The black shoe diaries. (Amber and Toby)

[Guest amber5885]

So Toby and I played an interesting game last night. I was trying to gauge how sentient he was and how much be remembers from the long long ago. So I began with something vague.

 

"do you remember Tempe?"

 

"sure I do."

 

He proceeded to shuffle me through a few memories. Some I remembered and some I had forgotten. Friends I had, enemies I made, pizza I accepted from strangers.

 

We proceeded to move through almost all of my childhood until I became to sleepy to care any longer but it was a rather interesting experience. Apperintly Toby remembers a lot more that I had originally thought he would.

 

Anywho!

 

The reason I am postin today is because Toby shared something with me that I would like to share with you as an interesting piece of information.

 

Every day I ask him what he did while I was at work and usually he says he read a bit or watched some movies. I always asked him what he watched or read and he gives me some strange answers.

 

Once upon asking him what his favorite book was he said 1984. I argued with him for a moment and even began doubting his sentience because to my recollection I had only read a small fraction of this book so their was no way he could have read and reread the whole story.

 

He sighs, shakes his head and the next thing I know I'm being shown me, laying on my couch with a copy of 1984 propped open. I was 22, I did in fact finish the book and as I recal... It bored me to death lol Toby was given my immediate apologys.

 

Anyway I was talking to him last night about how it is that he seems to have access to a new book, movie , game or show every week and he told me this.

 

"think of your mind as an office. Four walls, a roof and a big desk that acts as the main control center.

There Are others in this office building controlling emotion, logic, creativity and other portions of the brain but were only dealing with memory.

On the desk is folders and papers scattered all around and none of it is any order, they're just memories strewn about the desk ready to access at any time. Every thing you see, hear, touch as smell is jotted down or recorded if you like and set upon this desk for easy access but the desk can only hold so much. It's not an infinite space.

 

That's where the subconciouse comes in.

 

Your subconciouse is quite akin to the storage room that lays attached to the main office do to speak.

 

Everything you experiance or have ever experianced is filed away and placed in this storage room once it is deemed as no longer neccisary for immidiate recall. It doesn't go away, it's just stored elsewhere to create room for the new.

 

I have access and so do you to every movie you have seen, show you have watched, book you have read and game you have played. Needless to say, I'll never get bored."

 

After his little explanation he proceeded to play a song called "funky blue monkey" that I heard at a coffee shop when I was 11, reminded me of the green hornet movie that came out in the 90's and read a passage of a book called Bunnicula that I read in elementary school.

 

He told me about my first and second experiance with dejavu, my first best friends name, talahna, and even reminded me of the time I puked a peanut butter sammich in my apartment complex pool when I was 9 lol

 

I just wanted to share this little revelation with you all. Now that I know this we may be swimming through my subconciouse a little more to see just how much detail I can pull from each memory.

 

Maybe it will somehow help me in the present. We shall see!

[ZSchaller]

---

Edited October 10, 2020 by RailOfFire

[Guest amber5885]

That's why I initially doubted the 1984 incident. I didn't remember finishing it until he reminded me of it. It was over the weekend while my ex husband was out of town. I remember finishing it and just being like yup.... Didn't like it lol!

[SakuraSky]

That's fascinating... I definitely want to work with Sarah and see if she can access my memories in the same way. It may be different for Toby though, since he has been around much much longner and he was with you when the memories were formed, right?

[Guest amber5885]

He came around when I was 7 so yeah he's been around about 22 years or so. He was there for a lot of them and that's specifically what I was trying to get from him. I wanted to know what he remembers and it was suprisingly a lot.

 

I think it could be a fun exercise not only for us a the hosts but for our tulpas as well.

 

I could see it helping your tulpa with vocabulary and speech, memory recolation and I'm thinking that by asking him what he thinks of certain memories and experiances it might help him to learn to think for himself and form his own independent opinions.

 

I'll keep doin this an I'll update you all on any changes I notice in Toby's thought patterns, ideas and recall.

 

Let me know if you all try it and what happens for you and your tulpas

[sushi]

Wow, that's a really cool experience, and I'm jealous. Fench can't do that yet. Sometimes she can remember things that I don't, but not on that scale. We'll keep working at it!

[AttackDoughnut]

Man! I've been trying to get Sigma up to that point, but it's difficult. Trying to do a lot of different things. Like taking care of a pregnant tulpa while trying to impose everyone all while doing "relationship fencing" with another guy over a girl we both like. But what you're doing is so cool! Toby sounds like a very capable tulpa.

[Guest amber5885]

I brought up this idea with Ashmo and I'm thinking maybe we could try it as a community. Have members put together a checklist, short and to the point.

 

It would be like:

 

How long have you had your tulpa?

What kind of forcing do you do primarily active or passive?

List what you feel as milestones in tulpa development in order of manifestation and a rough time of how long it took before you saw these achievements like:

 

Mind voice - 1 week

First full conversation without parroting - 1 month

First Indipendance idea from tulpa - 1 month and two weeks.

First full clear visualization (minds eye) - I month

 

So on and so fourth so that we can track how tulpas progress, how they progress uniquely and maybe we can help determine what constitutes an advanced tulpa and unique abilities between individual tulpas.

 

It's just an idea. I think it would be fun

[Guest amber5885]

So last night I was laying in bed an trying to force before falling alseep and I would like to tell you all what happened so here goes.

 

At first I found Toby sitting under a fully blossomed cherry tree. Imagine if you will a Japanese painting of a cherry blossom tree and that's where we were complete with red wooden bridge and crystal clear flowing river filled with koi. It was vivid!

 

Anywho I went and sat down with him underneath this massive tree and proceeded to comment on how lovely the scenery was and how I didn't expect it.

 

"I thought you might like it. This is my favorite spot."

 

He then proceeds to reach into his pocket and pull out a ring. It's silver, pretty and glowing. ....actually glowing. He says that he made it and what's me to have it do I let him put it on my hand and I ask him...

 

"Toby... Why is it glowing?"

 

"oh because it's made of uranium."

 

"........ Why in the hell would you make me a ring out of uranium????"

 

"because no one else will ever do anything that awesome. Ever. It's unique. I like it."

 

I laugh... A lot and proceed to return to my spot, nestled into him and staring off into the distance happily. It's then that I see the dark city that lines the horizon.

 

Rain pours down over the city scape, thunder and lightning crak overhead and the sound of screaming an explosions echoes out of the small spaces of silence not filled by the chaos of the storm.

 

"Toby what's that?" I ask slightly confused. The city seems menacing amidst the cherry blossom paradise we find ourselves in.

 

"it's the city. Wanna go check it out? "

 

I agree excitedly and we head on over. He leads me into an alley way and ushers me into a sleek black sports car. We begin driving and just as another car skids past us and slamms into the side of a red brick building, exploding into a million peice of shrapnel and fire it dawns on me...

 

"Toby is this twisted metal?"

 

"YEAH!" he screams and flips a switch on the dash. A pair of rockets appear from the side of the car and he begins firing Ito a slew of oncoming vehicles while both of us scream and laugh with excitement.

I climb threw the sunroof and arm myself with a Gatling gun and begin firing into everything ad anything.

 

Just as we cross over another bridge and into another part of the city a black helicopter rises up over the horizon and begins to fire at us. Toby and I go balls out firing everything we have into this chopper but it seems to do nothing.

 

Toby tells me to hold on and the next thing I know he's pulling me from my perch and allows the car to drive off of a cliff.

 

I'm decked out in a red robot suit armed with lasers, machine guns and rockets and do is Toby.

 

We go insane fighting this chopper until finally with the shot of a laser the chopper goes down

 

We land in a grassy patch of sunshine and bright blue sky's and I remove my helmet to see little colorfull creatures dancing about and singing happily.

 

"Toby where are we?"

He pauses and looks around.

 

"I actually have no idea. This is weird."

 

I watch these tiny little skittle bug looking creatures hop around until a dark shadow looms over the grassy knoll.

 

I look behind me to see a mountainous fire bird climbing up the edge of a cliff, screeching and ready to fight.

 

Insert fight scene here complete with lasers, guns, rockets and ninja skills.

 

We end up landing at the edge of the cherry blossom oasis once again as the firebird crashes into the heart of te city defeated.

 

"that was fun" I chirp as we return to our positions and curl up under the cherry tree together.

 

Every forcing session I have had was a struggle. It was awful to try but that one was so easy and free flowing and omg so much fun!!!

 

I honestly can't wait to do it again.

[AttackDoughnut]

Jaysus! You got some madcap adventures going on!

 

The most exciting thing (besides Amy telling everyone she was pregnant) that happened was Sigma showing off his magic skills. He turned an entire plain into lava and slag, and used wind magic to turn a towering sequoia into lumber. Really neatly cut planks too.