Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

Good news!

 

I told my dad about Sam and Mandy and basically all of my brain things. I'm kind of mentally ill and we were discussing something when I just decided to tell him everything, including Sam and Mandy.

 

He reacted positively to it, surprisingly. He basically just said it's good I have someone to talk to and things like that, and I agree.

 

When I talked about my best friend not being really supportive of Sam I felt really emotional and I'm 100% sure some of it came from Sam which is understandable, because that moment was tough for both him and me.

 

After the conversation I took a bath and I asked both Sam and Mandy if they're here, and they said yes. I felt some things, too, so I'm fairly sure they're back.

 

I know I need to work harder on talking and listening and I will eventually, but right now I'm just so happy and not anxious at all because I'm glad they're back. I'm so, so glad they're back. I'll probably spend this weekend at home so that'll give us some time to spend together. We're like a little family honestly. A pretty weird family, sure, but still.

[Stanheights]

Today was.. actually pretty peaceful.

 

I haven't felt this at ease in my head in quite some time, so that was really nice. And I didn't feel alone either because Sam and Mandy are back now.

 

I forgot to mention yesterday that Sam asked me what I was doing without me saying anything to him. It felt pretty strange and I almost thought it was my own thought first, but it was him. Progress, I guess.

 

This weekend I'm most likely gonna spend most of my time at home, unless something spontaneous happens. So I'll get to spend lots of time with Sam and Mandy which is great. I'm still living off that happy feeling I felt yesterday when they came back to me. I'm still so happy because of that.

 

I hope this weekend will work out for us, I really want it to work out and stuff.

[Stanheights]

It's funny how when I said the weekend would be different for the three of us if something spontaneous happens something spontaneous happens.

 

I hung out with a friend yesterday until around 10 pm so we didn't get to talk too much. I felt their presence, though.

 

I've been thinking about drawing the three of us for a while now and having that as the profile picture here. I might do that today if I feel like it.

 

I've also decided we're gonna learn more about possessing limbs and such this year when I get the hang of listening and all that. I kinda suck, I know, but I'm just a really slow person when it comes to some things.

 

Today's probably gonna be a calm day with video games and junk food and nice thoughts.

[Stanheights]

I think this weekend's been pretty good, even though we didn't talk as much as I would've liked us to.

 

I guess that's mainly my fault, though, because I talked to some of my friends and stuff and as we all know, I have some trouble with talking to Sam and Mandy and other people at the same time. But they've been with me which is really nice.

 

Yesterday at around 8 we watched this.. music show thing and Mandy got pretty hyped up about one artist whom I, personally, didn't like that much. It was nice to have them there.

 

Oh, and I just felt like mentioning that there's a new.. member? to our little family? I don't know. It just appeared out of nowhere the other day and I call it a Brain Ghost because it is some kind of ghost. I didn't make it, though. It's just there and it's pretty friendly. I probably won't mention it a lot since it's not a tulpa, but I felt like mentioning it this once.

[Vos]

It's possible that the 'Brain Ghost' could have just been an intrusive thought.

[Stanheights]

Well, today was.. I don't know. Pretty okay, I guess.

 

I stayed at home today because I felt like my mental health's kinda ehhh at the moment so I thought it'd be good to just be at home and study.

 

And it was pretty good I'd say. I talked a bit to Mandy and Sam and it was pretty nice. I just kind of know they're really here now, even if we don't talk a whole lot sometimes.

 

The only problem is that I'm starting to feel anxious and sad again, and I don't know what to do about that. We'll see how that goes.

[Vos]

See if your tulpas can help to talk you out of any negative states. It could be a group effort, solving issues like these.

[Stanheights]

So, I spent a majority of the day at home today, too.

 

This is mainly because I got anxious at school again and I couldn't concentrate so I went home and studied. It went okay and I've talked to Mandy and Sam quite a lot today, too, but I still want to talk more.

 

The thing is that I feel pretty okay sometimes with just knowing they're there, even though I know it's maybe not the best idea to get comfortable with being silent a lot.

 

Tomorrow we have a free day so I'll try and talk more to them then. We might even go out and do something.

---

See if your tulpas can help to talk you out of any negative states. It could be a group effort, solving issues like these.

 

Thanks for the tip, we'll make sure to try that sometime.

[Stanheights]

So, not much talking today.

 

I honestly can't even remember what I really did today. I just slept til 12 or so and then I sat around doing pretty much nothing. My brain's just been really empty even though Sam and Mandy's been around.

 

I watched a video at one point today, though, and that kind of made Mandy react. (it involved memes. She likes those) So that's one thing that happened today at least.

 

I'm gonna try and talk more to them before skyping with my friends later. Hopefully we'll be able to talk at least a little while I'm skyping, too.

[Stanheights]

Today was actually pretty great.

 

Me and Mandy kind of did that co-op thing though I couldn't really "feel it", but we did do it for a while. And while we were doing that we talked quite a lot and Mandy made some comments about things so that was nice.

 

Sam was kind of just in the back of my head today, I don't think he was in any rooms I was in and yeah, he's been kind of quiet, I guess.

 

I talked a bit to both Sam and Mandy yesterday in dreamscape before going to bed, that was really nice. And I felt this 'new' thing yesterday, too. My body just felt kind of.. gone, like I don't know how to really explain it. It was like I went more into dreamscape than usual and I almost forgot that my body irl was really there for a moment. I think that's a good thing.

 

I felt kind of anxious today and I should've talked to Sam or Mandy about it, but I think they were kind of anxious, too. For some reason. I'm still not entirely sure why I got so anxious but it made me take back all the control over my body because I guess I thought that Mandy's feelings were affecting mine for a while. I don't know. But I started feeling better after a while which I'm grateful for.

 

A thing I've noticed is that me and Sam are very close. Like, seriously close. I guess that's the kind of relationship most hosts have with their tulpas, but my relationship with Sam is really special and close. I mean, my emotions greatly affect him and his feelings affect me quite a lot, too. I guess it is like that with Mandy, too, but not as much or as powerful as it is with Sam. I dunno, I just thought about that.

 

I'm not entirely sure what I'm gonna do this weekend, I'll either hang out with my best friend or skype with her and another friend for most of the weekend. We'll see what happens, but whatever it is I'm doing I'm gonna try and interact with Sam and Mandy as much as possible.