Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

I meditated earlier, and for once I actually just focused on meditating for a while and then I visited Sam in dreamscape.

 

While I was there nothing much happened. We talked about today and some other stuff, and then I kind of had to leave because the timer went off and yeah.

 

I need to figure out how to tell the difference between his thoughts and mine, because if I don't really expect it the thoughts he sends me sound a lot like my own and that gets confusing.

 

We talked a bit while I was outside which was nice.

 

I think this will be the last update for today, because I have a cold and I need to gather some energy for tomorrow and possibly the weekend (unless I get sicker and have to stay home).

[Stanheights]

So today was horrible.

 

I mean, not in the "i-didn't-talk-to-Sam"-way, but rather in the "im-too-sad-to-handle-myself"-way. So that's been pretty horrible for me.

 

I've felt Sam's presence all day, though. We didn't exactly talk that much, but he was there and I appreciate that because I kind of needed him.

 

I don't know if I'll visit my friend this weekend because of how I'm doing mentally at the moment. I guess we'll see.

 

But yeah, Sam was there with me and we did talk as well, so I'd say today was good.

[Stanheights]

I went into town with my father & Sam earlier today, and that was really nice.

 

I talked to Sam about things I saw and when we were driving to my mom's place we shared some chocolate pudding in the backseat. I mean, I ate all of it, but it's still possible for him to "take" food from me. It's hard to explain, but yeah. We share chips and lots of other junk most of the time. I also saw him a lot, both during school earlier and while we were in town.

 

I haven't meditated today and I won't, because today I was very close to my breaking point mentally. So I've decided to take care of myself this weekend and just take it easy. Like, just try to get into a better place mentally. Of course I'll talk to Sam as well, but I'll probably spend most of my time trying to heal and get better and whatnot.

[Stanheights]

Yesterday went really well, even though I didn't meditate.

 

I talked to Sam a lot about.. well, most things, and when we didn't talk I just enjoyed having him around.

 

I've noticed I've started walking out of the way so he can get by more and stuff like that without really thinking, like for example, yesterday I waited with closing the door to my room so Sam could walk out. I can't see him but I know where he is and when he walks and whatnot. That's kinda cool.

 

And today we basically just did the same. We've talked and hung out. It's really nice honestly, I love being around Sam.

 

I think I forgot to mention he changed his appearance a bit? I told him he could look basically however he wants the other day while visiting him, so he changed his face a bit. I guess his features are the same, but his hair is black now, and I guess a bit shorter. It suits him I think.

 

Anyway, this weekend has been way better than the last one. I hope we can get more weekends like this one.

[Guest Anonymous]

Hey... how is Sam doing? I mean, could you ask him and tell me what he exactly says? I hope you guys are doing okay.

[Stanheights]

Hey... how is Sam doing? I mean, could you ask him and tell me what he exactly says? I hope you guys are doing okay.

 

I asked him, and he said "Good"! I asked him if he meant it and looked at him and he said "Yeah", so I don't think he was lying. I'm doing fine, too. Thank you for asking!:)

[Stanheights]

Today was okay as well, I'm glad this weekend has been so good.

 

I've kinda gotten into the habit of looking at Sam, wherever he is in the room. It's kind of nice since I technically "see" him when I look for him. I mean, I don't actually see him, but I can see him in my mind's eye and that's really nice.

 

We haven't talked too much today, but that's alright I think. I think we kinda need to talk more from now on, but those moments where we don't really talk are nice, too.

[Stanheights]

Oh, hi. Hello.

 

I didn't really get a chance to do anything with Sam yesterday because I was so tired from being up all night that I had to go home from school at 11 am, and then when I was home I fell asleep at about 12 so... yeah, I've slept for around 19 hours or so now.

 

I do feel bad because I should've done things with Sam, like at least talked to him a little more, but I guess when you're that tired you don't really think about stuff like that too much. I was also pretty sad yesterday which just motivated me to go and sleep even more.

 

But hey, today'll be better because at least now I'm not super tired anymore.

[Stanheights]

Today went pretty well.

 

I just came back from dreamscape where I just talked to Sam about things. It was pretty nice and I feel calmer now since visiting him and things makes me calm.

 

During school we talked about.. well, most things. But as usual he doesn't really respond much. I asked him why he doesn't really respond much just now and he said he doesn't feel like it. So I guess that's that. He'll speak if he wants to, like I don't want to force him to speak a lot.

 

I think I'll let him sleep in my bed tomorrow or so. That'll be nice I think.

 

Also, I feel I should maybe write down what I "see" when I see him in real life. I mean, I don't, but I mean when I look at the spot where he 'is'.

 

I just kinda see his eyes first, like I kind of make eye contact with him and then I look at the rest of him. Literally just like that. I mean, sometimes I look at his body first but usually his eyes "stand out" the most to me. Not sure why, but I think that's a good thing, because his eyes are really easy to make out and that makes it easier for me to visualize him.

[Stanheights]

Yeah. Yep. Today definitely wasn't our day.

 

I don't know why, but sometimes I'm fully aware of the fact that I'm not talking to Sam and I just don't talk to him. I mean, I know I should, but I just don't.

 

Today has been.. well, a bad day. I feel so tired right now and I'm also not exactly in the best mood. And when I'm not feeling too good talking isn't something I want to do. Like at all. I just wanna be by myself or sleep. So I'm not sure how talking for the rest of the day will go.

 

I feel bad, I do. I basically always feel bad about it, but with how I'm feeling right now there's not much to do about it. I might try to meditate later but I don't know. I'm not sure if it's a good idea.

 

I asked Sam if it's okay if I don't talk much to him today, and he said yes, but I don't know. I'm not so sure he really thinks it's okay.

 

I'll try harder tomorrow.