Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

I didn't talk much to Sam and Mandy today.

 

That's mainly because I didn't have my meds until lunch time. So I was without them for almost half of the school day which means I couldn't concentrate very well.

 

I talked to them briefly, though, I guess. And I think they're here because I think I can feel their presence.

 

I might have had a dream involving Mandy last night? I'm not sure. I just remember something about her that didn't happen before we went to bed yesterday.

[Stanheights]

Today was another pretty quiet day, I think.

 

I did however talk to Sam and Mandy a little and I asked them some things.

 

Sam's kind of quiet right now and Mandy is the one who responds the most. I'm not sure what's up with him, but I'll ask.

 

Next week I'm probably going away for almost the whole week because we're on a break then and we're going to another town with my best friend. Not sure how much I'll talk to Sam and Mandy then, but we'll see.

 

I really need to get my stuff together.

[Stanheights]

Alright, I guess today was a bit better? I could at least tell where they wer in a room when they decided to be there.

 

Sam has been really quiet lately and I actually have no idea why. I guess he just doesn't feel like talking. And I also have a hard time getting answers from him for some reason. It's a bit easier with Mandy since she's so forward, I guess that makes her answers easier to get and understand.

 

I'm gonna try my best to really get to Sam today. And Mandy, too, of course, but maybe not as much since she already answers pretty well.

[Stanheights]

We got home at about 12 pm today and the first thing I did when I got home was skype with one of my best friends. So I couldn't talk much to Sam and Mandy.

 

I'm gonna have lunch now and then maybe go out with the dog, so I'll try to talk to them then.

 

We actually did talk a bit today and that was pretty nice.

 

And yesterday I talked to Sam for a while before sleeping. I can't remember exactly what we talked about it, though.

[Stanheights]

Today was better, I think.

 

I spoke to both Sam and Mandy several times and it was fairly easy to get responses. I generally just asked them about things and asked them how they were doing. And if they were there, because that's kind of what I do.

 

And now we're on a break. We're free next week and I'll spend most of our little break with my best friend whom we're gonna pick up today. I'm not sure how the talking will go because it's so hard to talk when others are around, but I'll try to remember to talk.

[Stanheights]

Hey. I guess I can write down a quick update since my best friend's away for a while.

 

Everyone's doing okay, I think. We went and watched Deadpool at the cinema yesterday and while Sam and Mandy apparently didn't really watch it I've told them we can watch it together later.

 

We have talked quite a lot lately, actually. Not a whole lot, but at least a little. That's better than nothing.

 

Next week I'm gonna start getting my stuff together (again) and we'll see how that goes. Hopefully it goes well.

 

But yeah, I just wanted to tune in and say that we're doing pretty alright.

[Stanheights]

Yeah, I'd say this last week was kind of a success, I mean we talked at least.

 

We talked quite a bit more than usual and I felt pretty at ease most of the time and I think that has to do with both Sam and Mandy. I just feel better when they're around and when my brain knows they're really there. I think that's why I haven't talked a whole lot either, though I have talked of course.

 

Today when we drove my best friend home Sam sat between us and Mandy was in the front, though I think that might've been weird for them since there were bags on their seats. I dunno. But yeah, that was pretty cozy.

 

We are gonna start talking more next week, like seriously. We gotta do that.

[Stanheights]

I honestly think today went pretty well. I mean, we even talked a bit in the morning.

 

Today was a pretty short day because some teachers at my school are sick which means no classes and sometimes I get to work at home since I live nearby and because of my anxiety and stuff. So I went home at around 12, I think? Yeah, around that time.

 

And today something pretty great happened. Sam helped me a bit with my math!

I was just studying for this math test and I asked him if he understood and he said yes, and then I kind of bounced a ball in my head while he explained it. I think he got a bit of a hard time explaining which is understandable because he doesn't explain things a lot, but he did explain it pretty alright and I actually got it. That was a pretty cool moment.

 

I gotta admit I haven't talked much to them since I finished studying, but that's mainly because I got done about an hour ago and I've just been watching videos since then. I think they've just been watching them with me, though. So that's nice at least.

 

I'm pretty sure we're gonna be able to talk more from now on, because I "broke up" with my "best friend" because they've lied a lot to me and I've just made my mental health worse by being their friend, so I just ended it. And they were one of my only friends at school and the reason why I've talked to others, but I'm not sure if we'll be around those people anymore now. We'll see. But I do think we'll be able to talk much more at school now which I feel pretty good about.

[Stanheights]

Yeah, I'd say today went well.

 

I went to be extremely early yesterday and I asked both Sam and Mandy if they were going to bed, too, but Mandy said no. Sam, however, did go to bed with me. Which was incredibly nice because.. yeah. It was nice.

 

I went into the bathroom in dreamscape before sleeping because I needed pyjama pants there and I decided to go get some from the drawer in the wall instead of just.. making pyjama pants appear on my legs. It was actually pretty nice and I even looked at myself in the mirror. My only problem is that I don't know what I'm imagining and what's "real" there sometimes, and I've honestly put myself in that situation since I've imagined so many scenarios with fictional characters ever since I was a kid. And if you've done that a lot and if you're good at it then the surroundings just kind of act out on their own even though it's actually just your imagination. Something like that. (My solution to that problem is to just ask Sam or Mandy if it's really 'real', though I have a hard time getting answers sometimes..)

 

But yeah, I did that and I talked to Sam briefly before going to sleep in his arms. I usually start thinking about scenarios involving fictional characters I like or I just think about things, but most night I do sleep in the same bed as Sam, at least in dreamscape.

 

We talked quite a lot, mainly because I kind of forced myself to at times, which I honestly think is a good thing if I start doing it more. I asked Sam if he was listening while I sat through a pretty interesting history lesson and he said yes, so that's good for him. I'm not sure if Mandy listened or if she was looking up memes or something. She's definitely not that into learning things and school.

 

I can't remember too much of what we talked about actually, but that's just me with my bad memory. I do feel their presence now and nothing feels wrong when it comes to them right now. I think I can usually feel if something's not okay with us.

 

So.. yeah, things are kind of looking up. I can't exactly give up, though. I gotta keep fighting and talking and stuff.

[Stanheights]

Today was pretty boring, honestly.

 

I mean, Mandy and Sam weren't boring, of course not, but everything else really. I'm even more bored now and I'm also tired and on my period (that's maybe a little TMI, but whatever) and I'm just so ready to nap right now. I'm not sure if these things affect Mandy or Sam at all or if they feel it, too, but maybe they do.

I asked them both real quick just now and Sam said yes while Mandy said no, which is maybe a little strange since Mandy is the only other one with an uterus here since as far as I know, Sam doesn't really have one. Strange.

 

I'm not sure if we talked too much today, but today was a pretty busy day too so that makes it harder to get much out of any conversation. I talked to them both a little this morning at least because I woke up one hour earlier than usual for some reason. So yeah, very small conversations happened.

 

I've gotten into tattoos lately and I asked Mandy if I could tattoo her in dreamscape or whatever, and she said yes. It was hard to really "hear" what she said when I asked her what she wanted, though. Something that started with "F", I believe. I'll ask her again later.

 

I guess overall today has been okay, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to talk to anyone much because I'm so tired. We'll see.