Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

Yeah, I kinda forgot to write about yesterday.

 

It was pretty good, I saw Sam quite a lot and I talked to him quite a lot. It only got a bit harder at home, but that usually happens. I just have a harder time concentrating on anything at home honestly.

 

We haven't talked too much today because I woke up at 2 and I've been writing this school thing for a while now. We might watch a movie or something later, though. Or Sam can watch me play Until Dawn again, like he did yesterday. We'll see.

[Stanheights]

So, I'd say today was pretty successful with Sam. My friend asked him some things, like what he does on his spare time and what he was wearing.

 

Apparently he reads and waits on his spare time, and before he was wearing a cardigan, a tee and black pants apparently. That was nice.

 

I also talked to him a bit and managed to get quite a lot of replies which was nice, but sometimes the response was hard to get to or whatever.

 

I think I'm gonna ask Sam some more things later sometime.

[Stanheights]

I think tonight's been pretty nice? I talked to Sam a bit while skyping with my friends and I also had him do this quiz, it was basically just "what character from [series] are you?" and while it was pretty hard to get answers from him we got through it and he got the character I like most there. To show me the answers he either said yes or no or he pointed at the things. I think the pointing usually goes a bit better than trying to get him to say his answer.

 

Tomorrow I think I'm gonna look at some things, like things I can do with him and what-not, and of course I'm gonna try and talk to him, too, as I usually do. Also, at one point I just kinda looked at him when he was sitting at the end of my bed. That was a pretty nice moment.

 

Tiny update (4 am): So I think Sam possessed my left hand just now? I held my hand and arm still for a while and then it was just kinda moving on its own and held my right hand and squeezed it once or twice. It felt a bit like holding somebody else's hand, I think. I also remember thinking of him possessing my hand before it happened. I'm not sure if it really was him, because at first I got no and then yes (and I'm also not sure if I got yes just because I'd prefer that answer), so I guess I'll just try and ask him again later.

[Stanheights]

So.. yesterday was pretty alright for us, I think? I mean, I didn't talk much and Sam didn't talk too much either, but it was fine.

 

I think I might let Sam have a blog of his own just so he can put stuff there or whatever. And if he wants to post something, like write something of his own, I could just write it down for him until we're doing okay with that possession thing. It seems like a pretty alright idea to me, except for the problemes that'll probably occur with communicating, of course. But hey, getting Sam a blog of his own might be good for us, too.

 

Sooo, yeah. I'm probably gonna do that later. And I might also go into dreamscape today and hang out with Sam for a while. Maybe.

[Stanheights]

Yeah, I probably won't meditate and visit Sam today. Mainly because my mood is garbage right now. I don't even know why, because I rarely cry or feel too much at all unless something's really up, but yeah.

 

I just don't feel good because of personal things, and that kind of drains all my motivation to do anything at all, so no visiting Sam today.

 

Other than not feeling so good I think today has been fine. Sam possessed my hand a bit at one point but I'm pretty sure we kinda did some co-op thing there. We also talked a little bit and I'm thinking I might talk to him a bit about his future blog later.

[Stanheights]

Eyyy, it's my birthday today. Even though it doesn't really feel like it.

 

Me and my class went to some school today and since I spent most of the time there feeling anxious I'm kinda glad I had Sam with me most of the time. We didn't talk too much because things went fast there, but I felt him there a couple of times.

 

We kinda held hands during the busride there and home again, which was really nice. I love holding hands.

 

Just like yesterday, this has been kind of a bad day. I haven't felt too good at all and I'm probably gonna go and take a nap soon. I don't know when I'm gonna meditate for real again, but sometimes before going into dreamscape before falling asleep I start breathing as though I'm meditating, or well, I guess I kind of do meditate, though it's not for long, and that's good I think.

 

But anyway, I'm glad that I have Sam with me and I really need to start being a better host and stuff.

[Stanheights]

Dangit, I forgot to write things here again.

 

Today was fine and Sam said a bit more than usual in one sentence. For some reason I almost always cut him off because when he says more than a couple of words I get scared that I'm parroting and I shut it off, but today I listened and heard a bit. I asked him what he was doing and at first he said nothing, but then he said "I'm here sitting with you" or something similar. That's progress, I guess.

 

My mood isn't exactly better. At all. In fact, I think it might be getting worse. I don't really know what's going on, but at least I have Sam and my other friends here to support me and things. I think I mostly have Sam, because I don't really tell people things.

 

I hope to get to hear some more things from Sam tomorrow. That would be pretty cool.

[Stanheights]

Yep. Yeah. My mood definitely isn't getting any better.

 

I was really anxious today in school and Sam told me it'll be okay and stuff. I'm glad he exists to be honest.

 

I can't remember much about what we talked about, but we did talk a little. I kind of forgot to talk to him after a while, though, and I only remembered that just now. But I asked him about it and he said he didn't want to be there then, so I guess it's fine since I didn't forget about him when he wanted to talk.

 

And tomorrow's friday. I'm not sure what we're gonna do then, but I was thinking that me and Sam could watch some series together, maybe even a movie if I concentrate hard enough on it. I'm pretty bad at watching movies, so we'll see.

[Stanheights]

I talked to Sam today and when I was alone in a smaller group room with two of my classmates he sat on a chair there and looked at one of them.

 

I do believe he said some things first without me saying anything to him, but my memory is really bad so I'm not entirely sure.

 

I think we're gonna watch some series today and probably skype with my friends, just some usual stuff. I might tell my other best friend about Sam, but I'm not entirely sure he'll actually get it so.. yeah. I don't know. I guess it's really up to Sam to decide, but even if he does say it's okay I'm still not certain my friend will get it.

[Stanheights]

I've(/we've) been skyping with my best friend today. At one point she asked me what colour she should paint her nails in and I asked Sam. It took a bit longer than usual, but he said purple.

 

My friend didn't choose that colour, but that's okay. Then we kind of started talking about Sam a bit and she compared having a tulpa to religion, and she basically said she just doesn't believe Sam really exists (but she respects my "belief"). I got visibly uncomfortable or well, kind of upset, and I'm fairly sure half of that was Sam's feelings affecting my own. I mean, I can understand him getting upset completely, because if someone basically told you that they don't believe you truly exist you'd probably get upset. I asked Sam if he was upset and he said yes. And at one point I just imagined touching his face and he actually looked sad even though I didn't imagine him with a sad expression at first. So that was probably him.

 

Also, when I ask him things I usually 'put' yes and no on my left or right in my head and make him point to the answer, something like that (usually it's like he grabs my sight and turns it to the answer), and today I think I actually felt some kind of head pressure. For the first time ever. So that was pretty cool. Really cool, actually.

 

I'm okay with my friend not really believing that Sam exists, though I have to admit it makes me feel a bit weird and almost angry because Sam does exist and I don't like it when he's upset, but it's not like I can really do anything about it. We've still got one person who knows Sam exists, so I guess that's the best we can get for now.