The black shoe diaries. (Amber and Toby)

[ThatFellowWithTheScarf]

I actually just had this issue another thread, when I ran before forcing I was exhausted and me and Prince got hopelessly confused. It eventually resolved itself, I'd think this is the same. Also, good for you quitting smoking, most don't have the willpower ^-^ but as far as I know the process of Tulpas never ends and almost nothing in it is permanent, good or bad, so this is likely temporary.

[Guest amber5885]

Thanks and yeah I remember that thread. I actually went back and read it after I first noticed an issue with toby and I.

 

Today it's been better. We're both still exhausted but we've had some pretty good conversations today and he even tried to steal my mashed potatoes so he's back to his old antics again. Lol

[Jeff0253]

Hi Amber--I looked up your PR because I'd seen your comments around the forum as I was reading and they all seemed very wise and rather caring, too. It's amazing that you've had Toby for so long! I'm nowhere near seeing any part of Jess other than in my mind's eye, and I can't see her face even there. I do sense her presence really strongly however, and I always get the impression that she's carrying a copy of Cosmo, or Elle, or something like it around with her to read when I'm working or she's bored with whatever else is going on. I'm happy about that; I wouldn't want her to become totally dependent on me for her life. Or wait, maybe that's impossible?

 

I'm going to follow your PR to see what I can learn from someone so much more experienced. Hi to Toby :-)

[Guest amber5885]

Actually it is totally possible for a Tulpa to become totally dependent on you, well in reality they done BECOME dependent they usually start out that way and just never develop any Independence. But I suppose if you never let your tulpa develop independence then they wont.

 

Thank you for the compliments I try to help whenever I can. And don't worry, sometimes I have a hard time seeing Toby's face too. It bothers him a bit but the human figure is very complicated so its not always easy to visualize something with so much detail especially when they are talking. You'll figure it out in time just like we will.

 

Here's something you can try. When you force try to concentrate on one aspect of her face at a time. Tell her not to move if it's possible but try to imagine her eyes, her cheeks, her eyebrows (yes those are important) Her smile. Picture one thing one by one and when you feel like you're ready you can try to put it all together.

 

You can also try to draw her or commission someone to draw her. There are plenty of people on the forums offering to do that.

[SakuraSky]

Sarah: [Never developing real independence is something that concerns me. I'm only 3 months old though, so maybe it just takes time! I can't even imagine what it's like to exist for a year at this point, let alone years and years like Toby.,]

[Guest amber5885]

Toby: I've never really thought about it. Um.. I only just gained my sentience recently but there were most deffinitly moments in the past where thing baca me clear and I was able to reach out.

 

The way I see it, I've always been who I am but the whole journey that amber took with you here in this forum really opened her up to the idea of being able to hear me and finally communicate with me. I don't feel like it did much for me except give me my freedom.

 

Sarah, you will gain independence, I can promise you that. Maybe I just got lucky, everything happened for me so quickly and easily and I'm sure it was because I'd always just been here but you will get the same.

 

Call me crazy but I think it's your destiny to become your own person.

[SakuraSky]

Sarah: Thank you so much Toby... It really means a lot. You are really a great person! I'm pretty much smiling from ear to ear. I just need to be patient and take each day as it comes, I'll get there eventually :)

[Guest amber5885]

Toby: the first time amer noticed Indipendance in me was when I started growing her a cherry tree.

 

Next time you're in you're wonderland or have a moment to yourself, try to think of a hobby or something that you would enjoy. Try to think of it without thinking of your host.

 

I find gardening very peaceful, I also like to read and play games like chess and twisted metal. (hows that for a contrast)

 

Just try to find an activity for just you and only you and see if you can do it without your host payin attention. I'd recommend something time consuming if you can.

[Jeff0253]

Wow, reading the conversation is awesome! I feel like Jess is interested, but she doesn't talk yet, so I can't report anything she's saying. But she is leaning over on her stool looking at the screen :-)

 

I think I need to start on a wonderland. Right now it's our house and grounds.

[Guest amber5885]

For the longest time Toby and I didn't have one. He just existed in the real world so it's not a necessity but by all means if you want to make one have at it. You could even let Jess control what it is.

 

Toby made our wonderland, if you can picture a blue stream with a red wooden bridge over it, green grass, yellow flowers and a big blossoming cherry tree that's it. I had no hand in making it lol he also built me a house.

 

It's a two story white house with a pool/waterfall in the back. A room of requirement lol and a never empty fridge.

 

Tell Jess to suprise you, it might help you get to know her.