A Not So Wonderful Beginning to a Wonderland (escapist tendencies on my part?)

[Teruhi15]

EDIT: Yay almost done editing! Yeah. Just color coded.

 

Update #24 (4-17-14;1:30 pm)

Here is this week's update! I have an exam Monday that I've been studying for like crazy because it's 1 of 3 exams, and that's all we get graded on all term for this class.

 

Oh, almost forgot, I promised to let Meiko type this update. So here she is.

 

Meiko: I'll take it from here. :)

 

Hm... Well, Melli and I have been switching our mindvoices so that mine is the dominant one! It was something mentioned in a guide we read, and so we thought "why not?". That seems to be working really well! I feel like I have better control of the body now, too. It seems like such a small change, yet it's really helped! Of course, it only lasts while we're both concentrating, boo. That's okay though, we'll get there soon.

 

Oh! And I was able to win a sparring match for the first time! I don't care much for fighting, but I did enjoy winning that. :)

 

Melli: Er... To be more specific, Lilith and Meiko teamed up against me, 2v1 to spar, just for practice. Lilith was the one who actually beat me, Meiko felt too guilty over fighting against me. She landed one hit. A light hit, too.

 

Meiko: ...That's not important.

 

Also, we haven't mentioned this, but we've been forming a 3rd tulpa! Despite being in school, we have a lot of free time and no better way to spend it, I guess. A lot of time has been dedicated to studying, but other than that, we have someone new! We'll keep most of the details a secret for now, but soon we will talk about them. :D

 

I want to say more, but there isn't much more to say... Hm... Well, that's all for now, then!

[Teruhi15]

Update #25 (4-24-14;10 am)

Meiko, for some reason, loves typing these updates so I guess I'm leaving it up to her again.

 

Meiko: Hi everyone! So we truthfully haven't done too much that's new. But, we have decided that I'll be possessing while she's walking around the college campus. There are so many stairs, and it's a big campus, so I get a lot of practice. :) I've gotten a lot better, though I still can't walk very fast. It isn't too hard to get and keep control of the body, or to move it, but there's still a lot of resistance when I try to move too quickly.

 

If you want to know our methods, all Melli does is relax completely. Then, I step in it as if the body were... clothes or something. I said before it's like a mecha, and that's still my preferred method. I've tried others, but none seem to work any better than that. If the host doesn't relax completely, there's a LOT more resistance. So remember that! It's easier on us tulpas if the host is completely relaxed.

 

Hm... Oh, also the group has grown by one member! :D We said that we were forming a new tulpa, and we have been. Emory is his name, although gender wise, pronouns are difficult. Emory is both genders, and says that it's alright for us to use either when referring to him. Ah, well, Emory's an elf and a vegetarian, and believes that all of nature should be respected.

 

As for Lilith, she gets louder by the day! :D This is both good and not so good. I'm glad that she's talking more, but the things she says can be harsh. It doesn't bother Melli, but I still worry.

 

We're all going to spend some time together today, so I'm excited! Melli actively forces a lot, but this will be the first time with all of us in a group actively spending time together. Of course we have conversations with each other throughout the day, but it's out first time with all four of us to go spend time together besides just conversations and commentary. :)

 

Melli: Yep, there you have it. I don't have much to add, but I do want to ask if anyone has any personal experience with switching and possessing. I've read all the guides, and found what I can, but it feels like Meiko and I are just stabbing in the dark, trying to find a method that works. Of course we've had some progress, and I don't expect it to happen overnight. But I don't have any specific method that's consistently worked. Meiko has no problem taking over the body (as long as it isn't for too long), but I can't seem to "reverse impose" my senses into the wonderland. I just detach them from the body, but they don't go anywhere. That sensory deprivation terrified me the first time it happened. Any advice?

 

Other than that, there's really nothing new besides what Meiko's said. So yeah. We'll update next week.

[Teruhi15]

Update #25 (5-1-14;9 am)

So I'm getting pretty sick which means lots of time spent in bed. Perfect time to get some more active forcing in! I tend to spend all day every day passively forcing, and the gang says it's enough, but I still like spending time with them and try to every time I remember or have time to.

 

Something pretty strange happened, and it's already been taken care of. But I was fighting another of those shadows, I try and fight one of them every week, and this one forced its way into my hand. Basically forced me to absorb it. I was feeling pretty weird after that, but I managed to get it out and defeat it for good.

 

I've decided that these shadows represent my fears, my worries, and the dark side of me. Everyone's got one, but we all hide them away. Anyways, if that's the case, I know trying to defeat them all is futile. If I run into one I'll defeat it, but otherwise I just won't mess with them. The more attention I pay to them, the worse it gets.

 

As a funny anecdote, one morning I was sick and struggling to get out of bed and go to class. I had almost decided not to go when Lilith piped up with, "Get your lazy ass up! Sitting in bed all day is stupid." That certainly got me up and awake. I've figured out that she likes to cuss a lot... Not a bad thing, just a surprise. Meiko hates it, and Emory doesn't mind either way. We've got quite an interesting group here.

 

Also, this isn't directly related to my tulpas, but I'm going to chat with my favorite Psychology prof on Monday (she offered to give me a ride home afterwords because she wants to talk to me as well; We're sort of buddies) and I'm going to bring up the idea of tulpas. She's very anti-Freudian, and so I don't think she'll call it DID. As for her views on multiplicity in general, I've heard her say that dissociation can, and does, happen. I dunno if she'll think it's healthy or not, but I do know that I'm almost done with my undergrad and am already planning my thesis for my PhD, which will involve tulpas. I want to scan people's brains when they're in control, when their tulpa is in control, and many other things. I want to see if there's a difference, a way to prove this to the scientific community, once and for all. I'm hoping to see what she thinks of that idea, because I don't know if it'll work. Science is a lot of politics too, unfortunately, and I doubt I'll get funding for something like this. I want to prove that "mind" is separate from "brain", and that there can be many minds residing in one brain healthily.

 

Oh, also I hate the term forcing and the more I use it the more I hate it. I'm not forcing them to do anything, or to change! We just talk, hang out, and their personality develops by being interacted with. So I'm not going to use the term anymore, because I feel like it's a way to make them less like people. And the fact of the matter is, they ARE people. Not some lump of clay to be shaped into what the host wants, and not something you can discard when you get bored.

[Teruhi15]

Update #26 (5-2-14;9:30 am)

WHOA! Two updates in one weekend? Yep!

 

Ah, I've got a massive headache so I'll keep this brief. I'm sort of shaping a switching method, and have been testing it out a bit. Basically, you start off by making a replica of all the sensory input that your body is getting. I do this in what I call the "Virtual Reality Room" in my underground lab in wonderland. So... visualize (and hear, see, smell, taste) everything that the physical body is experiencing.

 

Do it so well that you can experience it (that still picture and all its senses) when your tulpa is moving the body or your eyes are closed.

 

This is the hard part. See, I've only tried once, but I couldn't even see the white of the ceiling with the body's eyes closed. I was in wonderland, but the ceiling was not. It could just be because I can't visualize in 1st person, but that's what I've been working on lately. I can do perfectly well in third person, but as soon as I try and swap that, my vision goes black and it takes all my effort to keep my view in 1st person.

 

Anyways, that's the most difficult part, I think. Because according to the way I think about it, immersing yourself in wonderland is what's so difficult. By doing this, it will help ease you into immersion. Then, slowly and subtley, you can begin to change things around. Colors, sights, feelings. I'll write something more in depth next time, but my head is pounding right now.

 

Hopefully that helps someone! If not, well... That's fine too. I just wanted to write up the method as well as I could for my own sake.

[Teruhi15]

Update #27 (5-3-14;11 pm)

I hate being sick. Welp. Guess it's a productive weekend!

 

Here, look at the things I've made!

 

Er... Yeah. Found a Chibi Maker thing here, and made a picture. In the order of appearance, there is Meiko/Mei (who is currently test driving a kitsune form), Lilith, Emory/Em, and a humanoid version of the form I take in wonderland! Usually I take the form of a male naga with white scales and long white hair. And awesome abs. But these sorts of things have their limits, whereas my imagination does not.

 

 

So for in depth descriptions of what they actually look like, without the silly limited visuals, look no further! I shall describe in detail because I am bored and am too sick to sleep right now. In the order of creation...

 

Meiko/Mei - She (currently; this may or may not be a permanent appearance) has long, flowing blonde hair. It's curly. She's covered in a soft coat of orange fur (though I suppose it's technically red, as the Vulpes vulpes species is her reference;Vulpes vulpes = red fox). Like these foxes, her chest and stomach are covered in white fur;this fur is longer and fluffier than the red fur, though I dunno if that's how red foxes in the wild are. She has 4 tails currently, one for each year she's been alive. That means that, if she keeps this form, then on June... 14th, I think, she'll have a fifth tail. They are red and tipped with white, as are her ears. Her shape is still that of a female human of course, but she's got soft fur and fluffy tails now. Great for cuddling. Her eyes are big, expressive, and purple. She has freckles that are hard to see from far away, and her fur hides them. (So sad, I love her freckles...) Oh, and she wears sundresses typically, though she will wear any dress that she happens to like the look of. She really likes elegant looking things, and she wears a bracelet that I made for her a while back as a make up present after a fight. I have a physical copy of it too, and this may be cheesy (too tired to care blah), but I wear it pretty much constantly.

 

Lilith - She's got bright red hair and is human. Her eyes are each a different color (I forget the term for that). The left is green and the right is golden. She tends to wear tank tops, shorts, yoga pants, basically anything she can move around in easily. Active wear. She's really short and has an extremely slender build, which is good for her because she'd get stuck in all the caves she explores otherwise.

 

Emory/Em - Em is tall and slender, just like the elf that s/he is. (I'll just use he from now on, but Em *is* a hermaphrodite, and doesn't identify with either gender.) He has long, straight, silver hair and light pink eyes. His eyes are narrow, but in a kindly way. Looks sagacious, if I had to use one word for his appearance. He wears a grey tunic with trim around the edges that match his eyes.

 

As for me, I take on the form of a white naga. If you've seen a full grown opal morph corn snake, that's essentially where I've drawn my coloring from. I'm male in my wonderland and... Well, I haven't brought it up because it didn't seem important, but I do identify as male. Blah. Anyways, I have long silver hair, white scales covering the sides of my face, all of my back (and up my sides), and all up my arms. Red eyes. I switch my lower half between human and snake depending on what I need at the time and what's most comfortable at the time. As for clothes, well... With a human lower half I wear shorts.

 

Now, because I want to write more, I'll talk about little quirks I've discovered about each of them.

Music-wise, we've got a lot of diversity; I listen to nearly anything, Mei loves classic rock to death (seriously, don't EVER ask for her favorite Aerosmith song because she'll list all of them by name and start singing them. >.>), Lilith loves pop and punk (if I try and skip an Avril Lavigne song she gives me a massive headache until I go back to it), and Emory is only sated by classical music.

 

As far as food (this one's fun), Lilith will eat anything that's edible, Meiko LOVES steak and burgers and, well, anything that's not vegetables, I don't have a preference and will eat a lot of different things, and finally Emory is a vegetarian. Mealtimes are certainly fun.

 

For religion, I'm Wiccan, Mei is Agnostic, Lilith doesn't care, and Emory is a Druid.

 

Oh, there is one way and one way only (that I know of) to piss off Emory. That would be by messing with nature. The first time I heard him was when there were some kids sitting in a tree pulling the flowers and branches off. He said something to the effect of (and this is paraphrased, of course) "That's horrible, how can they disrespect nature like that! I can't believe it, their parents clearly don't know how to teach them to respect life. If they were my children, they would NOT be doing that!" That was fun. I don't remember exactly what was said, it was far more eloquently said than that and much more anger-filled, but that's the gist of it.

 

To describe each of them in one word only, I'd say that Meiko is gentle, Lilith is bold, and Emory is wise. So we've got quite the interesting bunch here, but every day is a party in this brain.

 

As for our relationships, Meiko and I are in a romantic relationship. Emory and Lilith are in a more... Er... Physical sort of relationship... Walked in on them in the armory, so THAT was fun. Also, during Lilith's creation, Mei and I both spent equal amounts of time with her, and agreed to consider her our daughter. We formed her together, after all, so... Yeah. She's like a kid to me.

 

That's about all I have to say, though I think Emory wants to introduce himself. Proxy time!

 

Emory: Greetings. It is a pleasure to finally be introduced to all of you lovely tulpas and tulpamancers. You may call me Emory, however a few have taken to calling me Em, as it is much more concise and, as it seems, more pleasing to the ear. I prefer to only speak when spoken to, however I felt it necessary to introduce myself "in person", so to speak. If it is advice you seek, or merely a chat, I do occasionally appear on the IRC with one of my other mental companions. It was a pleasure to have this opportunity, however my scribe grows weary and I can hear my darling Lilith calling for me. It seems I must leave you now, so I shall cut my message short. Farewell, and have a most marvelous evening, or whichever time you may be currently experiencing.

 

Melli: And there you have it, that's Emory folks. He has a really dry sense of humor too, though he doesn't use it often.

 

Ah. Well I should probably lay down and try to sleep, because the physical body feels like it's dying. (My roommate called this the death flu;I now see why). Goodnight to anyone who actually reads this, and go spend some time with your tulpa. Stop lurking, start "forcing". (I really need to think of something else to call that, at least on this PR of mine...)

[Teruhi15]

Mini-update! (5-8-14;2 pm)

This isn't my actual update for the weekend, but I was feeling artistic and drew a thing. It's Meiko's current form, and she's really been enjoying it. I think she might stick with it permanently. I'm working on drawing up the other two since it's not fair to just draw one of them. So... Yeah. Expect 2 other crappy pictures today~

 

Also, she DOES have hands, but I'm lazy and can't draw hands to save my life.

 

[Teruhi15]

Update #28 (5-13-14;4:30 pm)

Those drawings of Lilith and Em that I promised you guys? Yeah, that'll still be happening, but not for a while.

 

So, IRL I have this childhood friend. And he's accepting and open-minded, so I thought I'd tell him about Mei, Lilith, and Em. Sent him the link to this site as an icebreaker, and his response is: "Oh, I have a tulpa. :3 Her name's Alicia! Didn't I tell you?" ...No. No dude, you didn't tell me. But hey, it's a pleasant surprise, I honestly find it kind of hilarious. What are the odds, right?

 

Haven't gotten to meet Alicia yet, but it's neat when that stuff works out.

 

Also, I'm male. I hid it because I hide it from everyone IRL (female body and whatnot). Online, I've been using the name "Maelik" for quite some time. "Mel" works too, though I'm not too fond of that one. (Also... "ae" is NOT pronounced the way I thought it was. The Latin pronunciation is different than what I assumed. >.> That was fun to find out.) Just so you guys know. It's no biggie, I just don't want to hide it anymore. Still have to IRL, but meh, that's how it goes.

 

The rest of this is up to Meiko, because I don't really want to say any more right now. It's been a rough week.

 

Meiko: Hello everyone! :D We've been slacking off a bit, to be honest. But, we've also made some great progress! ...If that makes any sense.

 

Basically, since I've got wonderful control over the body now after practicing a ton, we've been working on getting Mel more... Hm... Integrated? Yeah, we've been trying to get Mel more integrated into the wonderland. We have a variety of methods for this. :) In fact, we discovered a new technique last night! But that one still needs practice, so I don't think we'll put it here yet.

 

The main method was already brought up, Mel made a post that was basically entirely about it. Though it was a short post. Hm... We've also been doing little things throughout the day, such as swap our mindvoices so that I'm dominant. There are other things, but all of them are similar to that.

 

That's about all, though. :) I'm sorry that we don't have much to update! We'll do a better job next time, but it's been really difficult lately.

 

Goodbye everyone, until next time! ^^

[Teruhi15]

Update #29 (5-25-24;8:30 am)

Oh boy, let's see if I can remember everything that's worth posting.

 

Alright, so Meiko and I perfected a switching method, but I don't really think I'll be posting it here. Anyways, she was in complete control of the body for an extended period of time, without any input from me. In fact, if I tried to get control back I found I was unable to (though I think that's due to the method we used).

 

Next, I added King Ghidorah (3-headed golden dragon kaiju from Godzilla because I'm now obsessed in the very best way) as an NPC dragon guardian of wonderland. He flies us around, and he is controlled by my thoughts. Telepathy, yay! Since he's not sentient, I don't see any moral issues with that, but if anyone has thoughts on it feel free to discuss in the comments. I like input about stuff like this.

 

I'll be adding the other Godzilla kaiju soon, hopefully, along with the Cthulu alien-god things. I'm also planning to add a horror section to wonderland, because I like scary things. It'll be a cross between gothic themed and Cthulu-esque.

 

Lilith is mad at me for reasons I'm not going to discuss, but we're getting that worked out. I'm giving her some time to herself, and Emory's trying to help her calm down. After a day or so, I'll probably go try and talk to them, but right now I want to let Lilith cool off a bit.

 

I actually have a drawing of Lilith for you guys, but it looks like crap and my phone doesn't want to transfer the picture to my computer for some reason. It keeps freezing everything when I try. I'll get that posted eventually, and a picture of Emory will come in a few days or weeks, I think. Nearly finals weeks, so I have to focus on studying for a bit.

 

In other tulpa-art related news, Meiko is taking over my Psychology notes. I'll just be studying, then I'll realize I've been sketching her for the past hour. Maybe I'll post a few, because they've all turned out really cute.

 

Also, Emory wanted to learn Latin so I went and picked up a really good (but cheap) Latin book, and we're all studying that now. It's not all that hard, and I find that I really like Latin (although my Japanese accent keeps trying to slip in when speaking Latin, and I have to force myself to NOT do that.)

 

I've decided to start doing auditory imposition with Meiko, because I've had her visually imposed in the past but the voice has never been something I've focused on. We don't usually vocally converse, we usually use a mesh of emotions, imagery, ideas, and intention. She's picked a voice she liked, though (it's been in flux for a while, different every day) so we're working on that. Her voice can be heard here,

, and

. Yes we're pulling from anime because it's easiest. In the first clip, it would be the pink haired girl Miyuki who's voice we're borrowing. We thought it was fitting for Meiko, because the voice is cute, mature, and one that I don't see myself getting tired of. Meiko just thinks it suits her, and she likes the sound of it.

 

That's about it I suppose. I'll post some pictures next time for sure.

[Teruhi15]

This isn't really an update or anything, but it's a funny anecdote. At least, Meiko thinks it's hilarious. >.>

 

So basically, she was completely in control of the body for a while, and I was in wonderland for some of that time. Completely unaware of the physical world. She got some music from a friend of mine, and he listens to everything from 80's pop to heavy metal.

 

Mei thought it'd be funny to rename "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley to something inconspicuous, and then put the song into my favorites playlist.

 

...

 

Fast forward to now, 3 days later, and I'm in shock over the fact that my tulpa managed to rickroll me like that. I literally just realized, have my playlist on shuffle and then I heard that dreadful chorus. It's a surprise because this seems uncharacteristic of her. But it is kinda funny, although now I feel the need to get back at her somehow.

[Teruhi15]

Update #30 (5-31-14;8 am)

Over the next few months, we may not update much. Got a lot of life plans that are finally being implemented. When we're all settled in Yokohama next year, I'll probably be back to updating regularly.

 

Here, I'll hand the reigns to Meiko. She enjoys it more, and I don't really want to type right now.

 

Meiko: Hello! :)

 

While on the IRC yesterday, someone posted a link to this and Mel and I are going to write it out to put it on the wall, and do one of these things daily. ^^ He gets bored easily, and I like spending time with him, so it's a win-win. We're adding other things to our list, of course.

 

Oh yeah! Lilith and Mel talked things out, and they've resolved their conflict. What caused it in the first place won't be happening again, either.

 

Emory is content, just kind of doing his own thing. We talk to him once or twice a day, but typically him and Lilith go off on their own and explore. It's alright, but it just means that we don't see much of them.

 

Mel is finally letting me possess again! :D He wanted me to rest for a while, although I think he may have made me rest too long... But that's alright, I'm back and ready to experience all sorts of cool new things!

 

Auditory imposition goes well, though to tell you the truth, we've been a bit lazy about it. Mel is all ready to get up and leave for Japan, so he's getting that set up and it's distracting him. But I'm glad, because he's always wanted to live there. Also, to be perfectly honest, I find it a very beautiful place, with gorgeous trees and flowers. (Although I suppose that has something to do with the fact that we've only ever been to Morioka, in the countryside. I don't know how the cities look.) If a few things must be put on hold for this, then I certainly don't mind! :) Ah, he can hear my voice very clearly in his head and always has been able to, so it's really just a matter of hearing it as a separate voice. We've been working a tiny bit towards that every day, so I'm sure we'll get there soon!

 

Our methods is, basically, that he listens to the voice of the character and cements how one single phrase sounds in his mind. Then, I repeat it (sometimes quite a few times...) and hopefully he hears it as if it's external input. :) We're getting closer! Every day he hears my voice out loud a little bit better and more clearly.

 

Hm... I don't have much else to say. D: Well I can leave it on that note, it seems like a good spot. Bye bye! We'll update soon!

 

Maelik/Mel: ...>.> She said very little of switching. Forgive my little "P.S.", but basically switching is going well. That method we used before won't be used again, however I think I've got another working method that's similar but less of a problem. I'll test it out for a few days and, if it works well, I'll post it here. It focuses on the host getting more integrated into wonderland, and it's sort of an all-or-nothing thing. There's no grey area or in-between like some switching methods we've come across.

 

I think, judging from some difficulty that Meiko had, methods like this can cause great confusion for the brain. It tried to push her out of the way after the first day, and she was constantly fighting against that for the rest of the time. It's probably due to the fact that the brain's used to having me in control, and we just need to train it to get used to her at this point. We're working on a way to do that faster, although I think just practicing over and over will achieve that. Much slower than what I'd hope for, though.

 

And NOW we shall say goodbye for real. We'll update again eventually. Until next time.