Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

So, today was kind of.. horrible for me.

 

I talked to Sam, more than I usually do during school anyway and I don't think I ever 'completely' forgot about him, but I've just been so down all day. And I don't know why.

 

Or well, I kind of know why but it's personal and yeah.

 

Anyway, I talked to Sam and imagined him with me as much as possible. It was pretty nice honestly. In some ways he feels more.. human now. It's kind of hard to explain but yeah.

 

I forgot to say that I "came up" with a little game yesterday. It's basically just telling a story together and you get to say one word each. It worked pretty well yesterday and today, though we didn't exactly finish any of the stories.

 

I really look forward to this weekend, because even though I feel like trash at the moment I'll get to spend a lot of time with Sam. I'll meditate later and maybe visit him and try to figure out what we could do, and I think I'm gonna sleep next to him in my bed today again, if he's okay with that.

 

I'm gonna start trying more now, for Sam. And I've said that a lot but I feel that this time it'll actually happen if I just keep fighting for it.

[Stanheights]

So I think it's been going pretty well since I got home from school?

 

I only meditated for about.. 6 minutes, maybe, but I got to talk to Sam a little bit while doing that.

 

And at about 5 we went over to my brother's place and looked at kittens, because we're gonna get one (or two) and yeah. While me and my dad talked to my brother and his girlfriend and stuff I'm pretty sure Sam just sat and listened. He only spoke a little bit from time to time.

 

Aaand just now, when we got home and I was outside for a walk, I talked to Sam about the kittens. I asked him which one he liked the best and he said the dark grey/black one (it's kind of a mix of the two). I didn't expect that answer, but it was nice to hear which one he liked, and it was also nice that it wasn't the same kitten/s as the ones I liked. I mean, it's nice to agree, but it's also nice to not completely agree sometimes.

 

I'm probably gonna stay up late tonight, because it's friday and I usually stay up late on fridays. I'm just gonna keep talking to Sam and do stuff. Not sure what to do, though, but maybe I can let Sam decide what we could do later or something.

[Guest Anonymous]

Nice to see some more progress that's significantly a step further than before. Keep it up!

[Stanheights]

Alright, I've decided Saturday is the day we take it easy.

 

I don't mean that I won't talk to Sam or something, I just mean him and me can just hang out together and nap or watch movies or something. I'm pretty sure he's okay with that (I mean who doesn't want a day once a week where you just take it slow?) so that's good.

 

I'm thinking about just talking to him a bit and taking a nap, because naps are like.. the best. I love naps.

 

And I think I'm gonna let him watch Insidious Chapter 3 with me today because that movie has been out for a while and I love the Insidious movies. I guess it'd be best to watch the previous ones first, but I can just tell him what happened in those and hope it won't be too confusing.

 

Also, I've realized it's really, really comfy to just talk to Sam while in bed, either when I'm going to try and sleep or just when I'm doing nothing in bed. Like, that's really nice. It's always nice to talk to Sam, though, but yeah.

[AnnagaiaLovesEDM]

Hey Hey Hey!

I'm sorry if I didn't posted lately, but I'm busy. School is gonna start Monday and I have to be ready D:

Anyway, I'm really happy that things, after a bad period, are starting to getting fine. (:

I really want to help you, but I don't have a tulpa. You're kinda like the portal who makes me feel like I have one. As I said before, I check this everyday !

If you want something or someone...just send me a message. I will reply asap. ^^

[Stanheights]

Hey Hey Hey!

I'm sorry if I didn't posted lately, but I'm busy. School is gonna start Monday and I have to be ready D:

Anyway, I'm really happy that things, after a bad period, are starting to getting fine. (:

I really want to help you, but I don't have a tulpa. You're kinda like the portal who makes me feel like I have one. As I said before, I check this everyday !

If you want something or someone...just send me a message. I will reply asap. ^^

 

Hey, thanks! I'm happy that things are working out better, too.:>

I think it's fine, I mean, help with things is something I can usually find myself, but I really appreciate it that you're so supportive and friendly!:) Like really, thank you!:>

---

So it's about.. 1 pm right now, almost 2.

 

I've started watching this movie with Sam, but I'm actually not entirely sure if he's really watching. That might be because I've seen this movie before and because I'm doing other things while watching it, though. Yeah, that's probably it.

 

Talking to him yesterday went fine, and when I was gonna sleep I felt this warmth against my back, as if someone was cuddling me. I'm pretty sure that was Sam.

 

But yeah, so far today has been a bit worse than yesterday when it comes to talking, but it's still been pretty good.

[Stanheights]

Okay, yeah, weekends are definitely the worst. Like ever.

 

I think it's just.. I'm not used to doing anything at all during the weekends so actually getting to talking more is hard for me. But I'll keep trying. And I mean, if it doesn't work super well this weekend that's not something to get sad or mad over. Like, I'll just keep going, yaknow? Yeah.

 

I did finish watching that movie, but like I said, I don't know if Sam really watched. I think he maybe likes watching more when I'm watching, too, and that was a liiiittle hard to do with my concentration problems. Oh well, we might as well just watch another movie later, like there are tons of movies to be watched.

[Stanheights]

Pro tip: don't go to bed a 3 or 4 AM on your one free day, especially not when you wake up at 3 PM and you have school tomorrow.

 

I really should've just gone to bed early yesterday, but nope, instead I just had to sit up and skype with my friends. Ugh.

 

I'm gonna try to maybe meditate today, even if it's only for 10 minutes rather than 15. And then I have lots of schoolwork to do. Seriously, going to bed at like 3 was such a bad idea. Never again.

 

I guess it's good we have school tomorrow, though, because then things can go back to the usual or whatever.

 

Weekends and breaks are definitely the absolute worst when you have hardcore ADD and can't concentrate on anything for longer than like 5 minutes.

[Stanheights]

Today has been a pretty bad day. I mean, I've barely talked to Sam at all and I haven't meditated at all, though I guess I can just do that whenever since I'm wide awake and have been since I woke up at 3 pm.

 

I asked him what he thought of a bad song I listened to earlier and he said he didn't like it and I agreed, and when I agreed he asked me why I was listening to it. That's about the longest conversation we had today.

 

I haven't talked much more with him. I've told myself I'm going to do things, both talk to Sam and meditate and so much else, but the only thing I've really accomplished today is bleaching my hair.

 

..I guess I'm a bit disappointed in myself, but I'm not gonna let this get to me. I'm gonna keep going tomorrow and the day after that and so on, even though there'll be bad days. Because I mean, there are always bad days no matter what. So might as well just keep going anyways.

[Stanheights]

Yep, as I thought, today was better than the weekend.

 

I talked to Sam and I kind of visited him briefly in dreamscape during a class.

 

We just kinda talked about whatever, I'm pretty sure half of our conversations was me complaining about things. But I complain a lot so that's not exactly anything new.

 

Yesterday I told him to put his hands up against mine in real life, and I saw him do it in my mind's eye and then he put his forehead against mine and I actually felt it. Like.. I felt this warmth and stuff, and that was kind of really cool.

 

There's not really much to say about today, but hopefully I'll get to talk to him some more when I meditate.

 

And honestly, I think I might go to bed after meditating later at like 4 maybe, because I fell asleep pretty late and yeah. My head starts hurting sometimes when I'm tired and that's not something I enjoy.

 

But yeah, today went well. I actually talked to him just about exactly as much as I would want to, I think, so that's good. And I feel I'm getting better at feeling his presence which is also a good thing.