the wind listens' progress log

[the wind listens]

Day 11

 

I did about half an hour today again. I seem to be doing less and less. But everything I do seems to come in bursts so I'll pick it up again in the future, I'm sure.

 

I was kind of feeling down about this during my session and joked to my tulpa how I might need more encouragement than her. And she was kind and lovely enough to oblige with the strongest purely emotional signal I've gotten from her yet. She seems to be responding to specific things like that more and more, and it feels great when she does.

[the wind listens]

Day 12

 

Another day another half hour. I'm debating with myself whether I should stop making posts unless something significant happens.

 

Today the pressure took a longer time to come, but it did come.

[the wind listens]

Day 13

 

I did an hour of forcing today. I'm trying some different ideas, maybe they'll work out. I'll write about it if they do.

[the wind listens]

Day... 18 I think?

 

There has been no substantial progress, I't slowed down quite a bit now. I'm still pretty bad with visualization but I'm hammering it in again and again, I'll get there sooner or later.

 

My communication with my tulpa is still very basic, very barely beyond acknowledgement of presence in most cases. There are times when something more slips through, though.

 

I think she might have given me a dream one night. I don't really remember it exactly any more, but it seemed like extrapolation on the things I was talking to her about. I remember it felt very nice and encouraging.

 

I'm still reading books, watching movies, playing and listening to music with her, and sometimes she responds to some things. Though the times outside of forcing she responds the most are when I get really deep into daydreams like I always used to do. Feeling her even bumps me out of the daydream plenty of times, which is a shame.

 

I tried getting high once to force, which was a stupid idea because that stuff never agreed with me. But it was worth a try, I guess.

[the wind listens]

Day 19

I tried visualizing in different ways and found there are two distinct ways to do it. I might have even been doing it "wrong" until now.

 

I found that actually pretending I'm seeing those things, moving my eyes behind a blindfold and all, is very different. Harder to do but much more effective. I mostly think that it's more effective because my tulpa seems to think so, or at least I got a pretty big response when I did it that way - even if it wasn't centered on her but on the wonderland, which is interesting.

 

What I was doing before seemed like perfect visualization, and it honestly was perfect in its limited way. Everything I imagined was just right and exact, and everything around it was hazy but the blanks filled themselves. It seems unproductive in retrospect.

[the wind listens]

Well, something amazing was just happening for a few minutes. First I have to explain. I'm a person who has a lot of trouble focusing on one thing, which you probably would have picked up if you read my log here. Because of this I was basically trying a little of everything when it comes to creating a tulpa, mostly ideas I got on this forum. I did much more narration than anything else, but there was one little bit that, in retrospect, showed more promise than I realized.

 

At some point I was thinking how my tulpa possessing a part of my body would be pretty neat and told her to try it out for a bit. It did cause the pressure I consider her attention to shift through different places in my body. But I didn't really think much of it and went on with other things.

 

But earlier, she was moving my right hand for a few minutes. I am completely sure of it. It was amazing. I can still feel her "presence" in my hand. The movement she was doing felt really clumsy and came in jerks and such, but wow, it really was her. Finally something more concrete than a feeling of ache or pleasure somewhere nonspecific, or a vague projected emotion.

 

I was hoping I would be able to hear her talk first but I know we can get much better communication out of this than we had before.

[the wind listens]

My tulpa has been practicing controlling my body for a few hours. She didn't get much better at finely controlling anything, but it seems like she can control many different parts of my body as long as I let her. When she tried moving my right arm it felt more like she simply tensed all of the muscles in it and didn't get anywhere. She can move some of my toes and even my lips as well. She still moves the fingers on my right hand the most, though. I've been trying to get a system of direct yes/no communication going with that but I'm not 100% sure it's working perfectly. At first it might have been but then she just started wildly moving my fingers around. I tried offering a few suggestions as to why and it's most likely because she thinks it's fun.

[the wind listens]

We've actually managed to put together four or so hand symbols for my tulpa to communicate back to me with, all of them on my right hand. Little finger up/down means yes/no, the entire hand spread out means she's upset or angry and a hugging motion by the little and ring fingers means she's happy or affectionate. That last one comes from when she inadvertently hugged my other thumb with the two fingers and I was happy about it, so she strengthened the hug.

 

So it's pretty interesting getting some real feedback from her. Turns out she likes tulpatone much more than I do, or at least thinks it's useful. It took a while of her yelling *no* at me with my fingers to figure that one out. I can also actually ask her about something when I'm having doubts if it's her or not, which is honestly wonderful. Such as if that mumbling I heard in the tulpatone was her. Which it apparently was. I can't really hear what it's saying, it seems like gibberish, but at least I'm sure I'm hearing her for the first time.

 

EDIT

 

Also, she thinks it's funny to wave my fingers in front of my eyes when I'm supporting my head with my palm.

[the wind listens]

We got her movements of my fingers a bit more stable and smooth now, so I wanted her to try writing something on the keyboard. At first there were no real results except gibberish, so I tried getting her to write a name for herself (she still doesn't have one, I still want her to pick one on her own - I just call her sweety). At first something really weird came out, but then I thought, why not just look at the keys and have her respond through moving a finger when I looked at one she wanted. Again something really weird was written. She didn't seem upset that I rejected it though, it must have been different from what she wanted. Then we tried again, and "seeri" came out. I asked her if she meant "sweety" which is written very similarly, or at least the keys are very close together, and she said yes. Though her earlier attempts were obviously a pretty different word. I guess this was just for practice. I hope we can get better soon.

[Chupi]

Then we tried again, and "seeri" came out. I asked her if she meant "sweety" which is written very similarly, or at least the keys are very close together, and she said yes.

 

This is why I assigned mine a tentative name that I'm fine with, with the promise that she can change it if she likes. I worried going in that if I just called her "tulpa", as someone suggested, that she'd get used to it and accept it as her name. Presumably your will choose a name though, either a little later or if you explain to her that "sweety" isn't really a name.

 

Anyway, congrats on getting possession before even the start of speech. This is a first. I also added your description to my possession thread.