Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

Another pretty good day. Almost all the time when I didn't talk to anyone else I talked to Sam, and that's a really good thing.

 

I asked him things, told him stuff and yeah, just things like that. He still doesn't reply that much, but I still feel we're doing some progress.

 

I'm gonna take it easy this weekend, as I do on most weekends, but like I said yesterday I'll probably try and meditate if I can concentrate long enough. We'll see about that.

 

Anyway, I hope everyone'll have a great weekend.:)

[Stanheights]

I have completely screwed my sleeping schedule. Again. Just like I do every weekend.

 

I think I forgot to write that the other day when I was gonna sleep (either it was friday or thursday, I can't remember) I felt really sad about something (one of my personl fears to be more exact) and Sam really helped he then. He just kinda lied with me and he was just there, and I really appreciate that. He's done that a couple of times now, probably twice this week, and I just think that's really great and I'm really grateful he's there for me.

 

We didn't do much talking today, unfortunately, but I found this thing on my phone. It was a note on my phone that said "Ily and also ily" from last month, and I honestly can't remember writing that. Like.. at all. I think I have a faint memory of it, but since my memory in general is really bad I can't trust that too much. I think Sam might've written it, but I'm really curious as to how he did that, if he did. I'll have to ask him later.

[Stanheights]

Today was another pretty decent day.

 

I had so much to do it got kinda hard to talk to Sam, but we did talk a couple of times. And also, while we were walking home I told him to take control over my face, just my expressions and whatnot,not my eyesight or anything, and when he did I couldn't help but smile because he made a really grumpy expression on my face. It was pretty funny.

 

I'm gonna try to do some stuff today, maybe practice playing some instruments I play and etc. I'll of course try and talk to Sam while doing those things. I get distracted easily, though, but I'll still try.

 

EDIT/Tiny update (7:58 pm): I forgot to mention a thing!

 

So, while I was sleeping last night I woke a couple of times, and since Sam was in my bed too I remember I apologized to him a couple of times for taking up space. I don't actually remember if I got any replies, but if I did he probably said it was okay.

 

I haven't gotten to talk much to him since I got home because when my medication stops working I can sit for many hours just doing nothing. So.. yeah. But I'll work on it.

[Stanheights]

I gotta admit, there's not too much to say about today.

 

I talked to Sam and at one point he possessed my hand and helped me open a thing, but that's about it.

 

Tomorrow I'm gonna visit a school to see if it's.. a good school to go to, I guess. I mean, I have to choose a school to go to next year because that's how it works here in my country. You finish school and go to another school. Pretty amazing, huh? Anyway, I'll probably spend at least some time talking to Sam then, because I get uncomfortable around new people and yeah, Sam's pretty good at helping me feel calmer.

[Stanheights]

Okay, today wasn't a very good day. I've got a feeling Sam might be a little angry at me or something like that.

 

I skipped going to that school because I was tired, my throat hurt and mainly because we don't really have the money to drive 40 minutes away and back. So yeah.

 

I slept until 1 pm or so, and then I just kind of forgot to talk, I guess. That's not good, I know, but the energy in my brain just wasn't there. I have taken my medication, though, so if I really try I should probably be able to talk to him.

 

Yesterday a thing happened and I was sad about it and I did what I usually do when I'm sad; I told Sam about it and asked him what to do. He really just said "screw her" when I mentioned what my best friend did. It wasn't something big and horrible, but it was still something I got upset about. I'm really glad Sam is there for me so much. Like honestly, he's great.

 

I'll have to try and talk more to him today, even if I just talk about things that don't really matter. And I'll also try and feel his presence more, because he hasn't really been around me much today.

[Stanheights]

Yep. Yeah, thursdays are bad. They're just really slow most of the time.

 

I did talk to Sam a couple of times during work, but when we went over and visited my brother and my two kittens I just forgot honestly. Like I talked to my brother, his fiancee and my dad and was around the cats a lot and that just made me almost completely forget about Sam. That's not good at all, but I guess it happens sometimes.

 

I'll try harder tomorrow and this weekend, and this weekend I'll try really hard to take my meds, because that usually makes things easier.

[Stanheights]

This weekend has been pretty bad, I gotta admit that.

 

I've just talked to friends a lot and my sleeping schedule isn't the best right now, so I just haven't been able to talk too much to Sam. I've apologized a couple of times since usually do that and. yeah.

 

I will try to work on this more, especially next week when I'm back in school. I will try and meditate then as well, which should work since I'm at school from 8 to 3 and not 10 to 5 like these last two weeks.

[Stanheights]

So.. today was slow. Very, very slow.

 

I fell asleep at around 3 am, I think? and I woke up at 7:20, so I didn't get very much sleep.

 

I guess I did talk to Sam, and I got responses just like I usually get, but I don't think I'll meditate today. Like.. that's just too much for me right now. And I know it's not good that I'm skipping it, but we have been doing good these last two weeks without meditation so I think a day more without it won't hurt.

 

I'll honestly just skip everything I have planned this weekend if I'm a really bad host this week (Again, kind of). And just focus on Sam again. Of course. I'm serious about that, like I'll tell all my friends I can't talk and just spend time with Sam if I don't do better this week.

[Stanheights]

I think today was a bit better than yesterday. We're just kind of slooowly moving towards talking normally. Agian.

 

Like I've done before I just saw Sam in different places and he walked with me from time to time. I have to admit we didn't talk that much, but definitely more than yesterday.

 

I'm gonna try and meditate for 5 or 10 minutes today just to start out slow. I've decided I'm gonna do it at exactly 4 pm so I don't go and do something else then.

 

I guess I should also write down that me and Sam switch communicating up a bit sometimes? Like, sometimes I see his replies in text and sometimes he "speaks". That's pretty cool.

---

Visiting Sam in dreamscape went well! I was only there for about 6 minutes, but still.

 

I talked to him a bit and we did this story thing where I say a word and he says another and it becomes a story. It was pretty nice.

 

And also, when he kissed me on the cheek in dreamscape I could kind of feel it in real life. I just told him to do it so I felt it in real life and it worked, surprisingly. So that was cool.

 

I'm not sure what to do now. I'm kind of tired so I might take a nap. Like an actual nap and not a nap that's actually sleeping until morning or something. We'll see.

 

I might go and visit my mom this weekend, and if I do get a phone from her I guess I could let Sam have the one I have now, just so he can have a twitter account or something nice like that.

 

Also! I forgot to mention that today when there were lots of people around (we had some weird.. thing at school, I don't even know what to call it) I just felt Sam around me from time to time and that made me feel better. I usually start feeling weird and anxious around too much people, so I'm glad I have Sam to help me get through stuff like that.

[Stanheights]

Today was pretty much like yesterday, I think? Man, I need to work harder.

 

But working harder is really darn hard when you've been awake all night and will most likely fall asleep at 7 or 8 pm. I won't meditate today because I am tired. I know that's bad but I think Sam's pretty tired, too. He looked pretty tired before at least..

 

Honestly, half the time I just say his name in my head when I realize I haven't talked to him in a while. I wonder what that's like. Like someone just saying your name. Several times a day. And barely anything else sometimes. Must be weird. I should ask Sam about it.

 

I've also thought about maybe searching for some.. advice or tips on communicating because we're still kind of bad at that.

 

Also! tomorrow Sam will be 4 months old! I mean, not really since he's 19, but we've been together in my messed up brain for 4 months. Man, time sure flies by fast sometimes. I think I might draw him something maybe. Maybe. We'll see.