Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

I've talked a bit to Sam throughout the day today, but not as much as I've really wanted to.

 

Buut, the weekend is here and this weekend I'll try as hard as I can to spend time with Sam. And maybe not listen to George Watsky so much because Sam doesn't really like him. I mean, when I asked him what he thought he literally just said "bad".

 

I have a bit of trouble when it comes to him talking first, I think. It's just hard to notice or listen because I have to focus when I do it, like I can't just hear him whenever. And since I have trouble listening I feels like I'm about to force him sometimes when I kind of want him to speak, but that's not something I'd wanna do. Gotta work on that. But in the meanwhile I'll just speak to him first.

 

Now that I do think about it, sometimes I can hear some faint things from him first. But that's mainly him responding to something I've thought of or said. So that doesn't really count I don't think.

 

I've got some homework to do this weekend and I think I might let Sam help me with it or something, like if he wants to. It's not really homework honestly, because I'm ahead of almost everyone in my class at this specific thing at the moment, but I still wanna do it.

 

I asked Sam what he had for lunch and I think he had pie or something? It was a bit hard to see. I'll get better, tho'.

 

Hm, yeah, I think that's about it for now? I'll write more later if something happens or whatever.

[Stanheights]

I meditated a bit again today and I hung out with Sam in dreamscape briefly. Might do that again later.

 

We haven't talked much since I was in dreamscape, gotta admit that. I asked him just now if that's okay, though, and he said it was. And I mean, I shouldn't feel bad about not talking to him a lot lot lot, right? because I don't even talk that much with people I know and hang out with. And I know he's still here with me even if we don't talk while I'm doing things.

 

Anyway, in dreamscape I sat out on the grass in front of the house and then I went inside. I found Sam on the couch and when I asked him what he was doing he said he was sleeping. I guess I kind of woke him up. Whoops.

 

I just kinda sat down there by the couch and meditated and then I talked to him a bit. I think I said I'm gonna try to spend time with him this weekend, even though he knows that already. And then I asked him how his day has been, I think. Something like that, but I can't really remember what he said. And then he asked me something for like.. the first time ever. I talked about the weekend and he asked me "What do you want to do?"/"What should we do?". It was too quiet at first but then I heard it. I said I wasn't sure and then I said some things we could do. I do remember asking him the same question but I don't think he answered anything specific.

 

I think I'm gonna start working towards meditating for longer soon, like more than 10 minutes. Might try to meditate for 15 minutes tomorrow.

 

But yeah, I'm gonna try to spend as much time as possible with Sam this weekend, even if we don't talk a lot. I'll just try and have his presence around me or something so I really get to know what it feels like to have him around me and stuff. I think we might watch a movie later. I don't know, though. We'll see.

[Stanheights]

Okay, so.. maybe promising Sam I'd spend lots of time with him this weekend was a bit of a bad idea. Because I don't do anything during the weekends. Like at all.

 

I have talked to him today a bit, but it's kinda hard to talk when you're watching Blue's Clues or videos on youtube. (don't ask me why I'm watching Blue's Clues)

 

I'm pretty sure he's fine with us not talking a whole lot, though. I dunno. I'm gonna meditate at around 4 or 5 and try to spend some time with him in dreamscape. Because I mean, even though I don't talk a lot to him all the time, we still talk at least a little bit in dreamscape.

[Stevie]

I wouldn't get too comfortable with not talking to your tulpa much. This summary of a lecture Pleeb gave talks about how with lack of external stimuli, over time, the neural connections that make tulpas possible might fade from not being reinforced.

[Stanheights]

I wouldn't get too comfortable with not talking to your tulpa much. This summary of a lecture Pleeb gave talks about how with lack of external stimuli, over time, the neural connections that make tulpas possible might fade from not being reinforced.

 

Ah, I understand. I'll read that when I can.

 

I kind of do understand why it's bad not to talk to your tulpa much, but I actually never really get comfortable with it since I overthink things a lot and I often feel bad when I don't talk to Sam. However, he has told me that it's okay sometimes when I've asked him if it's okay if I don't talk to him for a while, like when I have to do something for example. But yeah, I'll read that.

[Stanheights]

So... I feel really bad right now, honestly.

 

I ended up skyping for like 5 hours with some friends today, which was nice and Sam said it was fine, but.. I was supposed to meditate today, and I was supposed to do so many things that I just didn't do.

 

I guess that's what usually happens during the weekends, but still. I should talk to Sam more. Or well, I did talk to him today, a little bit more than yesterday, but I still feel bad. And I know I shoudn't feel bad, but I still kind of do.

 

I think I'm gonna try and meditate twice tomorrow, since I didn't meditate today at all.

 

I forgot to mention one thing, though. I took a nap today and while I was lying next to Sam in bed there I actually talked a bit to him. He responded quite a lot, but I can't really remember what we were actually talking about. But that was nice.

 

Now it's time to go to bed I think. I'm pretty sure Sam might have gone to bed already, so I guess I should join him.

[Bambi]

Pssst. Hi. I still exist. :3

 

It sucks that you feel bad about it. :/ I'm glad that Sam isn't angry with you, though! I hope that you do better tomorrow. :)

 

By the way, James says hi to both of you!

[Stanheights]

Pssst. Hi. I still exist. :3

 

It sucks that you feel bad about it. :/ I'm glad that Sam isn't angry with you, though! I hope that you do better tomorrow. :)

 

By the way, James says hi to both of you!

 

Oh, hi!:)

 

Yeah, it does suck. A lot. I'm glad he's not mad at me, too, and yeah, I'll try to do better today.:)

 

Sam says hi to the both of you, too!:>

---

(2:18 pm)

Juuuust finished meditating. Only got to about 12 minutes today but hey, at least I'm meditating and stuff.

 

I went into dreamscape and took a walk with Sam. We began walking through some forest tunnel and I asked him if he made it or if I did, and he said that I did. Which is probably true, because I remember walking through the same tunnel once before.

 

We went back to the house and sat outside on the porch together. We talked a bit, and I apologized for puppeting him becacuse I realized I do that sometimes yesterday. He said it was fine but it's really not. I'm gonna try to not do that anymore.

 

I asked him if he wants to watch a movie with me later, and I decided we might as well watch Saw I because it's one of my favorite movies and Sam hasn't seen it yet. I asked him if he was fine with watching a horror movie and yeah, he's okay with that. And that's good because I love horror stuff.

 

I'm gonna meditate again later.

 

Oh, and also, he's been around me quite a lot so far today. Like, I've just imagined him being with me and stuff. We watched stuff together earlier and he got some chocolate from me. Good times.

[Stanheights]

So I'd say today has gone pretty alright.

 

We were gonna watch Saw just now, but since I have really bad ADD/ADHD I suck at doing anything so I had to stop after a while. I guess that's not so nice for Sam because he hasn't seen it, but we can continue watching it later and stuff.

 

I need to do some things today to prepare for school tomorrow and I'm gonna try and talk more to him tomorrow.

[Stanheights]

Today went pretty well. When I wasn't talking to Sam I just kind of imagined him being around when I could, sooo... yes. I'd say today went well.

 

I asked him what he was gonna have for lunch, and he said nothing because I wasn't having anything. It was a bit different than his other replies, I think, so that was pretty cool.

 

I think I talked to him when I was half-asleep again, maybe. I think I might've talked to him a little when I woke up at this one point in the morning. Not sure, though.

 

So, today I'm gonna try and get some stuff with my life together. Again. I'm gonna try and go out for a while and then I'm gonna meditate for at least 10 minutes. Kind of like yesterday except I didn't put my foot outside the door yesterday. That's what I'm gonna do. And of course try to just talk to Sam. It's surprisingly hard to do that sometimes, especially when you have ADD and suck at concentrating.