I No Longer Walk Alone.

[Gryphon Flight]

April-4-2014

 

Not much to say, but I want to get in to a habit of updating this thing. S'all going quite well. Development of mindvoice is still moving forward, thankfully. Possession remains at a full stand still, I'll need to be searching for some techniques for improvement there as Shira states that she cannot find the physical momentum to lift my body parts. They are 'far heavier than her own.'

 

Discovered today that Shira will match the physical surroundings of the reality plane (gets wet if raining, muddy if walking through mud, etc).

[Gryphon Flight]

April-8-2014

 

Wow, lots going on for me. For starters, I suppose I should mention that I'm a therian and have been 'searching' for myself for about a year. I have spiritual beliefs, though I do believe tulpas to be strictly psychological. I understand that this is a "For Science!" Forum, but I'd prefer my beliefs to not be discredited as they aren't going to change. If you don't want to read about any of this 'spiritual stuff', skip this entry as this will be a prominent focus.

 

A few nights ago during a forcing session with Shira, a new voice came in to my head. Without going in to detail much about what was said to me, I managed a moderately clear visualization of the gruff, raspy male voice, who took the form of a Eurasian Wolf. This wolf explained very much to me, things I shall not share due to personal reasons, but to give the basics, his name is Jasper and he is in essence, me.

 

Being a therian differs for everyone, for me, it was due to being born a wolf. I was born with the soul of Jasper in to my current body. When he realized this was abnormal, he in a sense 'split' his soul in to two. One retained his aspects, one held humanoid characteristics and was the soul that fronted this body. Recently, I managed to reconnect the kindred souls, and now retain both aspects of the wolf half, and the created human half.

 

I won't discuss further Jasper or my therian experiences in this entry, and as little as possible in further. I felt it necessary to make a point of all of this, however, as it plays a large part in our lives. Granted, this is a tulpa forum and a tulpa progress report, and thus, I should put in it the progress of my tulpa. So, back on track.

 

Shira's found joy in the contact of Jasper (Sorry mentioned him again, I'm a liar.) and busies herself much in contact and conversation with him, though she refuses to relay a moderate amount of information given to her back to me for reasons unknown to me. She and Jasper both generally tell me that I'll figure it all out in time.

 

Shira can converse with moderate ease in full sentences now, often needing prompting to go on for much longer than that, however. We've not done further work on possession and are breaking from that in order to place sole focus in her vocalization and parallel processing skills, alongside having so much to do in our lives, it's not a good time to be practicing possession.

 

No further development of an significance need be placed in this PR, I bid you all a fair night.

[Gryphon Flight]

April-12-2014

 

Alright, little more progress has been made due to my being sick. I've just been laying around not forcing for a few days, so, nothing's really going on.

 

We've decided that since Shira can speak reliably now, we're going to dive head-first in to possession. We've tried it a few times before, but it's time we started taking it seriously. I would like to attempt it some time today, and will update this PR with how that goes. Our lives have calmed down enough that I'm contradicting my last update, we now have time to be practicing this.

 

While sick, Shira offered to rid me of my headache. She was successful and the headache was gone within an hour or so. Shortly after, she asked me to relax as much as possible and stated that she would put enough energy forward to help my immune system and, basically, make me feel better. Successful once more, I'm now completely fine. These events took place yesterday and has brought curiosity forward about what else she can do.

[Gryphon Flight]

April-13-2014

 

I suppose that it's worth noting that Shira has changed her form and now bares very little resemblance, despite the same eyes, to her previous gryphon form. Having been about 5 feet tall previously, she has lowered herself to about 1 foot tall. A picture which bares resemblance to her would be this one, which we actually based her off of after a skimming of the internet:

 

 

She's pretty much identical to the image, despite the lack of collar and a more snowy-white colouration. She also lacks the black splotch under the tuft of hair. We went through several form ideas and since it was Shira's wish to change her form, it was easy for me to decide not to weigh in the decision at all. She came to the conclusion of this form after some deliberation, and it suits her well.

 

The change in form came from just boredom of the previous form, according to her.

Shira: I simply changed my form because I was bored, I needed something new. I understood that my previous form was just a placeholder and that was all there was to it. I needed something that suited me, not a fierce predator, but a sweet, young looking animal. This form suits me perfectly and we're both veryhappy with it.

 

Possession has come to absolutely no avail so far. We've read all of the possession guides we could find (there's a surprising lack of those) but we can't seem to make much progress. Ahh well, just keep swimming.

 

As for vocalization, *points to above paragraph from Shira* she's speaking far better than ever now and her voice is moving to sound differently from my own mindvoice. Her vocabulary is eloquent and personality shifting to become her own. Parallel processing is a bit of a challenge still, but it'll all come in time.

[Gryphon Flight]

April-16-2014

 

Shira finds herself able to experience the sense of taste through me stronger than the other senses. She found this whilst I was eating a very sour green apple. She was nearly panicking at the taste and tells me that since then, she's been able to taste through me stronger than ever, now experiencing most foods just as vividly. She seems to find scent the most difficult, probably because it's the sense that I tend to use least as there's no real stimulants for it around here.

 

Possession isn't moving quickly, that's for sure. Though she hasn't been quite able to move my finger yet, she's caused twitches in my hand and we'll take this as some sort of progress. She's also managed to give a numbing sensation in the finger that she concentrates on, we are unsure whether or not this is considered a common occurrence.

 

Vocalization, on the other hand, is moving extremely quickly in comparison. She is able to speak with the utmost eloquence in full sentences and has even made small rants to me. She is opinionated with a high pitched voice that matches her small form. Despite a cute appearance, she is sassy with a very sharp tongue.

 

I had some difficulty visualizing the new form at first, but I'm improving steadily in that area. I can generally see her clearly in my minds eye, though some angles present blurriness or disproportionate limbs. We're working primarily on this lately.

 

More updates to come...

[Raxter]

You've certainly seen now how difficult it can be to imagine something but not necessarily see it. Like the Sun, you can't really look directly at it as much as you just get a "sense" of it. This is a feeling I think extends to tulpas quite a lot and it's probably one of the biggest hurdles you'll face, especially with the form change.

 

Persistance and Practice (the P-P method) is really the only way to break through things like this. Persistence is an omnipotent force, practice makes the method smoother. Just keep at it Gryphon, you got this.

[Gryphon Flight]

You've certainly seen now how difficult it can be to imagine something but not necessarily see it. Like the Sun, you can't really look directly at it as much as you just get a "sense" of it. This is a feeling I think extends to tulpas quite a lot and it's probably one of the biggest hurdles you'll face, especially with the form change.

 

Persistance and Practice (the P-P method) is really the only way to break through things like this. Persistence is an omnipotent force, practice makes the method smoother. Just keep at it Gryphon, you got this.

 

Thank you very much for the kind and inspiring words, I greatly appreciate them. I will certainly take the advice you've given me to heart, and I wish you the best of luck on your endeavors as well.

[Gryphon Flight]

April-19-2014

 

Possession remains at a standstill. We sit down for a few sessions each day to attempt it, I try to push Shira to go for as long as possible, but the sessions tend to be short as she tires very quickly. Though she has yet to move my finger, I can feel pressure and numbing very strongly where she is concentrating, no breakthroughs yet, but we feel it coming. I will try giving her a task to do which involves an easier movement of my finger to see if she is more motivated to try that.

 

The other night during an active forcing session, Shira's voice began to waver. It would go to a loud, HD clear mindvoice to a mindvoice that was so quiet it was as if she were whispering. I had never heard anything like it when talking to her, but it was almost like a radio with very bad connection. Though I attempted to focus harder when her voice went loud, I failed and it wavered quite a lot. I couldn't control it enough to keep hearing it loud. Shira states that she didn't speak anywhere out of the ordinary during this. I will attempt to bring back that sensation during the next forcing session. Any tips on keeping it loud or at least as clear as it was would be greatly appreciated.

 

I am now able to visualize her with ease, though it's still a bit fuzzier than her old gryphon form. I can also impose her presence with great ease and she generally spends more time imposed with me than she does in the wonderland nowadays. I haven't has any luck on sight or sound imposition, granted, I hadn't really put serious effort there yet. We plan to do so after mastering possession of at least the arms and hopefully legs. Full body won't be for a while.

 

We watched Catching Fire last night, Shira's emotions ran high (this was the first movie we'd watched together since she was full vocal/sapient) and she showed great distraught in all of the killing. Nonetheless, she loved the movie, but was very distraught and unsettled, often turning away from the screen during the games.

 

Easter is tomorrow and Shira and I will do something to celebrate. We think it would be fun to have an old-fashioned egg hunt in the wonderland, so we'll likely do that after visiting family tomorrow. We're both excited and have been planning this for a few days now. Shira's exceptionally excited as this is the first holiday we'll be truly spending together.

 

I think that's all, for now.

[Gryphon Flight]

April-24-2014

 

Going strong, I suppose. Not much is happening yet, honestly. Shira retains her standstill level of vocality, able to speak with ease in a quiet but distinct mindvoice. I can talk with her very easily nowadays, as if, for the first time, her thoughts are completely separate from mine. I'm able to have full conversations with her in which we can both express our opinions, however much we may agree or disagree with each other. It really is a great feeling, actually, greater than I would ever have imagined.

 

I've been thinking for a while about how to include Shira's POV in PR's lately, it's unfair that I'm always taking the front seat in our shared thread. Rather than use excessively annoying badging and the likes, I've created a blog that will be completely from her POV in her own words with rare occasions of my own opinions. It will be much more bloggy than this PR, I'd rather keep this thread to the point. The blog can be found here: http://shirathetulpa.tumblr.com/

 

Progress wise, it's moving slowly. I've completely moved off of visualization now, no need for us to linger where it's unneeded and it causes extra stress to have yet another thing to worry about. I can see her well enough and I don't plan to start imposition for a while anyway, minus the few times I may mess around with it.

 

Possession. Harder than we had anticipated, that's for sure. Of course, it's only been about a week or so since starting, so I'm not distraught yet. Shira finds herself pretty disappointed when she can't get my finger to lift, though she manages twitches and the like. I can feel her attempts in my hand, the pressure builds as if it were about to explode and it goes pretty numb, despite the fact that there is still a good bit of feeling in it. I can't seem to fully disconnect from my hand.

 

Life is boring right now, school and personal responsibilities doesn't make all of this too much easier, but that's life.

[Gryphon Flight]

April-30-2014

 

Would've updated this earlier but there was really no need. I have a blog to talk about useless stuff, this place is more for what takes priority in tulpamancy for us.

 

Shira's bored. Very bored. She complains about it a lot, and that's understandable. Living in a world like our wonderland, where you can do anything at all really lacks any drive to bypass limits. Basically, in a world without limits, there is no need to work toward surpassing limits. She feels that when she can do anything at all, there's no need to do anything. I've tried reasoning that she could work for stuff and do it the hard way, as if there were limits. She says that it's not the same since she has the knowledge that it's so easy to be rid of those limits. There are not true limits there.

 

This boredom is the reason that we're so focused on possession, it gives her a goal, a boundary that she truly has to work for. She finds great pleasure in this. Speaking of possession, we've not made any further progress. We're still working, and I'm not quite disheartened yet, but Shira's getting pretty frustrated. Nonetheless, we continue to work on this daily in hopes that it will 'click'.

 

Shira's brought the idea of another tulpa on to the table. I slightly feared this. Through the almost four months that I've been tulpaforcing, I was always convinced that I'd be unable to handle two tulpas. I had hoped that she'd feel the same way, but alas, she does not. Now comes an issue. She strongly desires a companion, getting bored when I've not the chance to divide my focus. I am not so sure, it would be so much more stress on my back, and I'm not sure how much of that I can handle. For now, no decisions, but Shira's getting visibly frustrated and the weight of the decision is wearing me down. Honestly, I haven't a clue what to do.

 

I know that I appear selfish. Why should I get to make all of the decisions? I shouldn't, it's horribly unfair to Shira. I just, don't know if I can do it, another tulpa. It's so much more stress, so much more time dividing to make time for forcing. I'll have to come to a decision soon, but as for right now, I'm caught between choices.