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The black shoe diaries. (Amber and Toby)


Guest amber5885

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Guest amber5885

I feel like I've made a mistake. Toby and I are watching drop dead Fred and he says that this guy is his new idol.

 

God help me.

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*hits the NOPE button*

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Guest amber5885

Toby's already nuts lol I don't see how it could make him any worse but that doesn't mean it doesn't worry me.

 

One time when my boss was trying to tell me something about my review Toby popped up and made this face at me and it was everything I had in me not to bust out laughing. I had to fake a coughing fit to get through it.

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Guest amber5885

So I figured it was about time for an actual update. Toby is changing. Nothing drastic but im having a hard time seeing his face as a whole.

 

Last night I tried to force and he decided to treat me to one of those five star candle lite dinners overlooking some body of water I didn't recognize. It was nice but the point is I could make out every detail of him:

 

His body, the suit he war, his smell his hands and even his smile but as soon as I tried to concentrait on his face everything fell apart. My mind went fuzzy, I lost concentration and our dinner was ruined :(

 

He says he doesn't mind but i do! So im going to try again and this time in going to focus on one aspect at a time. Like his smile, then his eyes ... Like that and maybe see if I can put it all together.

 

Has anyone else has this problem? Any advice?

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Yeah, I've had that problem. My advice is don't underestimate the eyebrows. Studies show that eyebrows play a bigger role in facial recognition than eyes.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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Guest amber5885

So it seems that Toby and I have figured out the visualization thing. We talked about it and his opinion was that I was trying to see him as something that hes not and that was what was causing the distortion.

 

So I went in to force and decided okay, I'm going to just let Toby have the control and I'm not going to shove my idea of what he should be onto his form and it turns out that he looks quite a bit different from what I thought he did.

 

Anywho. We're not havin anymore troubles with that and actually it's gotten to the point then I can see him, in my minds eye wondering around and doing things of his own free will. It's very vivid too so that is making me hopeful about trying to start imposition. Toby's on bored with the idea and now I'm searching through guides to try to figure out where to start.

 

Any suggestions would be helpful but I'll deffinitly keep you posted on my progress.

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Guest amber5885

I want to add that I can see Toby PERFECTLY in my minds eye. For instance as I type this he is sitting comfortably on the edge of my couch picking the crap out of his fingernails while he impatiently waits for me to finish what I'm doing so we can go to bed LOL. I can see the light bouncing off of his face from the lamp that's next to him. I can see his chest rising and falling as he breaths and his hair moving as his head does. I can feel him in the room with me, if I concentration I can faintly smell him and I can hear every little sound he makes. Hell I can even hear the small stuff like him clearing his throat at random times and while I was making pancakes this morning he sneezed.... that kind of scared me haha.

 

Basically I want to take that from my minds eye into the real world and I don't know where to start. The guides are all very good but with so much information to take in it's hard to find a starting point you know.

 

Any suggestions would be helpful but I'll definitely keep you posted on my progress.

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I like the idea of posting my story and how it relates to tulpa. Well, I've never been the best with making my stories flow together well, but I will certainly try my best. First, a little about myself as I am today. My name is Maxwell, I am pangender, and I'm fourteen years old am just a little over a week into high school. I would consider myself mature for my age, give or take a few childish tendencies like pranks or having an insatiable compulsion to touch just about everything that tickles my fancy. I participate in a lot of extracurricular activities in school: two sports, two plays, a musical, choir, and nine different clubs have booked most of my year. although I do so many things I still don't talk to very many people, I always preferred animals. I suppose that's why my tulpa is in the form of a dog/fox creature. I would be described by most people as a pretty boy, or hipster. And by some girls, cute.

Now to my life story, or summary really. I live in a relatively nice neighborhood, with some rich, and some less desirable neighborhoods surrounding it, I've lived here my whole life so far. I live with both my parents who are very happily married, if often times too busy, and my big brother, who unlike most older brothers never really fought with me, but took care of me very well. I have a great life, but no paradise is perfect. When I was a kid, I had some, lets say, abusive friends. I was always quite emotionally strong and in control where I could leave if things got to rough. I never told my parents, so they had no idea. And what's strange now is that I'm still friends with most of those kids, some are more obnoxious than others, and one in particular I would describe as one of my best friends and one of the most understanding of me, if not totally crazy. I made some new friends in school, but this time they were more colorful characters as some would say. Some were goth, some were enormous dorks, some were perfectly normal. People seem t love that trait about me. Although I can't say I don't get anything in return, I have a huge love of psychology. I study people without them noticing, it's a quirk I have. Tulpas I discovered last year from an online friend who now that I think about it I should talk to more. I spoke to his tulpa. This along with many things ate up my nights, I stayed up late at night studying all sorts of psychological phenomenon. This one caught my interest now particularly because my mother, who while I love dearly doesn't approve of some of my weirder friends. She doesn't stop me from hanging out with them, but is hesitant. I liked the idea of having a sort of secret friend, one that's much stranger than any other. And it will be our secret. I guess I could say this is related to some other trauma I've had to deal with in recent years, but I quickly recovered from that. I won't go into much more detail as it's a bit shocking. Point is, I want a companion that nobody can separate from me, also, for science I suppose. I really love the idea of studying this with a large community. It makes me feel like a volunteer scientist of sorts, only now there is so much more to discover than in other fields, so many methods to be formed, so many discoveries, and their all so different yet so similar. It's wonderful. I suppose I don't have much else to say besides, wish me luck.

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Guest amber5885

You sound like a very interesting person and the way you talk doesn't lend to the idea of you being 14 at all. You have a good head on your shoulders :)

 

I study people to. I'm a wallflower, an introvert and I like figuring out what makes people "tick" what makes them unique. I study psychology too, it's a really great hobby. Have you thought of pursuing a career where you can use that interest to help other people?

 

You seem to have all te right intentions for making a tulpa which is a step beyond most people your age. I wouldn't typically advocate making a tulpa until you are older BUT you seem like you have the right intentions, ideas and motivations for doing it so I don't see a problem.

 

When Toby came around I was an isolated kid. I was locked away a lot and I needed company but as I got older and my situation changed Toby still stuck around and I'm glad he did. Honestly I can't imagine not having him in my life and I hope you feel the same joy from prince as I do from Toby :) they're wonderful companions and they're very helpful as well.

 

Toby has helped to relive my anxiety, depression and even some of my more sever PTSD symptoms. On a scientific level I think that's pretty badass, he did what medication couldn't do :)

 

Good luck!!!!!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest amber5885

It's been a while so I figured I should post up something here.

 

Toby and I honestly haven't done much in the last little while. I recently quit smoking and since I stopped I've noticed that 1) my visualization skills are beginning to get clearer and 2) Toby is having a hard time keeping his voice straight an strong.

 

It's almost like listinin to a kid who's going through puberty it constantly changes and it's weak. Almost indistinguishable from my voice at times and it's led to some "was that you?" issues between us.

 

We've come to the conclusion though that since I stopped smoking my brain and my body have a lot of repair work to do and because of that it's effecting him. Last night, for the first time ever he told me he was tired and when I started forcing like I always do he looked like shit lol

 

Dark circles, he was weak. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. It was strange to see him effected in that way.

 

Hopefully this will go away with time.

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