A Not So Wonderful Beginning to a Wonderland (escapist tendencies on my part?)

[Teruhi15]

Do you think the French was pulled from things you've forgotten?

Yeah, I studied a lot of languages as a kid, but don't really remember all of them, or what I tried to teach myself~ French was almost definitely among them. I don't know nearly enough to hold a conversation, though!

 

Update #3 (2-27-14;4:30 pm)

So last night, my roommate came home and Tamaki couldn't work on possession as we share a room... Luckily she sleeps in really late, so we were able to work on possession a bit before she woke up.

 

Tamaki and I are also setting a concrete idea of our dreamscape, and when we have it all figured out, we will post a description and a replica of it here. If I can get the Unity engine working on my laptop, I can make a representation of it there, since Minecraft is tedious and kind of unrealistic. I can't draw landscapes or anything, otherwise I'd just draw it up.

 

The main part of this update is to talk about a new tulpa I'm planning. I think her name will be Lilith, or Lily for short, and I want her to be adventurous, cheerful, honest, and motivated. When I say honest I also mean brutally honest, and she will tell someone the absolute truth, at least as she sees it. Of course, she can change her name if she chooses, but it will be easier for me if she has a name for now. I left the traits at 4, since I really want her to form her own personality as well. In fact, if she wants to deviate from the original 4 at some point, I would be fine with that.

 

I will leave her appearance mostly up to her, but I want to start off with a humanoid base with golden eyes and red hair.

 

Upon doing research, I decided to make a playlist (about 2 hours) of music that sounds upbeat, adventurous, and fun to listen to when forcing, so that hopefully it will influence her personality and I don't have to leave it all up to narrating.

 

I want to try a wide variety of techniques, so if you have any that worked particularly well for you, could you let me know in a reply or PM?

[Teruhi15]

So, I guess this is a mini update, though not really an update. Tamaki proved his sentience to me earlier. I mean, I did believe he was sentient before this, but... well... I'll let the conversation speak for itself.

 

Me: (Reading my roommate's conditioner out of boredom)"10.6 fluid ounces for the price of 8.5"? Why decimals? No one likes fractions. I mean, you could round it to 10 and 8. That way, it would be divisible by 2.

Tamaki: ...First off why are you doing math right now?

Me: Well, I'm reading my roommate's conditioner, and I don't get it.

Tamaki: Secondly... why should they be divisible by 2?

Me: Oh, that's because 4 is divisible by 2. Since 4 fluid ounces equals a cup.

Tamaki: You... You do realize that a cup is 8 fluid ounces... Right?

Me: ...........

Tamaki: ......

Me: ...I knew that.

 

...

Just an fyi, I passed college algebra with an A+ my junior year of high school. I just had a moment of passing stupidity, and thought that it might give a few people a laugh.

[Teruhi15]

Update #4 (2-28-14;1:30 pm)

I swear that I won't update this as often once the new term starts. I've had a lot of time lately to spend with Tamaki and I've also been forcing Lilith/Lily almost ever free moment I have... Which is a lot. I've got a busy schedule soon though, so you really shouldn't expect constant, daily updates.

 

So I've been working on imposing Tamaki. I think I can do it considering the fact that when I was younger, I had imposed him and then he faded back into my mind thanks to my damn ignorance. So I'm going to work on that intentionally, along with reverse imposing myself in our dreamscape.

 

As a middle school student, I daydreamed in class, but to the point where my sight, hearing, and touch were all a part of that world. I did it a bit in high school too, which made me miss out a lot on life. But since I could do it then, I want to try and do it now that I'm older and (arguably) wiser.

 

Last night, while forcing Lily, I took her to this ocean in wonderland. We dove in and walked along the bottom because screw physics. I was shocked to find that I could physically feel the sand beneath my feet and the water against my face, without even trying. I felt like I was there, and it was amazing.

 

The main reason we went into the ocean is because I want her to enjoy adventures and exploring so I can go and do stuff with her. Like rock climbing and exploring caves, mind you. Tamaki's a bit safer, though if the expedition isn't dangerous he doesn't mind tagging along. Not very exciting on a trip, that one.

 

Anyways, it went great. The expressions on Lily's face at first was blank when I solidified her form, but underwater she got this look of excited surprise on her face, it's hard to describe it. I felt a rush of joy, and it was just a magical moment in general.

 

Also, as far as possession on Tamaki's end goes, he can move each individual finger now. Maybe in another week or so, I'll have him post an update!

 

That's about it for now,but I'll probably post again either tomorrow or tonight.

[Teruhi15]

Update #5 (3-2-14;8 pm)

Hello everyone!

 

So yesterday Tamaki was really insistent on me joining him in wonderland. Now, I hadn't heard from him in a few hours, other than when I had directly addressed him a few times, so I went along with it out of curiosity. Upon arrival, I found that he had formed this forest that overlooked a lake, with a starry sky stretched above. It was really gorgeous.

 

Basically, Tamaki, Lilith, and I had a picnic under the trees and stars because it's pretty, and also because even though I talk to him and Lilith all the time, it's hard for me to focus on anything with my roommate talking, which she does all the time. My meditation should help with that.

 

I really wish I could spend more time with them, but I just can't focus with interruptions, other than quiet music.

 

Anyways, I've been spending every second I have alone, which isn't as much as it may seem, in wonderland with them. I've been trying to solidify Lilith's personality by doing all sorts of different activities with her, typically exploring as I said before. She isn't yet vocal, but I this interesting guide by Pruria, and it really helped me out a lot. I thought I heard Lilith, quietly, say something yesterday, so I'm optimistic. I'm still going to wait to claim vocality until I can clearly hear her as well as I can hear my own mindvoice and Tamaki's.

 

As far as Tamaki's possession goes, it's pretty well. He typed a word last night, but it was only one word, which took about half an hour and many typos (mostly repeating letters). Great progress there! I'm pretty excited that this is all going so well, though I'm worried that I'm doing something wrong. I don't think so, I mean I've read all the guides and learned as much as I can, but I still feel like it's going a bit too fast. Though I'm probably just overreacting, since tulpamancing typically is a subjective experience.

 

That's about it for this update, and I hope to update again soon!

---

Mini-update

I was debating on whether or not to post this, and was talked into it by Tamaki. I think he just wants to brag, honestly.

 

Anyways, I read this fun thing by Xrynoxel (Helixileh as a Forcing Method), and was immediately interested! I mean, the only game I've played with Tamaki before is Magic: The Gathering... And since I see his cards and he sees mine, it's not much fun. I really like board games, video games, card games, and logic games, so I suggested that we play this almost immediately after I found it. Tamaki agreed, and...

 

He owned me.

 

It was quite sad for a gamer like me, but I guess we do share a brain. Anyways, we had a ton of fun, and my roommate and her boyfriend probably thought I was crazy for laughing at some reason why a certain word should be allowed about every minute or so.

 

If you have questions about the connections we made, go ahead and ask... Though I can't promise either of us will remember every single logical reason we came up with for each word. We had to come to a lot of agreements over whether a word made sense or not.

 

It was fun, and I recommend it to anyone who enjoys logic games~ It can be used for forcing, too, which is mentioned in the link above.

[Teruhi15]

Update #6 (3-4-14;6 pm)

So today, I noticed that Lilith is sort of forming a personality beyond what I had originally planned. She isn't completely vocal yet, but I can sort of know how she's feeling... if that makes any sense at all. I don't really know how to describe it. Basically though, I'm glad that she's becoming her own person, even if it's just subtly.

 

Earlier, though, while reading to her, she rolled her eyes and then tried to run off and go exploring. Of course I followed her and we had a lot of fun, but basically I think she's kind of sassy and bluntly honest about how she feels. At least, that's the general idea that I'm getting.

 

I have absolutely no problem with this. I typically clash with people who are too open about things, but somehow the idea of her being bluntly honest is comforting. That's probably because I admire people for being able to be honest with themselves and others, since I have a hard time with that sort of thing.

 

Anyways, that's all going well. This morning Tamaki and I worked on possession again, and he did a great job with it. I think I'm going to let him just type or something for and hour or two tonight, assuming my roommate doesn't force me to watch depressing movies with her again. I don't want him working too hard though, so I'll be careful to only let him do what he can handle, so nothing like trying to get a high score on Super Hexagon.

 

Also, I don't want my roommate noticing. The situation's pretty sensitive right now... She knows about Tamaki, but everytime I bring him up or try and start a conversation about how she should talk to him a bit or something, she just ignores me and changes the subject. Usually to something sexist.

 

Anyways, before I get into a rant, I'll end the update here. I'll post again soon!

[Teruhi15]

Update #7 (3-5-14;9 pm)

So before I get too far into watching The Hills Run Red, I think a progress report update is needed.

 

First off, Lilith's appearance has deviated slightly. In wonderland today, I saw that she had one golden eye and one green eye, and that her hair had gone from straight to wavy. She also had a slightly darker skin tone than she originally had. Anyways, I found a site in one of the art threads about a pixel-art icon generator thing, and I set to making avatars that look as close to my tulpas as possible. Obviously it's not exact, but until I touch it up on my own, this will be as close as I can get. I do work with pixel art quite a bit, but I'm lazy about some things and have been a bit overwhelmed with life. So a generated piece of art is what you get. The image of them is attached below.

 

Here's the link to the art generator. They also have other generators, like oval face generator and pixel cat generator. Explore it a bit, it's pretty fun~

 

Secondly, Lilith is becoming increasingly vocal! I'm really excited. I won't bore you with what she's actually said, but she's quite... erm... 'blunt'. I believe I've said that before a few times, but it's so damn true. She's brutally honest about everything. While on the subject of vocality, she told me that she wanted to be called Lilith, not Lily, and so the nickname's gone. I accidentally called her Lily once or twice and she completely and utterly ignored me.

 

Next, Tamaki's progress with possession is going great! He is getting better at typing, though since my keyboard is so big he has to move the hands individually to hit 'backspace' and similar keys. These typing sessions usually get him pretty grumpy, but he'll get there soon. I'll wait to let him post until the anger passes, don't worry. It's pretty interesting though, since I rarely see him angry. He finds the most interesting phrases to use, maybe I'll type a few up sometime, just to archive and share as needed.

 

As a side note, I've been saying good morning and good night to both of them everyday, and that's really helped the three of us bond. It also is a way that I can get into the habit of listening to them, even in the wee hours of the morning and night where my brain is still asleep.

 

That's about it for this update, but I'll post again soon!

[Teruhi15]

So I haven't really mentioned this, but I've been letting Tamaki work on forcing Lilith, usually I force once a day and he forces once a day, though he has more time to spend with her than I do because I fail at everything.

 

Anyways, Lilith's pretty interesting. I've discovered that she loves horror movies, in fact they're the only thing that she's sat through patiently and happily so far!

 

Tamaki worked on possession last night, and it was a pretty interesting session. My roommate was sitting right next to me, and our hands were touching because the room is small and we were watching a movie together. Tamaki was ecstatic. He loved the feeling of warmth, and the rest of the night he was quietly content. He didn't even complain about the gore in the movie! That's about all to report there, and it seems almost too personal. But hey, this is my progress report/blog/journal/thing, so I figure it's okay. Very few people read it, anyways.

 

I realize that I haven't really described our wonderland yet, so I'll give a long winded description here. Be warned, I wrote a medium length novel.

 

Wonderland has grown a lot since I formed Lilith, because Tamaki, Lilith, and I have all added things. Basically, the overall look of it is green, grassy fields. There are hills, mountains, and there's one snowy landscape that takes quite a bit of hiking to get to, since I'm the only one who actually likes snow. There's a tiny little log cabin in the snowy area with a fireplace and a bed, but not much else. It's mostly for me to relax and meditate.

 

Somewhere between the hills, mountains, and house, there's an ocean that has a glass dome building beneath it, like one of those underwater aquariums. It's pretty neat, as it's right next to this awesome coral reef.

 

The house itself is right in the middle of everything, and it's a 2-story traditional Japanese style house. Tatami mat floors, paper screen doors, the whole package. The door leads into the living room, which has a door on the opposite side that leads to a narrow hallway.

 

Directly across from it is a door that leads into a kitchen/dining room area. The kitchen is slightly more modern than the rest, but still very Japanese. The dining room has a glass wall to the outside, and there's no door outside. Instead, there's a big opening in the wall with a stone path leading out to an outdoor hot springs on the side/base of a mountain.

 

On the first floor, there's a meditation room with a window that can view the sunset. It has inspirational quotes covering the walls and floor. There's also a room on the first floor with a kotatsu, one of those heated blanket tables. This room also has a counter in one corner where there is tea and tea making equipment.

 

On the second floor, there's two bedrooms, an altar room (I haven't mentioned this before, but I'm Wiccan. And no, I don't sacrifice babies or anything. It's actually quite a peaceful set of beliefs), an office, and a game room. The game room is huge and has both console games and PC games. Because I can. This room also doubles as a movie theater of sorts, with a huge screen on one wall to project the game or movie of choice.

 

One of the bedrooms has a balcony that overlooks the hills, and in the distance you can see a forest made up of all sorts of different trees. That forest has a big, blue lake in the middle of it, which is perfect for swimming. It's really clear and beautiful. There's also an island in the middle of the lake, really tiny though. Big enough for maybe two people to sit and rest. That forest was all Tamaki's idea.

 

There's also a cave that Lilith discovered that leads into this room that holds my memories, or something. I don't know if that's possible, but I guess it is. It's at the base of a mountain by the ocean, and you have to crawl to get through it. I don't know if it's actually my memories or not, but it certainly seems to be. The room is a dome, and it's really futuristic. There's a screen to "watch" memories, though I don't like that this was found. Sometimes, memories should stay buried, at least in my case.

 

Anyways, that's about it. We're constantly adding to it and changing it, but that's what we've got for now~ I'm sorry for the long post, but I wanted to get all this info down somewhere

[Teruhi15]

Time for a mini-update!

 

So basically, I found this thread, which is all about the Meyers-Briggs Type Index, a personality test based on the research/writings/theories of Carl Jung and others. But mostly Jung.

 

Anyways, I don't have enough courage yet to post outside of my PR, plus I want to go into a bit more detail, so I'm posting it here!

 

 

My type: ISTP

Basically, us ISTPs are introverted (obviously), yet have moments of spontaneity. We prefer to be alone. Also, ISTPs are logical thinkers who oftentimes have trouble with empathy. I mean, I can understand logically why a person would feel a certain way, even if I don't agree with their reasoning and can't really empathize. ISTPs also are very calm and cool-headed in crisis situations. We can oftentimes come off as insensitive, however, thanks to not-so-tasteful jokes. I oftentimes will ask if I've offended someone, simply because I can't tell, even in person. It's weird, or so I'm told.

 

Tamaki's: ESFJ

ESFJs love to talk to people. They also are extremely empathetic, and really like sticking to a schedule. Despite this, they oftentimes act on emotions. They love to talk about practical subjects and the lives of others, but if someone shows disinterest about something they love, they can be offended by that. For example in Tamaki's case, if he does something nice for me and I don't have a reaction, like I just can't think of how I'm supposed to react, he automatically assumes I'm mad about something. ESFJs also typically are calm when helping others through an emotional crisis.

 

...

I always did say we were polar opposites. I'm not quite sure how this relationship works as well as it does.

 

The site we took it at can be found here. It claims that it isn't an MBTI, but I think that's mostly for copyright reasons, or so that they can distribute it freely. Trust me, even if it doesn't have that exact label, it's 100% an MBTI, but it goes into a lot more detail.

 

That's all for the mini-update! I hope it was insightful or something.

[Teruhi15]

I'm tired right now, and oddly enough feel like it's time for another update! A tiny one, that is.

 

So I have something I wanted to talk about that happened with Tamaki a while back. I didn't hide it for any reason other than that I don't really know how to talk about personal things very well, even if I come off as calm. It's not all that personal, either. I honestly don't know why I had reservations about posting it.

 

Basically, I was feeling really guilty over how I had treated him before I realized he was a separate consciousness from my own, and a sentient one. He forgives me for it, which really surprised me more than it should have, but I had a hard time forgiving myself. We had a pretty great discussion about it on the 26th or 27th of February (I really should have noted the date), and he said this to me:

 

You know' date=' the past is the past. It's done, and it's gone. There's no getting it back. So why bother trying to "make it right"? Just live your life so that it doesn't happen again.[/quote']

 

That really opened my eyes and helped me get over the guilt. I guess I realized that logically, but somehow emotionally it didn't click until he said what he did.

 

I guess the point of this horribly personal and strange post is that... If you're ever having trouble with something, talking about it helps. Also, your tulpa can give amazing insight into matters that you didn't consider. Listen to them, ask for advice, etc. It's never bad to get a second opinion. At least, that's what I learned.

 

Also I learned that this quote will be going on my wall so that I can see it constantly~

 

I suppose that's all for now, but I'll post again tomorrow if I have anything from the mundane to the complex that I want to discuss!

[Teruhi15]

Update #9 (3-8-14;3 pm)

I'm updating early today since I'm off to a concert/talent show/drag show thing tonight. Also this post is all over the place because pieces of my brain are scattered around in my head and I can't think very well right now. It's one of those kinds of days.

 

Anyways, Lilith is still not entirely vocal, but I can usually get a short (1 or 2 words) sentence out of her if I'm focusing. We decided to go on an epic adventure today in the few hours before we'll be in public. Lilith wanted Tamaki to come too, even though he doesn't really like D&D or RPGs. Well, he doesn't like games that much anyways, besides board games and logic games. Anyways, he agreed to it and we all had a lot of fun.

 

We ventured through a cave fighting off goblins, giant spiders, and other generic cave-dwellers, although Tamaki hid from the spiders and Lilith did most of the fighting.

 

I've also decided on a wonderland form/body for myself. Typically I will choose a different form depending on a lot of different factors (basically a shape shifter I guess), but I have one form that I'm beginning to like more than the others. It isn't completely fleshed out yet, so it's still a work in progress. I've decided on a form that's basically an anthro snake, because I like snakes a lot. There's no clear gender yet, that sorta changes often, but there are white scales covering the sides of "my" face and parts of "my" skin. I don't quite know how to refer to it, since it's me while I'm there. When I'm not, it just sort of... disappears. And no gender pronoun either because the gender is constantly changing and shifting.

 

Possession goes well. I'm going to let Tamaki try and walk soon, and hopefully this body stays intact. That's sorta important. He hasn't quite gotten typing down yet, but yesterday he managed to type in my computer's password and log me in. It took a couple of attempts, but he was really happy about it.

 

I don't really know where to go next for possession. I want him to try full-body possession, but I'm worried that's too much right now. I would prefer to focus on specific limbs first, such as arms and then legs, he's got nearly full control over my arms and hands now yay. I'm more worried than I should be about walking, though. I do trust him, but this body is a clumsy one.

 

Well, the more I trust him the less likely that he'll go crashing into a wall or faceplanting, so I've gotta be optimistic about this. I do believe that he will be just fine and that I will be too, logically I know it will be fine.

 

That's about all for now, but I'll be back sometime soon!