Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

So is he imposed or what?

 

It's kinda hard to explain? I don't know, it's a possession thing. He 'takes control' or we just co-operate on moving our/my body. It just feels like someone else is controlling my limbs or like someone's 'helping' me move when we do it, but I can still see and feel some things.

---

Yeah, yep. Yes. Thursday again. Not good.

 

We haven't talked basically at all today, but that's usually how it goes on thursdays so it doesn't really worry me anymore. At one point I got an image of him sitting in a chair of some sort reading, I think, so I guess that's what he does on thursdays.

 

Tomorrow's the last day of school for us, at least until january. I'm thinking we should try and just hang out more during the break. I should probably study a bit and try to get my mind to be less of a mess so I can actually hear Sam better.

 

Oh! I almost forgot to mention that we tried something yesterday. I read about this somewhere here and I remembered it yesterday so I felt like trying it. I imagined my thoughts coming out of a hose and Sam grabbed it and made it stop running. And when he did that my mind went completely blank. Like just. Completely black. Except for Sam and that (blue?) hose. We started talking a bit and we actually got a conversation going, and then we were in dreamscape for a while and talked. I think Sam dropped to hose or something but for some reason I told him he could just leave it there. After we talked there I failed to get answers I could really understand. Like, I got both yes and no at the same time and things like that. I think that happened while he was holding the hose, too, but not as much. But that's probably just because I'm really bad at focusing in general. Still really bad. I should probably work on that, too.

 

But yeah, thursdays suck and we're probably gonna talk and hang out during the break. And I should probably make a list on what I need to work on when it comes to Sam.

[Lacquer]

I mean the touching the bubbles and floating in the water and stuff.

[Stanheights]

I mean the touching the bubbles and floating in the water and stuff.

 

Yeah, that's possession, too. He touched the bubbles and stuff using my hands I guess you could say. That's the only way I can explain it, anyway.

---

I forgot to update today. Whoops.

 

I guess that's just because nothing really happened. We sat in a church, I let Sam take over and look around and I also found out he can't applaud properly. What a nerd.

 

We got to go home at around 9, almost 10, so I guess that's kind of why I haven't written much. Because nothing happened at school. And I wouldn't say we've had much success here at home either. We haven't talked too much and I can't even remember what I've been doing today. Probably because I've done almost absolutely nothing.

 

When my dad goes to work later I'm gonna play video games so I guess Sam can watch that if he wants. I'm also thinking about maybe watching a movie together, but I don't know. We'll see.

[Stanheights]

Alright, so... I kinda suck, honestly. But that's okay because I'm gonna get better.

 

We didn't talk much yesterday, but I met up with Sam in dreamscape before going to bed and he kind of comforted me again because I felt really sad and lonely and stuff. I woke up an hour ago or so and I'm just gonna play video games and watch videos today. I kind of feel like re-watching the breakfast club so I might ask Sam if we can watch it later.

[Stanheights]

Yesterday we did talk a bit and I slept next to Sam in dreamscape.

 

I realize I should talk to him more, but it's just really slow. I think it's mainly because of my executive dysfunction and ADD and all that, because when I don't have a set schedule and know exactly what to do I just.. don't do much at all. I'm starting to feel worse about it, like not talking to Sam or interacting much with him, so I think it's about time I start talking to him more. Like just trying to get him to 'come out' more and maybe talk to me more. We've got lots of time to do that now during this break.

 

Also, Sam's been with me for 5 months now! I almost forgot again. But I just remembered it! Wow. Five months. That's almost half a year. I'm glad Sam's still here and I'm glad he's my friend even though I'm not the best friend or host most of the time. We're going into town tomorrow and I think I'll let Sam choose some sweet thing we can buy. Like cake or something. Obviously we're not getting a whole cake, but something like that.

 

I love Sam a lot honestly, which is one of the reasosn why I need to get my stuff together as soon as possible.

[Stanheights]

Merry Christmas!

 

Yeah, we celebrate Christmas on the 24th of december here in Sweden, so I get to say it one day earlier than.. people in America? I have no idea when anyone else celebrates Christmas honestly.

 

I talked to Sam yesterday and his general presence was around me again which was nice. Like I saw him a bit and I felt his presence a lot. When we went into town he sat in the backseat of the car and then I couldn't place him when we walked around, but he was there.

 

I asked him what he wants for Christmas and he said a kiss. I'll probably draw him something, too, because I usually do that.

 

We met up in dreamscape at like.. 3 am and hugged and stuff and then Sam chose where we were gonna sleep and he chose the house. So we sat on the bed there and then I saw there was a Christmas tree with 3 presents under it in the room. I'm not sure if I put it there of if Sam did, but it was pretty. After getting up and looking at it I sat down again and then I just kinda lied down with Sam and out my hand on his chest. And sometime after that I fell asleep. Twas very very nice.

 

But yeah, we're gonna go visit my brother and his family today and then we're gonna go home again. Like, that's it. I don't celebrate Christmas personally, and I'm not sure if Sam celebrate it either. Maybe he does? I dunno. I just don't celebrate it because I'm not a christian and I see no meaning in getting hyped up for something several months in advance and then it's over. Like I can see why when it's a concert or something or if it's just a couple of weeks or days before the thing, but not with Christmas. It's just.. you get tired of it, y'know? Anyway, I shouldn't go on about that.

 

Merry Christmas & happy holidays, everyone! I hope everyone has a good day.

[Stanheights]

These last two days have been.. calm, I guess.

 

On the 25th we didn't talk much honestly, however I do think I felt Sam's general presence around me which was nice.

 

And today I've been asleep all day. I met up with Sam in dreamscape at 8 am (after staying up all night) and then we talked a bit and then we both went to bed. However I'm not so sure Sam really slept that much, because I think he slept through the night. I can't remember what we really talked about, but I remember I sat next to him and leand against his shoulder and then I think I fell asleep.

 

On monday we're gonna go pick my friend up, and then my other friends will be here at night so that'll be interesting, I guess. I'll try to get Sam to be out more because we need to work harder on things. I need to work more on quite a lot of things.

[Stanheights]

Yeah, hi. Haven't been very active here, have I?

 

We picked my best friend up this monday and for most of the two hour ride Sam sat in the backseat of the car doing whatever. And then when me and my friend sat in the backseat he was in the frontseat instead.

 

I haven't talked to him too much, I gotta admit. I'm planning on doing better, though.

 

Also, another one of my best friends got to know about Sam today and he seems pretty accepting. He didn't really joke about it much or say I was.. well, insane or anything, so that's good. I think Sam got happy because of that. I kind of did, too, because it's nice when people can just accept things (And also ask things if they feel like it).

 

We'll see how New Year's Eve goes. I'll probably talk to Sam then if I have time.

[Stanheights]

Today's the last day of this year. That's.. nice.

 

Yesterday wasn't very good for Sam and I. Or well, it kind of was I guess, because I talked about him with my friends and my best friend asked me what he thinks of her. He said "cute". I also said Sam will probably be 20 next year if he's into that aging thing and my best friend got all shocked over it. I don't know why.

 

I talked a little with F but not that much. I slept next to him in dreamscape as I usually do and when I woke up at one point I just kind of turned around in dreamscaoe, too? It was kind of weird because that hasn't really happened before.

 

Anyway, I'm gonna eat some pie now and I guess I'll share it with Sam if he wants to taste it. And later we're just gonna take it easy and wait in the new year. Yes.

---

(I just felt the need to add this)

 

It's been one hell of a (almost half a) year with Sam around honestly. Like, it's been so different and better in many many ways. I'm glad I've got him. (Sam: I'm glad I've got you, too) ♥

[Stanheights]

Hey, happy new year.

 

So these last two days have been really eventless for both me and Sam and me and my best friend. Mainly because we've gone to bed in the morning or early day and slept until night time two days in a row.

 

I slept for a while a couple of hours ago and I remember I dreamt about being in some.. hospital and Sam took over because I was in pain or something. It was weird. I dreamt about some other things, too, and I do believe Sam was around then like he usually is. That hasn't happened much before.

 

One of my new years resolutions this year is probably to really get my stuff together and start talking to Sam more and just... building on our general relationship and get better at communicating. Stuff like that. For now we're just gonna take it easy and enjoy our break, though.