. I was going to have to stay there after all until my mom got out of work at 5 to pick me up. Ugh.

 

We got to the bookstore but when I looked at the book, it didn't look like something I would be interested. There was like no pictures in the book, just words, so that couldn't be a good sign. Instead, I found one of the other dance classes with the other book. So we walked to the Pilates room to find out where and how far it was, because we realized it was at opposite ends of the campus from my anatomy class. Ugh, it was a long walk, past the tennis courts and near the street. There was another teacher teaching the same class at the time, so I asked her what the class consisted of. She told me and it didn't sound fun. Just a lot of reading and report papers, ugh. Plus the room had no

AC. So I was like: "Fuck it, let's go." Hyde didn't think it was worth it either. Too far away. He was doubting that I could make it across the campus in 10 minutes, and worrying I'd get over exhausted. And I started searching for other open classes while we walked back. I found a Shakespeare English class, emailed the teacher to see if I could get in. He said he would add me, gave me a code and told me to study and read certain sonnets.

 

And back to the bookstore we went so I could see what exactly I would be studying and how much the books would be. 8 fucking books for that one class! Under $20 but 8?! Ugh. I was happy to see Romeo & Juliet on the list because I'd read it in high school, but no Hamlet? :( Anyway, I took a peek at the sonnets book and thought it was a little interesting, so I was set on taking it. We walked back to the theatre class to wait for it to start. We stood in the hallway and there were a few students there already waiting, and we were like chatting about how rude that Joy teacher was, and musicals we were going to sing, and I started telling them about the master class I was taking with Constantine. And I think they could tell I was fangirling. But yeah...they didn't seem to care that much about him. Pfft. One of them joked about Joy and said: "Maybe she'll fall down the stairs." Lol! If only.

 

Hyde was just leaning against the wall across from me and standing there watching and listening to us, rolling his eyes of course when I brought up Constantine, as he always does when I start to fangirl. Telling me they didn't care. Whateves. So we went inside the class and sat down, waiting for the teacher to come in. There's only like 12 people in the class not including me, so not a big group, which is good. Hyde sat beside me, until some beotch took his seat and then he had to sit behind me. But the teacher went around the group and asked them to tell him their name and their musical theater experience. I told him about taking and being in theater in high school, and choir and that I danced. Then he explained the class, and asked people what their education goal was, and I told him about my CSI certification and that I wanted to do that. He was surprised, like: "Oh forensic science then. You can sing in the lab." lol! Or I could sing to the bodies or something. Oh god.

 

And after all that, he said we had to come back Monday to audition. Ugh. I thought it would be then. He also said we'll need to buy a rehearsal skirt and something called character heels. Whatever those look like. I would prefer just to wear my own instead of buying something new. He considered that to be our textbook for the class, because of the cost. Great... And Hyde was just like: "You'll look cute in a skirt." Pfft. He loves to tease me being that I'm sort of a Tom boy. So I guess I gotta buy that *sighs* I really hate theater classes that have a dress code. Sick of it. Least that's the only class I'll have Monday and Wednesdays.

 

Okay, now here's where it gets really interesting. I hung around to talk to the teacher, and Hyde was wondering why but I wanted to tell him about the master class I was taking with Constantine next month in Reno. And I assumed, like everyone else, he wasn't going to know who he was and be like: "Who?" And HOLY F!! Imagine my surprise when he told me that he knew him...because they went to the Boston Conservatory together!! Which I've heard Con mention so many damn times in interviews that he went there. At first I thought he was shitting me, just for shits and giggles. But to know that personal info about him...OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN! What the fuck are the odds? Of that?! Of me being taught by Constantine's former classmate! He was like: "Yeah, I know him. He's got some pipes! He's a good guy." Ahhhhh! I was like: "Are you serious?" Aahhhh! I got so excited. I started fangirling like: "Oh my god!" He told me to tell him his name, but that he might not remember him. Lol! I totally can't wait now to talk to Constantine again and tell him! To see the look on his face. I was like: "Hey, guess who my musical teacher is?! Your former classmate!" Ahhhh! I can't even! He'll probably be like shocked, speechless and proud all at the same time. Hyde was like: "Well, there you go."

 

I told my dad about it and he says that maybe God meant for me to be in that class. With that teacher. And that everything happens for a reason. Wow...if only it could get my foot in the door and get me closer to Constantine! *faints* But yeah, I wanted to like tell everyone after that, and I quickly called my mom and fangirled about it. So I was like 90% sure that I was taking that class at that point. So after that, we walked to the library and I got on the Internet and tumblr. I stayed on there for like two and a half hours. Hyde sat at the table beside me, and he was like peeking over the cubicle at me. Lol! It was cute. He went back and forth between sitting down in the chair beside me, and standing up to lean against the desk and watch what I was doing. At one point, I swear I could feel his presence right behind me while I was sitting in the chair, like no warmth but pressed against me. And I asked him if he could like massage my sore shoulders and neck. He did but I couldn't feel it. He was like: "Sit up straight, darling. It'll help wake you up." And it did, a little. I was starving so bad because I didn't have any money, just like $1.75 for a soda. So when it got near the time I was to wait for my mom, we left, I got a soda from the vending machine and met my mom outside. Then she took me to get a Quiznos and we went home.

 

Everything was fine. It was supposed to be fine. I wasn't in a bad mood or feeling anxious or anything. I hadn't taken my Prozac though, because I was being lazy. But after I ate, I stated to get this really bad pain in the center of my chest, and stomach cramps ( the kind you get when you feel like you got food poisoning ), and I was nauseous and my knees were aching. Something was wrong. I could feel it, and the pain in my chest and stomach was so bad, I started crying and feeling short of breath too. Hyde was worried sick about me, especially when he knew it was near my heart. He started pacing was even starting to cry and he never cries. Never. But I could see the tears in his eyes and hear it in his voice. It really scared him. He insisted I tell my mom to take me to the hospital or urgent care, but I couldn't even get up, it hurt so much. I was afraid to move. I thought I might have to call 911.

 

So needless to say, I agreed to go to the urgent care. I had my mom drop me and Hyde off. He walked me inside, his hand on my back, watching me closely and telling me to take my time. We went in the urgent care and there were only four people in there. I was starting to shake for no reason at all, it was hard for me to even sign in, but I did and then they immediately called me back. As they always do. Hyde went in with me. They checked my weight, and then I sat down and they took my vitals. Hyde stood there across from me, his arms crossed, watching me and the nurse, and the monitor closely. There was worry all over his face. :( I don't like seeing his worried face. She asked me the general questions about how I was feeling, the medicine I was on, and allergies. My pulse ox looked surprisingly better than it usually is when I check it on the machine I have. Hyde was relieved, saying it looked normal. He implied that it must be my machine then and not me. He was really worried about my blood pressure though because it was like 150/93. And it never gets that high. So after that, they took me back to this curtained out gurney area, and I had a feeling what was about to happen. Hyde did too.

 

The nurse gave me a gown and told me to undress from the waist up. So she pulled the curtain and I changed, having to take my bra off too, ugh. Then she came back and told me to lie back. Hyde stood at the foot of the gurney, looking down at me and crossing his arms, watching the nurse as she hooked me up to the heart monitor with three leads. He was like: "Looks like we're finally going to get to see that little heart of yours." I know he was just trying to make me smile, but I didn't want to be all hooked up like a freak in a trauma center. They also put me on a pulse ox, blood pressure and some oxygen from the tube in my nostrils. So yeah, I was literally all hooked up. I reached and called out for Hyde and he came over to my side, looking down at me with a scowl and constantly reassuring me that he was right there, that he wasn't going anywhere. I hated that he had to see me like that. I felt embarrassed. Actually, I hated that anyone had to see me like that. Hyde stood there, asking me how I was feeling, reassuring me that I would be alright, that they were going to take good care of me, stroking my hair, touching my hand, and glancing up at the heart monitor every so often. He was happy to see my pulse ox so good once I had the oxygen on. I don't think it really helped much. Just sort of made my breaths faster. My heart rate was fluctuating though. Going up and down. :( That sort of scared me. It was like 70 something one minute then 91 or 92 the next. I don't know, maybe I was seeing things. But Hyde tried to cheer me up and he was like: "Your little heart looks beautiful, darling. Just as I knew it would." It gave me a little smile. He also tried to cheer me up by telling me how I was going to blow all the other whores out of the water with my amazing singing next month, and reminding me of Constantine hearing me sing too. It helped a little bit, but not much. And now, it's not happening at all, because asshole Constantine cancelled the class, and I sort of hate him now. Still, I love Hyde too much to get rid of him just because they look exactly the same.

 

The nurse who was tending to me seemed nice though. She made me feel a little more comfortable. Not snide or anything. Just quiet and caring and observant. So that made me feel a little better. And Hyde was happy with her too. Comfortable with it. I felt his growing urge to ask her how my little heart looked. If only she could hear him. So I just looked at the screen for him when she wasn't looking or was out of the area. That was when he said my little heart looked beautiful. The doctor came in, who I recognized from my other doctor's office because he unplugged my ear that one time. He came in, asked me questions about my pain, symptoms and family history. Then put his stethoscope on and listened to my chest. That was weird, being all hooked up and lying down while being stethed. Hyde of course was still watching closely, his hand on my shoulder and head. Then the doctor asked me if I had any other pain. I told him just nausea and in my legs, knees, and he felt there.

 

He left, then the nurse came back in and told me he ordered an EKG and Chest X-Ray. So she went to find out how much it was going to cost me and another $200 and some dollars. *sighs* I just said okay. And the nurse was like: "Yeah but your health comes first." And Hyde was like: "Yes it does!" Pfft. *rolls eyes* There was a moment when I started to get the chest pain again, and told her. And she's like: "You're getting it right now?" Hyde got really worried again and looked from me up to the heart monitor. The nurse pressed a button and printed off a strip as she watched the monitor too. Then she left with it and brought in the EKG machine and suddenly, I had all these heart monitor leads on my chest, arms and legs. Ugh. Hyde was still looking down at me and trying to smile reassuringly at me, assuring me that it was alright and that I'd be alright. And he was like: "We're just going to get a look at your little heart." With a little smile of course. He was looking over at the machine and watching it closely. Then when she had printed out a strip of my heartbeat, she took off the leads and left to show the doctor. Hyde said: "I wish I could see it." He wanted to keep it too. So he could look at my heart any time. He seems like he would want those print outs just so he can hang them on his wall like art.

 

When she left, I looked back up at the heart monitor so Hyde could watch my heart beating. It looked normal but still...it was like fluctuating higher. From the 70s to 90s. I don't know. Hyde was like: "At least your little pulse ox and blood pressure look good." He is always trying to reassure me in a bad situation. No matter how fast my heart was, he would still insist it looked beautiful. Only Hyde. I was relieved when the nurse came back to take me off the monitors, telling me they were going to come take me for the chest X Ray. So I was just left on the oxygen/nasal cannula ( yes, I know my medical slang and watch ER so I know what they call it ) in my nose. The nurse pulled the curtain back and left me to wait. Hyde sat down next to me at the foot of the gurney and just kept an eye on me, ask me how I was feeling and if I was alright. He would smile at me and try and make me laugh. There was one time the nurse even asked me to smile and I was like: "Why?" And she said she just wanted to make sure the muscles in my face were okay. Weird. I didn't even want to smile but yeah. Hyde was still trying to make me feel better by making me smile, giving me one of his own. He still asked me how my little lungs were and my little heart and if my chest still hurt. Mostly I just felt nauseous. So I was just lying there and Hyde went back and forth between looking down at me and glancing back at the nurses station, listening to what they were saying. We were eavesdropping on their conversation, but they weren't exactly talking quietly so yeah...we could hear them. There was this one gay guy talking about how some co-worker of his was rude to him in the way he handed him this patient chart. And the gay guy said he dropped it on the floor and told the guy: "No, you pick it up and you hand it to me properly." Lol. This guy got Hyde and I laughing, and it made me feel a little better. He was also talking about these shoes he saw and wanted to buy, which was funny, the way he was saying it and exaggerating about it. I started to feel really, really nauseous, but I didn't want to say anything about it, because the nurse looked like she was having a conversation with the other people across the way, and I didn't want to interrupt. Hyde got mad though and he was like: "Tell them! Tell them, love! You better tell them!" Ugh. Eventually, the nurse asked how I was feeling from where she sat, and that's when I told her about the nausea. She told the doctor and they gave me these cherry flavored meds that dissolved under my tongue.

 

The X-Ray guy came with a wheelchair, took me off the oxygen, then I got up and got in the chair. That was a new experience. I never been put in a wheelchair before, but then again, this whole being fussed over like I was in an episode of "ER" was a new experience for me too since I've never been in the hospital. But this wasn't a hospital. Just a critical care unit. Hyde got up and followed alongside me and the wheelchair as I was wheeled down to X-Ray. He was like: "You're going for a little ride, love." Sometimes I feel like he's my daddy and I'm his daughter, the way he talks to me and tries to reassure me. The man wheeled me into the X-Ray room and Hyde leaned against the back counter, with his arms crossed over his chest, while I got up to let the tech take the X-Rays. I forgot they tell you to take deep breaths when they snap the pictures. When the tech left me to do something, Hyde sat down on a stool across from me as I got back in the wheelchair to wait for the guy. He still asked me how I was doing and if I was still feeling nauseous. The technician guy came back and wheeled me back to the gurney. I thought Hyde had disappeared for a minute, but he assured me that he was following, and he was right behind the guy pushing the wheelchair. I got in panic mode a little bit there, but I was glad when he reassured me. So I got out of the wheelchair and got back up on the gurney, lying back down. Hyde returned to his spot at the end of the gurney next to me, then the nurse came back over to put the oxygen back in my nose. He was again trying to comfort me by giving me a reassuring smile and continuously asking me how I was feeling. The doctor and nurse wanted to give me Xanax to take, but for some stupid reason, the policy there stated that they couldn't give it to me unless I had someone to drive me home. So my stupid mom had to come to the place, thankfully not back where I was, because I didn't want her to see me like that at all. Much less anyone else for that matter. I told the nurse that I was still feeling really nauseous, so she told the doctor, and I heard them say something about a "GI Cocktail." I know that "GI" stands for Gastro Interitous or something, but a cocktail. It didn't sound good, but I thought they would start an IV or something. Instead, they brought me this nasty lime green looking liquid in a cup. I could tell from smelling it that I was going to gag or throw it up, so I told them I didn't want it. Hyde of course got annoyed and mad with me about not doing what they told me to, but "ew," just no. I even told them I was going to gag, and Hyde was like: "This one has a huge gag reflex."

 

So after she left me to go back to work, I was squirming and crossing my legs on the gurney, trying to pray for the nausea to go away, wishing the earlier medicine they gave me would work, but it didn't seem to be doing any good. Even though the nurse told me they gave me a lot. I asked her if there was something else they could give me, and she asked the doctor, and they said they could give me a shot. In my ass, of course. Uhhh...no. I didn't want that either. I get a bad reaction whenever a needle touches me. I don't know why. I just do. And I wasn't letting them see my ass either. So I told them "no," and once again, Hyde got annoyed with me about it. When my mom came and they could finally give me the Xanax, the nurse told me that they would have to monitor me for fifteen minutes, just to make sure I didn't have a bad reaction to it. Thank god that didn't include actually putting me back on the stupid monitors. Of course I knew I wouldn't have a bad reaction to it because I always took it before when I had panic attacks. So I laid there on the oxygen, and Hyde watched me closely. And I'm pretty sure it was the combination of having too much oxygen and the Xanax that really started to make me sleepy. The nurse asked me how I was doing and I told her tired. When they got my results back from the X-Ray and the EKG, they told me they were normal, and the nurse came back to check my vitals one last time. Then she brought me a wheelchair, insisting that she had to wheel me out. Ugh. She took the oxygen off me as I sat up, I put my shirt back on, then got in the wheelchair. Hyde was like: "You're going for another little ride now, love." Or something along those lines. He walked alongside the chair as the nurse wheeled me out into the waiting room. And just when I thought I was going to be able to get up and walk the rest of the way, she kept pushing me out of the building and to my mom's car. I know it's a liability that they push you out in a wheelchair in case you fall and sue them, but still...I hate feeling crippled. Hyde continued walking alongside the chair, glancing over at me every now and then with a small smile. "Thank you"s were exchanged, although I don't know what for. Hyde was like: "Yes, thank you!" I got in the car and came home.

 

When we got back, Hyde told me to take it slow as I walked back to our apartment, take it slow and take my time. By the time I laid down, I was nearly at the point of falling fast asleep. I couldn't keep my eyes open. The doctor gave me a prescription for some Xanax though so I can take it when I need it, so Hyde and I are hoping that will help. I somehow fell asleep in my clothes when I got back, and with the light on, in front of the computer, but then I woke up later and Hyde made sure I was in bed resting properly and off of all things electronic. So that was about it for that day.

[HydesLittleOne]

Ch-Ch-Changes & Unnecessary Monitoring :: -- Days #116 & 117 --

 

So I'm splitting these logs up into separate days cause I don't want to make them really long if I don't have to.

 

Thursday ( 2 / 20 ), the day after the aftermath and evening from hell, which I never want to go through again, Hyde really didn't want me to go to class. I wasn't exactly feeling my best, the nausea was faint, and I was fatigued and a little dizzy. He wanted to keep me in bed all day, monitoring me, but I love my musical theater appreciation class so bad that I simply refused to miss it. Also, because I know he loves the Human Anatomy class, even though my enthusiasm has faltered in that class since the evening before. And I had to see if I was going to take that Shakespeare class instead of the Theater Games class. So he was watching me like a hawk on my way to the car, and then up to class, consistently telling me over and over again to take it slow as I walked. He was really worried like I'd fall down or lose my balance or something. His focus was mainly on me as I walked, watching my every step, as if I were a baby taking their first steps. He probably thought my legs would give out. I did feel a little off balance, like I said, but I managed to get up the stairs and take it as slow as he wanted me to.

 

We got to the class, and there was a fun little assignment. This handout with five questions about what we liked about musical theater, and of course, I answered most of the questions with Constantine, which Hyde wasn't surprised to see. Then we got put into a group to discuss the questions and come up with an answer for one of the ones we didn't answer. Of course I told them everyone else about my obsession with Constantine. XD Had to. Then each group went up and one person answered each question. I of course wanted to tell the class all about how much I loved Constantine, so I answered one of the ones I mentioned him in, and made them laugh and filled them with surprise because of how much I'd see Jekyll & Hyde, and had met him. My teacher was like: "How did you afford to see it all those times?" I told her about how my mom and I pulled our money together. Then when I told her how many times I'd seen him, she was like: "You must be a roadie." LOL! More like fan girl groupie. But anyway...Hyde was in the corner rolling his eyes and chuckling. Probably thinking: "Yeah, and she made me too." Lol.

 

After class was over, I went to the bookstore with Hyde to see how much the Shakespeare books would be, and OMG, they were 8 of them. I don't know if I mentioned that before, but at least they were under $20. There was a guy in the bookstore who had long hair like Hyde and I was like: "Look, he's got your hair." Lol! Hyde always shoots daggers at guys with the same hair or scoffs and calls them "bugger"s. So Hyde and I were planning on going to the Shakespeare class, but since my acting teacher didn't answer his email before, I told Hyde I had to go and tell him I might be dropping. That was until I decided I'd just hang out for an hour to see if I still wanted to add the class or not. I figured it couldn't hurt just to see if I really liked the class or not, so we went to the class, and I told the teacher up front about the situation. How I had accidentally dropped the class, but needed an add code if I was going to re-register for it. So he told me if I stayed till the end of the class, he would more than likely be able to give me a code. If not, then I could just go to my other class around that time that I needed to. Did I mention my teacher is hot? Yeah, lol. I think just to stare at him...would be worth keeping it. Hyde and I sat down, and he and I didn't realize we were sitting next to some girl with a sore throat / laryngitis until minutes after the class had started. So it wasn't like we could move. I didn't want to seem rude, but yeah...Hyde was telling me not to breathe in her direction.

 

The first exercise we did, I felt a little stupid, but the moment it was over with, Hyde knew without a fraction of a doubt that this was the right class for me, because it really helped me to relax and got rid of my worries and tension. See, it was this breathing/meditative exercise, where we had to pretend that our arms were being pulled up by strings, and then the strings dropping and us being lowered forward to touch our toes, and we had to keep breathing the whole time, deep breaths in and out. And Hyde really loved this idea, because we do it anyway during forcing, except I don't lift my arms and I don't keep taking deep breaths. I just breathe normally. Hyde even came to stand behind me and coach me through the exercise, telling me to do as the teacher said, and breathe and relax. Calling me a "good girl" every now and then. It helped and I did feel better after it. We sat back down with everyone else when we finished, then we all talked about it with the teacher. This was where I asked him about my meditative technique, and about how I always feel so exhausted after meditating and putting myself in "another place" ( referring to the wonderland with Hyde here ) and doing things there. And he said that it might be because I'm letting my imagination run wild around me, doing all that I do, and of course it's going to be exhausting me. So that's why I'm so tired all the time doing that. That explains A LOT. As opposed to just sitting or standing and breathing, and clearing your mind of everything. I do remember back when I used to take Yoga classes, that I wouldn't have anything to focus on but my breath, and when I opened my eyes and started moving around again, it would have the opposite effect, I'd feel more awake than I was before. But since I'm actually interacting with Hyde in the wonderland and doing all this and all that, that's probably why it always exhausts and wears me out. No one has ever explained to to me like that, and I gotta commend my hottie teacher for helping me understand.

 

We took a break, and Hyde was like: "This is good for you, love. You should keep the class." He really thought it would benefit me, help us with forcing, and help relieve the anxiety, stress and tension in my body. So I decided I would listen to him, and instead of heading out to that Shakespeare class, we just stayed and I intended on keeping it in my schedule. After the break, we did another exercise. Actually, it was more of a game with a hackey sack ball. Lol. I remember doing something similar in a previous acting class. We were basically all standing in a circle and throwing the ball around, trying to catch it. And I suck at hand-eye coordination. We were laughing at each other when we dropped it. Then the teacher decided we couldn't laugh anymore, so we were made to stay quiet and just throw the ball around. Then whoever you made eye contact with, you had to throw the ball to them. Then he added another element to it, and said we had to say our name and throw it to someone else, then they'd have to say our name and their own, then pass it to the next person. As if we were introducing ourselves to each other. Hyde thought this game was as stupid as I did, but he laughed every now and then at people. While our teacher was watching us, Hyde was watching too, pacing back and forth behind us, his hands in his pockets or his arms crossed over his chest. At one point, he was just leaning against the teacher's table ( which was serving as the desk ), perching himself at the end of it and crossing his arms over his chest, just watching us. During our game, our teacher was trying to get us to establish a rhythm, throwing the ball back and forth to each other, and then one time when I dropped it, he was like: "It's because Amy messed up the rhythm." And then Hyde was like: "It's not her fault, motherfucker! Don't blame her." Lol! He's a sweetie for defending me, and making me feel better about myself. Not to mention a laugh riot as it is at school with me. I love watching him react to everything around me, and everything we do. Especially in active classes like that. He was glad when it was over, and when the class was over, even though he was still giving the teacher the evil eye.

 

I told Mr. Kraus I was staying in the class, then got an add code from him, and showed him this monologue I found that I'm interested in doing. We're supposed to pick three, so he said it would be okay for one of them. After class was over, we headed to Anatomy class. I was thinking of getting a funnel cake since they had the funnel cake truck around again, but since there was a long line, and I had to get to class, Hyde and I just walked to the library and hung around for an hour. I was on my laptop for a little while. At least I'm pretty sure we went to the library. God I wish I'd write this stuff down instead of being too tired when I get home. But yeah, we got to human anatomy class and ugh, can I just say that I hate it when someone sits in Hyde's seat? That's the worst part about having a Tulpa...having to deal with asses who sit in his seat somewhere. It's like: "Hello?!" I know it's not his fault, but he's learned not to sit down until everyone in class is seated. Sometimes they come to class late, and he has to get up and change seats for those assholes, who shouldn't even be late in the first place. So class was pretty boring, and since I hadn't really touched on chemistry or learned about it since high school, I didn't realize just how boring it could be. Hyde and I were bored to tears. Atoms, bonds, protons, blah blah blah. We didn't really care. Hyde clearly insisted he was more interested in the organs and anatomy itself. Well duh, he's Hyde. Anyway, yeah, we sat through it, and it was boring. I took my necessary notes, like I always do when I'm in class like everybody else.

 

And then after class was over, I finally got to get my funnel cake from the funnel cake truck. I never had one before but I think they put too many strawberries on top. I tasted more of the strawberries than the actual cake. I felt like I was eating intestines. No one told me it was going to look like intestines. Lol! But aside from having too many strawberries on it, it was still really good. Unlike the nasty strawberry lemonade that I ordered. It tasted watery and bitter, and there was almost a whole lemon and strawberry still inside it. Ugh, that was not worth $4. The funnel cake was $8. After I got my cake, Hyde and I sat down and I ate it. He didn't like that it wasn't healthy, but that's Hyde for ya. After I ate my cake, we went back to the library and I got back on Tumblr, around for my mom to pick me up. That's usually all I do when we go to the library. I should be studying, but I'm just too lazy to do it, so instead, I either sit here and work on my Tulpa log or I get on Tumblr and do a little role playing. And then we came home, and I realized that my money had already come in from financial aid, so I was happy. I was going to go to Barnes & Noble to look for a monologue book for my acting class, which I can choose monologues from, but I was just too tired, and Hyde was insisting I didn't go out. So yeah, I stayed home, and pretty much, my whole world came crashing down, when I discovered that Constantine's master class was cancelled for Reno. I got an email from that bitch ex of his, and yeah, my hopes and dreams just came crashing down. Any chance I had of him hearing me sing was gone...and I couldn't stop crying for a long time. It wasn't like there was even an explanation for it. The beotch just canceled it. And now I hate him about 80% now. Actually, it's more like 70% after the past few days. So I hate him 70% but I'm not going to get rid of Hyde because of it, like I said before. I don't care anymore if they share the same face or not. Even though it's not a bad face to have. Just keep the hair! The beautiful glorious hair! Heh. But yeah, the real Constantine can SUCK IT now for all I care. I'm glad Hyde isn't exactly like him. Least not in personality. Just in form. So I was pretty tired and I just went to sleep.

 

Friday ( 2 / 21 ) - Finally! The time came for me to get a day of rest and not think about school, but I still had to go to school to get my textbooks that I needed. So I wasn't completely allowed to stay home. Chris ( my mom's husband ) took me and Hyde out to the college, and we went to the bookstore to get the textbooks I needed. Just my Anatomy and musical theater books. Surprisingly, the line for the check out wasn't that long. I also got my binder I needed to put my sheet music in for the audition in my musical theater class, and a study guide for Anatomy class. Damn, my books were so heavy. Gah! I told Hyde I wanted to get something to eat though, before we went back to find Chris. So we went to the cafeteria, and I got a piece of pizza and an apple and a drink. When we sat there, there was this stupid guy that was on the stage down in front and he was all dancing around like an idiot. Hyde and I, and these other two girls at a nearby table were joking that he was on crack. He was sure acting like it. Like: "Look at me dance." They thought maybe he was doing a project for a class or something. Hyde thought he was an idiot and was shaking his head at him, but he and I started laughing at one point. At another point, I guess someone called the campus police, and they came in to remove him and kick him out. Lol! They probably thought he was on drugs too, or someone else who saw him. After I was done eating, we headed back to Chris, and can I just say, Hyde looks sexy with sunglasses on? But so does Constantine, so I guess that's a given. Tee hee! And an added bonus of his beautiful hair blowing in the breeze as he walks alongside me...*dreamy sigh* Hotness!

 

So I got back in the truck and Chris drove me to Best Buy so I could get my computer charger after the other one shit the bed the night before. Yeah, I came home the night before from class, took my computer out of my bag, and realized that the wires were frayed and it was split. It was making static and spark like noises. I almost thought it would start a fire, but I unplugged it. Hyde was really paranoid about it too, fearing it would start a fire. So I just unplugged it and rolled it up. It wouldn't hold a charge either, so yeah...it was kaput. Anyway, we went into Best Buy, Hyde and I and...of course he had to remind me about buying that heart rate monitor/watch. He was so damn intent on it. I seriously don't need my heart monitored all the time, but when he found out that I was going to have to be traipsing back and forth on campus weeks ago, he wanted me to get one when I got money. *lesigh* Even though I had to go to the bathroom, we went over to that section first. I really didn't want to, but Hyde insisted on it, so I figured I would at least humor him and look at them to see how much I would be paying. They were a pretty penny, like $50 to $180 dollars, these athletic fitness heart monitoring watches. And they were sold out of the pretty pink ones. :( I asked but they didn't have anymore in stock, so I had to decide between getting a grey, black which were more the men's watches or spending more for the color. Hyde told me to go to the bathroom and think about it a little more before I decided. So I went to the bathroom then came back, and decided between a red one and a black with purple striped watch. I ended up going with the latter for $110. I know, it's a shitload of money for that thing, but I didn't want to settle with something I really didn't like the appearance of. I'm just keeping this a secret from my mom, because otherwise she'd think it was a waste of money. And she also wouldn't understand why I would buy it, if I try and explain it was for more for Hyde's satisfaction/peace of mind. I looked around the store a little, and Hyde was like: "You don't need anything else. Let's go." Grrr! I hate when he does that to me. I was like: "Fine, let's go before I change my mind," and he's like: "You better not change your mind. You're getting that little heart rate monitor." He thinks that after Wednesday night especially, that I really need it now. Oh for God's sakes! I knew that him seeing me like that, and my anxiety getting that bad to that level would have some sort of effect on him, good or bad. Anyway, we got in the line to check out, and it friggin' took them long enough to ring us up. Since there was only one person at the register. Ugh, I hate that. Out loud, I was like: "If I was working here, I'd be faster. I used to work at Target during Christmas." Pfft. Finally, I got rang up and then we left, and Chris took us to Barnes & Noble, because I had to get a monologue book still. Ever since I got my money, Hyde has been telling me, "don't spend your money on needless things." I reminded him of the purchase of that heart rate monitor watch, and shockingly, he doesn't consider THAT a needless purchase, because it's more for him. Him to use on me. Like the Littmann stethoscope he made me buy last time I got money.

 

I didn't really intend on spending that much money in Barnes & Noble anyway. Unless they had one of those new fill in the blank journals, but they didn't. When I was looking for the theater books, I passed by the Classics section and I found "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Hyde." I picked it up and turned to Hyde and held it up in front of my face, just showing my eyes and I was like: "I'm gonna get this because of reasons." He grinned and giggled. He liked that. It was only $6 so...yeah. I started looking at these other books on this display table, but Hyde pulled me away as usual. Boo. :( He's like, "you don't need that, come on love." We finally found the theater books, and I sat on the floor and looked through them. Hyde just squatted down and helped me look for one, and I was also looking for my acting textbook, "Audition" but they didn't have it. Eventually, Hyde got tired of squatting so he just stood there with one hand in his pocket, and the other leaning against the bookshelf. He wasn't rushing me though. Just letting me look.

 

Then when I found one, I started to look at the other journals, he told me that I didn't need anything else and turned to walk towards the registers. *sighs deeply* I hate when he does that. Just turns and walks off, leaving me behind, not wanting to look at anything else. And he mostly does that when we're at a store. If we're at school, the dentist or doctor, he always waits for me to catch up. It's only when I'm spending too much money or trying to spend too much money that I notice he just proclaims we're done here and walks away. So yeah, I had no choice but to follow him to the registers and get in line. He pointed out to me when it was my turn then I paid for my stuff. I went to the customer service desk and ordered my "Audition" textbook for my acting class then we left. I stopped by the Star Buffet across the street and got myself some take out. Then we went home, and of course Hyde had to immediately put me on the heart monitor. Surprisingly, the chest strap isn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. Sometimes I forget I even have it on, until I seem to go out of range of the receiver and Hyde gets on my case about it. He would prefer it if I just leave the watch on and keep it on me, so he can always see it. He says if I can see it, he can see it, so that gives him some peace of mind. So yeah, I walked around for the rest of the day with the heart monitor around my chest, allowing Hyde to watch my heart. Seriously, other than being tired, I didn't need the heart rate monitor on, but it gave him some peace of mind so I did it for him and left it on. *sighs* Ever since I've had it on, every few seconds, he's like: "Let me see how your little heart is doing." It's so cute! So then I just glance at the receiver and let him see. Then he's either like: "Ooh, it's a bit fast, love." Or he'll see: "Ah, you're nicely relaxed," or "Ah, it's strong and steady." It was fluctuating when I was eating, but I don't know why. But then again, it was fluctuating at the urgent care center too. Hyde just overly worries about it, but I swear I'm fine. I was relieved when he finally let me take it off, but not until I was going to go to sleep.

[HydesLittleOne]

Annoyances, Throat Problems & Audition -- Days #118-120 --

 

On Saturday, I started to feel sick. My throat was starting to bug me and hurt, but not as much as it started to in the past couple days after. Plus, I was coughing every now and then. I had a feeling that my audition on Monday, was not going to go well if I was sick. Ugh! But anyway, my mom took Hyde and I out in the evening. I went to get a Subway because I was starving, then we went to Best Buy to get my new iPhone upgrade! Holllaaaa! I've had the 3GS for friggin' forever. It's so ancient now, but being that I have money, which was SUPPOSED TO be for the trip to Reno, until asshole Constantine canceled his class on me, I decided I'd finally buy my new phone. Plus, being that its my mom's cell phone account, she had to go in with me to sign the papers and get everything all set up. Seems like everyone wanted to buy a fucking phone that night, because there were like three people each at each register in the mobile. So I waited in line with her and Hyde, and my beotch mom was getting on my nerves, and I love how supportive Hyde is of me, taking my side whenever she's around and the two of us get into a fight. Plus, he makes me laugh so much that I forget what the hell I was even mad at her about, and helps me to just sort of roll it off my shoulders as nothing. Where in the past, before I created him, I would make a bigger deal about it, and probably a scene, but with Hyde around, it's definitely easier. Having that support around. So he sort of hung out with me while we waited for someone to help us. Then we went to sit down when I told them what iPhone I wanted. The guy went and got it and gave us all the information, set everything up and whatnot, and answered our questions. Hyde sat down on the stool beside me, looking between us and the mobile guy as we discussed everything, then standing behind me when someone else came to sit on the stool. I love when I see him tuck his hair behind his ear out of the corner of my eye, or see him shift his weight and cross his arms. He's always there out of the corner of my eye. Even if I'm just visualizing him.

 

So I got my new phone, a pink iPhone 5C and I was happy, because it actually speaks to me now. Only it's stupid and can't pronounce Constantine's name right. First or last, unless I type the pronunciation into the phone itself. Weird though, it can pronounce Hyde well. Lol! I went walking around to see what was on sale and stuff, even though I was just there yesterday, but anyway, yeah, Hyde was like: "You better hurry up, love. They're going to close." Yeah yeah yeah. I told him I wanted to look at the video games, and he was like: "Why? You don't even have your video game console set up at the moment." Still, I wanted to look, just out of curiosity. I found my mom and then we left and went to Target to do some grocery shopping, and fuck, did I spend a lot. But seriously, Hyde was driving me crazy, I swear, I almost stopped to grab my hair and scream with frustration. He was making me that mad, and why? Because he kept telling me not to get this, not to get that, that it wasn't healthy, that it would make me sick, that I didn't need this or that. It just really drove me bat shit crazy. I asked him to just shut up about it, but I asked him nicely. I was like: "Could you just stop? Please? I don't want to hear it anymore." He insisted that he was just trying to help me, but still...it was grating on my nerves. Why can't I just be free to buy whatever I want without him being so judgmental about it? Finally he said, "Fine, I'll stop talking now." And then I got a little peace, but I could tell he was irritated with me. Then, out of nowhere, he started up again, and then he apologized. He was like: "Sorry, I can't shut it off." Meaning his nature to do that. *sighs* Eventually, he let up though and things were a little better between us. Once we got past the food and Easter candy that was. I introduced him while we were in the store to a couple of my friends. Not really though, just told him who they were when he asked if I knew them. Yeah, I used to work with them. I saw my old friend, Martin from Electronics and my good friend, Marie. Hyde made me get some Metamucil, as the doctor had suggested once before. Ugh! Icky. And he made me get more Lactaid because I was out, and some Aleve. That's Dr. Hyde for ya. All with the meds to keep me healthy. I ended up spending like close to $200 on groceries and other essentials. FML! But I needed that stuff so yeah...after Target, we went home and I went about transferring everything from my iTunes to my new phone. It took me a while, but I got it all put on there.

 

I spent most of Sunday just messing with my iPhone and downloading apps. I downloaded five new apps. The first one was for Hyde. It's a Pulse-o-Matic and well...pretty self explanatory. It shows my heart beating on a little green heart monitor screen and the rate of my pulse. He really likes it. He says my heart looks beautiful, like he did at the urgent care center, although I doubt the accuracy of the read out. I don't know. But anyway, I also have a Journal app, and a Roller Journal app, and a SongSpeaker app that I can make say the name of my songs in an English accent. Too bad it's not Hyde's own voice. *lesigh* So I didn't really do much of anything yesterday. I did force with Hyde though. I found the time, and we just hung out on the couch in his sitting room and talked, and he was affectionate with me as usual, being the sweetie he is. It had been a long time since we had a nice long talk, but we did. Then after we forced, I was pretty exhausted after doing some reading homework, so I just went straight to sleep. I had school the next morning.

 

Now, today, finally, I'm caught up to that point to update about what happened today. Ugh, as if I couldn't feel worse than I already do. My throat has gotten worse. It's hurting more, and I've been coughing on and off and clearing my throat more than usual. Hyde thinks I might be getting a cold or the flu, but I never get the flu. Ever. He also assumes this stupid girl in my acting class got me sick, because she had throat problems last week, sounded like laryngitis. I didn't want to wake up, but he made me. Grrr! I was going to try and see if I could get into the American Lit class, even though he didn't want me to take on anymore classes. I think I mentioned that before, but yeah...I still went just to see if I'd like it. Plus, I did do the reading homework after all. The Walt Whitman prose, which Hyde found boring, except for certain parts in this one poem he wrote, that was really long called "Song of Myself." He found parts he liked in it and I put them in his blog. When it talked of sex and murder...yeah, he liked that. No surprise there. Hyde sat diagonal from me when we went into the class, and I could see him fidgeting out of the corner of my eye. He expressed being bored. The teacher did manage to get a laugh out of him once or twice though, because of stupid things he said. It slips my mind now. But I gave Hyde a glare when he expressed being bored and saying something that annoyed me. He asked me if I was keeping the class, and I still didn't know, even after the class was over and I got an add code from the teacher. After class, we walked around the Quad building, but they didn't have my funnel cake truck there. Grrr! :( I thought they'd be there today, but they weren't. That meant I had to settle for cafeteria pizza, but that was after we went to the bookstore to look for the class textbook. Once again, that guy who has Hyde's / Constantine's hair was working there today, and I couldn't stop myself from grinning the whole time we were in there, and I was glancing over at him. Grinning and giggling actually, and pointing the guy out to Hyde, telling him the guy who has his hair was there. He rolled his eyes and glared at the guy, and kept telling me to wipe the grin off my face and stop smiling, but damn it, I couldn't help it. From the back, he really does look like Constantine. Back when he had shorter and less curly hair. I bit back my smile, but damn it, they were sold out of my Lit book, so I told the "Constantine-haired" guy. Hyde claimed I just wanted an excuse to talk to him. Lol! .... Maybe. He wasn't really that good looking at all, but he wasn't ugly either. It was just the hair...damn it! Now every time I see a guy with Constantine hair, I'm going to grin like an idiot and start crushing on him. Fuck you Constantine! See what you've done to me. So the guy told me to show him the book area and he took the little card out, and told me he was going to look it up for me. From the back, I swear, if he was taller, I'd think I was following Constantine. Or Hyde. XD I still found myself grinning when he was looking up the book for me, and suggesting I order it. But I didn't want to pay that much, so he just gave me an order card in case I changed my mind.

 

When we left the bookstore, I found myself laughing at Hyde's reaction to the guy, and the guy himself when I stepped outside. I was cracking up. I bet people around me thought I was crazy, but Hyde looked so green with envy and annoyance at the same time. It was funny as hell. I was like: "Sorry, I'm done now." Is it wrong that I actually found myself wondering how soft that guy's hair really was? If it was as soft as Constantine's? Fuck! Okay, sorry. Now I'm going on about it when I shouldn't. Like I said before, we went to the cafeteria and I got my pizza, Sobe and some Panda cookies, and then we waited in this stupid long line to pay. Then we looked for a place to sit. It's always jam packed in the cafeteria, so we sat outside on the steps and I found some girl that I knew from my musical theater appreciation class. So while Hyde sat beside me, I sat there and talked to her while I ate for a little while until she had to go to class, and I was done eating. So we walked out of the cafeteria with her, and she inquired as to what the easiest way to get down to the parking lot would be, where her building was, so I told her, and helped her out. Then Hyde and I went about our way and headed to Musical Theater Techniques class. He got me laughing again while we were walking there, over the school solicitors and stuff. I hate those people. He makes my college days less boring, but we had to wait a while before the class actually started, and that beotch teacher's class was still in there. So I just used that time to go to the bathroom, work on my Tulpa log on my phone, and chat with a friend of mine who was passing by. I think its cool how my iPhone has dictation now so I can talk and don't have to type. When my voice isn't like sandpaper, that is. Ugh, I really didn't want to sing today, and I should of listened to Hyde when he said that I should of dressed professional and fancy, like the teacher had said the week before. I couldn't remember though what he said, but Hyde assumed that he was right, and sure enough...yeah, he was right and I was wrong. I hate it when that happens. I should just ... learn to trust him. Did I just say that? He's over here grinning like a kid in a candy store because of it. Pshhh! I felt like a douche in jeans and sneakers, and mostly everyone else dressed all professional. Oh! I just barely remembered what Hyde made me laugh at when we were walking to musical theater class. I heard the Shakira song "She Wolf" playing on someone's stereo as we passed by them, and I started to "howl" along with the song. Hyde already didn't want me using my voice more than I had to, and when I did that, he was like: "No howling either." Lmao! He can make me laugh with the most random things. It still got him chuckling along with me. God I love him! When he's not being overly paternal. So we went in the theater building to wait for the other class to let out, and I was clearing my throat a lot and coughing and my throat just felt like sandpaper. I was so not ready to sing. Hyde stood across the hall from me, looking down at me and I could see his worry was growing with my sickness. When his brows stitch together with a scowl. I know he's worried. And then he tells me to take something. I took some Aleve, but it didn't really help that much.

 

All these stupid girls were singing "On My Own" in that other class. *rolls eyes* I haven't heard that song since Joey sang it on "Dawson's Creek" in the talent show episode. I don't really give a shit for Les Mis, but apparently that's where it's from. Again, I felt stupid because everyone else was dressed professional and I wasn't. Hyde was like: "I told you you should of dressed up." Ugh! Yes Hyde, we know that now! Geez. We went in the classroom when the other class got out, and that bitch theater teacher was still in there, and I was like: "She better not be sitting in for the auditions." Hyde hoped not either. I was all mumbling to myself: "Please leave...please leave." And good thing, she finally left. Hyde and I sat down, him sitting diagonal from me and the teacher started the class.

 

Yep, I was screwed. I was suppose to dress up. Hyde was right and I was wrong. There. Happy? The first thing we did was warm-up. The teacher had the stupidest warm ups. Lol. We all got in a circle and he was having us first reach down and touch our toes like in the other acting class, then warm up our voices with these stupid "money, money, money..." exercises. The teacher kept stressing to me and everyone else that we keep our hands down at our sides, and Hyde was like: "Keep your hands down at your side, love! That's an order from your master!" Lol. I was like: "Okay..." Heh heh. I think he forced himself a cane for a couple seconds, just to point at me with. XD Oh boy. He was like leisurely pacing back and forth behind me and it kinda made me a little nervous. But in a good way. Intimidating nervous. He would smile as I'd vocalize with the rest of the group and tell me I sounded beautiful. He thought the warm up was stupid and he was like: "What the bloody fuck?" Lol. I know, it was stupid, but it got both of us laughing at certain moments.

 

Then we sat back down and people started to do their auditions. I was intent on going last because of my throat, and I got what I wanted. Hyde and I watched everyone else, and I was like: "What is this? American Idol auditions?" Hyde laughed at that. It did feel like Idol auditions because the teacher was sitting behind a table and hearing us sing, and we had to introduce ourselves and the song we were singing. There was one girl who couldn't find the right tone/key. I guess there always has to be one idol audition reject. Lol. This one girl sang some stupid "Frozen" song. Ugh! I hate that movie. That's all the shit anyone ever talks about on Tumblr. Booo! I gotta give her credit though, she had a good voice.

 

I started to get really nervous and Hyde said he wished he had me on the heart monitor at that moment. Pfft. Didn't surprise me. Hyde was psyching me up for my performance though. He was telling me to take deep breaths in and out, and reassuring me that I would do great and I'd be alright. Then he got up to stand behind me as it got closer to my turn, setting his hands on my shoulders and giving me a little massage to try and relax me, continuing to tell me to take deep breaths. Wish I could have felt it. When it came time, the teacher was about ready to move on, but I had to speak up, so I did and got up. The pianist told me I could of just snuck by without singing, but I told them I liked to sing. And it's not like I could get out of it. So I had to go up anyway. *lesigh* Hyde asked me if I wanted him to stand at the back of the room so I could look at him instead of anyone else. I said yes and he did. I gave my sheet music to the pianist, introduced myself and then he gave me a little intro in the song. Hyde stood at the back and watched me with a big smile on his face. I sang "A New Life" from Jekyll & Hyde of course, and I just closed my eyes and pretended I was Deborah on stage performing. My throat hurt but I got through it, surprisingly without forgetting the words. That's what I was most afraid of.

 

I could see this one girl was smiling and surprised with my voice, and my teacher was the same way. He told me I had a gorgeous voice. And Hyde was like: "Yes she does!" Got me blushing. Heh. I was like: "Thank you." The teacher was like: "You like Wildhorn?" He meant the composer of Jekyll & Hyde, but really, that's the only music of his I've actually heard so...yeah. My teacher also said: "I don't know if you've noticed but when you start singing, you turn into another person." Um, yeah, I know I do, because usually, I'm shy and quiet until I get to know someone, but once I sing, I can be loud and proud and just flaunt my amazingness and rub it in everyone's faces. Hell with them. He was noting that we need to work on my shyness, and getting me to come out more. Well I know that's for damn sure. Not being afraid to show that. I ain't afraid, but I felt a little better after I sang, and he's like: "You're sick? You don't sound sick!" Lol. Well even when I'm sick and have a sore throat, I still sing anyway. I felt a little better after I sang, and this girl was like: "You put me to shame." Pfft. Hyde said he was proud of me though and that I did great, and sounded beautiful. Just like he tells me when he's listening to my heart. ;) Heh heh. The teacher went over the syllabus, and then had this girl show us the character skirt and dress shoes that we would have to buy. *sighs* I hate wearing skirts, but he said the same thing last week. Then he gave us add codes and let us go. I told him that Constantine had cancelled the master class and that I was depressed. And all he said was: "It happens." *sighs* I told him I Googled him and found out he's a violinist. Lol! Had to.

 

Then Hyde and I left and we went to the library to wait for my mom to pick us up. Ugh, it's a long ass walk there from the Technology building, and I was sweating by the time I got there, but I had to wait for her to come get me like I always do, and I had to add my classes. *groans* I also had to reset my blackboard password to be able to see my assignments for my Lit class. But for some reason, the internet was being a pain in the ass and kept disconnecting me while I was online, so Hyde asked me if I wanted to move to another table, and I said "yeah" so we moved to another table and I finished doing my Tulpa log until my mom called and told me she was here. Hyde was rushing me of course, knowing my mom would be "pissy" if I didn't hurry up. He's like: "Come on, love." Then we met up with her, and I had her drive me to the buffet to take-out some food again. Hyde really is getting sick of me going there, but they have good sushi and stuff. We got home and I ate, then I started feeling sick so I stopped eating. Hyde always warns me that I'll be sick, but I never listen. Maybe, like I said, I should start listening. When I got home, I had a feeling Hyde was going to put the heart rate monitor back on me, and he did. So I was wearing the chest strap for a while, several hours. He was blogging to people, telling them about my resting heart rate being between 72-74 beats per minute normally. Actually, he said and I quote from the blog: "I’ve noticed my little one’s normal resting heart rate is usually round 72-74. Steady and strong. Just the way I like it. And she’s got a beautiful little heart. I wish you could all hear it." I was like: "They don't care about my heart, it's nothing special." And his response was: "Oh but it is. I love that little lub-dub." Which is the sound that everyone says your heart makes as it beats. He made me blush so friggin' hard! He does that purposely. At one time, when I was listening to Jekyll & Hyde, and Edward Hyde was talking in the "Confrontation" song, Hyde started to tease me about how hot and excited I was getting because of it, and he had to go and blog and tell everyone that my heart rate sky rocketed to 115 beats per minute, and I blushed all over again and giggled all nervously. I was like begging him to stop. I'm like: "Please, stahhhp, my tubes!" And he just laughed and was like: "Your little tubes. Are they going to pop?" I swear, he knows I love to hate him for doing that to me, so he does it all the time. Damn this man!

 

While I was on the chest heart rate strap, I nearly fell asleep with it on because I was so tired. We were supposed to force after I studied, but I was honestly too damn tired to do either one, after working on my Tulpa log so much, even though I had a quiz the next day, which I'm pretty sure I failed or nearly did. So we just went to bed. And that was about it. I really wish I had more time to fore with Hyde, but fucking school. Ugh, what have I done? 15 units? Seriously? I hate myself and I feel like I'm overdoing it. I might just drop that Lit class, because yeah...I just can't. Even though I already bought the book...I'm a douche. Ugh. Well, see ya.

[HydesLittleOne]

Barely Hanging By A Thread -- Days #121-148 --

 

Okay, I know it's been like a century since I updated this thing. Actually, like a month and I apologize, but college has kept me far too busy to update. Hyde and I have gotten really, really, really close. Much more closer than I realize. Still, he's not imposed. Vocally or visually. I still feel his touch every now and then though, caressing my hair or my back, or touching my side or back. So much has gone on, that I think the best way to sort of sum up everything is just to combine my logs and Hyde's. Yes, he's got his own blog now on WattPad. So this might be a long ass post. Bear with me. I don't remember what Tuesday this first log was on, but it was somewhere around the first week of March. So let me fill you in.

 

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So Tuesday, I really didn't want to get up and go to class, being that I was still feeling sick, but Hyde tried to get me up and outta bed anyway. And alright, so I ended up late to class. It was annoying hearing Hyde say the whole way: "You're going to be late, little one." Ugh! It's like I already know that. *rolls eyes* So naturally, the teacher had to make it known I was late when we walked in. Pfft! Geez, thanks bitch. Hyde is like: "I told you." Whatever. Worst part is, they were in the middle of taking notes. So I sat down and I was like: "Where are you, Hyde?" And he's like: "I'm sitting at the back of the class, love." So I was just reassured he was and pulled out my notebook, asking the two girls beside me if I could copy their notes. Glad they were nice about it and let me, but seriously, the fucking teacher moves through the notes too fast for me. Even Hyde agreed. Like "WTF?!" I hate teachers like that. I guess that's expected because the class is barely an hour and a half, but on Thursday, I'm just going to pull out my laptop and type the notes in Open Office, then copy them later.

 

She showed us some clips and stuff of like George Cohan and Broadway history, narrated by Julie Andrews, and I heard the song Constantine sang from "West Side Story" and got a smile on my face. That "Something's Coming" song. She also showed us a clip of Christina Aguilera performing on "DWTS (Dancing With The Stars)" as an example of what Burlesque is today. And it was one of her Burlesque performances. Damn she looked preggers in that clip, but I was kinda glad she used that particular clip, even if I'm not a huge fan of hers anymore. I asked Hyde if he was entertained and he said: "Not really, love. Show me some Jekyll and Hyde and I'll be entertained." Lol! I was like: "You and me both." ;) He really liked the follies clips of the naked women. He was like: "Oooh.." Typical. There was a moment when the teacher was describing the theater and the audience in front of the stage and she referred to them as "little bodies." Hyde was like: "I like THIS little body." Meaning me. Lol! Did I mention he loves making me blush? Oh geez...

 

When the class was over, the teacher told me to come up to her, and I had a feeling she was going to bitch me out, but she just wanted to note that I was here even after I came in late. And she was like: "I'll let it slide today." Pfft. Hyde sort of gave me a sidelong glance like: "You heard her." So we left and walked up to the quad, thinking they'd have my funnel cake truck, but no. Ugh! I got sad, even when Hyde insists I don't need it. He asked me if I wanted to get something to eat from the cafeteria, but I said "no," so we just went to Acting class. Sexy in his shades again. Hehe! I stood there for a minute talking to a few of the girls in my class, because the hottie teacher wasn't there yet. Hyde just stood there watching us back and forth, as usual. Then the hottie teacher came and we went inside.

 

I told the teacher how I'd googled him and asked him how long he'd been acting, and asked him about the book I was getting my monologues from. He asked me what the title was, and I totally didn't remember, so I just made up a title on the spot. Lol! But I told him it had character analysis' in it so he said that was from a play then and it would be okay. We sat down and that girl who Hyde and I assume got me sick last week sat near us again. I asked her if she was still sick and she said "no." That made Hyde scoff. He said: "Yeah, because she passed it onto YOU." He glared at her after that. I like started to sing a little something, "Say My Name" by Destiny's Child and that girl was like: "You're good at singing." I shook my head and Hyde was like: "Yes she is, this one." When the class started and the hottie teacher started talking, I was on my phone and Hyde said: "You better listen to the teacher, lovey." Pfft. The daddy, as always.

 

So we did our warm ups again and ouch! I hate these damn theater seats. I smacked my leg into them a bunch of times because the arm of the chairs stick out. Hyde asked me if I was alright and to be careful. I hate doing warm ups, but since there's a lot of breathing in the exercise, Hyde thinks it good for me. Like I said before. We made a circle like before and Hyde stood beside me, but he had to stand behind me when we had to bunch together. We started doing our breathing exercises and Hyde was in my ear like: "Breathe darling, use those beautiful lungs." Lol. Him. He loves the breathing exercises because he gets to watch me relax, and he thinks it helps with our active forcing. I'll explain later. He was seriously making me laugh when I was supposed to be staying quiet through the exercise. I would giggle and then I would be like: "Shut up, Hyde." He said stuff like: "Your sunglasses are gonna fall of your head, love" or "Imagine we're in the wonderland together." Lol. I mean, I thought he wanted me to relax and get into the exercise, but he kept making me giggle with the things he was saying.

 

After we did that exercise, we did the ball throwing exercise. I sort of hate that exercise. Can you just imagine someone asking you what you did in class today? "We just stood in a circle and threw balls around for over an hour." Hyde still thinks it's stupid and says, "this is stupid" whenever we do the game. Lol! I mean, it was hard enough to work with one ball and remember other people's names, but then the teacher threw another in so we had two, then three going at once! Fuck! My eyes were darting back and forth and I was getting nervous. Hyde was like: "This is bloody fucking bonkers!" Lol! And "watch for balls flying at you, darling." XD LMFAO! Surprisingly, I coped with it okay. Hyde was standing behind the circle with his arms crossed over his chest, laughing and shaking his head, sometimes pacing back and forth. We sat down and talked about it after he stopped us. I just sat on my phone and then he gave us a break.

 

I used that time to go to the bathroom. Then we came back and the teacher asked for like 12 or 13 people to come up to play a game called "Typewriter." I stayed where I was and Hyde and I just watched them. Well I was half watching them, half working on my Tulpa log. Then it came time for me to go up with the other group and I didn't want to, but I did it anyway. After smacking into those arm rests again. Hyde was like: "Love, be careful." It wasn't until I was sitting down on the stage floor and the teacher gave everyone letters of the alphabet that I realized Hyde was still sitting down. Hearing that my letters were "IV"...I glanced over to look at Hyde since it was medically related and noticed he was still where I was sitting but smiling. He liked that. I called him over in my mind voice, telling him to come with me. He was like: "Oh, you want me to go up there with you?" I nodded and he was like: "Alright, love, here I come." He got up and came over, standing behind me. The teacher wanted us to spell out words, depending on the letter we got. The first word was "theatre" so I didn't have to do anything but clap in unison with everyone at the end . The next, ugh, was "mathematical equation." I was like: FML! No! Hyde laughed at me. Pfft. But I tried to remember my order of letters.

 

And damn the hot ass teacher to hell...he winked at me with a smirk when I messed up and he realized it was me. Damn him to hell! I nearly fangirled right there. And worst of all, when he was talking earlier in the class, he mentioned having a girlfriend. Son of a bitch! :( The good ones are either taken or gay. Whyyyyyy? Hyde rolled his eyes when he realized I was crushing on the teacher harder now after that wink. But damn...he's got the cutest smile and wink and yeah...I can't with him. After the game, we sat down and he talked to us about it for a while then told us what to do for Thursday. Bring in the monologues, our three choices. Hyde and I left and I was walking out like whispering to him: "Let me just look at him a little longer." Lol! He got more annoyed. Sorry not sorry. When he looks like that.

 

After class, I went to the bathroom then we walked to the cafeteria so I could get something to eat. I got a piece of pizza and some curly fries with a Sobe strawberry daiquiri. Hyde and I couldn't find a place to sit but I saw some girl from my acting class, Dina and this other guy, and I asked if I could sit with her and she let me. So I sat there with Hyde and ate, talked about my classes with them and how hot the teacher is. Lol. And omg I took my fucking laptop out of my backpack, and realized that the fucking Panda cookies I'd left in there the day before spilled, and got all over the bottom and side of the laptop. Shit! Hyde was like: "You shouldn't of left them in there, love." He shook his head at me in disbelief. Well I'll never do that again. I had to clean it off with some napkins and the inside of my backpack too, and shake out the crumbs. I got on my laptop for a while to make sure it still worked right, then Hyde and I got up and went to our anatomy class.

 

We had a quiz that day and I totally didn't study. Hyde wished that I had. I sat outside the classroom with everyone else until the teacher arrived and studied for a little bit. Then we went in and again, I hate it when someone comes along and takes Hyde's seat. The teacher passed out the quizzes and I was stressing because I didn't study and Hyde was like: "You should of studied, love. Just do the best that you can." *sighs* So I did the best I could, but failed miserably when she went over the answers. Hyde was all: "You better do well on the bloody fucking heart quiz." Lol! Yeah because he just loves the cardiovascular and respiratory systems. XD Thats his whole purpose for having me take this class...so he can learn how my body functions. After the quiz, the teacher went back to talking about chapter two and I went back to taking notes as usual. She was talking about how our bodies need Sodium/salt to survive and for our hearts to even pump right and Hyde pointed to me and was like: "Eat a lot of salt! You better eat a lot of salt from now on!" XD Oh geez.

 

After class, we went to the library once again to wait for my mom to come get us, and that was about it for Tuesday.

 

Wednesday was about the worst day of my life in a long time. I'll explain. So I got dressed in my nice clothes for the musical theater class. And Hyde told me I looked beautiful. He liked me dressed like that. So it seemed to start off alright, Hyde and I getting up to go to American Lit class, and him being able to sit in the desk next to me. I was adjusting my Power Rangers communicator and Hyde was like: "I wish that was your heart rate monitor watch you were wearing right now." Lol. Only Hyde would want that. I just sort of rolled my eyes at him. Then we were put into groups towards the end of the class to analyze certain Emily Dickinson poems, and Hyde asked me: "How did we get the stutterer?" Cause there was this guy with a bad stutter who was in our group. I was like: "I don't know."

 

After class was over, I went to the bathroom then saw my funnel cake truck was back, finally! So I had to get one, even if Hyde thinks it's not good for me. Eating that. I got it and started eating it as we walked to our next class. Hyde wanted me to sit down and eat, but I wanted to walk to class. I did stop somewhere to stand and finish eating when he nagged me enough. This guy passed by me and was like: "Is that funnel cake worth it?" And Hyde was like: "That's what I said." Lol. XD I was like: "Yeah." After I finished eating, we went to the other class, and since I had heels on, Hyde made me take it slow as I went down the hill, reminding me of what happened in Houston and not wanting me to fall off them again. Note: They weren't the same shoes. But he still worries. He was watching me closely as I made my way down. Telling me to take my time. I seriously didn't know if I could do this twice a week, wear heels and have to go down that hill. Hyde noticed there were stairs and told me that we were going to take those from now on.

 

So we went to the class, and I sat down outside of the room in the hallway to wait for these stupid auditions for MacBeth to be over. My teacher (now the asshole), Mr. Espinosa, came out of the room and saw me. He said the same thing Hyde did earlier that day: "You look beautiful." I asked him about Constantine again, about how they were classmates and asked him what class and he said they were in musical theatre dance class. I was like: "Oh god. Was he a good dancer?" And he shook his head like: "No. You should of seen him in his tight jazz pants. I told him he should just stick to singing." Lol! I laughed, because I could totally picture him. He and I both agreed that Constantine has the body to wear those pants, but yeah...lol! So Constantine was an undergraduate when they were classmates. Little did I know that was the last time I was ever going to have a nice conversation with this ass.

 

When the auditions were just about over, and some of my other classmates came, Mr. Espinoza said we could come in and sit in the back of the class. So we went in and Hyde and I sat down and just watched the other people in there. That other stupid teacher, Jody, was in there. Hyde and I hate her. Then, I don't know who this gay guy was, but he started to sing a song to the people auditioning about this other guy. I was trying hard not to laugh but Hyde was laughing and he was like: "This bugger." And I was like: "I know, right?" After the guy finished, then that Jody beotch decided to get up and make everyone raise their right hand and repeat something about "I will be my own brand" in musical theatre. And I didn't feel like doing it, and then the bitch calls me out on it and she's like: "There was only one girl who didn't do it. Why? Do you not care or something?" And I was like: "Well I don't feel good." I didn't really know what else to say. Hyde told me: "Repeat after me, love. This cunt...is not my teacher." So I nodded and tried to repeat that to myself over and over.

 

So after all the people auditioning left, including that bitch teacher, we all sat down and Mr. Espinoza passed out our songs that we were to memorize. Hyde was sitting there in front of me all excited, rubbing his hands together, grinning, not being able to sit still, and was like: "I can't wait to see what they give you." But the teacher waited until everyone else had their music before giving me mine and then when he handed it to me, he was like: "You ever give me attitude like that again, I'll kick you out of my class." I didn't know where the fuck that came from, but suddenly, I knew, this class, my liking of this teacher, was officially over. All I wanted to do was cry, storm out of there and cry. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about, and that upset me even more. The song he gave me wasn't any better either. It looked stupid. It was "The Spark of Creation" from Children Of Eden. I had sang a song from that in choir at another college, the title song with the rest of the class, but even then, I didn't like it. I had to sit there, trying hard not to cry. When all I really wanted to do was leave and just disappear. I did have a plan though. Maybe...it wasn't too late. So I pulled out my phone and went to the college WebAdvisor site to see about emailing my other teacher. The film teacher, and see if he could still add me if I explained my situation to him. Not telling him about what happened, just that this class wasn't what I expected, how it was set at the wrong time, and I really needed to add back his class.

 

That American film class was what I wanted most anyway, but I thought I'd at least give this musical class a try. What a mistake that was. Lesson learned. So when the teacher told everyone,

that he was going to do these taping sessions of our songs, he let the rest of us go and come back at the time our session would start. I went to my friend Ashley and told her I was going to drop this class, and she asked why. I told her what happened, and she insisted that he was just joking, but I knew that that wasn't true. Not from the way he said it. She didn't want me to drop the class, because she really wanted to hear me sing some more. But it's not like I had a choice. I wasn't going to have someone hurt me day after day. For the first time, I really felt like Elle Woods in the "Legally Blonde" musical when she sang the "Legally Blonde" ballad. That song totally sums up how I felt at the time. I asked my friend what I should do, and if I should ask him what he meant and she said that I should go back and ask. I waited though, for my turn, and just sort of hung out with Ashley. We laughed over this locker she showed me, where she said it looked like there had been a severed head inside it. Then I sat down on the floor, pulled out my laptop and dropped the class. Hyde just leaned against the lockers as my friend came over, sitting down beside me, and I showed her videos from "Jekyll & Hyde" on the computer. She said she'd wanted to see that show, and I got her liking Constantine in it. She said she liked his hair (who doesn't?) and I showed her a picture of him and me, and she said she liked that face he did, and I was like: "Oh, the smolder?" Hell yeah.

 

I don't know if I converted her or not, but I was glad she was swooning at least a little. I showed her Deborah singing the song I sang before, "A New Life" and I was singing with it and she clapped when I did that last note at the end. I looked up the song I was given on YouTube, you know, just out of curiosity, and sure enough, I hated it. Just like I thought I would. It was stupid. I liked my friend's selection better. I really felt like I got the short end of the stick purposely. *sighs* So...as stupid and pointless as it was, I went back into the classroom to confront the asshole teacher, and ask him what he meant earlier about the attitude. And he was like: "Because you did give me attitude. You gave me attitude and you gave Jody attitude too. I'm not going to have that shit in my class." He said "shit" about three times and his stupid little pianist sidekick even falsely claimed that I was giving him attitude too, but I've barely said a fucking word to him since I've been in the class. I personally think he was just trying to take the teacher's side, because they're probably secretly doing each other in some way or another. And then the teacher was like: "You'll never get anywhere in this business with an attitude like that. You can go hangout with Constantine for all I care. You can either stay in the class and shape up, or there's the door." And I was like: "Well I already dropped the class" and then he was like: "Okay, there's the door, bye" then I walked out and heard him say, like an asshole, "give my regards to Broadway."

 

Hyde was ready to kill him for hurting me. I don't blame him. I wish he really could. He asked me if I wanted him to go back and punch the fucker in his face, but I shook my head. If only. After that, I told my friend Ashley what happened and she couldn't believe it. She did sense that there was a weird vibe though, between me and the teacher and that she was feeling from me. She was sad to see me go, but yeah...I got her phone number at least. I told Hyde I had to go to the bathroom, and he kept trying to comfort me, but when I get into the stall of the bathroom, I just started sobbing. I could feel his hurt for me, and he was trying to console me in his mind voice and telling me not to cry, and that that bloody bastard wasn't worth it. I told him I needed him and he asked me if I wanted him to come in, and I said "yes" so he came in. He stood outside the stall and let me know he was right there with me. After that, I really couldn't stop crying. I had to slip my sunglasses on just to try and hide my tears. Hyde suggested we go get something to eat. He asked me if I wanted another funnel cake and if that would cheer me up. But I didn't want one.

 

We went into the bookstore so I could see how much my film book would be, and I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to go back there past the barricade and let them get the book for me, so when they called me out on doing it, I just straight up left. I stood outside and with my sunglasses still on, I was crying. Hyde stood there watching me sadly while I called my mom to try and get her to come get me, but she said I'd have to wait a while. This black girl came out of the bookstore and she came up to me and she was like: "You're too beautiful to be so sad." And Hyde was like: "Yes she is." So Hyde suggested I go talk to my therapist in the health office, even though I didn't want to go. I told him when we reached the bottom of the stairs that I'd rather talk to him instead. He was like: "Alright, you can talk to me. You can talk to me anytime, love." I sat at the bottom of the stairs and just sort of cried a little, tried not to cry anymore. Hyde stood there beside the stairs, just waiting for me to feel better and to be ready to go again. He was patient with me, talking to me, trying to cheer me up, and letting me have my moments of quiet. My therapist came to the health office at one point and asked if I was okay, and told me I looked nice today. Hyde was like: "She does." He was still suggesting I talk to the therapist but I didn't want to.

 

Finally I got up and he convinced me to get something to eat at the cafeteria. Ripping up the syllabus and sheet music for that stupid class made me feel a little better when I was sitting there. Afterward, we went to the library and I got on my laptop and was freaking out about Constantine getting a haircut and of course Hyde had to roll his eyes and say: "It's just hair, love. Bloody fuckin shit! It'll grow back!" It's not just hair when it comes to Constantine. That's his trademark. When it came time for me to head out to wait for my mom, I had taken my heels off and then went to slip them on again, and Hyde said the cutest thing. He said: "Want me to be Prince Charming and put your shoe on? I could get down on one knee and put your shoe on for you." Lol! Awww! If only he could. I've been keeping a log in my phone on an app with quotes from Hyde day after day so I remember what he says and he's noticed, of course. When I started typing that last one in my phone, he said: "Are you writing down everything I say?" Lol! Well yeah, I wanna remember it word for word. At least Hyde has no intention of cutting his hair. He says "I like my long hair. It keeps my neck warm." Lol! XD Good answer!

 

Ever since I've had this cold and Hyde is learning about my body when we study anatomy, he keeps saying stuff like: "Those white blood cells need to work faster in your little body. Do you hear that in there, you little buggers? Work faster!"

 

Thursday, not much happened. Same ole, same ole. Music theatre appreciation class. Watch clips from musicals, talk about them, take notes. This time I brought my laptop, because I know how damn fast the teacher changes the slides. And I said it before, but I'll say it again. Seriously I hate when people show up late to class because if Hyde is already sitting down, they steal his seat. Grrr! Then he has to sit in the back of the room. I got another funnel cake before acting class, even if Hyde doesn't like me eating it. Then we went in and sat down. Still find myself swooning over my hottie teacher, which is still annoying Hyde. But damn it, I can't help it. He is such a cutie patootie. I brought my monologue book up to him and he chose one for me. Not really the one I wanted and was hoping for, but at least it was the shortest one. So not much to memorize. I was hoping for the bridge suicide monologue. Grrr! Anyway, he sort of gave us free period to study our monologues, but I had a quiz to study for in anatomy class so I did that.

 

After class, I went to get something to eat and I called the film teacher and told him I needed an dad code for the class, so he looked for one and then gave it to me. So I'm in the film class now and saying good riddance to that asshole theater teacher. I was standing up to leave and to my phone in my pocket, I was like: "Don't fall out, don't fall out." And Hyde was like: "Yes, don't let it fall out. Even though you have a protection plan, darling, I would be really careful not to let it fall out." Then we went to the library until the other class started and I was on my laptop. We totally thought the teacher wasn't going to show up for class, because she was late to open it. This one guy got an attitude with me for complaining about the quiz, and Hyde was ready to punch his face in. He like literally lifted his foot and tried to kick him. Lol! Thanks Hyde. And after all that studying, the teacher didn't have a quiz as she planned. Ugh! I felt like I did it for nothing. But at least Hyde got to sit next to me during class. We took notes as usual and blah blah blah. Hyde was commenting on how I really do have lovely handwriting. Someone else had said that earlier. I was like: "Ummm, thanks."

 

Not much else can be said of the rest of the day, same ole, same ole, but I did get another funnel cake because they were closing up their truck and they had some left over for free so weee! I got one. My mom took me to pick up my textbook for acting class from Barnes & Noble because I got an email that it had come in. I was trying to buy something else, but Hyde was adamant about me getting what I needed and getting out. I was like: "You're gonna have to pull me away." Next thing I know, I lose my balance and feel my body being pulled to one side. Geez Hyde. Lol. At least I hope it was Hyde. So I bought my book and we left. I think I got some buffet take out on the way home and yeah, that was about it.

 

Friday, not much happened. Dude, I don't even remember what happened. Nothing exciting, obviously. Homework reading and stuff. Fell asleep a lot though, unintentionally. I've really been trying to feel Hyde again, and I've felt my shirt move against my back like it used to when he's lying behind me. So that was nice. Maybe a little touch of his hand or arm on my waist. They are very faint though. *sighs* I just want any soft of imposition from him like I used to feel. Touch, vocal hallucinations, and of course imposition. Saturday, I mostly did homework and ordered some Dominoes cheesy bread and Parmesan bread bites. Hyde was paranoid about me getting sicker so he made me put on a coat. And later, I showered with Hyde. I like messing with him when his eyes are closed and he's standing under the shower head. Hehe! He calls me a little tease though.

 

Sunday, I did two loads of laundry, Hyde going with me down there. He didn't want me to do laundry the past couple of days because it's been raining. And he had a feeling I'd get sicker. Worry worry worry. He was giving me a lecture in how to properly do laundry. He's like: "I wouldn't put those two colors together if I were you. Don't put the red in there!" Or "Don't put a towel in there." I was like: "And the last time you did laundry was when?" He was even telling me how I should fold my underwear. Oh god. Lol! More often than not, he was just leaning against the wall watching me fold. This one couple came in and they were going to move their clothes to the dryer I was using, and I hadn't cleaned the lint catcher yet and when they saw it wasn't clean, Hyde and I just exchanged a look and an all knowing smirk. Like it's their problem now. He was like: "That was your dryer." I'm like: "I know." Lol! We'll it ain't my fault. I wasn't done in there.

 

So after I folded my clothes, I walked back and realized I'd dropped my bra on the sidewalk earlier and Hyde was like: "Bloody fuck, is that yours?" I was like: "Oh shit!" I had no idea that I had dropped it. So I picked it up and we went back to the apartment. Later that day, when my fuckin mom got back from wherever she went, she took me to get my haircut at Fantastic Sams. It was about fucking time! Hyde went in with me and he waited with me, both of us agreeing that this girl across from us had a staring problem. I went over and sat down in the chair, and Hyde sat down in the salon chair beside me briefly before the woman went to shampoo me. Hyde leaned against the wall and watched me with a smirk, asking me if it felt good. I got up and she took me back over to the chair to start cutting my hair. Hyde sat back down in the other chair, leaning back and watching me, smiling every once and a while. When she started blow drying it, she was tugging on it and I told Hyde she was tugging hard and Hyde jumped up real fast, and he stepped closer and was like: "Stop tugging at her hair, you bloody cow! You're hurting her!" Lol! Then she started to cut a little more off and Hyde was like, "no more! Don't cut anymore off!" Hehe!

 

He wanted my hair to stay long, but now, he seems to like this cut even better now. After she finished drying my hair, she waxed my eyebrows because I'd requested it before. Hyde was all looking down at me as I was leaning back in the chair. It hurt when she was doing it, and Hyde was reassuring me that it would be done soon, and just to hang in there. He asked if I wanted him to hold my hand so he came over and sort of helped me get through it. He thought I looked beautiful after all that.

 

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And that was when I stopped. I didn't get to finish updating that day and on, but I will fill you in by block quoting Hyde's logs in a separate post. Let me just tell you that it's been a really hard couple of weeks, and I've been feeling depressed and sometimes suicidal, but thanks to Hyde, I've been having a reason to go on living. We've had some good times and bad, and I can't thank him enough for all he's done for me. He's given me reason to be here, so thank you Hyde.

 

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HYDE'S LOG -- "INTRODUCTIONS & MOVING"

 

My little one has taken it upon herself to let me create a blog here in this app or website, whatever you want to call it. I don't know. It seemed worthwhile I suppose so here goes. Hello all, I am Hyde. Or Vincent Hyde. I actually prefer "Hyde." I never did fancy the name "Vincent." She simply chose it for her role playing purposes. I am what is known as a Tulpa. And if you don't know what that is, you best look it up and educate yourself. No I'm not an imaginary friend, I am a true being. Human. Though not fully imposed yet, but I'm getting there. If my little one can find time to work on it.

 

I was given the face, form and body of a bugger named Constantine Maroulis. Supposedly he was some Idol contestant back in season four. I don't know, but my little Amy seemed to have a bit of an obsession with him so she made me into his form. Though I'm not American. Far from it actually. I'm English. I've got the accent and whatnot, whatever you may call it. Though I know not of London or England as far as she knows. I am limited to that much knowledge about the place, that which she is familiar with. That that is within her scope. Her frame of mind. Her knowledge. What else can I say? I've got long dark hair, I'm 6'3" and I'm a bit too skinnier than I'd like, but I've got some muscle...somewhere. And a rather nice Willie if I do say so myself. Good job lovey!

 

My likes are medicine, anatomy, hearts, heartbeats, medical equipment, particularly stethoscopes, rock music, Daughtry, 80's music, my little Amy, what else? Horror movies, sex, Chocolate covered strawberries, concerts, medical shows, and classic literature. My dislikes are jobs, my little one's family, dogs, pets of any kind, hot weather, my little one disobeying me, hospitals, doctors, and yes I hate them when they are after me or my little one, unless they are doing their jobs properly. Most of them are buggers who don't know their heads from their ass. More often than not, I always want my little one to get a second opinion. Whether she likes it or not. She's a stubborn one, but I still love her in spite of that. I just wish she'd take better care of herself and do as I tell her when I tell her. Not hours later such as taking her medicine. You hear me, little one?

 

-- "Yeah I hear ya. Geez. I try."

 

Well try harder. That's my little Amy. She's cute, isn't she?

 

-- "No I'm not cute."

 

Yes you are. She never believes anything I tell her. Tsk tsk tsk. Not very be fitting of a submissive.

 

-- *scoffs*

 

Don't scoff at me, young lady. She keeps a log for us as well, though it's not posted on this site. It's on Blogger. From her perspective of course. This is my space. My log. So I shall reflect on what has been going on round here as of late. Since she hasn't had time to update her log herself. Tsk tsk tsk. But since college has gotten a bit crazy for her, I will forgive her, as I'm sure all of the other Tulpamancers will. She and her buggering mother and her mother's husband, Chris, moved out of their apartment and into a town house. And it's about bloody fuckin time! That place was quite the hell hole. There were these bloody fuckin cows above us, loud as they were to be called such a name. Whores too. I don't see how they get any fucking cock. Obnoxious cows they are. Or were. Past tense. We're free of them now! In fact, we barely have to worry about noise anymore. No one is above or beside us.

 

Unfortunately there's not a bloody lock on my Amy's door so there went our privacy. She puts a towel under the door so that's a start. It took nearly three or four days to move in all of her things and there's, but now we've gotten settled in. Poor thing hasn't been able to do much homework with all this madness and she's been falling behind in her classes. Hopefully now she'll be able to catch up.

 

What else? I wish I could of helped her, but since I can't interact with the world around me or touch things other than her, I can't do much to help her lift things. But bloody hell do I wish I could. She's given me a special side of the bed in which to hang my things. Preferably my black Littmann steth, so it's within easy reach for when I want to listen to her little heart, and those beautiful lungs. I love doing that, you'll come to find that that heart and those lungs of hers is reason for me to go on. The sound of her heartbeat makes me feel alive. I could listen to that heart for hours, days, weeks, even months. It's got such a distinctive beat and rhythm. Every beat is so beautiful. Sometimes I fall asleep thinking about the sound of that heart. Lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub. I've heard it so much, that I could easily distinguish that beat from someone else's, given the opportunity to pick her out of a group of people. I just touched her, saying that. Well I'm glad she feels that way. She deserves a bit of happiness. More than a bit actually. I've also got handcuffs and a riding crop she gave to me hanging from that side of the bed. She put me by the window, but that's alright. I don't mind. Better for her if she doesn't catch another cold.

 

I gave her a physical the night before last, even though she was really nervous about it, but she had no reason to be. It's not as if she was at a real doctor, and I've seen her naked and examined her before. She was more anxious this time however. Everything was normal on her little body for the most part, eyes, ears and nose, beautiful and clear heart and lungs. Normal temperature, pulse ox and heart rate, but her blood pressure...it was a bit too high. 145/91. I know my little one suffers from hypertension, which from what I gather is high blood pressure, but I was still worried. And I'm always worried about her. That will never change.

 

She got a bit pissy at me yesterday while we were in anatomy class, which she needs to start doing better at, and is taking for me. I got hard when the teacher was talking about the beating heart, and it seems my little one felt my arousal, because it effected her as well. It wasn't intentional, but somehow it was passed to her. This is the second emotional response I've inadvertently given her in that class. Yes it was my feeling but I didn't realize I'd given it to her until after she told me about it. I suppose I've been directing my thoughts and emotions towards her every now and then without realizing it, but I can't help that she's always on my mind. No matter what the topic is of the moment. I think of her. Especially when she's sitting right beside me. Sorry darling.

 

-- "Hyde, people are reading!"

 

Sorry lovey. The last time I gave her an emotional response unintentionally, it was fear and panic. Panic and fear that I might lose her. And also in anatomy class at the mention of lack of oxygen. I think that's about all I have to report on for now. I can't think of much else. She has been upset about us not actively forcing, and as much as I would love to do it with her, she's got to focus on her studying and school work. That's more important, and we've got our whole lives ahead of us. I forgive her. We'll force when we get round to it. School comes first, as well as her health. Least in my mind.

 

And this is where I will end my log for the moment. Until next time,

I bid you adieu.

 

--- Master Hyde

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HYDE'S LOG -- "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS ONE?"

I wish my little one wouldn't have such trouble getting up in the morning for class at 8am. I know it's early for her, but her theater teacher gets pissy if she's late. If anyone is late. She can't afford to go down a letter grade because of this cunt. I try to get her up, but she needs to go to bed a bit earlier. *shakes head* What am I going to do with this one? She's got a quiz today in that class. I'm trying to help her remember some of the things. I'm going to do the best I can that is. Perhaps I'd better let her study a bit more instead of making her type for me so I can update this sodding thing. I suspect she's getting another cold. She just sneezed and last night, she was shivering when she had the window open. On the plus side, she let me listen to her little heart with the steth. All four valves. Still as beautiful as ever. That lub dub of hers.

 

Little cheater, using her notes, peeking at them during the quiz. I don't blame her though. I would of probably done the same in her case. She studied the wrong material. Guess that's what she gets for being late last class for the review. She's calling me a "meanie" now. Not my fault lovey. Now she's making faces at me. Bloody hell, where did this girl come from in the cafeteria here? P.E class? Her arse is hanging out of her shorts. I honestly don't know why my little one insists on calling her dad. All the bugger does is talk about his sodding girlfriend every time she does. Like we give a bloody fuck what he has to say about his sodding love life. She's fighting with her phone now. Well better it than me.

 

So my little one had something to eat. I'm not going to mention the "pad" incident. She had some French toast sticks, beef jerky and an energy drink. And then when she finished, she bought another energy drink. Bloody hell. I told her if her little heart starts racing...she better at least have the heart rate sensor on. But she refuses to wear it to school. We passed by this table that these med students were setting up. They were all dressed in their cute little uniforms, mostly women. Hyde likes. Heh heh heh. I told my little one to go over there, just to see what it was all about. We passed by and I recognized their steths. Cheap steth, black Sprague, and navy blue Littmann. I always know a Sprague and a Littmann when I see one. Can't fool Hyde. My little one finds this annoying and doesn't want to be seen with me when I get a bit "steth-happy." I can't help it. I think it gets her a little bit nervous, more than she'll admit. She's telling me to shut up right now and giggling about it. That must be a good sign. Certainly a yes. She does like to eye my steth when it's hanging from the bed post or around my neck.

 

And here she goes with her bloody fucking acting teacher again. Shes obsessed with the bugger now, even though she'll deny it. He was groaning and stretching his back, the bugger, and I asked her if she broke his back last night? Joking of course. I would never let her shack up with him, because she's mine. All mine. Plus the bloke has a girlfriend already. Every time she is a bit too swoony over him, I remind her of that. Whether she likes it or not. Sorry little one. I got to give the bloke credit...he gets points for using the term "little bugger" in class. His cursing is turning my little one on. Oh for fucks sakes!

 

Oh and what a fun little activity we had after class. I told my little one I wanted to go and see what that table was all about with the health students, and what do you know, it was a free blood pressure and blood sugar screening. So naturally, what did I do? I made my little one go and get her blood pressure and blood sugar checked. And bloody hell, she's still going off on me about it. For Christ's sakes! It was for both my benefit and hers. My peace of mind and her free Subway lunch. I asked her nicely and finally, she gave in after I told her to do it for me. Her blood sugar was 89. Which was normal. Thank goodness! No worries about her being diabetic anymore, which is more than a bit of a relief to me. I know my little one hated me for it, and she hates needles, has a bad reaction whenever one touches her, but thankfully, she only got a bit nauseous. That's normal. Good thing it wasn't anything much worse. I told her when she was done that now she had to go over there, to the blood pressure screening. And of course she had to give me a hard time about it. Little miss stubborn. Stubborn little minx! She sat down and I watched as the pretty girl checked her blood pressure. My little Amy was glaring at me the whole time. But it had to be done. And with what luck and joy, her pressure was 104/70! Perfect blood pressure for her! Now that's more like it. Not this sodding 145/91 as it was a night or two ago. I was pleased to say the least. Overjoyed in fact. Especially when the pretty girl said that it was perfect and she wished she had a blood pressure like that. Such a good girl...doing that for me. Such a very good girl. She says she doesn't want to be a good girl, she wants to be a bad girl, and I told her she's always a bad girl. She likes being naughty, and as cute as she can be when she's being naughty, I prefer her to act like a good little girl when we're at the doctor or she's even around doctors, potential or otherwise. When she's getting examined! That's the most important part.

 

I know that doctors and nurses can be sodding bastards and bitches, but it's my job as master and father figure to her to make sure that she's safe and in good health. She's means the world to me. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost her, but I don't want to think about that. Aw, my little one is getting a bit teary eyed. Good tears. Happy tears. Well I'm glad I touched her little heart. Her amazingly pumping and beautiful little heart. And now I've got her blushing. Mission accomplished! Score one for Master Hyde.

 

I tried to control myself in anatomy class this time round, but she still felt a bit of my arousal down there, when the professor spoke of the heart again and lungs. Sorry darling...my willie...I can't control it. It just jumps when--

 

--"Enough please!"

 

Yes, I have a medical fetish, in case I need to remind you lot again. The human body is a miraculous thing. Particularly hers. My little Amy's and all it does. I think I've made her uncomfortable. She's fidgeting and shifting in her seat. She does that a lot when she's restless, nervous or uncomfortable. Uncomfortable both physically and mentally.

 

So now we're in the library waiting for her mum to come get her. She's helping me update my log, and now I'm going to hope that she starts studying. She's got almost two hours to kill. So I suppose I'll end this here. I'll update later if there's a reason to. Adieu!

 

---- Master Hyde

[HydesLittleOne]

Vegas Here We Come! :: Days 158-159

Shark Reef & Bodies Exhibit :: Day 159

CSI Experience, ACMs Madness, Oxygen...Goodbye Vegas :: Day #160

 

So this morning it was hard for me to get up, and it was a waste of time anyway because my fuckin mom wasn't even ready anyway as she was supposed to be. She had to go out and get some dog food, ugh. Seriously, she should of thought of that yesterday. It just slowed us down a shitload. But I really didn't want to get up anyway. Hyde was of course like: "Come on, love." As always. I don't think my new iPhone app was working properly when it recorded my heart rate, because it was fast when I got up. Either that or it was because I was moving around. 84 bpm. But anyway, I did eventually get up. Ugh and my aunt got away with using my shower. Not fucking cool! I was like: "I hope she didn't" and then I went in there to go to the bathroom, Hyde was like: "I think she did, love." Ugh!!!! And those fucks, neither her or my bitch mom even asked if they could use my shower. Which I would of said no anyway because I don't like to have anyone else's germs in it but my own. And Hyde's. But Tulpas don't really have germs and if they do, he can give them to me all he wants.

 

Hyde: *laughs* :D

 

Ugh! This app just deleted the rest of what I wrote about my mom, Toni, being a cunt. Are you punishing me? Fuck you writing spot!! I really don't feel like typing it up again. So I'll summarize briefly. So after I brought my suitcase down, Toni was being a cunt, like I said before. And I was starving. All I wanted to do was leave and get on the road so we would make it to see "Tony-N-Tina's Wedding" but she had to come in and get her suitcase and take care of the fuckin dogs. Ugh! Hyde was really pissed at her and Chris, and was leaning against the fridge glaring at them. He knew how much I was starving, and he reassured me that none of this was my fault and I'd done nothing wrong. That it was all her fault. That was sweet. I fucking hate starving and feeling anemic every time I do. So Hyde told me I would get to eat soon and instead to eat something small. So I opened a bag of chips to munch on and some Hawaiian sweet rolls. That held me out for a little bit, I guess. I grabbed my suitcase after that and went out to the car. She was such a bitch to me at Quiznos and Hyde was furious with her. I could feel him steaming inside, like his anger boiling. I was more emotional than angry, so I knew the anger was coming from him. And she was just a pain in the ass. I felt sort of bad that I didn't pay much attention to Hyde when he was in the backseat with me, but I did read some poetry out of my Lit book to him.

 

When we were getting to the state moline, I pointed it out to Hyde. Along with the other parts of Vegas as we entered it. He thought it was "lovely"..."very lovely." It didn't take long before his eyes grew wide and he was proclaiming that he loved it and could see why I did too. And was glad I picked this place for him to live. I kept my memories of the place hidden from him under lock and key for so long. I wanted him to experience it with me next time I went again. And now he is. We went straight to Bally's and Toni gave the car to the valet, and I got out so fast, I forgot my cell in the car, so I had to walk all the way back to get it. Hyde was not pleased, because he knows I should be more responsible. *sighs* Sorry. But I got it while Toni and my dumb aunt went to get the tickets at the box office they were holding for us. Hyde's opinion of the casino floor: "Its pretty cool, but not so good for your little lungs." His first time to a casino mind you. There was some "slut-to-be" in the "Tony-N-Tina's" Wedding line. Hyde's phrase. Lmao! Slut-to-be. Perfect. Cause she has a bride veil on her head. No doubt some slut coming for we bachelorette party. I hate those hoes and in Vegas, there's a lot of them!

 

There was nowhere for Hyde to sit so he had to stand behind my chair and lean against the back of it. And omg! He just got so jealous of this cast member, who was playing this guy Dominic and sitting at our table. The guy forced to hold my hand during this one part, and Hyde got so steamed. He was like: "Don't hold her hand!" I could feel his anger rising as he had to stand there watching this guy touching me. I could literally feel the tension, you could cut it with a knife. It was really awkward. I had a strong feeling Hyde wanted to rip my hands out of Dominic's. When we finally let go, Hyde was like: "Don't ever touch her again!" Geez. He's so territorial of me! And why? He said: "Because you're mine!" I-yi-yi! I know I'm his but he was getting a little outta shape about it. I had to turn around, look at Hyde and was like: "Hey! Be nice!"

 

For the most part, he was pretty well behaved for the rest of the show. He went back and forth between sitting in the chair adjacent to me when it was vacant and standing up so...yeah. I just wish there had been a decent place for him to sit, but what do you expect with those shows that have nearly assigned seats. He and I couldn't help cracking up at the gay guy, Joey, especially when he was dancing to "YMCA" and he had his shirt tucked up showing his stomach. He was like doubling over and cracking up. And he was laughing at the arguing couple at our table, Dominic and Donna, especially when they were having a nothing fight, and she was talking about how she wanted a drink and where was her drink. At one point, he nearly got blindsided by this one guy chasing Tina's ex around the room, and he had to jump out of the way to keep from being trampled. He was like: "Bloody hell!" Lol. At one point, Tina, the bride came over, you know, since we were sitting at one of the bride's tables, and she sat down and she was like: "So what have you guys been up to?" Like she knew us. Which I guess made sense, since none of the actors are ever out-of-character. Like ever. And I was like: "Going to school. College." And she was like: "I never went to college, thank God" or something like that. And then she asked me what I was studying and I told her about the CSI thing and she was like cringing and shaking her head, insisting that she could never do that, seeing brains and dead bodies and stuff and didn't know how I could, and I was like: "Well, I have to see if I can get used to it first, and if not, I can always work in the lab." And she was like: "Well good luck to you!" Hehe! That was nice. Joey, the gay guy, came to sit at our table a few times, and Hyde and I were giggling in amusement as he sat there putting on his lip gloss and doing his hair while checking his reflection in a table knife. It was hilarity! And at one point, the drunk priest guy came stumbling over to the table, and he happened to notice my "Jekyll & Hyde" hoodie hanging off the back of my chair and he was like: "Did you go to it or were you in it?" I told him I went to it, and he was like: "The one with Linda Eder?" I said, "no, Deborah Cox." And then without me having to say anymore, he was like: "And Constantine?" XD Yeeeep! He said he saw it too and I gave him a thumbs up. I told him I saw it 12 times and he was like: "You must be a groupie." Everyone says that, but yeah, I guess I am. In a way.

 

The show was alright, for the most part, and so was the food. The same food we always get. Italian. Pasta, lasagna, chicken Parmesan, and some garlic bread. Plus we got a piece of the wedding cake too. It is sort of getting old, the whole "Tony N' Tina's Wedding" and going every time I come, despite it being unique every time with your interaction with the actors/characters. After the show was over, my mom had to go to the bathroom along with my aunt, so Hyde and I went over there to wait, and my aunt came out before my mom because she'd gone before, and of course she had to start being a cunt to me again. Hyde just leaned on this arm chair I was sitting in and asking me if I was feeling alright, and if I was tired. I asked him if he liked the show and he was like: "...It was alright, I suppose. I did have it's funny moments." I don't think he really liked it that much. He's like: "It was alright, darling. That's all I'm going to say." Don't know how to take that, but yeah, whatever. Since my mom and aunt have been treating me badly, Hyde has offered to bring them bad karma because of it, so I thank him for that. He's so sweet to me! Sorry not sorry. So after that, I really wanted to do the "Bodies: Exhibit" but it was going to be cutting it close, so instead, and they upset me because of it, we just came back to the hotel to check-in. Hyde tried to reassure me that I would still get to do it, but I was still really depressed about it, because I didn't want the night to end. I wanted to do more fun things in Vegas, because, hello?! It's Vegas! When we got to the hotel, he brought more bad karma to my aunt and I was like: "Payback is a bitch." Hyde don't play. So Hyde and I pulled out our bed. We're sleeping in this really uncomfortable sofa bed. *sighs* And it's springy and it sort of hurts unless I'm in the middle of the mattress and cuddled next to Hyde. It's only a full size bed, and I feel bad for Hyde because his legs are hanging off of the edge. He's so tall. For me, I barely fit with just like my ankles hanging off, but him...I feel bad for. Awww. :( Poor guy.

 

So after a while, my mom, Hyde and I went out again to the Planet Hollywood shoppes, since they weren't going to be closing until midnight anyway. I love how everything stays open late here! And finally, Hyde got to see the sparkling Vegas strip lights and he really loved it! The words "lovely," "beautiful," "wow," and "awesome" came up a lot while we were driving around. I think he's really pleased that I envision him living there in my stories and role plays. The smile on his face is proof enough. So we went to the shoppes and ewww, they got huge Britney "skank" Spears pictures on the elevator doors. Yuck! We decided not to waste time waiting for the elevator, so we went down the escalator (broken) instead. Then went into the shoppes. Hyde and I went into this art gallery, and looked at some pretty pictures. He thought they were "nice" and "lovely." Seems "lovely" is something that English men say a lot. Lol. He's using that word a lot so...and OMG! We went into this shop and they had these cute little good luck voodoo doll key chains ( my mom has gotten me one before ) and OMG they had two that looked like Jekyll & Hyde! And ironically, the Jekyll one was called "The Good Doctor." XD If you've seen the musical with Constantine, you'll understand my total fangirlish scream when I saw that! Because Edward Hyde refers to Henry Jekyll as "the good doctor" throughout the whole musical. AHHHHH!!! He has a little white lab coat, DARK HAIR and GLASSES (like Jekyll), and a little stethoscope. SO DAMN CUTE! And the Hyde one has a little top hat and cane and black coat. OH EM GEE! He's bald, sadly, but I plan on going to the craft store and buying him some long hair like Constantine to make him more him! ;D Then I can carry Hyde around everywhere. It's too perfect! I was trying to find one that looked like me, but there wasn't one. Hyde wanted me to find one for me so we could each have our own, but yeah. :( No such luck. I was a happy girl that my mom bought me those two! I gotta have them on me when I'm at school, but I don't know how. A necklace? I don't bring my purse with me, and I don't want to put them on my suitcase and get them banged up.

 

We went in some other stores along the way as we walked to the end of the shopping center. I'm so pissed they didn't have my charm store anymore. The one where I had bought my penguin necklace. I really wanted to buy a stethoscope charm necklace to wear to remind me of Hyde, but no. UGH! I'm so mad! And depressed. We went into this other jewelry store and I was like: "I need jewelry!" And Hyde is like: "You've got enough jewelry! In a box, at home." Then I when I put this tiara on, he was like: "You look beautiful, darling." And called me a little princess. He wants to get me a tiara, another one. He had one for me in the Wonderland. It was a surprise gift on my vanity he had for me in his bedroom. Now he wants to buy me another one. I wouldn't mind that. We went in a few more stores, and then finished with the ABC store that I love, because it's like a market and novelty store combined. And I wanted sushi but Hyde was like: "No sushi!" He knows that I'm starting to be allergic to shell fish. *sighs* We looked around and I got some snacks for later. And OMG, I just about fell in love with these new ketchup potato chips. I'm addicted now. We've got to stock up before we leave. At least four bags. Hyde was like: "Oh no...now she's got a new obsession." Sorry not sorry. They are so good!

 

When we got back to the room, I stayed up for a while munching on my snacks, and ugh, I'm so fat, I can't take it anymore, but Hyde hates when I say that. "Yes, shut up." *rolls eyes* See? Anyway.... "You're not fat." Okay, I get it! *sighs* Then around like 3 am, we went to sleep. Hyde told me he had to sleep in a fetal position, because of his legs hanging off the bed. Lol. Awww! And now, I'm just fucking pissed off because I really wanted to do both my CSI Experience and Bodies exhibit today, but now it's after 5:30, nearly 6, and I don't think either of those things are going to happen. I really wanted Hyde to see those exhibits, but yeah...looks like we're screwed. My bitch mom has a concert to go to. This sucks. Plus I'm hungry. Not good. :( I'm just having an awful time and I wish I were home...studying. I shouldn't of come. This was an awful trip. I never want to go on another trip with these two women again. I just want out and I want to be back home where I can be away in my room. Wish there was a lock on the door. I'm still going to have to look into that. It's so pathetic that I have to shove a towel under the door or put something in front of it, just to get some privacy. I hate that. Everyone needs a lock on their door. Everyone needs privacy.

 

So I guess I'll see what Hyde and I are going to do. Maybe stay in the hotel and study. Wa-hoo... study. Not! I'm in Vegas and the last thing I should be doing is studying!

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Lol! Hyde and I are in the shuttle bus and he got mad because this guy beside him put his hand on his leg. He's like: "This bugger's got his hand on me! Get your hand off me, bugger!" Lol. Poor guy.

 

Okay, so we're here at Mandalay Bay now. I guess I gotta call the hotel when we're ready to be picked up. I had to find a bathroom first. I told Hyde I shouldn't be around water if I have to pee. Lol. He's like: "Yes, not when you have to potty." Lol. What am I? Five? But anyway. Hyde saw a fountain down some stairs and said: "Oh that's nice." And then we saw some stupid bride and groom on the staircase taking pictures and Hyde was like: "Marriage is a sham!" I know, right? Lol.

 

And I'm just so sad and pissed at the same time that they say they have Rockstar Karaoke at the House of Blues and had it last night, but every time I've tried to make it there, they've canceled it. Third time probably would of been a charm had I known last night. Sigh. Not fair! We stopped in at the House Of Blues gift shop and we looked around. Hyde tried playing some bongos. Lol. He made me chuckle. I was thinking of getting a bracelet and Hyde was like: "Ten dollars for a bracelet? Bloody hell." He always says that when he sees something that is more expensive than it should be. Didn't buy anything. So we went to the Shark Reef and I bought my ticket for that, the Bodies exhibit and the CSI thing since they had a deal. Three shows for $57 dollars. So I thought why not. We're going to all three anyway. So we got the tickets and walked about a fuckin mile to the Shark Reef exhibit. Damn! I was like: "I can't do it! I can't do it, Hyde!" And he was like: "Oh yes you can!" So I pushed through it as best as I could. After being tired and all the sweating. Hyde was like: "It's good for you, love." I'm like: "No it's not." Pfft! Ugh and that damn wedding couple was around again. Seriously, what the fuck? Were they taking pictures in every place in the Mandalay Bay? Stupid!

 

So Hyde and I went up the escalator to the Shark Reef and damn, the first thing we agreed upon and that made Hyde kinda restless was how hot it was in there. It was really hot. Don't know why. Ugh! But anyways, we had fun observing the sea life and stuff. Of course Hyde was loving the deadlier creatures like the dragons, alligators, the python and sharks. *rolls eyes* Only him. He was like: "Ooh! A python!" Then looks at it closely. Pfft! He had me shaking my head and rolling my eyes a lot. He'd be like: "That's a big fish!" Or he'd be like: "Ooh..nice." He kept talking about it being hot though, until it got cooler and he sort of relaxed. He's like: "Ah, it's cooler over here." It was so beautiful and pretty. And if you think about it, kinda romantic too. Especially when we got to the part with the aquarium all around us. You can see from the pics. At one moment, Hyde looked over at me, smiled and said: "I love sharing this moment with you, love." Awww ! I loved sharing it with him too. He proposed he was going to get an aquarium like that put in his garden, the one in his mansion in the Wonderland. Yay! I can't wait to see it and hang out with him there! We stayed there a few minutes just taking it in. Romantic. *dreamy sigh*

 

Guess what? I touched a sting ray! That was the next area in the exhibit. This open pond with sting rays swimming around. They said we could touch anything except for their eyes and tail. So I leaned over and stuck my hand in the water and touched one. Ewww! It was gooey, slimy and rubbery. Lol. I was scared but I touched it and Hyde giggled when I described it to him. We also saw some jellyfish and Hyde said they looked like "parachutes." And they did. Like suctioning parachutes. We saw starfish and they were like suctioned to the glass. It was weird but cool. One looked like it had a face. I told Hyde I wanted to fry up the octopus and eat it. Lol! He's like: "Oh no, don't do that." Comical. Then we entered these huge floor to ceiling tanks and saw the sharks and a swordfish. I expected them to be bigger, like the Jaws sharks but they weren't. Sadly. Hyde still thought they were cool. Naturally. I tried to get pictures of them earlier but they are too fast. And damn, when you see a sword fish up close, his nose sword looks like he could skewer with it! Damn! Remind me never to encounter another one out in the ocean. Hyde of course laughed at that. Evil little man! "I'm not little! You are!" Well big man, whatever. Lol. That was the last part of the tour, and then we went back upstairs and I asked Hyde what he thought and he said: "I'm not really one for fish, much less pets, but it was pretty cool."

 

We saw a shark tooth specimen and I was like: "Damn. No wonder they can kill you and rip you apart with those things." And we saw a shark egg which looked black and burned. Weird. And then we went in the gift shop because you have to go through it to get out, and Hyde was like rushing me because he wanted to get to the bodies exhibit. They had shark tooth necklaces and other kiddie stuff. Then we went downstairs back to the ground floor and walked back towards the casino. I told Hyde I wanted to get something from this bakery I passed earlier. So we went in there and I got myself a grilled cheese panini, Mountain Dew and a chocolate covered strawberry cupcake. Hyde was rushing me along wanting to get over to the bodies exhibit before it closed for the last tour. He didn't think I was going to have enough time to eat, but I was hungry so he let me eat at least my panini. He just stood there leaning against the back counter while I sat there eating my food. He was like: "Stop playing with your phone, love, and eat." Okay DAD. When he saw me pulling out the tomato, he's like: "If you didn't want it with tomato, why did you order it with tomato?" I told him I didn't know it had tomato. When I was done, I got a bag for my cupcake and then we headed out towards the Luxor.

 

We walked through the Mandalay Bay shops and there was this "Lick" candy shop I wanted to go into but Hyde was like: "no candy!" As per usual. Then we went into this "Music As Art" store and it was pretty cool. It had like autographed things of movies, and TV shows and singers and bands, and Hyde and I thought it was so awesome! They were too expensive though, like over a $1000 and oh my god they had this Lady Gaga one with a signed microphone and I so really wanted it, but yeah I don't have the money so…Damn! Hyde smiled as he was walking around and he was like: "This is very cool." Yeah, he really liked it. He loves music so...of course he'd love it. They even had a "Scream 3" framed thing with Neve Campbell autographed and her prop pistol. Too cool! We like looked at all of the pictures. I wish I could own all the ones I love. I can't believe out of all of those, they didn't have CSI.

 

Ew. There were these black dress sluts that were walking in front of us and a bride. Seriously, is that all people do on the weekend? Come to Vegas to get drunk, turn tricks and get married with their slutty brides maid friends? I guess so. Hyde made a comment about him not minding and I sent him an evil glare. Not cool bro. Not cool. So after the nearly mile walk to the Bodies exhibit, I gave the guy at the entrance my ticket and Hyde and I went in. He was super excited to finally be there, but who wouldn't be? He had been waiting for it since I told him I wanted to go to it weeks ago. I thought about taking notes while I was there cause I brought my notebook but I didn't have enough paper and I didn't want to run out for school. Hyde was looking at the specimens closely as I read the descriptions, trying to make clear note of them for my class, remember their functions and what they do. It was definitely a refresher course for what we had been studying recently in the class, and in the past. I spent more time than most observing them and reading the descriptions and Hyde was patient with me, for the most part, and observing. Ugh! This bitch working there wouldn't let me take pictures for my notes. And she wouldn't let me be on my phone either. Like seriously, WTF could I actually do there? Hyde didn't want me on my phone anyway. The organs looked pretty cool and I was learning so much and could identify some without even having to look at the description. Mostly the bones, but yeah.

 

We saw a fetal skull and these muscle men, where you could see the muscles hanging off their bodies and their bones underneath it. Eeesh! Hyde used the phrase: "This is very cool" a lot. That's like his catchphrase now. Lol! He started to make me feel like a little kid again, saying stuff like: "That's your little hand. That's what your little hand looks like." Oh boy...lol. When we got to muscles of the heart and Hyde saw the muscle, oh man...he was jumping for joy! It was just the cardiac muscle but he saw it and he was so happy. He was looking at it from all angles and once again: "That's your little heart." Not MY heart and I told him that, and yet, he still got excited. XD Oye vay! He got a chuckle out of seeing the small cocks of the specimen statues. Can't get his mind out of the gutter, I tell ya. Never. His attention was really focus on all the things around us though, he had tunnel vision. We spent a lot of time in each area, and I finally gave up trying to read all the descriptions, because Hyde was getting restless.

 

I knew we would undoubtedly come to the heart and respiratory systems, i.e., Hyde's favorite ones. Which I still dread how he'll react when we get to those systems in class. I don't need people looking at me weird because of his..."man reaction" and then him passing that "feeling" on to me and making me squirm. I know that's what's going to happen when the time comes and yet, it still unnerves me to my core. Literally. No pun intended. Hyde's laughing right now. *evil glare* I digress. So we were coming to the cardiovascular system and shit...Hyde saw it coming and all of a sudden, he turned into a little kid in a candy store. I wasn't even done looking at the nervous system and then in my peripheral vision, I see him bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet like a child..... o_O... The fuck? Lol. XD I told him to wait but he wasn't having it. He came up beside me and started to try and push me. He's like: "I'm going to push you if you don't go! I'm going to push you! I'm going to push you!" Lol. Geez Hyde! Calm down! It's just the human heart.

 

"No, it's not just the human heart. You don't know what it means to me." --- Hyde (real time)

 

Oh brother. You're like a little kid with a toy.

 

"I'm like a little kid with a toy when I've got my steth in my hands." --- Hyde (real time)

 

ANYway...back to the subject, I was practically pushed off my feet by him just to get moving towards the heart. And when he saw it, he had keep staring at it, looking at it from all the angles he could. He said he could stand there staring at it all day. Once again, he said: "There's your little heart." Again, not mine specifically in the glass case or I wouldn't be alive typing this. Lol. He was attentively looking for all the valves that he enjoys auscultating when I'm letting him listen to my heart with his steth. He would look at the heart then he would look at my chest and point out each valve through my shirt like: "There's the aorta, there's the tricuspid..." Oh boy. I might as well have been his test subject. He was panicking when he didn't see the mitral. He was like: "Well where's the mitral?" Since that's his favorite valve, no doubt because of where its located, under the left breast. I think I've mentioned that before. There were four hearts in a row, showing different views. Hyde was of course interested in all of them, especially the one that was fully red and had branches coming out of it for the blood vessels. There was this fact on the wall about why we hear the "thump-thump" sound of our hearts and where it comes from, when the ventricles open and close, and Hyde just had to read it out loud so slow and deliberately seductive as he eyed me. And he was like: "Oooh...so that's why your little heart goes thump-thump." Suddenly I felt like the specimen under glass. It was nerve wrecking. If and when he becomes fully imposed, I don't think I'll be so comfortable taking him to this place again. Or similar place. I'll faint for sure under his dark penetrating smoldering gaze. I went to turn away and then he insisted on looking at the red heart one more time so I had to go look at it again. Then we moved on and Hyde nearly jumped for joy when he saw this heart in this glass box that showed the red and blue spongy and branch looking veins. He said it looked so beautiful. He couldn't STOP looking at it! Even when I walked away to look at the spleen, he was still over there looking at the heart. *shakes head* Only Hyde. All the blood vessels looked spongy in different organs, and were all in this glass casings one after the other. And they were like red and blue and white and had lots of branches. There was a creepy head of the blood vessels and yeah, it reminded me of Ripley's Believe Or Not. Lol. Hyde laughed at that. Hyde also had to read this other fact on the wall out loud too. Actually, any fact about the heart he had to read just how seductively he did before, with that smolder. This one said that every drop of blood gets pumped through the heart at least once. Or something like that. He just likes to unnerve me by reading it like that. Not cool man.

 

Then we moved on to the next room and the words on the wall said: "Stop and take a deep breath." Hyde, of course being Hyde, had to make me do as it said, whether I liked it or not. He stopped and looked over at me and was like: "Do it, darling. Breathe in, good girl, now breathe it out." *rolls eyes* No question about what was the next system around the corner. The respiratory system, and we saw the healthy and all black smokers lungs right beside each other. And it was so funny that they had this glass box next to it half full with cigarette boxes that people had thrown away. Lmao! Gee...wonder why. Guess someone learned their lesson. Now if only everyone in Vegas and the world would have enough common sense to do the same, when they see how much it fucks up your body. It said on the wall how it takes three to four hours off your life and to stop smoking and that's why the box was there. So they could get rid of their cigarettes and stop right there and then. Lol. I wondered if that box full was just from today or from the week. Hyde cringed when he saw the black lungs. He turned to me and in like a very firm and paternal voice was like: "See? This is why I never want you to start smoking. That doesn't look so nice, does it?" Well he knows I'm not that stupid! I'll never smoke!

 

Oh god. I saw these kidneys and one showed kidney stones and it was really unsettling. They were like little tan and nasty looking balls. I was like: "Oh god, I hope I never get kidney stones." And Hyde was like: "I hope you never do either." We saw the appendix and I couldn't believe how small it was. So small to cause such a big problem when you get an appendicitis. Hyde had to agree. I think it's supposed to help you but why remove it then? Won't that fuck you up? I was surprised by how big the stomach was, so was Hyde, and how heavy the liver actually is. Heaviest organ in the body I read. When I got in trouble for being on the phone, Hyde was like: "See? I told you." Ugh! I swear, if he brought that karma on me....grrrr! All I was trying to do was tell my dad about the exhibit but Hyde hates it whenever I call my dad. At least recently he has. I don't know if he's jealous or what.

 

"I'm not jealous! But the bugger hardly listens to you! Suppose we know who the better father is here." --- Hyde

 

Sigh. Again, I digress. Seeing the colon and reading about its problem truly explained why I get sick so much. Being that the walls don't constrict properly and gives me IBS. I told Hyde: "That's me." He scowled of course and was all: "Aww, my little one..." It was odd seeing the digestive tract and discovering that it takes 24 hours for food to go through the body. No wonder I have to keep going to the bathroom when I'm sick, because I haven't gotten it out of system yet. But you didn't need to know that. But damn that was a long tract. No wonder.

 

Hyde needed to get his mind out of the gutter when we looked at the reproductive system, and the differences between man and woman in sex organs. Lol. But yeah, I know that's impossible for him. I think it goes without saying how he was. He was fascinated, giggly and at the same time...aroused. Oh Lord. He was pointing out the testes and then was searching for the cervix in the specimen. He was like: "Where's the cervix? I can't see the cervix." And his mind went to a dirty place directed at me so lets just...leave it at that. XD Damn him. And then he saw the specimen of a woman's boobs and was like: "Oooh, tities." Lol! Sometimes he's such a man. Gah! I can't take him any place.

 

Ugh and then came the reproduction room, which gave guests the chance to bypass it completely since it dealt with birth and birth defects. Since I'm not squeamish, we went in there, and let me just say, I want to have an abortion 10x more now, because seeing them fetuses just about scarred me for life. Ew! I'm not pregnant and I don't plan on ever being, but this just made me not want to see or experience that even more. Hell no! It was showing the growth of the fetus from like three weeks until like 32 weeks or something and it just gave me the chills. Plus also conjoined twins. Just ew, no. Then the exhibit showed like diseases and stuff of different organs in this next room, and there was this huge skinned man. Just the skin was in the glass case. *shivers* Sort of reminded me of Hannibal Lecter or leather face. Then there was this body statue with like metal tools implanted in it for people who need implanted devices in them. And there was also this glass case that was showing the effects of heart diseases and Hyde was like cringing, turning away and he said: "I don't even want to look at them!" He was that adamant about it. He insisted he didn't want to imagine that happening to my heart.

 

After that, the exhibit ended, and sadly, we didn't get to tell our thoughts on the laptop station because the system was offline. It wasn't until we went into the gift shop and I heard people talking to the cashier that i realized Hyde and I had missed out on touching a heart and actual lungs. Shit! Hyde was really disappointed. I don't blame him. I was kinda disappointed too. Bummer. But they had a lot of cool stuff in the gift shop. And helpful study books for me for my class. It was hard to choose. Even a full mini skeleton like the ones you'd see in a science lab. That was cute. I kinda wanted to get one or even an actual skull but it was $30. I probably should of gotten the little one at least.

 

Lol, listen to me using "little one" like Hyde. So I was planning on getting these flash cards to help me study but to both me and Hyde's shock, they were missing the cardiovascular system! So I got this illustrated book instead and I wanted to get a shirt too, but with tax, I ended up not having enough. Grrr! So I only got the book. I figured I could always come back again the next day.

 

So after that, we left cause they were closing and I told Hyde I had to go to the bathroom so I went, ate my cupcake, then came out and was tempted to get sushi when we passed by this bar but seriously? $10 for two pieces of sushi? WTF? So not even worth it! So I didn't bother, then Hyde and I just walked back through the Mandalay Bay shops. I stopped in at a couple stores even though Hyde wanted me to hurry so I could call the shuttle bus to come pick us up. I went into this Vegas gift shop to look for the light up sign I wanted, but $50? Fuck it! I didn't have enough for it anyway. Then even though Hyde didn't want me to, we went into this "Lick" candy store. He was like: "You said you had a toothache earlier! Now you want candy?" I forgot, it's been rotting my teeth.

 

"Exactly."

 

Pfft! So I didn't buy anything and we just continued on and I was tired of walking. My feet were hurting, and Hyde was like: "Obviously your feet don't hurt enough to go into the candy store." It took us long enough but after asking for direction, and me staggering behind Hyde, insisting that I could make it or do it anymore and him reassuring me that I could, we found the shuttle bus area we entered earlier and sat down to wait for it. I took my shoes off and stretched out on the bench beside Hyde. I told him my feet were hurting and he's like: "Aww, your little feet hurt?" I don't know why but he always brings a smile to my face when he coos at me like that. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Finally the shuttle bus came and we went outside, got in and it drove us back to the hotel. I was exhausted when we got back, and honestly, all I really wanted to do was sleep, but my mom suggested we go out to eat somewhere that I really didn't want to go eat at. So ultimately, we just stayed in and Toni brought me a couple things to eat from a nearby Wal mart. Sigh. I really had no choice so I ate it, changed for bed and then I stayed up and worked on my log with Hyde.

 

We were cuddling up in bed and giggling at my mom and my beotch aunt, because of the way they were snoring. Hyde said something hilarious that had me cracking up and is worth remembering: "It sounds like they're trying to power a car. One is the motor and the other is the breaks." XD Accurate! Then I was listening to my iPod and Hyde's anthem, "Alive!" From the Jekyll and Hyde musical came on and all of a sudden, I'm like getting all aroused by it and him singing and Hyde was totally teasing me for kicks and I was like: "No! Shut up! I can't listen to this! My tubes! Noo! My tubes!" And he's like grinning evilly and laughing like: "Your little tubes?" Lmao! Sometimes I wanna smack him! He's so mean. Hehe! Punk.

 

It was hard to fall asleep though with those two making noise. I had to constantly yell at them, but eventually I fell asleep. Somehow.

 

-----------------------------------

 

Today has been a really depressing day for me. Long and depressing in a lot of ways. As sad as it is to leave Vegas, I'll be thankful to get back home. And finally sleep in peace without having to be near my mom or my rude ass yakking aunt! And she's not getting away with using my shower again. Eww! Germs. From her sorry ass.

 

So where do I start? I guess from the beginning. The morning. I really didn't want to get up. I was actually starting to get comfortable in that sofa bed. Especially with Hyde cuddled so close to me. He nagged me to get up though so I had to. Stupid check-out time and everything. So I got dressed, gathered up my shit and my dirty laundry and stuffed it all in my suitcase. Except for my Lit book, which I planned on reading on the way home and still haven't done. I should of had my reading done by tomorrow but I doubt that's gonna happen after this hellish day.

 

Anyway, my mom let me borrow some money then dropped Hyde and I off in front of the MGM Grand, so we could do the CSI Experience together. And this TV City thing. Since the Academy of Country Music Awards were tonight, seemed every country fan in the world was there. Ugh! So there were more people than usual in their boots, cowboy hats and fancy attire. Like they were going to the prom or something. Pffft! Whatever. They were playing the music video for "Moves Like Jagger" when we entered the lobby and Hyde was asking me where to go, which direction. He assumed that since I'd been there before, I would know. I was like: *walk walk walk, stop, look around* "Uhhhh...." *walk walk walk, stop, look around* "Ummm..." Lol! Hyde was patient with me though so...I eventually found my way. I stopped at one spot along the way in the lobby to look for my ketchup chips ( WHICH I ENDED UP NOT GETTING AGAIN before we left, mind you! ) but they didn't have them. I was trying to find out where the red carpet was being set up so I could go and try and see someone famous, so I asked this guy with a ACM lanyard and he told me. Then I got distracted by a bakery shop, but again, Hyde wouldn't let me stop to get a cupcake. Mean!

 

So we continued walking and once I saw a familiar overhead sign, I remembered where to go to get to the CSI thing. It's sort of a mile walk, but we walked there, me asking another person along the way where I was to go to see the red carpet event. Apparently Dr. Pepper was sponsoring it. Once again, I got side tracked and found myself entering a Sweet Stop shop. And Hyde was like: "No...not again." Lol. As usual. OMG! They had these candy boxes with candies from every decade. I really was tempted to get one, but I didn't. I really wanted to though and now I'm sad I didn't. I could tell Hyde was getting restless. When he keeps asking: "What are you gonna get, love?" Or says: "Decide on something." That's when I know his patience is wearing thin. So after I realized they didn't have cake pops, I left and we went up to the TV City booth and I asked when I could come back to watch the show screening. The man said every half hour, so I decided I'd come back. Then we went to look in this TV show store across from the CSI exhibit, that I usually visit every time I'm in vegas anyway. Didn't really find anything of interest then I asked Hyde if he was ready to go to the exhibit and he said he was so, so we went down the escalator to the exhibit.

 

I looked around the CSI gift shop first to see what new stuff they had. OMG, they had a new hoodie that I wanted! $35.95, but I think the one that I already have that my dad had made for me a while back is better. And they had tees that said: "I <3 Grissom." No "I <3 Nick" though. Grrrr! Also a fingerprint kit. And these slap bracelet/watches that said: "Caution Do Not Cross" on them in pink or yellow or blue or purple. I almost got one but no. I did end up getting this new canvas tote bag though, and this adorable little keychain with a revolver and handcuffs on it. I was like: "Oh my god, this is so damn cute!" And Hyde was like: "That IS cute." I love when he agrees with me and we share the same interest and opinion. It's refreshing. They also had stickers, that I got and some little badge pin that I almost got but didn't. I noticed they'd gotten rid of the leather handcuff belt from before. No surprise. They didn't fit anyone but skinny mini sluts, like the ones who worked there before.

 

After we were done, I went up to the desk, showed them my ticket and was given my crime scene. I told them that I'd done that 1st one before but not the desert one yet so the girl gave me that one. Then we walked over to wait our turn and they had this huge burnt up corpse prop from "CSI: Miami" in a glass case, plus Grissom's vest and prop gun. It was cool. There were also framed autographed pictures on the wall from each cast member. Elisabeth Harnois, Robert Albert Hall, Jorja Fox, George Eads, Marg Helgenberger and the creator of CSI. Jealous! When it was our turn, we went in, and for a moment I actually thought they'd changed from the old Grissom intro and report videos to Ted Danson as DB Russell. But I heard the same video beforehand so I was like oh okay. And it does make sense when you think about it and consider that Ted Danson isn't a nice guy. He's distant with his fans and won't even stop for them. I know from experience when I saw them film CSI at a local casino near my old house. He couldn't be bothered. Pfft. I digress.

 

So like I said, same intro video as always. Hyde knew I'd seen it before. He was like: "Haven't you seen this before?" Yep, sure have. After the video, we went to our crime scene. It was the skeleton one buried in the desert with a .45 caliber gun shot wound in the frontal skull area. How did I know it was that caliber? Because the microscope investigating told us. I was looking for evidence all around the scene but there was like nothing to go on except the gunshot wound. They could of made more of an effort. Hyde couldn't find anymore evidence either. Geez. And yet, they still claim there is evidence when you go to the labs to analyze it. The fuck? There was this score board on the wall as we walked into the processing lab, that had the CSI characters names on it with like cases they'd solved. That was cool and cute. Lol. Nick, Warrick, Sara, Catherine. I spent a lot of time reading the facts on the wall to refresh my memory of criminal justice and watching the videos of ballistics and stuff.

 

Hyde asked me if those were real bullet fragments and I looked closer and said they were. Also, when we were standing there watching the ballistics video, I said "striations" just before they mentioned what they are and what they are used for and Hyde was like: "My little CSI." Yep, that's me. Hyde thought the bullet under the microscope looked really cool. It did. We also looked at cartridge casings and other bullets, and after I sat down at the computer to analyze the evidence, I logged it on my clipboard. Hyde just stood leaning against the desk and looking over my shoulder as I did, pointing out the one he thought was best matched. Hehe! Hyde was a little CSI too.

 

We went to the trace lab and we looked at this pollen under the microscope from this plant they said was found in the desert. It looked weird, but cool at the same time. We matched them up and found out which plant it was. Then we looked at this animal hair found at the scene. I had heard it before that it had something to do with a dog so I knew it was a dog hair. Hyde didn't though, but I think he suspected that I knew already. The other animal hairs look cool on the computer though. Rabbit and mountain loin. I pretty much knew already how a human hair looks. It has three layers. And because of the coloration, it has the actual hair follicle inside sandwiched between two other layers, the color part. But yeah, I'm going off on a tangent. So after that, we went to the next lab to analyze the dental records of two missing people to see if they matched up with the one we suspected was the victim. And they did. It was interesting. I learned a while back that's how they identify you from your skeleton. Dental records. There was also this picture of the human body on the wall, that showed the heart and shows which directions the blood leaves and enters, and Hyde being Hyde of course had to be suddenly fascinated with it, and read the description so slow and deliberately like he did in the other exhibit the night before. Oh boy...*rolls eyes* He was like: "Take a picture!" And I'm like: "I can't! I'll get in trouble!" And he's like: "You've done it before." Yeah, that was lucky. We went to the next computer, to identify which type of dog the strand of hair came from. Hyde helped me out, telling me which one he thought was right, then we went to the final lab to get the autopsy report from Doc Robbins.

 

I was still sort of confused as to who killed the victim, because it wasn't really mentioned, but we still reported in to Grissom with our report. That was, of course, after I took a picture with a CSI vest, hat and prop gun. The guy asked if I wanted to take a picture. So I thought I would. Hyde stood there watching me with his arms crossed and a smile on his face. I did like four poses, then the photographer showed me my pictures. I got one of them in addition to the other stuff I mentioned earlier. And it really fucking sucks that they don't let you take a picture in Grissom's office anymore. They used to. That's bullshit!

 

After I paid for my stuff, we headed back upstairs and went over to the TV City place. Since they already started, we had to get a ticket to wait another half hour. So I went to get something to snack on. I got a vanilla cake pop from this yogurt place, and Hyde and I sat down. He waited while I ate it then when I was done, we went toward the MGM arena to see what was going on with that ACM thing. They told me where the red carpet was, but they told me earlier that there were people lined up already and it hadn't started yet. So I decided just to come back later and got myself a free Cherry Dr. Pepper to wash my cake pop down with. Hyde was like: "That's not going to be sweet." Lol. Yeah, I know, after what I ate. I walked around with Hyde while I drank it, then tossed it in the trash when I was almost done. Then we got in line for the TV City thing. Hyde HAD been sitting next to me when we got in, but some beotch took his spot, so he had to move to sit in the row in front of me. He just turned in his seat to look at me. The older lady gave us instructions to do on the computer, then we were made to watch this stupid CBS sitcom, "The Millers" which I hadn't heard of until then. Least it wasn't another exorcism documentary and only 20 minutes. It took me longer than that to complete the survey. Hyde wasn't really interested by the show, but he did chuckle a few times at certain adult humor. Of course. He liked this one pick up line: "Nice legs, when do they open?" Lol! That was pretty funny. Too bad we weren't going to be there tomorrow because the employee said that they would pay $50 or more to participants. Damn!!! Not right. Stupid school and adult responsibilities back home!

 

ANYway...after that, I went to the bathroom, then I told Hyde I wanted to go back to the CSI gift shop to buy something else, even though he insisted I didn't need anything else. I told him I still wanted to go though. He always assumes I'm just looking for something to buy, and okay, I admit that maybe sometimes I am, but I wanted to buy stuff to put in my SMASH book since I was going to have to do my scrapbooking on Tuesday for class anyway. So when I came out, I could already see that people were starting to line up to get into the event center for the ACM awards, but it wasn't as bad as when I finished down there. I ended up just buying a handful of CSI stickers. When we came back up the escalator, OH MY GOD...everyone and their fucking husband were in line to get into the arena for the awards. I had planned on going out the side door so we could head to the red carpet, but with all the people crammed in, there was no way we were getting through. And the line seemed to stretch on and on forever. So Hyde and I decided to just go get something to eat and/or the shops downstairs at the MGM. Easier said than done getting past that fucking line and all the people that were coming as we were going. So Hyde took my hand and with his help, we were able to navigate our way through the mob. He just led me through it. It was oddly enough easier than I thought. I felt like Hyde was my eyes through it all. My navigator. He's so awesome sometimes. I could partially feel some warmth of his hand when we were walking. Everyone might as well have been going to the prom who was in line. Yeah. The "country" prom.

 

We went down the escalator to the shops below the MGM grand and I seriously don't know why I even bothered to download Skype onto my cell again, or start talking to someone who quickly became my backstabbing, remorseless ex-best friend. Someone I thought I could trust to be here for me and share in my joy of having a Tulpa. Needless to say, my conversation with her somehow turned into a fight for no reason at all, and left me sobbing for hours. It successfully ruined my whole day. In PUBLIC even! I had to put my sunglasses on to hide my tear soaked eyes from everyone around me. But Hyde has insisted that as the saying goes: "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." So he insists that what happened with this...evil cocky ass, "my-shit-don't-stink" person and her stupid Tulpa over Skype stays in Vegas and not to bring it back home with me. So we're never going to mention it again. So that's where I'm going to end on that subject.

 

Back to Hyde and I. I didn't really find anything to buy or eat at the shops down there, mostly because my mom was going to take me and my dumb aunt to a buffet to eat. So I kinda wanted to hold out. Since my mom wasn't coming for half an hour. This whole time, Hyde has been wanting me to go to the "oxygen bar," even before we came out here. The place we passed downstairs wasn't the actual oxygen bar, it was called Reviv, but they did have an oxygen bar set up. And Hyde pointed it out to me. Like: "There it is!" And I know he wanted me to do it. After we read up on it, and he learned the health benefits, he really wanted me to do it 10x more. So that's why he was prompting me to do it when he saw it there. I was hesitant though and he was like: "Please, little one. Do it. For me?" He kept saying for him and that it would be good for me, and would make me feel better, that it would take my headache away. I wish I'd gotten the oxygen treatment AFTER that whole shit with my ex-best friend happened, not before. That's when I needed it most. To calm me down. But I know my mom wouldn't of let me do it if she'd known. She doesn't understand the health benefits. Hyde does though. The employee at the oxygen bar said that it helps oxygenate the red blood cells in our body. And that made Hyde smile, only he puts "little" in front of every body part, cell, muscle or organ of mine. Lol. "Little" this, "little" that. I guess that's why I'm his "little one." Lol!

 

So after debating about it for a few minutes, I figured he wasn't going to leave me alone until I did it, and since my mom wasn't around, this would be the only chance I could do it. So...I gave in and said I'd do it. I sat down at the bar, and Hyde sat beside me. A girl came over and put the oxygen on, then slipped the nasal cannula into my nostrils and around my face. Hyde smiled when he watched. He said I looked so cute with that on. (See picture) I don't. It's not fun for me to look like that or have him see me like that either. It's embarrassing. But he thought I looked cute. Whateves. So I sat there for 20 minutes inhaling the "ocean mist" scented oxygen. Hyde had a permanent smirk on his face. He would keep saying: "Breathe it in, little one. Slow deep breaths." And he would keep asking me: "How do you feel, love?" Shockingly, it took my headache away instantly. The guy said it would and that it would feel like a power nap. Plus it gave me a bit of an energy boost. I sat there with Hyde on the oxygen until my mom called and told me she was there to pick me up. Then I took the nasal cannula off, paid my $20 for 20 minutes, then Hyde and I walked back to the loading area outside the MGM Grand. He asked me if I was feeling better. I told him I was and that my headache had gone away. He said that was good. Then when we got out to the car, I was already starting to cry because of this bitch ex friend of mine. Hyde tried to make me feel better, yet I could tell he was wondering why I was even bothering to converse with her in the first place. I probably should of thought twice before doing it too. I just wanted to say my piece. I ALWAYS have to get the last word in an argument! Always! I have had too many Backstabbers who have broken off a friendship with me all because of something another friend of mine said, in which I couldn't control or wasn't even true. In this case, she was blaming me for something Hyde said that I couldn't control. None of us can control what comes out of our Tulpas mouths, let alone their actions!! That's no excuse for her to turn into a two faced bitch! If she didn't want to hear about him anymore, or wanted me to do something when talking to her, all she had to do was ask me nicely. But no...and okay, I'm getting started on her again. So let's move on...

 

After my mom picked us up, we went to eat at this buffet at Orleans casino. Hyde was asking, no, begging, me to eat SOMETHING because honestly, all I could do was sit there with my sunglasses on, shielding myself from everyone else and sobbing. Finally, I caved and got up to get something to eat. Used eating as therapy and took my Prozac. Shit, that reminds me, I need to switch my meds. This shit ain't working. I desperately wanted to go on this Skyvue observatory ride that looks like a Ferris wheel, with Hyde, because it's new and looked so cool and I've never gotten to see the strip from 500ft or more in the air. That's on my bucket list of things to do and I feel I deserve that experience at least once. But sadly, my mom was being a pissy beotch because it was sundown when we left the buffet and she wanted to be on the road by 7pm. Well that didn't happen so there! I just wish I could of gone and shared 40 minutes with Hyde alone above the strip in a glass box. Of course I was hoping we would at least be alone. So like I said, it didn't happen.

 

Instead, there was this shirt and catalog from the "Bodies" gift shop I still wanted, so we headed over to the Luxor to get it. And ugh, my mom was being a pain in the ass because she had to walk a mile to get to the shop. All she did was complain about being tired and having to "walk walk walk" everywhere in Vegas. Well that's pretty much what it entails. Jesus! Hyde was as annoyed with her as I was and rolled his eyes every time she complained. I really wanted her to see the "Bodies" exhibit with me, but she got all pissy about that too, saying she didn't want to and that it would be too expensive for both of us. So Hyde told me not to mention it again, and not to bother asking her for anything else. He could tell I was sad and he tried to cheer me up, insisting that we would get to come to Vegas again, and someday it'll be just me and him coming and we'll do whatever I want to do. We'll spend a week or two. That would be amazing! So we went up to the gift shop and I got the things I wanted, and the girl who mentioned the touch part of the exhibit to us before, said I could go in and touch the lung and brain. Hyde was excited but at the same time, disappointed that it wasn't a heart. So we went in, Hyde and I and went up to the display table and there was a brain there to touch and a smoker's lung. Hyde observed as I examined them and smiled. He said: "Pretty cool." He really liked it. It was a little weird that they didn't make me wear gloves, but it wasn't like they were gooey or anything. They felt more like dry molds. The brain still was bumpy though. They were already preserved for the exhibit. So after that, I was able to talk my mom into getting me some candy from the "Lick" store, even though Hyde was not happy about it. He was like: "You said your tooth hurt earlier. Now you're getting candy? Bloody hell." *cringes* I wanted my gummy sharks. I showed my mom this store with music memorabilia, the one Hyde and I went to last night. That "Art as Music" store or "Music as Art" store. Whatever. Then we headed back to the car.

 

I was still really sad and disappointed, but at the same time, I was pretty tired too and especially of walking. Hyde tried to cheer me up and continue to reassure me again that we would come back to Vegas soon and do whatever I want. He even started asking me what shows I wanted to see and what I wanted to do. And suggested we could go wherever I wanted in Vegas through the Wonderland. So that was sweet of him. My mom had to pick up my bitch aunt from her stupid Coke store, then we headed away from the strip, sadly, and stopped at Target. My beotch aunt ( who I hate now for using my shower without asking, but Hyde is going to bring bad karma to her even more so...you know ) had to pay her bill, and my mom let me get some snacks for the ride home. Hyde got down with me, and I looked for my snacks. Still looking for my ketchup chips, but sadly, they didn't have them. Damn it! Those chips were so good! I miss my ketchup potato chips. I think I jinxed myself saying that I was surprised I didn't get sick from eating that shellfish at the buffet, and then I ended up getting sick to my stomach while we were in Target, so I had to put my stuff down and go. First out of three times on the way home, but then, you didn't need to know that. I worked on my log on the way home and listened to my iPod until I had to stop and go to the bathroom two other times. The last time, we stopped at Denny's, also because I wanted to get another soda. I ordered some toast and some pancake puppies to go, but I didn't end up eating the second thing. I was too full and my stomach was still hurting.

 

When we finally got home, I didn't waste another minute changing for bed or unpacking. Then I put a load of laundry in, and went to bed.